Chapter 16: Reasons for Refusal
The basin crashing to the ground sent hearts racing.
The room plunged into profound silence.
Those present—some with warm ears, others with flushed cheeks—turned away; one stared at the floor, another out the window.
It felt as though time had frozen.
Only Erxi was startled by the clang, sitting up alertly, looking over, then quietly lying back down upon finding no danger.
After a while, it seemed as though the world suddenly began to move again.
People seated and standing busied themselves—someone fetched shoes and picked up the basin, another hurried with a cloth to wipe the water splashed on the kang’s edge.
Before lying down to sleep, as if by an unspoken agreement, no one spoke again.
After the oil lamp extinguished last night, Qingyan lay on the warm kang, eyes open, biting his lip.
His hand under the quilt groped beside him. When his fingers touched the person’s fingertips next to him, he felt a slight tremor in their hand.
Qingyan’s heart also trembled, and then, mustering his courage, he grabbed hold of that warm and dry hand.
The hand allowed him to hold it, relaxed, but did not return the grasp.
Qingyan was encouraging himself in his mind to take bold action, but just as he was about to proceed, the relaxed hand he held suddenly moved away lightly.
The warm touch disappeared, and Qingyan stopped being subtle. He reached directly for the person’s abdomen, grabbing the hand back tightly in his own.
The hand he grabbed struggled to pull back.
Qingyan gritted his teeth and didn’t let go.
After a while, just as Qingyan was about to lift the quilt and get up, the hand he held finally turned over and grasped his own, the large hand enveloping Qingyan’s small hand tightly, with a solid and painful grip.
Qingyan was stunned. Earlier, when the person ignored him, he became more daring, but now that he responded, he suddenly felt aggrieved, tears welling up in his eyes.
In the darkness, Qingyan’s chest rose and fell slightly.
He was somewhat excited but tried hard to suppress it, softly speaking, “What’s wrong with me?”
Almost as soon as he finished his last word, the person beside him responded firmly, “You’re fine.”
Qingyan felt even more aggrieved.
“Then why…?”
He didn’t finish the sentence, but the meaning was clear.
After this sentence, the room fell silent again.
Just as Qingyan began to feel disappointed, thinking the other person didn’t intend to answer, he heard a low, deep voice beside him whisper, “Qingyan, don’t you remember what you said that night?”
“What did I say?”
Qingyan remembered that night; apart from pleading, he had said almost nothing. After that, he had fallen asleep exhausted.
After waiting for a while without a response from the man, Qingyan was about to ask again when suddenly, his temporarily forgotten memory surfaced.
He looked surprised and embarrassed. That night, Qingyan had drunk too much, coupled with the effects of the medicine in his body, the whole process was not very clear. So he forgot that after it was over, he and the man had a brief conversation.
Realizing that the other person recalled something, the man remained silent, giving him time to sort out his thoughts without urging him.
On their wedding night, Qiu Henian realized afterwards that he had lost control.
The man’s body was covered with marks he had left, almost terrifyingly visible. The person was completely exhausted and barely conscious, lying weakly on the bright red bed, his cheeks unusually flushed.
His skin was so pale that there was almost no blood, and even the rise and fall of his chest seemed unclear.
That scene was almost heart-wrenching.
Qiu Henian knew something was wrong with him. He didn’t consider himself mild-tempered, but he wasn’t a violent person either.
Qingyan was his husband, someone he had brought into his home to spend his life with. Even though they had just met and had no emotional bond, he still had a responsibility to cherish and protect him.
But that night, although he initially kept his composure and was mindful of the person beneath him saying it hurt, he paid attention to the extent of his movements…
At some point, he lost control of his rationality. Though he remained partially conscious, he couldn’t restrain his actions.
At that moment, Qiu Henian clearly felt that in his mind, there was only a bestial desire raging unchecked, devoid of human reason and self-control.
In the quiet night, sitting at the head of the bed, under the dim light of the oil lamp, he looked at his sleeping little husband curled up unconsciously on his legs and contemplated for a long time.
Afterwards, he applied ointment to treat the injuries on his little husband and cleaned his body.
