Thank you to hiEuphoria for the ko-fi~
Translator: Moonlit
Editor: Aiya-ge
But Gu WenCheng didn’t feel like he had missed out on anything.
He remained strong, possessing the kind of power that ordinary people would look up to.
He could have whatever he wanted, his team was renowned across the stars, and his women lived together harmoniously.
Surrounded by beauties, leaving a mark in history, everything was so wonderful, so what was he lacking?
…
Ling Nian finally realized how rational Li ZouXing was.
The Gu WenCheng ahead was stumbling due to his intoxication, but Li ZouXing could still turn his head and briefly smile at Ling Nian.
With such clarity, even as the one ahead was about to fall, he could still smile at his friend.
Ling Nian fell silent for a moment. He didn’t know how Li ZouXing felt, but he couldn’t hold back and stepped forward.
There were many people around Gu WenCheng.
There were brothers, there were women. But when they reached out their hands, they didn’t dare to support his swaying body when he refused.
They could only watch Gu WenCheng, visibly suffering, slide to the ground. Even though their tones were anxious, their eyes were teary, they still didn’t dare to touch him.
Ling Nian moved through Ji Yu and Xi Nan and passed by Bai Tong and Nana.
He arrived at Gu WenCheng’s side, paying no heed to Gu WenCheng’s outstretched hand indicating refusal, he pulled him up, carrying him on his back.
“Gu WenCheng,” he growled, “Behave yourself!”
Gu WenCheng leaned against Ling Nian’s back.
His stomach churned, and he clenched his lips tightly to prevent anyone from seeing his embarrassment.
Ling Nian carried him back on his own. Gu WenCheng knew that both Ling Nian and Li ZouXing saw him as someone else. The other person looked just like him, had the same name, and was also called Gu WenCheng.
He asked, “What’s the difference between me and him?”
His words were slurred, and the smell of alcohol was strong. He repeated the question several times before Ling Nian could clearly understand what he was saying.
Ling Nian remained silent.
Gu WenCheng regained his senses and looked back.
Everyone was watching him.
He scanned each person, his gaze darting from one to another.
Li ZouXing walked at the end, with the lamppost casting intermittent light on him.
He was alone, but as Gu WenCheng watched, he saw another person beside Li ZouXing.
That person had a smile in their eyes, accompanying Li ZouXing. Each time he glanced at Li ZouXing, it held a myriad of starry skies.
Not desolate, not lonely. It was as if they were content to be by this person’s side, even if this person couldn’t see them.
Ling Nian spoke up, “There’s a significant difference between the two of you.”
The Gu WenCheng he knew had brothers who trusted each other, respected mentors, and Colonel Raymond, who would tease and joke with them. They even made it back to Weiss, forcing him to wear women’s clothing in front of the other officers.
There was Prince Nico, who trusted them, and Prince Yin Sa, who secretly took them into the palace to see the princess. The Emperor would play the role of a mischievous antagonist, trying to prevent them from meeting, only to be chased by the princess throughout the entire palace.
Professor Bu Wei’s white beard was once set on fire by Xi Nan’s mental power, and Gu WenCheng would soothe the old man with a few words, making him smile. The single guys in the team were at the bottom of the hierarchy and faced teasing every day. But Si Wo Lin was happy with it, even collaborating with Gu WenCheng, cheerfully being the biggest fanboy every day.
Gu WenCheng had the little mermaid who called him “big brother,” a large group of supporters who endorsed his relationship with Li ZouXing.
He had Li ZouXing.
Hope was ever-present, and dawn would always arrive.
Because he had grasped a sun, their Gu WenCheng had the entire sun within his eyes.
…
Gu WenCheng lay down drunk on the bed, while Li ZouXing stood by the window, feeling the breeze.
“You’ve turned my life upside down,” Gu WenCheng muttered. “If you hadn’t appeared…”
Would living in a state of mistrust and confusion, happier than it is now, have been a better choice?
He took another sip of alcohol.
Yet, he couldn’t provide a definitive answer.
Li ZouXing said, “You should drink a bit less.”
His every word and action were restrained. The more restrained he was, the brighter the light in the eyes of the transparent Gu WenCheng by his side became.
So bright that Gu WenCheng found it glaring, even tasteless.
Gu WenCheng: “Why?”
