“I knew it! That day the brand representatives were stammering, something was definitely off! Finally, I got them to admit it—Li Weidu from Prosperity Network Technology was the one causing trouble! He was the one who told the brand to replace you!”
“I say, Little Ancestor Zhu, why are you still smiling?”
The sound of red high heels echoed in the empty dressing room as Sister Tong stomped around in frustration, almost wanting to hit Zhu Ling on the head with a folder.
But looking at the freshly styled, shiny hair of the famous celebrity, she thought better of it… still, she was furious!
“Could you be more careful? Such a great opportunity got ruined! I told you last time at the supermarket not to pick a fight with him. Why couldn’t you resolve it civilly? You just had to go head-to-head with him like an egg against a rock…”
Zhu Ling: “It was ‘rock against rock,’ alright? No, it was ‘granite against rock,’ and I’m gonna smash him!”
Sister Tong rolled her eyes. “You’ve been awfully fearless lately.”
Zhu Ling indeed had every reason to be fearless.
Thanks to the popularity of his recent Republican-era drama, losing one or two endorsements was no big deal. Plenty of shows and brands were still contacting him, and besides, that art film he shot in South America hadn’t even been released yet.
It was directed by the famous Director Xia, based on an award-winning novel, and had been highly anticipated from the start of filming.
Though it was still in editing and post-production, there were already rumors that it might sweep all the major awards. By the time it was released, it would likely mark another peak in Zhu Ling’s career.
So, the lost endorsement? Zhu Ling found it more amusing than anything else.
First, he found Li Weidu childish. Second, he thought… Ha, if your love life was going well, you wouldn’t be so obsessed with me, your lover’s ex, all the time, right?
He’s a lost cause. It’s been half a year already; Ji Kai must have seen through him by now.
And marriage? As long as Kai-ge still has his wits about him, the two of them probably won’t make it to the end. Speaking of, why would President Li go to such lengths to sabotage his endorsements? Maybe… Ha, they’re already breaking up!
Knowing they’re not doing well makes me feel at peace.
“Little Zhu Ling, you’re quite the contradiction. Didn’t you say back in South America that you wanted to win your ex back? So do you want him or not now? If it’s really not meant to be, just let it go and stop getting on President Li’s bad side!”
Actually, whether he wanted him back or not, Zhu Ling himself wasn’t even sure anymore.
Of course, he still loved him. Thinking about it hurt his heart—there was no doubt about that. But he wondered, if Ji Kai really broke up with Li Weidu and came back to him, could he truly forgive and forget and reconcile?
“Tong Jie1Jie = Sister, A term to call someone close, not limited to blood-related relationships, your marriage is very happy, so you don’t understand what this feels like.”
“I’m genuinely heartbroken. I never thought he could forget everything between us so quickly, so easily. He doesn’t seem hurt at all. I’m the only one feeling sad for myself. I really can’t accept that someone I trusted so much could betray me like that. I don’t even know if I can ever trust him again.”
Tong Jie gave him a look of mock sympathy and affectionately patted Zhu Ling on the back of the neck, then, with a blank expression, slapped him.
“You were the one who betrayed him first!”
Zhu Ling frowned and looked up. “Yes, I was the one at fault initially, but does that mean I can’t feel hurt?”
“So he gets to like whoever he wants and do whatever he pleases, and no matter how much pain I’m in, how hurt, how guilty, or how much I regret it, I’m just a joke to everyone—a perfect example of getting what I deserve, right?”
“But Tong Jie, tell me—if he really loved me, how could he forget so quickly?”
“If he really loved me, he wouldn’t have moved on to someone else so fast. And to make matters worse, he’s now ganging up with that person to bully me. Lately, I keep thinking—maybe… maybe he never really loved me at all?”
……
That night, Zhu Ling, with a heavy heart sinking to rock bottom, gathered a group of his rowdy friends for dinner.
At the table, everyone was drinking and having a good time, boasting about various things. Those with wives flaunted their wives, those with girlfriends flaunted their girlfriends, and those with cats flaunted their cats—everyone was enjoying themselves.
“Wait, wait, Ning Zhen, something’s off! The guy in the photo you showed us last time wasn’t this handsome man!”
“You guys just don’t get it, do you?” Ning Zhen, a third-rate actor, drunkenly waved at the screen, grinning foolishly.
“This is my future wife, the one I’m definitely marrying! Look how clean, comfortable, and reliable he looks, right? Perfect marriage material! When it comes to marriage, you need someone like this who puts your mind at ease. All those super hot, high-maintenance types? They’re just for fun! You guys see me flirting around, but my true love is absolutely this one!”
