Lin Fengqi cried.
To be more precise, it wasn’t exactly crying—more like a whimper.
Wen Xia hadn’t anticipated such a strong reaction. He placed a hand on his chest, trying to calm himself, suppressing the urge to pin Lin Fengqi down in his chair and kiss him senseless. Instead, he coaxed gently, “Tell me what I can do to make it up to you. Whatever it is, I’ll do it.”
Lin Fengqi shook his head, still covering his face.
Wen Xia dragged his chair closer. “Come on, talk to me. I was wrong to read your diary.”
As Wen Xia leaned in, Lin Fengqi turned his body away, mumbling through his fingers, “It’s not that…”
“Hmm?”
Wen Xia thought for a moment, then tried his old trick, blowing a soft breath against Lin Fengqi’s ear.
Lin Fengqi nearly jumped out of his seat, but at the same time, he finally lowered his hands, revealing a face so red it could almost bleed, and slightly moist eyes. He looked at Wen Xia in a panic, unsure of where to put his hands and feet, finally settling on gripping the edge of the seat and the back of the chair.
“Your reaction isn’t what I expected,” Wen Xia said. “Even if you’re not angry, I thought you’d be at least a little upset.”
“…Why?” Lin Fengqi asked, his voice shaky and unsure.
“Why? Because I snooped through your diary.”
Lin Fengqi licked his lips and said, “But… it wasn’t on purpose.”
“If I said it wasn’t on purpose, you’d just believe me? What if I’m lying?” Wen Xia challenged. “What if I deliberately went through your things when you weren’t home?”
Lin Fengqi murmured something under his breath.
“What did you say?” Wen Xia didn’t catch it and leaned in closer.
Lin Fengqi, nervous, gripped the chair tightly, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he whispered, “Even if you did it on purpose… it doesn’t matter.”
Wen Xia blinked, surprised.
Lin Fengqi finally looked back at him, his voice barely audible as he repeated, “Everything I have… you can look through it all.”
Everyone has their own boundaries and principles.
But for Wen Xia, Lin Fengqi had none.
—Half an hour later.
Lin Fengqi was clutching the doorframe, his face, usually as calm as a mountain, now showing a rare expression of despair as he pleaded, “Wen Xia…” His eyes looked as though he was on the verge of tears.
“You said it yourself—all your things, I can look through them all,” Wen Xia said as he tugged on Lin Fengqi’s arm, trying to pull him into the room. “I’ve already read some of it. I might as well go through the rest.”
“I’ll go cut you some fruit…”
“Who can eat fruit right after a meal?” Wen Xia, now fully embracing his spoiled young master persona, demanded, “I don’t care; you’re going to look through it with me.”
“…”
Seeing Lin Fengqi’s pitiful expression, his lips trembling slightly, Wen Xia suddenly let go of his hand.
The sudden release left Lin Fengqi momentarily stunned, not realizing what had happened until Wen Xia leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
Lin Fengqi: “!”
At that moment, Lin Fengqi’s breath caught in his throat.
The kiss was as gentle as one meant to soothe a child. Afterward, Wen Xia rested his forehead against Lin Fengqi’s, softening his tone. “Let’s look through it together, okay?”
Lin Fengqi’s brain, already overwhelmed from the revelations of the past day, went completely blank. At that moment, not only was he willing to read through the diary, but he’d have eaten it whole if Wen Xia had asked.
With Lin Fengqi now in a daze, Wen Xia successfully led him into the room.
Since they had started dating, Lin Fengqi hadn’t slept in the guest room, but all his belongings, aside from some clothes, were still in their original place—books neatly arranged on the shelf, and his work desk still set up with his computer for when he needed to bring work home.
The books were all back in order, and Wen Xia easily found the familiar diary from last time. He asked, “Do you have any other diaries?”
Without a word, Lin Fengqi silently pulled out two more notebooks.
“Wow, so many?”
“…I started in elementary school,” Lin Fengqi explained. “They’re all here.”
With Lin Fengqi being so open about it, Wen Xia didn’t see any reason not to start from the beginning.
Lin Fengqi started keeping a diary because it was assigned by his teacher. Wen Xia vaguely remembered his own teacher doing the same in elementary school, assigning diaries as part of the homework. He didn’t like it, so his entries were mostly half-hearted fabrications.
The pages of the elementary school diary had yellowed with age. The early entries were written in pencil, and while Lin Fengqi’s handwriting wasn’t particularly good at the time, it was neat for a child of that age.
The very first entry read:
“This diary belongs to Lin Fengqi!”
Wen Xia glanced at the man beside him.
The owner of the diary blushed as he read that line, rubbing his earlobe in embarrassment. “That was so I wouldn’t mix it up with my schoolwork.”
Like Wen Xia, Lin Fengqi hadn’t enjoyed the assigned diary entries from his teacher. But he loved the process of writing a diary—it was like having a conversation with himself. All the things he couldn’t tell others or didn’t want to say aloud could be poured into the pages. Homework was different; it had to be turned in, and others would read it.
So he kept two diaries—one for his teacher, and one that was his own “private property.”
