DSYOM Chapter 28

Wen Di was carrying a 15 jin backpack and pushing two 26-inch luggage, his eyes constantly switching between the screen and the street.

It was his first time in a foreign country. He had to figure out mobile data, maps, the transportation system, and the ride-hailing apps all over again. After 15 hours of long-haul flight, plus the long journey from the airport to here, his feet ached, and he was so mentally and physically exhausted that even the weight of the water bottle in his hand seemed to have doubled. In his heart, he hoped to have a bit of luck and find He Wenxuan’s place soon, so he could sit down and catch his breath.

Finally, a five-story red-brick building appeared before him, and the sign on the porch matched the address. Wen Di put away his phone, feeling elated. It was already dark, and since this was a suburban area, if it got any later, the roads would be even harder to find.

He carried the two luggage up the steps, one at a time, and walked into the porch, breaking out in a sweat. When he entered the house, he found there was no elevator, so he had to make two more trips to carry the luggage up to the third floor, sweating again. By the time he reached the door of room 305, he looked as if he’d run through a downpour without an umbrella. He wiped his forehead, brushed aside his sweat-dampened hair, and adjusted the hem of his clothes and the cuffs of his sleeves, trying to make himself look a little less disheveled, but after a day of rushing around, his efforts were to little avail.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door, feeling a little uneasy. Tomorrow would be He Wenxuan’s birthday, and he had come uninvited to give him a surprise. He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he would get. They hadn’t seen each other for more than half a year. Long-distance relationships over time would drain all the passion. Slowly, calls that were once every two days would turn into once a week, then once a month. The daily good mornings and goodnights would gradually disappear, leaving only greetings for important holidays.

So, when applying for an exchange program, Wen Di chose a school in Boston.

After two years of a long-distance relationship, they were finally about to have a temporary reunion.

Wen Di stared at the cursive script on the metal door sign, his heartbeat quickening.

He waited for a while, but there was no movement from behind the door. Did he go out to buy something?

Wen Di knocked again. If no one answered, he would sit on his luggage for a while and rest.

A few seconds later, there seemed to be footsteps behind the door. The drowsiness in Wen Di’s mind faded away. He took a deep breath and a smile appeared on his face.

The door opened, and a strange girl appeared. She had blonde hair and blue eyes, wore triangular earrings, and her voice was sensuous and languid. She looked at Wen Di with a curious yet puzzled expression. “What’s up?”

Wen Di was stunned. He looked at the address on his mobile phone again to make sure he hadn’t made a mistake.

A “Who is it?” came from the room. Shortly after, a familiar figure appeared behind the girl. The man came over to her and casually but skillfully put his hand on her shoulder.

Then, he saw the person standing outside the door. His entire body froze in mid-motion, his face filled with disbelief.

Equally disbelieving was Wen Di, standing at the door. In a daze, he felt as though he were sailing on a stormy sea, the waves rocked up and down, throwing him high, only for the darkness to surge from below.

After a brief silence, He Wenxuan turned to the girl and said, “This is my high school classmate.”

Wen Di looked at his lover.

He felt fear. He was about to fall, falling into a bottomless darkness.

He reached out his hand to brace himself against the doorframe, searching for a point of support in his crumbling world.

“The house is a bit messy,” He Wenxuan said to him, “let’s go somewhere else to talk.”

“Let him come in and sit for a while. He has so much luggage with him.” The girl looked Wen Di up and down and extended her hand toward him. “Hi, I’m Sally Belloc, his fiancée.”

He stopped breathing.

The fall began just like that. In the darkness, there was a deathly silence.

All those beautiful, brilliant memories of youth crashed to the ground with a deafening noise, shattering into pieces, leaving nothing but a mess on the ground.

“Fiancée?” Wen Di’s voice sounded hollow, as if it came from somewhere far away.

The girl looked at He Wenxuan, then back at Wen Di. “I thought you were here for our wedding.”

The word ‘wedding’ triggered a memory. Three years ago, when He Wenxuan went abroad, he had said that same-sex marriage was legal there, and once he got his green card, they would get married.

Same-sex marriage was legal here, and yet he still chose not to marry him.

In truth, it was never about societal norms, ethics, or the law.

The girl’s hand was still suspended in the air.