After he said that, he even kissed the screen with a loud smack.
“Ha, you say it’s true love, but you’re still fooling around on the side. Just don’t let your future wife find out one day!”
“No way! I know how to weigh things. Honestly, someone like our Brother Ling, who actually got divorced for someone else outside the marriage—that’s a rare thing! You’re a real warrior, Brother Ling!”
Zhu Ling’s expression darkened.
“Oh no, did I make you mad? Don’t be mad, Brother Ling, think about it this way—”
Just then, the server came in with a sizzling plate of seared veal steak.
“Exes are just like this plate of seared beef,” Ning Zhen said as he forked a piece of veal and chewed on it. “At first glance, it looks and smells amazing, and you watch someone else take a bite.”
He chewed slowly, savoring the taste, then continued, “It’s so delicious it makes you feel like you’re in heaven—sweet, flavorful, and juicy.”
“But Brother Ling, think carefully. Sure, it looks good when you watch others eat, and you might feel a bit envious, but the truth is—you’ve already had it yourself! You, more than anyone, know that in the end, it’s just a regular steak. It’s not actually as good as it seems!”
The whole table burst into laughter, but Zhu Ling didn’t laugh along.
Because he knew that wasn’t true.
His baby bear, Ji Kai, was the best thing he’d ever tasted, and he knew that better than anyone.
…So delicious, yet something he could never taste again.
……
That night, Zhu Ling, feeling dizzy from having been forced to drink too much, couldn’t drive his car at all.
He could only put on a mask and, swaying and reeking of alcohol, staggered down into the bustling subway station. Whether it was bad luck or not, all he could see through the glass doors were couples waiting for the train—one pair after another. It felt like the entire world was coupled up, and he was the only one left alone.
This led him to have all sorts of malicious thoughts. Among these passing people, how many were in “true love,” and how many were holding someone else’s “true love” as they flirted and acted inseparable?
When getting intimate with their new flame, could they still think of their old love and the sweet days they shared together?
Look, they’re laughing—laughing so sweetly.
A lot of people in this world, just like Ji Kai, can easily pick things up and put them down without a second thought!
Heh…
The thing Zhu Ling hated most about Ji Kai was this exact trait.
When Ji Kai loved you, it felt like he wanted to give you all the tenderness in the world. But once he decided to leave, he was ruthless, immediately embracing a new lover and spouting words that cut to the heart, leaving Zhu Ling frozen in the cold air, unable to find any words to respond.
That day in the supermarket, ever since Li Weidu showed up, Zhu Ling didn’t back down at all.
He didn’t care about anything except his pride. He fought back!
But now, for some reason, he couldn’t hold it together anymore. The bitterness and grievance welled up slowly until it overflowed, tears streaming down uncontrollably as if he were possessed. He sobbed like a dog in the swaying subway car, finally giving up on holding it all in, thinking it was just pointless.
…If people stare, then let them stare. He was covered up so much anyway; no one would recognize him. Even if they did, he didn’t care anymore.
When he got home, he went straight to bed. Even though he was dehydrated and exhausted, even though he had a show to record the next day and should have been in good shape, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep.
He thought about that day, how Li Weidu grabbed his head and slammed it into the shelves at the supermarket. When he came home, he iced his face for several days, and even ended up with a black eye—he was hurt way worse than Li Weidu.
But Ji Kai didn’t even look at him.
The whole time, Ji Kai had been carefully tending to the corner of Li Weidu’s mouth with a supermarket cotton swab, while Li Weidu, being extra dramatic, exaggeratedly cried out in pain, occasionally glancing at Zhu Ling with eyes full of smugness and provocation. Then, when he turned to Ji Kai, he gave a shy, harmless smile.
A crazy person really lives up to their crazy reputation, showing such split personalities.
If there had been a knife at that moment, Zhu Ling would probably have grabbed it to rid the world of a menace.
He wasn’t sleepy at all. He took his guitar off the wall and strummed a few random chords. But no inspiration came, and after hours, all he had were crumpled-up balls of paper. He thought about opening his phone to listen to some music for inspiration, but instead, his hand instinctively opened his messaging app.
After scrolling through for a while, he remembered—there was no Ji Kai anymore.
Ji Kai had blocked him.
Sometimes, Zhu Ling was actually grateful that Ji Kai had blocked him.
