Chu Fengqing pursed his lips and was a little unresponsive for a moment. He subconsciously took a few steps toward the door, but suddenly thought of something and turned back. At this moment, there was finally a fluctuation in his eyes, which had never been sad or happy.
He stared at Qing Niao and asked softly, “What happened?”
Qing Niao was slightly stunned, perhaps because he could not expect Chu Fengqing, who was always calm and composed, to be so unrestrained. “The Master was stabbed while chasing a criminal.”
“Where is he?”
Qing Niao: “The Ji Mansion.”
Chu Fengqing didn’t even ask how seriously Ji Yujin was injured. He turned around and walked towards the Ji Mansion.
He was used to being a quiet and aloof person, and also because of his asthma, his parents asked him not to be anxious or too emotional when encountering things. But when he was a child, he was actually a little crybaby. He would be indecisive and run to his parents and family crying when he encountered the slightest trouble.
Once he raised a puppy, and then the puppy fell sick. He used his body, which was not much bigger than the puppy, to hold the puppy and ran to find his elder brother. His short legs could not run very fast, and he looked very embarrassed along the way. His elder brother felt sorry for him and could not bear to see him sad, so he took him to see the imperial physician and forced the physician to treat the puppy.
The poor imperial physician probably had never treated a dog in his life, but he was unable to save the puppy. The puppy died after being raised for only half a month. He hugged the puppy and cried uncontrollably. That was the first time he faced death, and “death” became more concrete from a noun.
His asthma flared up because of his intense emotions, and his face turned red. No matter how hard he tried to breathe, he couldn’t get the air he needed. This was the first time he faced death since he could remember.
That time, his family was really scared. His elder brother and mother stayed with him all night. When he woke up, the first thing he saw was his elder brother, who had never cried before, sobbing after seeing him open his eyes. At that time, his elder brother was not much older than him, and his face was covered with tears and snot. He patted his eldest brother’s head with his chubby little hands to tell him to stop crying, but his elder brother pushed his hands away with disgust and awkwardness.
After he fell ill, his mother also fell seriously ill. His father did not let him see his mother because he was too weak, and they were afraid that she would pass the disease on to him. However, he went to see his mother secretly without anyone knowing.
He stood under the window, and because he was not tall enough, he stood on tiptoe to look inside, but it was still a little short. He grunted and moved a stone to place under his feet, then climbed up carefully, holding onto the windowsill, and then he could see the scene inside.
He saw an imperial physician who was forced by his elder brother to treat the puppy, checking his mother’s pulse. His expression was much better than when he was treating the puppy. He heard the old man with white beard say to his father, “Madam has too many worries and is too tired. This is why she has hurt herself. She needs to rest and relax, and she will get better naturally.”
Chu Fengqing was still young at that time and didn’t understand what worry was.
However, he heard his mother, who was usually gentle as water, was now very emotional. “My Qing’er has suffered so much at such a young age. How can I not worry? It’s all my fault. I didn’t give him a good body in the womb. It would be great if I could suffer for him.”
Chu Fengqing vaguely understood that his mother’s illness was caused by him. His breathing became a little rapid. He loosened his hands that were clinging to the windowsill and jumped down carefully. Tears welled up in his big eyes, and the corners of his mouth curved downwards.
He didn’t want to make his mother sick, and he didn’t want to be a bad kid.
He sat under the windowsill, hugging his legs with his hands, listening to his father comforting his mother, listening to his mother’s soft sobs, and her tears falling one by one. Chu Fengqing cried silently, without making any sound, because he felt that his mother and the others probably didn’t want him to hear this, so he couldn’t make a sound.
That was the first time he understood and learned the word “restraint”.
In order not to worry his family, he has been restraining himself all the time since then. He can’t be too emotional, walk too fast, chew his meals slowly, and can’t eat anything that will make him sick, no matter how much he wants to eat it.
He doesn’t keep a puppy anymore, doesn’t beg his elder brother to teach you how to ride a horse or learn martial arts, doesn’t go to the back garden to pick flowers, especially in spring, doesn’t run around and play with his uncle’s little brother, and someone also said that he can’t get angry either…
The little boy made three rules for himself, adding one more thing that he should not do every day, just to avoid making his family worry and sad.
From then on, Chu Fengqing’s temperament changed. He stopped crying, and it was rare to see him getting emotional. His eyes gradually became clear, as if he had no sadness or joy. He walked and ate politely and slowly, but with a sense of alienation, just the right amount, as if isolating him from the secular world.
