Episode 11: Does Death Bring Relief?
Kazuki had been taken to the ICU, and all I could do was wait with Mai and Sanae-san outside.
Everyone’s faces were dark with worry. Mai clasped her hands tightly, silently praying to whatever gods might listen. As for me, guilt weighed on me like a heavy shroud.
If only I hadn’t left his room… if only I’d acted sooner… I regretted it endlessly, but no matter how much I replayed it in my mind, nothing changed.
Thirty minutes after Kazuki was taken to the ICU, Masaya-san arrived at the hospital. He must have rushed over the moment he got the call, as his face was drenched with sweat.
“Kazuki! Sanae, where’s Kazuki?!”
The moment Masaya-san saw us, he ran to Sanae-san.
“The doctors are with him right now, but… it’s too soon to tell,” she said, her voice wavering.
“Damn it… no, this can’t be…” Masaya-san slumped into a chair, defeated.
“It’s been over a month since the last yume shinsa. Only 50 points… damn, just 50 points?”
“Don’t worry, dear. Kazuki tried so hard, didn’t he?” Sanae-san said, though her voice held no strength.
Masaya-san and Sanae-san were already speaking as though Kazuki were gone. Neither I nor Mai could bring ourselves to say anything. I had been the one who let Kazuki prioritize fun over good deeds.
Had I made the wrong choice?
Time dragged on, thick and murky. Another thirty minutes passed before the door to the ICU opened, and the doctor stepped out. We all stood up and rushed over to him.
“Doctor, Kazuki… what’s happened to him?” Masaya-san asked, his voice trembling.
The doctor cleared his throat, his face stern. “He’s in a very dangerous condition. I would even say critical. His body is at its limit due to the repeated seizures. We’re doing everything we can, but… it’s not looking good.”
Despair washed over the four of us. I saw tears begin to well up in Mai’s eyes.
“Please… let us see him. We just want to be with him… please!” Masaya-san grabbed the doctor’s arm, pleading. He didn’t refuse and instead allowed us into the ICU. Inside, several nurses were working hard to keep Kazuki stable.
“Kazuki-kun. Can you hear me? Your family is here to see you. Hang in there, okay?” one of the nurses said gently.
Kazuki lay there, an oxygen mask over his face, with tubes inserted into his arms.
“Kazuki!”
We all rushed to his bedside. Kazuki didn’t respond to anyone’s calls, his breaths soft and steady as if he were merely asleep.
At one point, I noticed a nurse whispering something into the doctor’s ear. Although I couldn’t hear what she said, I saw her shake her head sadly, and a wave of dread hit me, nearly making me cry out.
“Doctor, the patient’s regaining consciousness!” one of the nurses called out.
Kazuki’s eyelids fluttered open, and he looked at each of us.
“Kazuki!”
We all called out to him at once. Kazuki’s lips quivered as he tried to say something.
“Dad… Mom… I just… met… with God.”
A chill fell over the room. We all understood Kazuki’s words immediately.
The yume shinsa. Kazuki had been to the yume shinsa while he was unconscious and met with God.
This meant that Kazuki’s humanity level, his human level, was now clear.
If he hadn’t reached 200 points, his path to hell was set.
“What… did God say?” Masaya-san asked cautiously. Everyone held their breath, waiting for Kazuki to answer. Kazuki gave a faint smile.
“He said… I had enough points… barely. He said he’d give me a little extra as a bonus…”
“Does that mean… 200 points? You’re going to heaven, Kazuki?” Masaya-san asked, his voice trembling with hope.
Kazuki nodded slightly. Then, he turned his gaze toward me and Mai.
“Big Brother… Big Sister… thank you… for talking with me… playing with me… I… was happy.”
“Kazuki.” Mai clutched his hand tightly. Kazuki’s eyes closed gently, as if at peace.
“Kazuki… Kazuki!”
A piercing sound rang out, and both Mai and I froze in shock, unable to say anything. One of the nurses checked the time, noting it with a detached professionalism.
“He has passed.”
Mai remained motionless, like she was frozen solid. I was the same. I couldn’t understand what was happening.
Time seemed to stop as we stood there, lost. Then, someone whispered quietly.
“Thank goodness…”
Both Mai and I turned toward the voice. It was Sanae-san. She looked dazed, muttering softly to herself.
“Thank goodness… he had enough points…”
Masaya-san wrapped his arm around Sanae-san’s shoulders.
“…Yes. Yes, it’s good… it’s… good.”
“Good?”
Mai pulled her hands from Kazuki’s and turned slowly toward them. Her face was blank, her voice hollow, as if the life had drained out of her. She looked like a ghost as she questioned Masaya-san.
“Dad… Kazuki… he’s dead… he’s gone.”
“Yes. But his points were just enough. Everything wasn’t for nothing.”
“Kazuki’s… dead… he’s not here anymore… he’s not alive.”
“You should be relieved. Kazuki made it to heaven. We’ll see him there again someday.”