As he helped the other person put on his robe in an attempt to cover up those glaring scars, his little husband woke up.
Just as he opened his eyes, the pretty and fragile little husband burst into tears with red eyes.
Qiu Henian wiped his tears with a cloth and the little husband, who still rested on his legs, gently hugged his thighs with his fair arms like a wounded small animal, seeking mercy from the hunter.
Sobbing, he said, “I begged you to stop, but you wouldn’t listen. You hurt me so much.”
Qiu Henian looked at him with his lake-like eyes and remained silent for a while before his lips moved slightly.
“It’s my fault.”
The little husband cried again, sniffing as he said, “You mustn’t make me hurt like that again in the future.”
Qiu Henian’s Adam’s apple moved slightly.
“Okay.”
On one kang, two people, one recalling these “past events,” the other recalling this forgotten memory.
The darkness concealed Qingyan’s embarrassment. He wouldn’t do something like crying and begging for gentler treatment when he was sober.
But that wasn’t the point.
The darkness also gave Qingyan courage.
He bit his lip and muttered vaguely, “I didn’t say we couldn’t do it, just not so painfully…”
After saying this, he quickly turned his head away. His words were clearly a plea for intimacy, and he blushed with embarrassment.
But the man beside him remained silent. After a while, Qingyan turned back in confusion.
Finally, the man spoke at this moment.
He called his little husband’s name, “Qingyan,” and continued, “I’m sorry, I can’t guarantee that. I’m afraid I might hurt you.”
Qingyan was shocked.
Last night, on the kang in the small cabin, they had talked for a long time.
Qiu Henian admitted to losing control that night and expressed his concerns very clearly.
After tossing and turning, Qingyan replied, “Maybe it’s because you haven’t experienced it before, and your emotions were more intense. Maybe… cough, cough, if we try again, it might be different…”
Qiu Henian’s breathing slowly became more rapid and rough.
His voice was slightly hoarse as he said, “I don’t want to risk it.”
After that, Qiu Henian said he needed to calm down and got up to put on his robe, leaving the room.
He stayed in the courtyard for a long time before returning.
Last night, both of them couldn’t sleep.
Through the window paper separating the rooms, Qingyan could vaguely see the man’s figure.
He stood motionless in the darkness, silent and lonely, his thoughts unknown.
After a brief rest in the afternoon, the two husbands began to pack up the things on the cart.
Qingyan was responsible for packing up the remaining food and necessities, while Qiu Henian handled the game.
After emptying the cart, Qiu Henian inspected and reinforced the wheels and shafts. When he finished, Qingyan cleaned the cart and placed a rabbit and the largest of the six fish on top, pushing it to Aunt Li’s house.
When they returned, Aunt Li was not there; otherwise, they would have delivered it immediately upon returning.
Seeing them, Aunt Li kept insisting and couldn’t resist Qingyan’s generous gifts, so she accepted them.
She held Qingyan’s hand and said, “Did this trip tire you both out?”
Qingyan shook his head.
“I’m not tired. He does most of the work.”
Aunt Li looked at his face and said, “The wind on the mountain is strong and harsh. Look at your little face, it’s been weathered, not as tender as before. Come, come inside, Auntie will get you something nice.”
Qingyan followed her curiously into the house. Aunt Li took out a small porcelain jar from the cupboard and handed it to him. Qingyan opened it and saw a white creamy substance inside, with a faint floral scent.
He immediately understood and exclaimed happily, “Is this face cream?”
Aunt Li nodded, “Use it every day when you go back. Don’t let this pretty face get rough.”
From then on, Qingyan was focused on enjoying life and didn’t think much about it. He used to take care of himself every day.
Seeing that he liked it, Aunt Li was also happy and said, “This thing can be used not only on the face but also on the body and hands.”
Qingyan said, “That won’t do, it would be too wasteful.” As far as he knew, this stuff was expensive in the shop, and ordinary families couldn’t afford to buy it. It was one thing to use it on the face, but using it on the body would be too extravagant.