Otherwise, he probably would still be obsessively checking Ji Kai’s status over and over again. But what would he see? Nothing but Ji Kai and Li Weidu showing off their love, their sweet interactions—every word stabbing at his heart.
The theme park incident, the supermarket incident—he had had enough. He had already been shredded to pieces like glass, completely…
It was only now that he realized that “anger” could truly be a verb. When your heart starts racing with frustration, your chest burning with intense hatred, suddenly—ding—a new message arrived. It was from a user with a bunny avatar, Ye Yin.
It was a song link, accompanied by a simple message: “Zhu Ling, I’m still waiting for you.”
Zhu Ling froze for a moment. He hadn’t replied to Ye Yin in a long, long time, and had already decided on his own to completely abandon him. Yet, that silly person was still waiting.
……
After the whole “smoking leaf” scandal, Ye Yin was mocked endlessly online, even trending several times with people demanding he “get out of the entertainment industry.”
Maybe the backlash had gotten too intense those few days, but when the police clarified through their official account that it was just a prank video and there was no actual drug use, Ye Yin gained a small wave of sympathy.
His agent actively worked to arrange more appearances for him, and Ye Yin started appearing on some shows again, receiving decent feedback. Soon after, he released a single to capitalize on the momentum.
According to Tong Jie, it had a small burst of popularity, but Zhu Ling didn’t pay much attention.
Until this moment, when he clicked “play” for the first time.
……
It was a deeply sorrowful song, perfectly suited to Ye Yin’s soft, fragile voice. In the chorus, a single line of English repeated over and over:
“I never actually had you for one second, and it feels like losing you a thousand times.”
I never had you for even a second, yet it feels like I’ve lost you a thousand times.
It was as if it was being sung right into his ear, full of pity, sorrow, and with a faint, hidden trace of hope.
Never had him. Yes, indeed, he never truly had him.
Looking back now, Zhu Ling realized that the time he spent with Ye Yin had been comfortable and happy. But that was likely because Ji Kai had never relied on him, and he had finally found that sense of being needed and depended on with Ye Yin, mistakenly believing that feeling was “love.”
But it wasn’t.
Because when they separated, it didn’t hurt. Yet the one he truly loved—parting from him was agonizing, a pain that tore at his heart every single day.
His hand trembled unconsciously, and the screen happened to scroll down to the comment section below the song. The top comment, written by someone with a gentle-looking profile picture, read:
“This song is truly heartbreaking. It reminds me so many times of the person I used to love. I hope no one ever experiences the pain of losing someone they deeply care about. May you all never have the chance to feel that. Bless you.”
Suddenly, without any warning, Zhu Ling’s tears fell again.
This time, he couldn’t stop them at all. He lay his head on the desk and cried out loud.
He didn’t know how long he cried, but when he lifted his head again, dawn was already breaking.
Zhu Ling suddenly felt an overwhelming, bone-deep loneliness and a sudden, strong desire to go home.
……
Three months in South America, back in December, and immediately welcomed by invitations and rehearsals for Christmas and New Year’s programs. Then came the Lunar New Year, and all the busiest days for a celebrity collided at once.
Since returning to the country, he had been incredibly busy, with no chance to go home. His only contact with Xiao Yan had been through phone calls.
Now, he finally made it back. Early in the morning, he drove to Zhu’s mother’s house, stepping through the door, dusty and tired, only to see the floor covered with large packages and boxes, with a few relatives happily busy unpacking them.
“Mom, why did you buy so much stuff?”
His Third Aunt beamed, “How could it be your mother buying all this? These are all from that Ye Yin kid!”
“…”
“I tell you, Xiao Ling, your Third Aunt thinks Ye Yin is pretty good! He’s often on TV, looks handsome, and is well-liked. Surely, he’s famous and can earn money. Isn’t that much better than that rough, brute man you had before?”
“Exactly,” other relatives chimed in. “What was so great about that Ji Kai anyway? He might have gone to college and worked at a university, but he still couldn’t make any money. What’s the use of that?”
“Your Third Aunt already asked around. Ye Yin is still single! He’s been so thoughtful, sending things over all the time—clearly, he likes you! You should seize the opportunity, or you’ll miss out!”
“Third Aunt, please stop.”
“Uncle, Uncle!” A bouncing teenager ran into his arms. Ouch, ouch, ouch… This kid had grown taller after just a few months!
“Whoa, you even revamped your room?”
At Zhu’s mother’s house, Zhu Yan always had his own room. But since he rarely stayed there, it used to be plain—a small bed, checkered curtains, and an empty bookshelf.