“Why is it that the people who love me…” He gazed at the ceiling, his voice so low it seemed to be carried away by the wind. “Don’t have this kind of light.”
Never had it, never seen it.
Yet, once he saw it, he couldn’t look away.
“Gu WenCheng, love is mutual,” Li ZouXing closed the window, and he looked at Gu WenCheng with those eyes that still held things Gu WenCheng couldn’t understand. He said slowly, “Trust is mutual too.”
But Gu WenCheng would never understand this. He set down the bottle, staggered to his feet, and also went to the window.
The wind tonight was particularly fierce and dry, blowing his clothes and tossing his hair.
“Where is the old Li ZouXing?” He knew why he asked Li ZouXing this question.
Because he wanted to kill the old Li ZouXing, trying to make this person stay in this world forever.
But he knew it was impossible.
Because the words he said today made the transparent person so happy that he got drunk, because he saw the increasingly rational look in his eyes.
The brightness in his eyes decreased. Not because the light had disappeared, but that it was no longer directed at him.
…
While Ling Nian was carrying Gu WenCheng, Gu WenCheng listened to what he was saying.
At that moment, it was as if he had sobered up from the alcohol, as if he were the only one in the whole world.
So, the other Gu WenCheng, the one who was different, was like this.
…
Li ZouXing and he stood in silence at the window, lost in their thoughts. Suddenly, Gu WenCheng closed the window and lay back on the bed.
He buried his face in the bed as if he were tired of seeing Li ZouXing, he said, “I really wish you would leave my world as soon as possible.”
“Take Ling Nian with you,” he muttered, “and just get out of here.”
The invisible Gu WenCheng watched as Li ZouXing turned off the lights, and then lay quietly on the bed.
He followed over to the other bed. Li ZouXing had closed his eyes, but Gu WenCheng knew he wasn’t asleep.
On the other bed, the Gu WenCheng of this world lay prone on the bed, his back arched like a nearly broken line.
Gu WenCheng didn’t care about him. His eyes were glued to Li ZouXing, staying awake with him night after night.
In just a few days, Gu WenCheng had tasted the various flavors of life. From extreme hatred, where he wished to kill the person who claimed to be the author and even the other Gu WenCheng, but he could do nothing, only grit his teeth, and watch with one eye reddened.
He would remember each of these scenes in his heart and think about how to comfort ZouXing when he went back.
Watching his beloved grow colder, quieter, and more silent day by day, the pain was something only those who had experienced it could understand.
Gu WenCheng had many times when he thought he would be in so much pain that he would die, but he had survived.
Just like Li ZouXing, they had both persevered.
He gently stroked Li ZouXing’s cheek and then leaned in, their faces touching.
Each movement radiated an indescribable love and tenderness.
It was as if being so close made them happy enough to have the whole world.
Then, he felt a gaze, turned his head, and locked eyes with the Gu WenCheng lying on the other bed.
“Take him away,” the Gu WenCheng of this world said, fingers tightly clenched and expression ice-cold. “Take them away tonight.”
Gu WenCheng got up, his gaze equally icy, and their matching eyes met, allowing them to distinguish the similarities between each other.
…
When Gu WenCheng was exhausted and found Li ZouXing and Ling Nian unconscious, he met a person who claimed to be the author in his dream.
The person in his dream seemed very timid, and his words and actions appeared to reflect fear towards Gu WenCheng. His stuttering speech came together as a question.
“If you hadn’t met Li ZouXing, would you still want to meet him?” The author inquired.
Gu WenCheng nodded without hesitation.
The author asked him why.
“Because,” Gu WenCheng smiled, “everyone has the right to pursue happiness.”
Without experiencing something beautiful, one wouldn’t chase after it. A life without Li ZouXing was profoundly tasteless for Gu WenCheng.
Then, he saw what he would be like if he hadn’t met Li ZouXing.
Indeed, it was a bland existence.
“Gu WenCheng,” Gu WenCheng playfully called out his own name, smiling provocatively, “Do you know what my life is like?”
…
Gu WenCheng woke up at daybreak.
Gu WenCheng got out of bed and left the room. He returned with groceries, and the entire room remained quiet.
The scent of cooking filled the room as the fire kindled. This aroma wafted into every corner of the house, awakening people from their slumber.
