Chapter 27: Heart-to-heart Talk
Inside the shop that afternoon, it was hot and stuffy.
After closing the door, hardly any sunlight entered the room. The only light came from the coal fire, which had just been stoked and was glowing with a reddish-yellow hue.
Everything around was in shades of black and gray, including Qiu Henian’s own dark and dirt-resistant robe.
In his sight, the only thing that stood out was the body he held tightly in his arms—fair-skinned, vividly bright, entirely out of place in this environment.
Sweat beads seeped from the tender skin, leaving red marks with gentle touches. His palms seemed to stick to it, reluctant to part even for a moment.
Hard against soft, the fragrance penetrated through the rusty taste, roughness against tenderness—a contradictory friction and collision.
Qiu Henian didn’t know when he had lost control. It was as if he had transformed into a beast without reason, driven purely by instinct. All he wanted was to plunder, dominate, possess, and mark that feminine body as his own—to make it entirely his, never to escape.
Yet, deep down, he was somewhat aware. He could hear Qingyan crying hoarsely, pleading for him to stop. He could feel the body in his arms trembling, struggling against him.
Once, Qingyan had actually managed to struggle out of his embrace. Qiu Henian remembered how, like a starving wolf with eyes turned blue, he had swiftly and ferociously pulled him back, holding him tightly.
Qingyan cried even harder, trembling all over, continuously whimpering and begging him.
Qiu Henian’s response was, “Qingyan, does it hurt, my love?”
He was completely out of control. When he finally came to his senses, Qingyan lay limp on the ground, unconscious.
Qiu Henian tried to lift him, but found his body cold, unable to exert strength in his hands and feet.
Qiu Henian almost felt his heart stop, his hands trembling violently. With red eyes, he tried again and finally managed to lift him. When he found the person in his arms still breathing, although chilled from the floor, his almost halted heartbeat gradually recovered.
He wrapped Qingyan in the blanket on the bed, arms tightly around him, trying to warm his body with his own temperature.
As Qiu Henian closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but recall the terrible marks on that body, as if bitten by a wild beast.
He had lost control again, worse than the first time.
He cared for Qingyan with overwhelming guilt, prepared for the moment when Qingyan woke up, possibly blaming or even hating him. Perhaps Qingyan would henceforth fear him and keep his distance.
When Qingyan woke up, however, he seemed to have no memory of the worst part.
But Qiu Henian noticed that he hadn’t truly forgotten. He seemed to be rejecting and fearing further intimacy.
Tonight, Qingyan was drunk, it was a perfect opportunity to test things out.
Now, Qiu Henian had his answer.
…
The next day, Qingyan woke up late. His last memory from last night was bidding farewell to Aunt Li and being taken to the inner room by Qiu Henian.
In the morning, he felt waves of nausea and kept muttering, “Drinking ruins everything.”
There was no one at home. In the outer room, there was porridge and small dishes kept warm over a low fire. Qingyan took them out to eat.
The warm porridge went down, warming his stomach, and he began to feel better.
After breakfast, Qingyan washed the dishes and, upon opening Blacksmith Wang’s door, faintly smelled a bitter fragrance. When he entered and sniffed carefully, the somewhat familiar scent seemed to disappear.
Qingyan shook his head, thinking he had probably drunk too much and it was affecting his sense of smell. Without thinking much more about it, he sat down at the table to practice writing.
Over the next few days, Qingyan noticed that something was off about the person beside him in bed.
At night, when Qingyan accidentally touched him while turning over, he found that Qiu Henian’s body temperature was unusually high, and he was sweating profusely. Unlike before, he didn’t maintain a consistent sleeping position but often turned over, frowning and sleeping restlessly.
During the day, Qingyan noticed that his complexion wasn’t good, and he had noticeable dark circles under his eyes. He asked if something was wrong, but Qiu Henian only said it was because of the heavy work in the shop recently, and he would be fine after being busy.
But what bothered Qingyan the most was the strong bitter fragrance emanating from Qiu Henian’s body, particularly noticeable at night when Qiu Henian’s sweat dampened his hair. Qingyan was certain—it was the smell of medicinal herbs.
However, this time he didn’t ask directly. He remembered Qiu Henian’s answer the first time he smelled it, and asking again might not yield any results.
Two days later, while Qiu Henian was in town fetching supplies, Qingyan went to the shop.
The day after returning from the shop, he hitched a ride on Liu Fa’s cart and went to the neighboring village.
When he returned, Qingyan didn’t want to delay any further. He heated up the meal left in the pot and sat at the dining table outside, waiting.
Qiu Henian was always sharp. After entering the house, he glanced at Qingyan, took off his outer robe, washed his hands, and without asking anything, sat down next to him.
Without looking at him, Qingyan got straight to the point.
“I took the medicinal residue you boiled in the shop to the doctor in the neighboring village.”
Qiu Henian’s hand on the table twitched slightly. Without waiting for his response, Qingyan continued, “He prescribed two prescriptions for you. You’ve been taking the first one for a while, but it hasn’t shown any effect, so you had him prescribe a second one.”
Qiu Henian’s lips moved, eventually making a sound of acknowledgment.
Closing his eyes, Qingyan forcefully suppressed the emotions surging inside him.