But now, it looked grand! The bedspread and curtains had been replaced with anime-themed ones, and the bed was covered with several life-sized, luxurious body pillows. The shelves were full of beautiful LEGO dioramas, Optimus Prime figures, and various game character figurines, turning the room into something like an amusement park.
Zhu Ling’s mother came in with a tray of fruit. “Here, eat some strawberries, Xiao Yan, go wash your hands!”
“Mom, the amount of pocket money you’re giving Xiao Yan is outrageous! I remember this stuff is pretty expensive. How many times have I told you, we can’t spoil him like this.”
His mother shook her head and smiled. “Oh, it’s not me giving him the money to buy these things. It’s Xiao Kai who thought of him and sent them over.”
“Ji Kai? I—I thought he wasn’t looking after Xiao Yan anymore.” Zhu Ling’s heart stirred, and he immediately stood up.
“Ah, Xiao Kai isn’t that kind of person,” his mother sighed. “When you weren’t around, he often went to Xiao Yan’s school to see him, and frequently took him out to eat. He just didn’t come for New Year’s Eve dinner at our house—probably to avoid seeing you.”
“Sister-in-law, I think—” Third Aunt passed by the doorway, eager to stir things up, squinting mischievously, “That stuff probably wasn’t sent by Ji Kai, right? I saw the sender’s name, and it wasn’t his. The boxes are still on the balcony, waiting for the recycling guys to pick them up! Maybe it’s from one of your other friends. Why don’t you go check yourself, Xiao Ling?”
……
……
The items on the bookshelf were scattered all over the floor, and when Zhu Yan ran into the room, Zhu Ling was just about to pull down the curtains too.
“Uncle! What are you doing?”
“What do you think I’m doing?! The things that Li Weidu sent over—you actually accepted them and put them out?”
“Throw them away! All of them! Not a single one is allowed to stay! He betrayed me all by himself, and you, as a child of the Zhu family, have actually learned to betray your own?”
“Please, don’t break anything!” The boy’s voice trembled with tears, and Zhu’s mother urged him to stop as well.
“Mom, don’t interfere! This kid just needs some education. What is all this junk? Is there anything I can’t buy for you? And that Li Weidu—ha… did you even have a meal with him? You seemed to get along quite well, didn’t you?”
Zhu’s mother pulled the boy behind her. “Zhu Ling, are you out of your mind? How could you hit my grandson? Xiao Yan, does it hurt?”
Of course, it hurt; Zhu Ling’s palm was stinging, but at that moment, he couldn’t feel it. “You’re all crazy! Mom! You’re spoiling him! Xiao Yan, that person took your dad away! Instead of helping me deal with him, you’ve let him win you over with his little favors? What are you thinking?!”
The boy covered his cheek, tears streaming down like beads that had snapped from a string.
“What can I do…?”
“Ugh, because Dad likes him so much, what am I supposed to do? I don’t want to lose him, but if Dad has to choose between me and that person, I’m afraid he’ll pick him! After all, that person took care of him during the car accident, and I couldn’t help at all…”
“Car accident?” Zhu Ling froze. “What car accident?”
Zhu’s mother weakly replied, “It was just a few days after you went to South America. Xiao Kai had a car accident, and it was quite serious… he almost died, and ended up in the hospital for a month.”
“I wanted to tell you, but your aunts and uncles stopped me.”
Almost… almost died?
Zhu Ling felt a roaring in his ears and slowly turned to his Third Aunt and several relatives standing by. “Why… why didn’t you tell me?”
Third Aunt said, “Oh, we were just trying not to affect your work. You were so far away and couldn’t help anyway. Besides, you’re divorced now. Why should you care about his accident? Better to keep it low-key!”
No…
At that moment, it was a physical pain. The world around him blurred, and his fingertips trembled. He wanted to speak but couldn’t get the words out.
He had a car accident, and he only found out now.
But what had he done at that time? He had no family. Who took care of him?
Right, Xiao Yan had said—it was Li Weidu who took care of him.
“…”
So that’s why he liked him so much now.
No wonder… he suddenly became so fond of him!
……
Although he had been a teacher and on stage for many years and shouldn’t have stage fright anymore, at the completely unfamiliar, noisy, and surreal advertising shoot, after putting on a brand’s summer shirt he wasn’t used to, Ji Kai still felt a bit constrained.
However, the gaze of President Li, who was watching from the side, clearly believed that his Baby Bear was invincible and capable of anything.
So, Teacher Ji had to hold on and not let his persona collapse.