For the first time, a powerful emotion—an unshakable despair—flickered across Mai’s expressionless face.
“Good for you, Yuichi.”
I understood perfectly what Mai was feeling at that moment.
“A-ah… ugh… aaah—aaahhhhhh!!”
Time that had frozen within Mai began to flow again, and with tears streaming from her eyes, she let out a heart-wrenching scream.
Without a backward glance, Mai turned and ran out of the ICU.
“Mai!”
Sanae-san reached out, trying to call her back, but Masaya-san held her back with one hand.
“Let her go. Her brother’s gone. She’s hurting too.”
With tears welling in his own eyes, Masaya-san hugged Sanae-san tightly.
“I’ll go.”
I forced myself to calm my frozen heart and prepared to follow her out of the ICU.
“Wait, Yuichi-kun. Could you… give her some time alone?”
I halted at Masaya-san’s request, struggling to contain my own boiling emotions.
“Do you understand why she’s crying?”
“What do you mean? It’s obvious—it’s because Kazuki is dead. Don’t ask pointless questions.”
My clenched fist shook. Anger, a rage I thought I’d never feel again, flared up within me.
I turned to Masaya-san, my anger spilling out.
“You don’t understand anything!”
I burst out of the ICU, desperate to find Mai.
I first checked Kazuki’s room, but she wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the lounge either, and I felt a rising dread that maybe she had left the hospital altogether.
“No…”
Mai would have sought somewhere to be alone. There weren’t many places like that around here. Somewhere within the hospital where she could cry without anyone seeing…
I opened the door to the rooftop. In the bright summer sunlight, Mai sat there on a bench, quietly crying alone.
I silently approached her and sat down beside her.
“Yuichi-san… am I… wrong?”
Mai looked at me with tear-streaked eyes, making no effort to hide them. Her gaze sought some form of solace.
“Kazuki is dead… and I… I can’t feel relieved… I’m just so sad, so empty… Is there something wrong with me?”
I pulled her close, wrapping her in a firm embrace. I stroked her head, silently hoping her heart would heal.
“You’re not wrong. Not at all. You’re doing everything you can to mourn him.”
In my arms, Mai began to cry again, and I held back my own tears, swallowing them down.
“I think… now, I understand you, Yuichi-san. I think… you must have felt this way… when it happened to your sister, too… right?”
“…Yeah.”
I nodded honestly at Mai’s words.
That day. The day my sister sacrificed herself, saving someone from getting hit by a car. I cried and screamed, devastated by grief. Dad and Mom cried too.
But then, once I’d quieted down, my mom said something that has haunted me.
“…It’s okay, Yuichi,” she had said with a smile. “Now your sister can go to heaven.”
I couldn’t understand why she was smiling. Maybe it was to comfort me. But at that moment, the thought of heaven or humanity levels didn’t cross my mind. I was drowning in the pain of losing my sister.
“As I mentioned before, the person my sister saved and even the driver who nearly hit her… everyone kept talking about her human level. I thought only those people were shallow… but even my parents… the first thing they mentioned was her human level.”
My sister, who had done so many good deeds, had died saving someone else’s life, yet I couldn’t understand why people seemed to think there was nothing to grieve over.
It was as if they were telling me, “There’s no need to be sad.”
My sister had never done good deeds for herself. She had always helped people out of pure kindness. But to everyone around us, it felt like she had lived her whole life for this.
I couldn’t forgive that. Everyone around us reduced my sister’s kindness, her life, to a matter of human level, unable to see it for what it truly was.
“My sister didn’t live for something as hollow as a human level. She always lived in the present, giving her all to help those around her. That was her life.”
She would’ve lived and died the same way, even if humanity levels didn’t exist. I was proud of her, and I grieved her deeply because of who she was.
All we could do was remember her, keep her memory alive, and honor her life.
But no one truly understood her. No one recognized her goodness for what it was. Even my parents were trapped within the concept of human level.
“Because they’re shallow, fearing God’s judgment, they forced that onto her. I couldn’t stand it.”
“Kazuki didn’t help others for the sake of reaching heaven. He wanted to give us peace of mind. He didn’t want us to mourn him as he fell to hell.”
In my arms, Mai nodded, understanding.
“What Kazuki wanted wasn’t points for heaven. He just wanted to spend his time with us, as a normal family.”
Mai kept nodding, crying until her voice was hoarse, etching Kazuki’s last wish into her heart.
“Yuichi-san… if humanity levels didn’t exist… would Kazuki’s wish have come true?”
“…In the end, he thanked you, didn’t he? Said he was happy.”
“But I didn’t do anything for him… I was his sister, and yet I did nothing…”
“You did everything you could. You cared for Kazuki more than anyone. He was grateful for that.”
Mai burst into tears once more, and I held her until she was cried out.
I raised my head, gazing up at the vast sky above. Toward the heavens where God resided, I sent out a question I’d asked countless times.
“…Why? Why did you have to make human levels known to everyone?”