“He originally refused to change the prescription for you. Why did you insist on having him prescribe the second medicine at that time?”
Qiu Henian lowered his eyelids, staring at the empty table.
“Because I was impatient.”
“Why?”
Qingyan’s voice strained to maintain calm.
Qiu Henian remained silent this time, sinking into silence.
Qingyan’s hands clenched gradually on his knees.
“The first medicine is slow in effectiveness, mild in nature. The second one acts quickly but is strong. Overconsumption could damage fundamentally,” his voice trembled, “even affect lifespan.”
“Did the doctor make that clear to you at the time?”
Qingyan turned to look at the person beside him, his eyes already reddening.
Qiu Henian nodded slightly.
“Yes.”
Hearing his response, bitterness flooded Qingyan’s heart.
He remembered every word the doctor had said to him.
Qiu Henian had consulted the old doctor about his condition, but the man couldn’t find any illness. This old doctor had once run a clinic in the county town and returned to the village after growing too old to continue. His medical skills were locally renowned, but he couldn’t diagnose Qiu Henian’s condition.
However, the problem still needed resolution. After much consideration, the old doctor prescribed a symptomatic but not fundamental treatment. With careful adjustment over a year or more, it might improve after clearing the mind and reducing fire.
But Qiu Henian had still returned later, asking the old doctor for a faster-acting medicine. The doctor warned him that this second prescription was very potent and could seriously harm his health if overused. Despite the warning, Qiu Henian had insisted on following the prescription for several days, until Qingyan discovered it because of its strong effects.
Thinking of this, Qingyan nodded as well.
“I told you, what’s the rush all about? You were worried that I only cared about your body, afraid that my young age meant I only lusted after that, afraid that I couldn’t endure it for long and would run away one day, didn’t you?”
Qiu Henian clenched his fingers tightly and straightforwardly replied, “Yes.”
Unable to hold back any longer, tears streamed down Qingyan’s face.
“I told you I loved you. Don’t you believe me?”
Qiu Henian lowered his gaze, shaking his head.
“I’m not worthy.”
With a clatter, the stool toppled as Qingyan stood up, and Qiu Henian also rose to his feet. The two faced each other.
Choking with tears, Qingyan said, “You hurt me so much, and I didn’t blame you. I wanted to get closer to you because I love you. Even if we never do that again in our lives, I wouldn’t want you to harm yourself even a little bit for it.”
Qiu Henian lifted his lowered eyelids, looking at him intensely, his gaze burning and suppressed.
“But I want to.”
“What?”
Qingyan didn’t understand his meaning, his tearful eyes looking up at him.
Qiu Henian took a step closer to him, not touching him at all, only enveloping his whole body with his gaze, as if his gaze was substantial, touching his skin inch by inch.
His Adam’s apple slid as his voice deepened.
“I think about it every night.”
Qingyan stared at him blankly.
Slowly, his cheeks flushed.
Suddenly, he turned his head away, his voice almost choked in his throat.
“But it shouldn’t harm you. There must be other ways.”
Qiu Henian shook his head.
“You’ve forgotten what happened in the shop that day. I almost killed you.”
Qingyan turned back to look at him quickly, then turned away again, whispering, “I haven’t forgotten. I just pretend I have.”
A shocked expression appeared on his face. Qiu Henian stared at Qingyan for a long time, but Qingyan raised his sleeve to wipe his face, just saying, “I’m hungry. Let’s eat.”
For dinner, they braised a fish, cooked pork with potatoes, and made a soup with frozen tofu and seaweed.
They had been eating well these past few days. The weather was gradually warming up, and the snow outside couldn’t keep things frozen, so they had to eat quickly.
During the meal, neither of them said much. The only interaction was Qiu Henian putting the fish belly meat into Qingyan’s bowl, and Qingyan returning half of it to him.
After dinner and cleaning up, they read before bed as usual.
When Qingyan finished reading and before Qiu Henian could extinguish the lamp, he grabbed his arm and asked, “How much silver do you have left from the town trip for supplies?”
Qiu Henian thought for a moment and replied, “Less than six taels.”
Qingyan asked him, “I manage the finances in this household, right?”
Qiu Henian nodded without hesitation.
“Yes.”
Qingyan opened his palm toward him.
“Then give me the remaining silver.”
Following his instructions, Qiu Henian took out the silver from his robe and handed it over. Qingyan took it and went to the drawer under the bed, stuffing the silver inside.
In most households in the village, the wife managed the finances. If the husband misbehaved, there were ways to discipline him, even pulling his ears.
Qingyan used to think that doing so would hurt a man’s dignity, but now he felt that sometimes it made sense.
After the oil lamp was extinguished, the two lay in bed.
Qingyan concluded, “Men shouldn’t carry money in their pockets. If they have money, they’re bound to cause trouble!”
Qiu Henian: “…”
Qingyan turned over and nestled into the man’s arms beside him, whispering in his ear, “As for that matter, we’ll figure something out slowly. No more reckless medication. If you do, I’ll pull your ears in front of San Yao and see how you, Big Brother, behave in front of him in the future!”
Spoiler for the Next Chapter:
Not far from him, a pale little beauty dressed like a ball was busy with his feet, his face reddened by the cold.