He always had a cool and aloof feeling, which was not because he was pretending to be elegant but because he really cut off his connection with the world. Everyone said that he was a model of a noble family, but every time he heard about it, he would just smile slightly.
His elder brother looked for him several times, rubbed his head, and said, “Fengqing, there is no need to be like this.”
He eliminated all intensity and violence, including “excitement”.
He once envied his elder brother. He wanted to go to the frontier with him. He also wanted to defend his country and fight the enemy like a real man. For a while, he began to doubt his current life because he could not find the value. He did not know whether he was living just for the sake of living. Just for the sake of living, day after day, year after year, just to live in peace and to survive.
He can’t see the future.
Until he came into contact with medicine, which was his life-saving straw, he began to study it diligently. This was one of the few pleasures in his life. He didn’t know how others behaved when they were rebellious. His greatest rebelliousness was just staying up late to read medical books.
Chu Fengqing walked towards the Ji Mansion. His steps seemed to be measured with a ruler. Each step was of the same size. His back was straight, and each step was very straight.
After more than ten years like this, he gradually got used to this kind of life. It can even be said that this consciousness has been embedded in his soul. He restrained himself so much that he forgot the feeling of indulgence.
Ji Yujin was an accident, but this accident brought him to understand another different world, and he also remembered the life he once expected.
Ji Yujin…
Some things he had hidden for so long, buried so deep, for more than ten years that he had almost forgotten, were dug out bit by bit by him, and all the efforts of more than ten years collapsed before him.
Chu Fengqing pursed his lips, and his steps began to become disordered. His mind was filled with the image of Ji Yujin covered in blood. Gradually, his steps became faster, as if the restraints that had previously trapped him were loosening a little bit.
Ji Yujin is free and easy, just, patient, brave, and careful… He has countless shining points. Although this is not his most glorious moment, he can’t imagine how brilliant he was before he became an eunuch.
Such a person says, “I like you”, like a man who is so rebellious and unorthodox, but he is fearless and undaunted, and walks straight forward firmly, as if he doesn’t care about the worldly perspective.
What’s there to like about him…
Chu Fengqing pursed his lips and looked up at the sky. It was gray, as if a snowstorm was brewing. This snowstorm had been brewing for several days, but it never came down.
Does he like Ji Yujin?
Chu Fengqing didn’t know before that there was rarely the word “joy” in his life, so he didn’t know what joy felt like.
Later, Ji Yujin used his actions to tell him that happiness was doing what he wanted to do and eating what he wanted to eat, such as riding a horse and the snacks that Ji Yujin bought for him. That’s a happy and excited feeling.
But now Chu Fengqing understands it more accurately. Joy was not only happiness and excitement but also sadness and worry, the feeling of the heart hanging in the throat, the feeling of a sore nose and eagerness to see him, and the urge to hug him tightly.
Chu Fengqing thought, So this is joy.
Chu Fengqing put his finger on his lips and coughed lightly, frowned, and walked faster. He finally started to run. He really wanted to see Ji Yujin immediately and hear him say something. It didn’t matter what he said, as long as he was safe.
His steps were small and somewhat clumsy.
The snow that had accumulated in the sky for so long finally fell down, covering the sky with a layer of snow in a short moment.
There was the sound of whistling wind in his ears. At this moment, Chu Fengqing threw everything aside and acted recklessly.
His throat felt hot, as if it had been burned by fire, and his breathing became more and more rapid. His breathing sounded abnormal, as if there was a hole in it and the wind was rushing in. However, he felt refreshed, and his heart was burning.
The distance from the Chu Residence to Ji Mansion is neither far nor near. At this moment, he just wants to see Ji Yujin as soon as possible.
He was afraid. He was afraid that all good things would be short-lived. He also regretted why he always had so many concerns.
Ji Yujin, wait for me, wait for me to tell you.
Steward Mo’s eyes widened slightly when he saw him. Chu Fengqing had always been meticulous, but now his clothes and hair were a little messy, with snow stained on his hair.
There was an abnormal blush on his pale face, and his lips had some blood color, but his breathing was surprisingly heavy. However, his face was still too delicate to look like that of a mortal, revealing a weak and broken beauty.
“Where is Ji Yujin…?” Chu Fengqing asked.
He leaned against the door and gasped, his eyes slightly red, expecting news but also afraid of hearing bad news. He clenched his fists, trying to calm himself down, and the wound that he had not had time to treat started bleeding again when he clenched his fists.
