“Hey, stay still.” Yan Lan suddenly leaned in close to him. A faint floral fragrance filled the air, and due to her bending over, the enticing cleavage of her chest was faintly visible. Shen Mo turned his head away, allowing her to pluck a strand of hair from his head.
“I found a white hair!”
“Is that so?” Shen Mo glanced at the silver strand in her hand, his lips curling into a slight, bitter smile. “At almost forty, it’s only natural to start going gray.”
“Nonsense, you’re only thirty-eight, not forty yet. Besides, men in their forties are in their prime.” Yan Lan thought to herself—she was nearing thirty, and if anyone should be worried about age, it was women. She had pursued him for two whole years, and if he didn’t respond soon, she couldn’t wait forever. But at least things were improving: from outright rejection two years ago to casual tea outings a year ago, and now, they occasionally went shopping and watched movies together. The progress had been significant.
Still, having chased him to this extent, this man was just too slow. Did all archaeologists move like old relics?
“Though they say you shouldn’t pluck white hairs because for every one you pull, ten more grow, it still looks better without it. Aging is inevitable, but you should keep a young mindset. You shouldn’t stay cooped up at home all the time—get out more. How about we play golf this weekend?”
“I don’t know how.”
“Tennis then?”
“I don’t know that either.”
“Hiking? You at least know how to do that, right? No more excuses, you’re coming!”
“Alright.” Shen Mo nodded. “Let’s meet on the weekend. I have to go now.”
“Why are you always so busy? I also teach, but why do I seem to have so much more free time? Maybe I’m just not taking my job seriously enough?” Yan Lan wondered.
Seeing that Shen Mo wasn’t responding again, she stood up. “Alright, alright, you always have to rush off every time we meet.”
Yan Lan hurried after Shen Mo and tentatively slipped her hand around his arm. Shen Mo’s brows furrowed slightly but he didn’t pull away, which made her smile secretly in delight.
Yan Lan was a talkative person with many hobbies. She was well-read, had a unique perspective on many things, and was capable of intelligent conversation. With her, Shen Mo never found himself bored, nor did he find the silence overwhelming. Yan Lan could be calm and quiet one moment, lively and energetic the next, but most importantly, she had a naturally kind and optimistic personality. When she was assertive, she reminded him a little of Yu Shuixin, and when she acted playfully, she resembled Jiang Xiaosi—both made it hard for people to say no to her.
As they walked together down the bustling street, they looked so well-matched that they drew countless admiring glances.
“Shen Mo, what are you looking at?”
Yan Lan noticed Shen Mo suddenly stopping in his tracks.
Without a word, Shen Mo walked over to a street vendor selling roasted chestnuts and bought a bag to take away. Jiang Xiaosi had always loved these, and every time they passed by, she’d insist on buying some. But now, she couldn’t exactly show up to buy them herself.
“Do you like chestnuts?”
Shen Mo slowly turned around, gazing at the space behind him. He couldn’t tell what kind of loneliness Jiang Xiaosi felt while following him from the shadows.
She had been by his side for seven years now, ever since she drank the potion from Tuogu Xiang. And in all that time, he hadn’t seen her once.
It was time to make a painful decision…
“Shen Mo?” Yan Lan tried to hold his hand, but he gently evaded her touch.
Yan Lan didn’t mind at all—after all, they had made significant progress today, and she believed that victory was just around the corner.
“Shen Mo, why do you always wear that ring when you’re not even married?” Yan Lan curiously pointed to the ring on his left ring finger. Though she didn’t say it out loud, it did bother her. She assumed it must have been from a past girlfriend—what kind of woman could leave such a lasting impression on someone like Shen Mo?
“I’m taking the subway home. Let me get you a cab first.”
After seeing her into a cab, Shen Mo slowly walked back towards T University. Once there, he sat down on a bench by the lake under the streetlamp to rest. With Yan Lan gone, Jiang Xiaosi had probably removed her invisibility charm by now.