Soon, he relaxed, but President Li became tense—
The reason was that the director assessed Ji Kai and suddenly walked over with a spray bottle, spraying warm water all over him. His white shirt instantly became wet, clinging to his body and revealing the outline of his muscles beneath.
Ji Kai thought it might be due to the years of wearing tank tops in summer… Once he started to reveal himself, he actually felt his confidence soar; all the earlier feelings of being constrained vanished.
“Click, click, click,” Professor Ji bit the collar of his shirt and flashed a grin under the flashing lights, and President Li could no longer hold back.
“The clothes from your series were never like this! Aren’t they supposed to have a scholarly style? You can’t shoot like this! It doesn’t match your brand positioning.”
The director explained for a long time that the new summer collection was intended to break the old patterns and include a bit of subtle sexiness. After much persuasive talking and with the assistant giving meaningful glances, he finally grasped the crux of the problem—
“Oh~ so this person is President Li’s boyfriend, my bad, my bad.”
Li Weidu replied, “No.”
Ji Kai: “…?”
“It’s fiancé.”
Ji Kai: ?!?
A few days later, when Ji Kai saw the initial photos the director sent to Li Weidu’s phone, he was startled by his own overwhelming sexiness and finally understood why Li Weidu had been in such a bad mood that day.
However, the shoot that day ended successfully. In the car home, Ji Kai kept trying to cheer up the sulking president: “I thought we wouldn’t finish filming; you really performed wonderfully today and supported my work a lot. Thank you.”
President Li, as usual, couldn’t handle compliments and softened immediately, his cheeks slightly flushed, awkward yet serious: “I—I just think this counts as a brand-new life experience for both of us.”
“Huh?” Ji Kai found it intriguing. Based on his usual understanding of Li Weidu, he was a typical homebody who preferred a safe, comfortable life with his teddy bear.
What “brand-new life experience”? The only new thing President Li would likely be willing to try would be a new recipe, right?
“Well, I read a book recently, and some of the content… I thought it made a lot of sense. I was already 26 when I met you, and I feel like I’ve wasted so much time before you came into my life! So, I want to cherish every day we have together.”
“I want to accompany you to try and experience all kinds of new things, like today’s shoot. Although… if you smile at others like that again, I will really be angry. But still… let’s try not to argue because our time together shouldn’t be spent fighting, so…”
Professor Ji found his proud and adorable expression irresistible and pulled him in for a hug: “It’s okay, sometimes bickering can be fun too. Being with you is enjoyable whether we’re happy or fighting; it’s not a waste of time.”
The entire morning, the class had already ended, but there was still some work to handle at the office.
During the thirty-minute break, as a light spring rain began to fall, Professor Ji walked to the porch of the teaching building, remembering the day when he had made the little puppet so happy, and he smiled to himself, feeling warm inside.
Really, he would be picking him up at noon, and in just a few hours they would see each other again. But why did he want to see him so badly right now?
He pulled out his phone, intending to type “I miss you” in the chat, but unexpectedly, he received the same message from the other side first.
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too. Love, love, love.”
Being in love was truly sweet, so sweet that Ji Kai suddenly wanted to walk out into the rain.
With a textbook half-covering his forehead, he casually walked through the rain down the maple-leaf avenue of the school toward the office, enjoying the April blossoms in the rain.
The five-minute walk took him over ten minutes. His well-fitted suit clung to him, dampened by his own warmth, and then, he suddenly spotted someone.
Huddled with their knees drawn up, their bag soaked on the ground, the person looked like a drenched cat, head bowed as they sat on the steps outside his office.
This was an old building at the school, so it was quite secluded, with climbing vines green from the rain. As Ji Kai approached, he noticed the shimmering water droplets on the person’s clothes and finally felt a chill.
He stopped, and the person slowly looked up. They seemed to smile at him, but their eyes were filled with red veins.
In the next second, they suddenly dashed over and hugged him tightly, catching him completely off guard and making him nearly lose his balance as if his bones were being squeezed.
“Brother Kai, it’s all my fault.”
“It’s all my fault; don’t leave me, okay?”
Zhu Ling hadn’t really planned to say this.
He had thought of many words, many rational and convincing arguments, until he saw Ji Kai and suddenly couldn’t remember any of them.
Then, it all clicked.
All the accusations and doubts, those hurtful words said with a cold smile, had never come from the heart.
He should have said this long ago. What had he been doing all this time?
Truly, he should have told him this a long time ago.
Translator: Lynn
Translations are not 100% correct. Please let me know if there are typos/mistakes in the chapter.
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