It was during when my mind was preoccupied that I failed to pay attention to my surroundings.
I froze where I stood, blinking repeatedly. My eyes must have been mistaken, but no matter how many times I blinked, the sight didn’t disappear.
At that moment, our eyes met. My heart throbbed at the sight of the face that was turning towards me, like a conditioned reflex. Seeing me frozen in place instead of walking toward the car, that person straightened up from leaning against the car. He approached me without hesitation and before I knew it, he was standing close enough for me to reach him.
I wondered if I was dreaming. Maybe I was still in class, dozing off and dreaming. I bit my tongue. I intended to bite lightly, but I accidentally bit hard enough to produce tears to my eyes from the pain. But the sight before me didn’t change. The wind carried a familiar body scent. The familiar scent reminiscing of a rain-soaked garden. But he wasn’t supposed to be here.
“This shouldn’t be the time for you to return from the business trip yet…”
“Indeed.”
My mind, which had been indulging in a fantasy, snapped back to clarity. Hearing his undoubtedly voice in my ears made my heart, which had momentarily stopped in shock, began pounding wildly. This wasn’t a dream, this was real. It wasn’t a fantasy, but a reality. As my rationality returned, the situation became more confusing.
“But then, why are you here?”
Why was he here now, when he shouldn’t be back from his business trip?
“Which part are you asking about?”
“Huh?”
“Is it my unexpected return that surprises you, or…”
I waited for him to finish his incomprehensible sentence.
“Are you curious about how I found out you’ve been parking all the way out here, neglecting the practicality of the car I bought you?”
I didn’t immediately understand what he was saying because I hadn’t thought that far.
“Oh, uhm?!”
My heart was beating strongly. I was so shocked by his unexpected appearance that I had overlooked a critical issue. I had forgotten the place he and I were standing together at the moment.
I couldn’t even muster up the courage to come up with absurd excuses like there was no parking available at the school today, or that I parked far today because I wanted to walk a bit. ‘You’ve been parking all the way out here.’ His words made everything clear. All this time, he had known this and had let it slide.
“But that’s not what’s important right now.”
He wasn’t the type to overlook things, so what could be more important than this? Even more important than the fact that I disobeyed his words, and more important than his unfinished business trip?
“Do it again.”
While I was feeling anxious, more incomprehensible words fell from his mouth.
“Speak in casual speech.”
“…Pardon?”
I couldn’t understand him, as if he was speaking in a different language.
“What do you mean by casual speech?”
I asked again in confusion, as if he was a sudden appearance from a fantasy who spoke cryptic words. Without even a moment to share our thoughts on finally seeing each other again, I could only stare at him as he rushed on. He quietly looked into my eyes, then he suddenly smiled ever so slightly, as if something had come to his mind. I had not the slightest idea why he was smiling, which left me feeling frustrated, as if something was stuck inside me. Just then, his face was obscured by something. What he held up in front of my eyes was none other than his phone.
[I miss you]
I read the words in front of me. It was a message. “’I miss you’—who could have sent it to make him show it to me? I lifted my gaze a little higher.
[Yewoon]
As soon as I saw the sender’s name, time seemed to stop.
“…”
“…”
Suddenly, a memory from this morning came back. I remembered myself hastily pressing the send button.
“As soon as I saw this, I felt like I had to see you right away.”
“…”
‘I miss you.’ I thought I had completed the sentence in formal speech.*
The reason there was no reply from him wasn’t because he was busy or didn’t have anything to say. It was simply because he immediately took a flight and rushed over here.
“At this moment, I don’t even feel like questioning why you park so far away from the school.”
“…Why?”
I was nervous. I worried that he might be angry about me addressing him in a casual manner. Given our age difference, big enough to drop the honorifics, he might find it disrespectful. I feared I wouldn’t be able to explain the mistake and make amends for the message I had sent in a hurry. I couldn’t be sure if his emphasis on me using the casual speech was a positive or negative implication.
“For now, let’s talk while we go.”
Only then did I realize how long we had been standing outside. Watching his back naturally headed to the driver’s seat, I hesitated and then tried to claim it. But at his insistence to not even think about driving while drowsy, I quietly moved to the passenger seat. Turning my head to the window, I thought about how tired and haggard I must look from lack of sleep. I wanted to avoid his gaze. A sense of déjà vu came over me, reminding me of how I felt when we first met.
The car sped along the straight road at a considerable speed, but inside, it was quiet, almost as if I could hear his breathing. The silence reminded me of back to the time he used to drive me to school. His voice saying that Song Yewoon sounded prettier still vividly echoed in my memory.
The car he took to come here must have gone back first with the driver. I wondered what he was thinking as he waited for me alone, with no one else by his side. What was he thinking as he rushed across the ocean in response to my one text message? Realizing this made my heart feel heavy.
He used to criticize me for being naive. It was almost impossible for someone like me, who had always been hyper-aware of my surroundings, to act insensitively. But what he demanded from me was a different kind of awareness than what I had needed in the life I had so far. The habits I developed to avoid scolding, violence, and harsh words didn’t help in my relationship with him.
Understanding the actions of someone who liked me was a completely different matter.
I didn’t know how to interpret his affection directed at me. I had never been cautious to receive affection, thus I didn’t know how to receive it. Trying to read his mind as I did with my mom to not irritate her only ended up irritating him more. But people would constantly learn. After years of trial and error, I could now roughly guess his intentions. So maybe now, if my guess was correct…
I withdrew my gaze from the window and turned to look at him. Watching his side profile as he focused on driving, I slowly spoke.
“Are you finished with the business trip?”
“Not yet, that’s why I need to go back to the airport.”
I hesitated briefly at how lightly he spoke, as if he had been on a trip to another city instead of overseas, but soon, I became more certain of my guess.
I had been afraid it was a negative implication, but that wasn’t for sure. I didn’t want to be disappointed and heartbroken after having positive expectations. My self-defense mechanism had taken over. But once I calmed down my mind and took in this situation, his sentiments became clear to me. The fact that he took a flight to see me for just a few hours pointed to one obvious conclusion, hardly mistakable for something else. And there was the most decisive evidence—myself.
His actions mirrored what I had already experienced. The feeling of wanting to be a few steps ahead and waiting for the other. The feeling I had when I waited for him to return in the garden on that rainy day. I still vividly remembered those feelings.
If he waited at home, he could easily meet me. After all, I always went straight from the university to home without any detours. I never made friends or had any hobbies that would cause me to waste time outside. So today was no different. He could have comfortably waited for me at home, taking the car driven by the driver back from the airport. But instead, he sent the driver away and waited here for me.
I wondered if he had ever waited for someone earlier than the promised time. If he had ever left where he stood to see that person a few steps sooner? Had he, being such an extraordinary man, ever hurried to meet someone as insignificant as me,
similar to my action before? It was hard to believe, even with him right in front of me.
*Note: Yewoon thought he sent the message in formal speech, but he actually missed one letter, making it informal.
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