The chestnuts had cooled off. Shen Mo opened the bag and placed it on the center of the bench, cracking open each chestnut and placing it in the outer plastic bag. The chestnuts disappeared at an unusual speed—each one he peeled vanished almost immediately.
“Throw the shells in the trash can, not on the ground.” Shen Mo said calmly, but more shells kept piling up on the ground.
Shen Mo gathered up the paper bag. “If you don’t behave, no more chestnuts.”
He watched as the shells were slowly picked up and thrown into the nearby trash can.
Shen Mo looked up at the sky—there were no stars, only a solitary moon.
“Jiang Xiaosi…”
The surroundings were silent, with no response. Shen Mo slowly closed his eyes.
“You’re twenty-three now, and I’m almost forty. I’m going to grow old soon. Do you plan on following me like this for the rest of your life? What will you do when I’m gone?”
He turned to the empty space beside him, his voice filled with a faint weariness.
“Forget me. If you stop loving me, you won’t be bound by Tuogu Xiang anymore, and you won’t have to stay by my side. Whether I can see you or not doesn’t matter—it doesn’t change your life. If you leave me, you can be a normal person again. You can fall in love, grow up, and have a normal life, wouldn’t that be good? Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?”
Speaking as if coaxing a child to eat, Shen Mo softened his voice as much as possible.
“If you can’t forget, we can drink Sanxin water together, okay?”
On the ground beside him, drops of water suddenly appeared, like tiny raindrops falling on a winter’s day, carrying a chill that seeped into Shen Mo’s bones, making them ache.
Shen Mo looked at the silver ring on his finger and gently removed it, placing it in his pocket.
“I won’t wear this anymore. Whether or not you drink the Sanxin water is up to you—I won’t force you, and I can’t. But you have to understand, you’re still young. You’ve finally become human—don’t waste that by doing nothing, living as my shadow for the rest of your life.”
After a long silence, a text message arrived.
—Shen Mo, are you afraid that one day, when your face is covered in wrinkles, I’ll see them and laugh at you? Don’t worry! I’m very respectful of the elderly! If you want to date Yan Lan, go ahead. I won’t stop you—you have your own life and the right to choose. At worst, I’ll just follow you quietly from a distance. If you want to get married or do anything else, I’ll just be like a ghost that loves to spy on you, always hanging around.
Shen Mo clenched his phone in pain. He’d rather see her cry and throw a tantrum than watch her make such self-effacing compromises and force herself to smile.
Unable to utter another harsh word, Shen Mo stood up.
“Let’s go home.”
Jiang Xiaosi looked at his back, suddenly wanting to slip her hand into his pocket, to be held tightly like a briefcase under his arm. But Shen Mo wasn’t the cold, stern man he used to be—his back seemed tired. These past seven years had aged him far more than just ten years. Though his appearance hadn’t changed much, his spirit was entirely different. Every day, he worried about her, exhausted himself for her sake. Had she become a vine, clinging so tightly to him that he couldn’t breathe freely…?
Early the next morning, Shen Mo sat at the table eating breakfast as usual, watching the food on the opposite plate disappear bit by bit. Though it was breakfast for two, it was essentially only for one, and the oppressive silence often made him feel as if he were at the bottom of the sea.
But even that quiet, nearly imperceptible companionship still brought him happiness. It was selfish, but he couldn’t bear to let her leave, even if it meant keeping her as a shadow.
Yet she grew older every day, while he aged even faster. He didn’t want her to one day wake up and realize she had wasted her youth on a man who couldn’t even talk to her, filled with regret.
To love someone deeply, but never be able to be close.
Because she had become human for his sake, changing from an immortal being to one with a short life, he felt even more responsible. He couldn’t let her waste away like this. Jiang Xiaosi had no life of her own—she was just following his path. What meaning did such a life hold? Was it all just for love?
He had considered asking Jiang Liu to turn Jiang Xiaosi back into a zombie, but Jiang Liu had said it was too risky, with no guarantee of success, and could even have terrifying side effects. After experiencing Tuogu Xiang once, Shen Mo couldn’t let Jiang Xiaosi take that risk again. But if she were willing to drink Sanxin water, forget him, and return to Jiang Liu’s side to start a new life, that might be the best option.