Young Lin Fengqi recorded everything, filling the pages with detailed accounts of his daily life, no matter how small the event. Whether it was seeing a butterfly on the roadside, watching ants move house, or giving up his seat to an elderly person on the bus, he documented it all. To him, the mundane things of life were full of beauty.
But it wasn’t all sunshine.
As Wen Xia turned the page, his smile faded, and he frowned.
Lin Fengqi’s heart tightened, and despite his embarrassment, he reached out to flip a few pages ahead. “You don’t have to read this part…”
Wen Xia slapped his hand down, stopping him from turning the page.
“I want to read it,” Wen Xia insisted.
Lin Fengqi frowned slightly, his voice soft and coaxing, “There’s nothing worth reading in this part.”
“Hand,” Wen Xia said, his tone firm, “off.”
“…” Lin Fengqi slowly withdrew his hand.
From that point on, the diary entries became shorter and more fragmented. If the earlier pages were all bright and sunny, these entries were tinged with the gloom of an impending storm—
Date: Sunny
Don’t want to go to school.
Why does the week feel so long?
Date: Sunny
This week is the school outing. The teacher let us choose our own groups, but no one picked me.
Date: Sunny
The teacher paired me with another boy who didn’t have a partner. But I don’t like him.
Last time, he threw my pencil case in the trash.
Date: Sunny
I told the teacher this morning, and she scolded them. But in the afternoon, I found two live caterpillars in my desk drawer.
Why is it always sunny lately? I hate sunny days.
…
A lonely little boy was recording his day after day of isolation in his diary.
Wen Xia’s lips pressed into a tight line as he continued reading, flipping through one page after another until he felt a hand lift his chin, followed by a gentle kiss. Soft lips brushed against his, then his cheeks, then the tip of his nose, and finally his eyes.
Lin Fengqi spoke in a low, soothing voice, “Don’t be upset… it’s all in the past.”
But Wen Xia was upset. He was both angry and heartbroken. He set the diary aside and wrapped his arms around Lin Fengqi’s neck, pulling him in for a deep kiss. “If we had gone to the same school in elementary school, I would’ve beaten up those kids so badly they’d cry for their moms.”
Lin Fengqi pulled back a little, catching his breath, his voice hoarse. “…You’d have been called to the principal’s office.”
“So what? Let them call,” Wen Xia said fiercely. “I’d beat up their parents too if I had to.”
“Adults…” Lin Fengqi’s mind was starting to drift off track. “You wouldn’t win against them.”
“So what? Let them try to hit me.”
“…” That’s just being a little troublemaker.
Lin Fengqi suddenly laughed.
It was a hearty laugh, one that Wen Xia had never seen from him before. For a moment, he was stunned, and all the anger he had felt suddenly deflated like a popped balloon.
“…What are you laughing at?” His ears turned red as he grumbled, “I’m trying to stand up for you here.”
Lin Fengqi hugged him tighter, burying his face in Wen Xia’s shoulder. “If I could… I really wish I had grown up with you.”
Wen Xia felt a warm sensation in his chest. He rested his chin on Lin Fengqi’s shoulder, saying, “Then you’d better hurry up and develop a time machine. If you go back to the past, I’ll make sure to beat up all the bullies for you.”
Lin Fengqi shook his head, his hair brushing against Wen Xia’s neck, tickling him. “I’d come find you first.”
From pencils to pens to gel pens, Lin Fengqi’s handwriting grew sharper and more refined, like a boy who had once been weak gradually growing into a confident young man.
Growth comes with pain, and during the turbulent times in his family, Lin Fengqi’s diary entries became more frequent. Even though he was only in his early teens, he and his father were already shouldering the burden of the family together. All the thoughts he couldn’t say aloud, for fear of adding to his father’s worries, were poured into the pages of his diary. Several times, Wen Xia had to stop reading to compose himself, and whenever that happened, Lin Fengqi would pull him into a comforting embrace, nuzzling his head against him.
It was his way of telling Wen Xia that it was okay, that it was all in the past.
The pain of the past had been washed away by time, a great healer.
But not everything was painful. There were some lighthearted moments too, like—
Date: Light Rain
A boy confessed to me today… I never thought something like this would happen to me. What should I do?
I’m not sure if I like boys.
This event happened around the time Lin Fengqi was about to take his high school entrance exams.
Reading this, Wen Xia remembered how he had asked Lin Fengqi in high school if he liked boys, but Lin Fengqi hadn’t answered him at the time.
As Wen Xia lingered on this page, not turning to the next, Lin Fengqi grew nervous. “I… I didn’t accept his confession.”
Wen Xia snapped back to reality, blinking as he realized Lin Fengqi was explaining himself. Feeling mischievous, he asked, “How did you turn him down? I really can’t imagine you saying anything nice.”
Sure enough, Lin Fengqi stiffened, stammering, “I just… told him that students should focus on their studies, and that we were too young to be thinking about these things…”
Classic Lin Fengqi.
Wen Xia silently pitied the boy who had confessed.
“Did you like boys back then?” Wen Xia asked. “When I asked you about it later, you didn’t answer me.”
“At that time… I didn’t know how to answer.”
“Why not?”
Lin Fengqi furrowed his brows, looking a little troubled. “I’d never thought about it before. When you asked if I liked boys, I didn’t know what to say… because I had only ever liked you.”
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