Wen Di shook her hand. “Hello, I’m Wen Di.” He glanced at He Wenxuan. “I’m his boyfriend.” Then he turned and walked out.

He wanted to leave with grace, without ever looking back. Unfortunately, those two burdensome luggage still lay in the hallway. He had no choice but to stop and carry them, one by one, down the steps. They were even heavier than before, and the moment he stepped off the porch, an overwhelming fatigue suddenly hit him. He couldn’t walk any further—not a single step.

He put the luggage down and sat on top of them. The night was deepening, there was no moon in the sky, and the dim yellow of the streetlights gathered around him.

He should have known long ago. The half-hearted replies, the impatience whenever he asked how things were going, and the summer vacation that was always too busy and had no time to meet. Even earlier than that—at the gatherings with friends, during their dates, and that time in college when something was concealed from him…

Their relationship was like a rubber band stretched to its limit, so fragile that only a thin thread remained, and he was the only one still gripping it tightly, desperately holding on to the last shred of hope.

Even up until just moments ago, he had foolishly imagined that person might chase after him. Of course, no one did.

Finally, he heard it snap.

That person hadn’t even considered where he would stay tonight, here in the suburbs, dragging 40 kilograms of luggage.

A gust of wind sent a chill through his sweat-drenched clothes.

Where would he stay tonight?

Wen Di, in despair, realized that no matter how much he wanted to collapse onto the ground and never get up again, he still needed to sleep, still needed to eat, still needed to keep going. It was already late, and it would be even harder to find a place to stay later. He forced himself to his feet and continued pushing the luggage forward. His feet felt as if they were scraping against iron sandpaper, and his shoulders throbbed painfully under the weight of the backpack. He checked the map— the nearest hotel was still two miles away.

He stared at the blinking cursor for a long time, silently hoping for a miracle, for some hero to come along and take him there. But, of course, there were no such things. He could only drag the luggage and slowly move forward. It was a small road at night, and he was alone burdened with so much luggage. He had no idea about the safety of the area, but his mind was so overwhelmed that he didn’t have the energy to be afraid.

Just then, his phone rang, sending a jolt through his heart.

A familiar number appeared on the screen. He hesitated for a while, but finally picked up the phone. Maybe this person had a car. Two miles plus forty kilograms—at this point, pride no longer mattered.

The miracle he had imagined still didn’t appear. The first words from the other end were filled with anger, like an interrogation: “Didn’t you say you were coming a week later? Why didn’t you give me a heads-up?”

Wen Di leaned against his luggage, barely able to stand, and all the pent-up anger erupted: “This is my fault? I should have considered your face and stayed far away from you and your wife?”

“If you’d told me, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“What wouldn’t have happened?” In the quiet night, the voice from the receiver was harsh. “I treat you as my boyfriend, and you treat me as a mistress?”

He Wenxuan seemed to realize that he was in the wrong at this moment and his tone softened a bit when he spoke again: “Come back, and we’ll talk.”

“Talk?” Wen Di couldn’t believe it. “What’s left for us to talk about?”

“You…” He Wenxuan seemed surprised. “You’re not thinking about breaking up with me ba?”

Wen Di felt like he was suffocating. In this person’s eyes, the world revolved around him, and everything about him was meant to be respected and forgiven.

And for all these years, Wen Di had abided by his rules, letting him always believe he was in the right. Wen Di thought, this is my fault too.

“I’ll be straightforward—don’t contact me again, don’t come looking for me. If we run into each other over the next six months, let’s pretend we don’t know each other.” As he said this, exhaustion once again washed over him. He had specifically chosen a university exchange program in Boston, and now they were supposed to live in the same city for a year. He had traveled across an ocean to be here, and fate decided to play such a cruel joke on him?

“We won’t run into each other,” He Wenxuan said, “I’m going to Germany soon.”

“Wha…” Wen Di hadn’t expected another bombshell to explode, “Germany?”

“I’m going to Germany for an exchange next semester—it’s the best group in our field.”

“You…” Wen Di’s head buzzed. He had fought tooth and nail to get this exchange opportunity, and now that he was here, it turned out to be all for nothing? This person was about to cross another ocean, to another country?

He didn’t even told him when applying to college. How could this happen a second time?

