TCCRMMAICSTA Chapter 4

 

A person and a dog quickly rushed into the backyard of the Directorate of Ceremonial Affairs.

 

As soon as they entered, they saw Xiao Qing beating Zhou Quezi.

 

“You old thing, if you don’t have a bronze mirror, you should at least have some urine, right? Why don’t you piss and take a good look at yourself?”

 

Xiao Qing grabbed a broom and started hitting Zhou Quezi hard. Zhou Quezi, with his crippled legs, tried to dodge but fell to the ground with a thud.

 

Xiao Qing continued to raise the broom and beat him.

 

Zhou Quezi seized the opportunity and grabbed the broom in Xiao Qing’s hands. Although his legs were crippled, his strength was much greater than Xiao Qing’s, who was just a weak woman.

 

With a hard pull, Xiao Qing fell forward.

 

Zhou Quezi spread his arms wide with a lecherous look on his face: “I’m the most senior eunuch in the Directorate of Ceremonial Affairs. Most of the head eunuchs here were trained by me.”

 

“If I fancy you, that’s your good fortune. If you go along with it, I can even ask for a ‘paired food’ arrangement and give you a title.” 

 

(Note: “Paired food” (对食) was an arrangement in the imperial palace where eunuchs and palace maids could form a companionship, somewhat akin to a marriage, though not formal or legally binding.)

 

“But if you don’t, I’ll make sure you never leave this room.”

 

Seeing that Xiao Qing was about to fall into his arms, just in the nick of time, Yu Wanwan rushed forward, scooped up Xiao Qing by the waist, and held her in a princess carry.

 

After a brief scene straight out of a domineering CEO romance, complete with a spinning gaze into each other’s eyes, Yu Wanwan gently placed Xiao Qing back on the ground.

 

“Are you okay?” Yu Wanwan asked with concern, still holding her around the waist.

 

【Luckily I got here in time, this beautiful cabbage almost got ruined by a pig. Pretty little sister is indeed fragrant and soft.】

 

【That little waist… Tsk tsk, such a tiny waist demon!】

 

Xiao Qing blushed, flustered: “N-no… I’m fine…”

 

She didn’t push away Yu Wanwan’s hand, thinking: Eunuch Yu is so handsome, thank goodness he was here, or today would have been a disaster.

 

From now on! If anyone’s going to hold her waist, it better be Eunuch Yu!

 

“Get lost, you filthy dog!” As the two of them were exchanging concerned glances, Zhou Quezi’s angry shout came from behind.

 

Yu Wanwan let go of Xiao Qing and turned to look at Zhou Quezi.

 

She sniffed the air and caught a whiff of alcohol mixed with the stench of urine… Zhou Quezi had been drinking, no wonder he suddenly went crazy.

 

And the urine smell? That came from Wangcai, who had lifted his leg nearby.

 

Wangcai raised his head proudly: “Does he even deserve to touch Xiao Qing? My urine is yellow, I’ll spray some sense into him!”

 

“Pfft…” Yu Wanwan burst out laughing.

 

Zhou Quezi, hearing her laugh, continued cursing: “Yu Wanfu, you little bastard, have you grown bold? How dare you lay a hand on me?”

 

Yu Wanwan raised her eyebrows. Zhou Quezi had crippled his leg while saving Liang Fei back in the day, which earned him high status in the palace. His role in the Directorate of Ceremonial Affairs was also arranged by Liang Fei. Although not the head eunuch, his position was quite close to it. He was mainly there to help Liang Fei gather information about palace affairs.

 

T/N: 妃; fēi = Consort 

 

Others were afraid of him, but… Yu Wanwan wasn’t scared anymore! She was the head eunuch appointed by the Empress Dowager herself. Yu Wanwan narrowed her eyes: “A few drinks and you’re acting all high and mighty.”

 

Zhou Quezi kept cursing: “Pretty boy, are you trying to get kicked out of the Directorate?”

On his face was a large black mole, making him particularly ugly and unappealing, a real eyesore. This was why he hated eunuchs who were more handsome than him, and Yu Wanfu was the one he hated most!

 

Yu Wanwan grabbed a doorstop bar nearby: “You old thing, with your filthy mouth, you’re as good as dead!”

 

Bang! She started whacking Zhou Quezi with the doorstop bar, blow after blow.

 

“Aiyoo… Aiyoo… You pretty boy, you’re finished! I’m going to report this to Liang Fei!” Zhou Quezi screamed in pain.

 

Yu Wanwan hit him several more times before stopping. “Go ahead, call Liang Fei!”

 

Yu Wanwan thought to herself 【The cockroaches in the Directorate are all my informants, I know all about the shady things you’ve been up to.】

 

【 Even if you bring Liang Fei here, I won’t be afraid! When the time comes, who knows who’ll end up dead?】

 

As soon as the words were spoken, the ceremonial greeting from the palace staff came from outside the Directorate of Ceremonial Affairs: “Liang Fei has arrived.”