Shen Mo packed his things. Yan Lan called, saying she was already outside the school in her car.
Jiang Xiaosi followed him silently out, slipping into the back seat as Shen Mo opened the door.
“Why are you sitting in the back? Come up front so we can chat.” Yan Lan called. Shen Mo nodded—he was only pretending to open the back door for Jiang Xiaosi.
“Shen Mo, you’ve never invited me to your place before. Can I come up next time?”
“It’s not convenient.” Shen Mo replied flatly.
“Why not? Are you hiding someone in your golden house?”
“Something like that.”
“It’s rare to hear you joke. But you know, maybe it’s just me, but whenever we’re together, I feel like someone else is watching. It gives me the creeps.”
Shen Mo nodded. “It might be a ghost.”
“What!” Yan Lan exclaimed.
“Didn’t your cousin tell you? Besides teaching, I’m also a Daoist priest.”
“I thought he was joking! Wow, that’s so cool! You have to show me sometime!”
“Aren’t you scared? Didn’t you just say you felt creeped out?”
“I’m not scared as long as you’re here. You’re a Daoist priest, after all.” Yan Lan knew Shen Mo got carsick, so she drove very smoothly. Jiang Xiaosi admitted to herself that she didn’t have Yan Lan’s driving skills, especially not in the wild.
During the hike, Yan Lan, panting and wiping sweat, looked at Shen Mo, who wasn’t even breaking a sweat. His breathing was perfectly steady.
“I didn’t know you were so strong. I underestimated you.” Yan Lan reached out her hand, and Shen Mo had no choice but to pull her up, though she refused to let go once she held his hand.
Her hand was different from Jiang Xiaosi’s—smooth and delicate. Shen Mo glanced ahead, where the path grew steeper, regretting that he had come hiking with Yan Lan. If Jiang Xiaosi slipped and fell, he wouldn’t even know.
“We shouldn’t go any higher—it’s too dangerous.”
“Don’t worry, we’re almost there.” Yan Lan enthusiastically continued climbing.
“You don’t look like someone who teaches traditional Chinese painting.”
“My dad used to take me up mountains or to remote villages to do field sketches. I’m used to roughing it. Why did you stop? Are you tired? Do you want to rest?”
Shen Mo nodded, glancing around anxiously. He saw a message written in small stones on the ground: “I’m here, don’t worry.” Only then did he relax, brushing the stones away with his foot.
Yan Lan took a sip of water. “Shen Mo, are you a lifelong bachelor?”
Shen Mo shook his head. “No.”
“Then why is it so hard for you to try accepting me?”
Shen Mo didn’t answer.
“You know, I was so happy when I saw you weren’t wearing that ring anymore. We’re not getting any younger. Would you be willing to date me and give it a try?”
Shen Mo frowned. “You don’t know me. You don’t know what kind of person I am.” Selfish and cold-hearted to the core.
“If we don’t try, how will we know? I really like you, and I’ve always been a very independent person. I can’t understand that kind of obsessive love that people talk about. So even if we don’t end up together, I won’t cling to you. We can still be friends.”
Shen Mo turned to look into her eyes, hesitated for a moment, and finally nodded.
Yan Lan, overjoyed, leaned in and gave him a light peck on the lips.
“You agreed, so no take-backs!” She had wanted to do this for two years, and now she had finally kissed him, haha.
Shen Mo’s face turned dark. “Let’s head back down.”
Having just achieved her goal, Yan Lan didn’t mind not reaching the summit. She happily held his hand as they made their way down the mountain.
Jiang Xiaosi stumbled along behind them, her mind in turmoil. She had fallen countless times, her face pale, but she bit her lip and didn’t shed a single tear.
This was the choice she had agreed to yesterday—it was something she had to face from now on.
Shen Mo and Yan Lan began dating more frequently, and other professors at T University joked that Shen Mo was close to settling down.