Even without the whole marriage thing, this was fucking outrageous!

“When were you planning to tell me? What the hell were you thinking?”

“What’s the point of me telling you? You study English—could you go on exchange to Germany?”

“That’s not the point at all!” Wen Di shouted. “You did the same thing two years ago! Your future is important, but my thoughts are not important? Do I not have plans or dreams? Do you even see me as a person?”

“Why are you still dwelling on that?” He Wenxuan was a little impatient. “What difference would it make? With the money your family makes running that breakfast stall, could they even afford to send you abroad?”

Wen Di gripped his phone tightly, feeling the blood in his veins freeze into icy shards, scraping against his veins and skin: “Okay, Thank you for going to Germany,” Wen Di said, “you stupid, cowardly, scoundrel, toad-like, low-life little man, I wish that your things would grow full of mites, be bitten by a thousand leeches, and ooze pus and stink like rotting cheese!”

He hung up the phone, his body swaying slightly, almost knocking over the suitcases. He glanced at the map, then powered off his phone and stuffed it into his bag, continuing to walk down the path.

This was probably the longest two miles in his life. On that endless road, he made a decision.

He would never, ever, ever, ever again, be the weak one in a relationship.

It was already one o’clock in the morning when he arrived at the hotel. He chose the cheapest room, paid the room fee, and fell on the bed without washing up.

Anger, exhaustion, regret, and disgust all rushed up in his mind. He felt like he shouldn’t be sad, but tears still slid down his cheeks, soaking the pillow, leaving a cold, damp patch. He didn’t move and fell asleep with his head resting on that damp spot.

When he woke up the next morning, his head was pounding. The sunlight outside was bright, but the room’s position was poor, so the light couldn’t come in. Only a few dazzling spots of light, reflected from the green leaves outside, were faintly visible. He took a shower, sat down in the room, and turned on his phone, seeing seven or eight missed calls.

He pursed his lips as he looked at the call log. Then he opened the exchange group chat and browsed through the rental information. Staying in a hotel wasn’t a long-term solution, and he needed to quickly find a suitable place to stay. Although the exchange program provided a scholarship, it was barely enough to get by, so he had to be frugal.

By chance, two students who came to Boston thought the rent was rising too fast and wanted to find another tenant. Though the only space left was the living room, with no privacy or soundproofing. Wen Di glanced at the floor plan—the living room was spacious, and the natural light was good. He contacted the two students immediately, and just like that, the arrangement was settled.

The hustle and bustle of moving made the pain numb, but five years was a long time and memories would resurface from time to time due to various triggers—a keychain, a movie, a song. Each time, he needed to stop for a while to let the throbbing pain in his heart ease up.

Two days before classes officially started, Jiang Nanze suddenly reached out to him, inviting him to Las Vegas.

“No money, no mood,” Wen Di said.

“Which one is the main reason?” Jiang Nanze replied. “If it’s the former, I’ll treat you. If it’s the latter, it’s just the right time to come over for a crazy trip and change your mood..”

“Why did you invite me?”

“I heard about the engagement,” Jiang Nanze replied. “Can you really swallow that?”

“What if I can’t swallow it? Am I supposed to go find someone to marry too?”

Jiang Nanze despised him for being a child that couldn’t be taught: “Go to a bar, find a handsome guy, take a photo together, and send it to him as a wedding gift! Let him see how well you’re doing after the breakup. I’ve already bought your ticket, so hurry up and come over!”

“I’m not going,” Wen Di said. “I just want to stay in my room and quietly die.”

Jiang Nanze let out a ‘tsk’ and said: “They are having a lively wedding, but you’re just rotting at home? Do you want me to tell you how He Wenxuan’s been recently?”

“No.”

“According to Aron, he was completely drunk at the bachelor party. He kept saying he missed you while drinking and even tried to call you but couldn’t get through the whole night,” Jiang Nanze said. “Everyone was advising him that it wasn’t worth it pining over some country bumpkin.”

It was as if a star suddenly exploded after a catastrophic collapse. Wen Di jumped up abruptly, his chair falling backward with a loud crash: “What a hypocritical bastard, he was so dirty and rotten while we were together, and now that we’ve broken up, who is he showing his affection to!”

“I’ve found a bar, are you coming or not?”

“Come!”

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