 

Xiao Qing looked at Yu Wanwan with admiration, her mind filled with pink bubbles of adoration. [1] Oh my, Eunuch Yu is amazing, she can even control cockroaches.

 

I declare, Eunuch Yu is the most formidable eunuch in the entire Directorate!

 

When Liang Fei entered the Directorate, all the palace maids and eunuchs dropped to their knees in a rush.

 

Yu Wanwan also bowed obediently. 

 

【Money is hard to earn, and eating shit is hard to swallow.[2] For this bit of lousy money, sooner or later, I’ll have to spend a fortune to fix my kneecaps.】

 

【There must be others helping Zhou Quezi in the Directorate, or else how could Liang Fei arrive so quickly?】

 

【Sigh… Liang Fei is also a pitiful woman… That incident…】

 

Liang Fei, upon entering the Directorate, was already puzzled by this strange voice she heard, but when she heard that last part, her heart was instantly hooked.

 

What is it? What incident? Why am I considered pitiful?

 

Speaking halfway like this was driving her mad with curiosity.

 

She glanced at Zhou Quezi, who was kneeling on the ground: “Dezi, what’s going on with you?”

 

Zhou Quezi immediately hobbled and wailed: “Your Majesty, if you hadn’t come, this servant would have been beaten to death! My legs can’t run, so I could only lie here waiting to be 

beaten to death.” Zhou Quezi cried pathetically, even clutching at his crippled leg from time to time.

 

【Zhou Quezi is such a faker, deliberately using his crippled leg to remind Liang Fei of the favour she owes him. But that leg of his wasn’t broken in such a simple way.】

 

【What a pity… Liang Fei, such a beautiful sister, and yet she’s got a lovesick brain, completely kept in the dark for so long.】

 

Just as Liang Fei was about to help Zhou Dezi seek justice, she suddenly heard that and paused. Lovesick brain? What’s the truth? And how did Zhou Dezi’s leg really get crippled?

 

One question after another made Liang Fei’s face darken. She didn’t immediately respond to Zhou Dezi’s complaints either.

 

Seeing that Liang Feiwasn’t moving, Zhou Dezi continued to wail: “Your Majesty, it was Yu Wanfu! He has humiliated me in every way, and said even if you came, he wouldn’t be afraid!” “He doesn’t respect you at all!”

 

After hearing this, Liang Fei looked at Yu Wanwan. Yu Wanwan kept her head down: 

 

【Zhou Quezi is completely full of it. He’s been harassing palace maids in the Directorate, bullying both men and women, all under the banner of Liang Fei.】

 

【Everyone in the palace has long been dissatisfied with Liang Fei. Zhou Quezi has quietly ruined her reputation, and when that matter comes to light, won’t everyone jump in to knock her down?】

 

Liang Fei was about to scold Yu Wanwan, but upon hearing that last thought, she clenched her fists tightly. Zhou Dezi has really been ruining my reputation like this?

And what exactly is that matter?

 

She stared at Yu Wanwan for a long time before her tone softened: “Tell me, what happened?”

 

Yu Wanwan was a bit stunned: 【I was all prepared for a do-or-die situation, ready to expose everything and cling to the Empress Dowager for support. But Liang Fei is so gentle?】

 

【Not bad, not bad. Looks like she’s just got a lovesick brain, not a lack of brains altogether】

 

“Replying to Your Majesty, Zhou Quezi was drinking in the Directorate, and after getting drunk, he harassed Xiao Qing. This servant couldn’t stand by, so I stepped in to stop him.”

 

While speaking, Yu Wanwan glanced at Liang Fei  from the corner of her eye. She was slender, with a delicate oval face and large, bright eyes, giving Yu Wanwan the feeling of a leading lady from a Qiong Yao drama. It was as if those large eyes might blink and shed pearly tears at any moment.

 

Zhou Quezi immediately began to wail again: “Your Majesty, don’t listen to Yu Wanfu’s nonsense. This servant was drinking medicinal wine to treat my leg injury.”

 

“That little wench Xiao Qing said she wanted to be my ‘food companion,’ so I touched her hand once, but then she turned around and falsely accused me.”

 

“My loyalty is as clear as the sun and moon, please, Your Majesty, uphold justice!”

 

Zhou Quezi clutched his crippled leg and cried as if he were dying, and anyone unaware of the truth might really have been fooled by him.

 

But Liang Fei remained unusually calm. She was waiting for Yu Wanfu’s inner thoughts. That’s right, she was now certain that the voice she heard earlier came from none other than Yu Wanfu!

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[1] Same with the title, pink bubbles just means that Xiao Qing’s heart is filled with “pink bubbles” of adoration and affection. The “gurgling” (咕嘟嘟) part adds a playful and vivid image, as if these romantic feelings are bubbling up uncontrollably inside her.

 

[2] “Money is hard to earn, and eating shit is hard to swallow” (钱难挣屎难吃): This phrase complains about how difficult it is to make money, comparing it to the disgusting task of eating something as unpleasant as excrement.

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