Jiang Xiaosi and Shen Mo’s interactions became increasingly scarce. After Shen Mo came home, he almost never spoke to her anymore. Jiang Xiaosi didn’t dare send him text messages to bother him. She just silently crouched in a corner of the room, watching his figure move back and forth.
She watched Yan Lan chat with Shen Mo, hold his hand, hug him, kiss him—things she couldn’t do, offering him warmth and care that she couldn’t provide.
Yes, Shen Mo was just an ordinary man. He needed a competent wife, not a ghost-like child. Long ago, Jiang Xiaosi had sensed this day would come. She had no right to stop it and could only force herself to accept it. When Shen Mo broke up with her before, she could cry and make a scene, try to seduce him—but now, no matter what she did, he wouldn’t see her.
On Christmas Eve, Shen Mo went out to dinner with Yan Lan. Lately, he had rarely eaten with her anymore. The restaurant was crowded, with no empty seats. Jiang Xiaosi had nowhere to sit and had to stand off to the side, carefully avoiding children and making sure not to bump into waiters carrying trays. Watching Shen Mo and Yan Lan’s sweet interactions and the warm, joyful atmosphere of the restaurant, she couldn’t bear it any longer. Estimating the distance, she decided to wait for them outside, but she hadn’t expected their conversation to last so long. She ended up standing in the snow for more than four hours.
Now that she wasn’t a zombie anymore, she couldn’t endure the cold like before. Her hands and feet had gone numb. She leaned against the wall because she was afraid that if she crouched down, she wouldn’t be able to get back up. When Shen Mo and Yan Lan finally came out, Yan Lan wrapped a long scarf around both her and Shen Mo’s necks as they walked arm in arm. Yan Lan’s hand was tucked into his coat pocket.
Jiang Xiaosi remembered how warm that pocket was. Immersed in her memories, her hands seemed to regain a bit of feeling. Shen Mo and Yan Lan walked too quickly, and she, with her stiff legs, couldn’t keep up with their pace.
As the distance between them grew to more than ten meters, her stomach churned in discomfort, and she began to vomit violently. Her body, no longer in control, followed their direction.
A chubby child was skating with his mother, suddenly exclaiming, “Mommy, Mommy, look! It’s that uncle! But the sister who gave me the Pleasant Goat isn’t with him.”
The woman laughed as she scooped him up. “You still remember after all this time? Yes, that’s the handsome uncle. I remember him too… Maybe he and the young lady broke up.”
“Why would they break up?”
“People break up when they don’t like each other anymore. You’ll understand when you’re older.”
“Ah! Mommy, look! There are footprints on the ground, but no one’s there!”
“Wow, you’re right. That’s spooky! Let’s go, Chubby, don’t look at that anymore.”
The child kept turning back—he really wanted to see that sister again.
When Shen Mo got home, something felt wrong. He walked around the house, calling for Jiang Xiaosi, but there was no response, and he didn’t hear her phone ringing either.
“Damn it!” He rushed out the door, and a wave of cold air hit him. Instinctively, he opened his arms, wanting to catch her, but there was nothing there.
“I’m going to get Jiang Liu!” Shen Mo immediately realized something was wrong, but he didn’t know what had happened.
A text message arrived.
—Don’t call Dad. I’m fine, I just forgot to take off the invisibility charm and got scraped by a car. Can you get some bandages for me?
Shen Mo paused for a moment, then called Ah Wei and Ah Yin for help.
“Is she alright?”
Ah Yin shook her head. “She’s fine. Just a little bandaging, and she’ll be okay.” Ah Yin saw Jiang Xiaosi waving her off and kept her explanation brief, glossing over the details.
Shen Mo stared expressionlessly at the spot where Jiang Xiaosi was leaning. For a moment, Jiang Xiaosi thought he could actually see her. But the next instant, Shen Mo grabbed a valuable antique vase nearby and hurled it against the wall.
All three people present were stunned by the terrifying aura he hadn’t displayed in years.
Shen Mo stormed out, furious with the current situation, furious with his own helplessness. He couldn’t protect her, couldn’t even know what was happening to her right beside him. Was this how things were supposed to be for the rest of their lives?
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