But Aunt Li patted his arm and said, “It’s fine, use as much as you want. If you run out, come back to me. I made this myself, and I have more than enough!”
On the way back, Qingyan held the jar of cream, thinking to himself. If he could produce this in large quantities and open a shop to sell it, he could make money.
His mind was active, but he didn’t plan to discuss it with Aunt Li immediately. Although Aunt Li’s face was fair and bright from using it, Qingyan wanted to try it himself.
Moreover, opening a shop was not that easy. First, he needed capital; second, he needed someone suitable to manage it; and most importantly, he needed to consider Aunt Li’s willingness.
This was something to think about slowly in the future.
When he returned home, Qiu Henian had also returned. He returned the bows and arrows and other items to Liu the Hunter, and of course, returned Erxi as well. Qingyan felt a bit reluctant to part with Erxi, so before leaving, he took a bag of shaved meat bones for Erxi.
Borrowing things wasn’t without return. Qiu Henian also brought a few fish and a half-dressed wild boar to Liu the Hunter. Old Liu said something and let him take a large basket of dried beans that his wife had dried, and a small packet of dried donkey meat.
The remaining game included a deer, most of a bucket of fish, a rabbit, and half of a wild boar.
The deer was to be sold. When it was caught, Qiu Henian let its blood out while it was still fresh and froze it separately.
A deer was worth much more than a roe deer. The gentlemen in the county and town loved this stuff the most. Even if sold to a restaurant, it could still make good money.
Six fish were left to eat, and when the spring thaw came, they couldn’t be kept, and the remaining seven or eight were sold.
As for the wild boar and rabbit, they were kept for the New Year.
In the past, every year Qiu Henian went up the mountain, almost all the game was given away. This year, with the young boy, he kept so much for himself.
In the afternoon, he cleaned up the house again, washed the dirty clothes, dried them, cooked and ate, and in a blink, the day was over.
Before going to bed at night, he usually read “Shanhe Ji”. He was about to finish reading this book.
Qingyan slipped out for the first time at this time.
He didn’t notice how busy he was during the day, but when the night was quiet, he felt that there seemed to be a subtle change in the atmosphere between him and Qiu Henian.
This change started from last night’s conversation, and it seemed to be a psychological change that happened unconsciously after the two of them had a frank discussion.
Qingyan felt more tender towards Qiu Henian, but also a bit embarrassed and shy because of his boldness and initiative last night.
Actually, he didn’t attach much importance to that kind of thing. He thought about it, but it wasn’t a must. He knew that even if they didn’t really do it, there were other ways to find happiness.
But it was normal for ordinary couples to be affectionate every three or five nights after turning off the lights. This was also a way to maintain marital relations. Qingyan used to think that since they hadn’t met before marriage, what was the point of such a relationship, and if they didn’t do it, there might be problems over time.
But now that things were clear, Qingyan thought, since it wasn’t because Qiu Henian was dissatisfied with him, then everything was fine. If there were problems, they could find a solution together. If they couldn’t solve them, it didn’t matter. They were close in their feelings, and supporting each other to live a good life was also okay.
However, Qingyan actually had a question in his heart that he wanted to ask, but he didn’t dare to bring it up last night.
Now that it was late at night, he really wanted to know.
If they couldn’t find a solution, Qingyan thought, at least for that one time, he hoped this man could find enough satisfaction with him.
So, he finally spoke up, softly asking, “Henian, were you happy that night?”
Were you happy that night?
In the darkness, Qiu Henian had been lying there with his eyes open, listening to the tossing and turning of the young man lying on the bed, and he hadn’t slept.
At the words, he closed his eyes, and his Adam’s apple moved up and down as he unconsciously recalled that night. In his mind a few words flashed for a moment: red, white, warm, tender, soft, fragrant.
Red was the wedding clothes and red candles, white was the skin, warm was the body temperature, tender was… the bed filled with fragrance, a faint smell of wine, and the hot, pungent smell.
After a while, Qingyan heard a soft “hmm” from the man beside him!
Spoiler for the Next Chapter:
He was dressed like a scholar, slim in stature, and bore a resemblance to Qingyan’s appearance.