With a bang, Li ZouXing opened the door, panting, his eyes initially filled with surprise but darkening the next moment.
Gu WenCheng glanced at him, and the others, including Xi Nan, also stepped out. They exclaimed, “WenCheng, you actually cooked!”
Gu WenCheng replied, “Yes,” as he opened a few bottles of wine from the fridge, “Let’s celebrate.”
He didn’t mention what they were celebrating, and his teammates didn’t ask why they were celebrating. Their interaction pattern had become rigid and wasn’t easy to change.
They finished the meal in silence. When Li ZouXing got up, Gu WenCheng stopped him. He looked at the messy table, then picked up a wine glass, took no sips, and put it back on the table. He turned his head and said, “Get lost.”
Li ZouXing, who was standing, and Ling Nian, who was sitting, suddenly lost their strength and slumped. Gu WenCheng rushed over to support Li ZouXing, while Ling Nian had collapsed onto the table.
Ji Yu and Xi Nan exclaimed, “What’s going on!”
Gu WenCheng held Li ZouXing’s hand, which began to tremble.
His grip grew tighter and tighter until the pain woke up the person in his arms.
Li ZouXing woke up, blinked, and after a moment of confusion, he said, “WenCheng, what happened to me? It feels like I slept for a very long time.”
Gu WenCheng’s hand lost its strength, and he kept his hand on the chair and sofa as he walked step by step toward the bedroom.
Last night, the transparent Gu WenCheng had asked him, “You’ve seen my ZouXing, but can’t have him. Will you regret it?”
The question was filled with malice, using language designed to continually attack and hurt him.
Gu WenCheng’s fingers twitched with force, and he chuckled, “How do you know I can’t have him?”
The other Gu WenCheng, whose eyes shone, simply smiled.
So Gu WenCheng clarified with a lack of silver lining, “Why would I regret it? He hasn’t had any impact on me.”
Yes, Li ZouXing hadn’t had any impact on him.
“Surrounded by beauties, renowned across the stars,” his laughter was short, “he comes and goes as he pleases. I won’t have any feelings about it.”
“Isn’t it you who needs sympathy? You only have one lover for your whole life.”
Gu WenCheng’s legs also began to weaken. Without the support of the sofa, he stumbled and fell to the ground.
His eyes welled up with tears, but his self-esteem and pride drove him to return to his room, even if it meant crawling.
“You can only love him your entire life, only see the light in his eyes, while I, with no one to look at me with those eyes, am free, I can love whomever I want.”
Teammates rushed to his side, their footsteps in disarray. Gu WenCheng raised his hand, his arm visibly trembling. As he wished, his teammates really stopped in their tracks.
As he wished.
“Besides, teammates trust each other. If someone betrays you, you’re left with no choice.”
The other Gu WenCheng laughed nonchalantly, confident, “They won’t.”
But the Gu WenCheng from last night couldn’t hear what he was saying anymore, only firmly believing in what he thought, “Even if you don’t like one of your teammates, you can’t just abandon them1 This was said by ZouXing’s Gu WenCheng.”
Unlike him.
He could discard any teammate he wanted. No one could betray him because no one knew his secret.
But he didn’t give them trust, so even if there were betrayals, he wouldn’t be discouraged.
How good, how free, how wonderful.
Gu WenCheng collapsed on the floor.
He tried to stand up.
But his hands trembled, and his legs were powerless. He tried again and again but couldn’t get up.
Teammates stood by, torn between their concerns and inner turmoil.
With the bedroom door quite a distance from the living room, he kept falling to the ground repeatedly.
Suddenly, Ji Yu took a step forward, trembling as he grabbed Gu WenCheng’s arm and let him wrap his arms around his neck.
Xi Nan lifted Gu WenCheng and secured him behind Ji Yu.
The two of them, without giving him a choice, carried him back to the room.
“Will you regret seeing the light?”
Gu WenCheng buried his head in Ji Yu’s back.
“I don’t regret it.”
At least, pain is a prerequisite for experiencing other emotions.
Trust and love.
When you give, can you really… receive light in return?
Translator’s Corner
Moonlit: The italicized words are like flashbacks of some sort. I made it like that to prevent further confusion. It’s like what you see in movies when a character regrets and then some flashback scenes will be shown along with their conversations and then it will be mixed with the present scene…uhm… something like that.
