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ABV Chapter 75.1

Remember, I’m here

“Why can’t you cry?”

Mu Zhixing looked at Jiang Dao with a stern tone.

“I know you’ve memorized all your lines. I’ve also read your character analysis, and it’s also well written. You also analyzed this part well… Since you understand everything, why are you unable to cry?”

Jiang Dao fell silent and did not answer.

“I know you worked hard and prepared a lot for this movie.” Mu Zhixing continued, “But it’s not enough. Since you know that you can’t cry, why haven’t you completed intense crying practice over the last few months? Knowing that you can’t cry, why didn’t you ask me for help when we met before? You have such a good relationship with Xiao Chu, why didn’t you ask him to help you?”

Beside, Chu Yinlong was about to say something. Mu Zhixing gave him a wink.

Chu Yinlong saw the intentions behind Director Mu’s heavy words, and remained silent.

“I know you’re not an acting major, but since you know your shortcomings, why didn’t you work on them? That’s right, I picked you to play this role on purpose, but since you accepted the part and said you would do your best, you should do everything you can!”

“Acting isn’t simple. Crying scenes are the hardest, not because the scene itself is hard, but because in order to cry at any time, actors need to tear open the wounds in their heart time and time again, and draw from those unforgettable experiences.”

“You can’t cry because you dare not tear open your rounds!”

Jiang Dao continued to sit there, eyes lowered, not saying a word.

Director Mu paused for a while, and then increased his tone: “Have you ever cried when you grew up? Think about it, recall the time you were saddest and cried, what caused it? Thinking about it now, is it still painful? Very sad? Very desperate?”

The saddest time and cried?

Is it the faceless father who cut the rope and fell into the abyss in order to protect him and his mother?

Was it his mother lying beside him unconsciously, getting colder on that rainy night?

Was it when he was framed and punished when he was nine years old, and whipped all over with blood dripping down?

Or when he was ten years old, seeing his friend who was also a slave soldier dying, and he cried and begged the slave owner for medicine, but couldn’t get any?

Jiang Dao clenched his fingers lightly, but there was neither sorrow nor joy in his eyes.

Even thinking of those things, he couldn’t cry.

It was obviously impossible for Mu Zhixing to know what Jiang Dao had experienced.

“Haven’t you ever encountered something that made you feel sad, wronged, hopeless, and helpless?” He looked at Jiang Dao, who had no expression on his face. “No matter how painful it is, you must recall, open up your wounds, and dig out all the sadness, grievance, and helplessness in your heart!”

Jiang Dao understood.

So he closed his eyes and tried to find the emotions that drove him to cry.

But… it was to no avail.

Mu Zhixing can also see that Jiang Dao’s emotions are actually in place.

He can tell that Jiang Dao is trying hard to remember, and going through those complicated and sad memories, but he still couldn’t shed tears.

Director Mu reprimanded a few more words, but Chu Yinlong couldn’t take it anymore.

He stretched out his hand and grabbed Jiang Dao’s hand, and said to Director Mu: “Don’t force him. If it’s really impossible… use artificial tears.”

Director Mu disagreed. “I have never used fake tears in my movies!”

Head throbbing, Director Mu continued to say: “You’ve made so many movies, and are both a director and actor, don’t you know the difference between fake tears and real tears? Whether people cry or not, it’s not only the tears, but the micro-expressions and facial muscles are completely different!”

Chu Yinlong argued back: “But his emotions are in place, and micro-expressions can be controlled. If you really don’t want to use artificial tears, we can use onions.”

Director Mu: “Protecting him like this! He has more than one crying scene in this movie. This scene is quite calm, so it’s not impossible to find other ways, but what about the next few scenes? What will we do when we need those emotions to overflow?”

Chu Yinlong didn’t know what to do.

He turned his head to look at Jiang Dao, but Jiang Dao’s head and eyelashes were still lowered silently.

Mu Zhixing calmed down, raised his hand, and looked at his watch.

“There’s still half a day left. We must finish this scene today.” After speaking, he looked at Chu Yinlong and gave an order, “I have a task for you. By the end of the day, no matter what method you use, you must make him cry!”

Chu Yinlong: …

After speaking, Director Mu waved his hand and shouted to the staff: “Leave everything behind, everyone leave. Give them some space to find their feelings and walk around.”

Seeing everyone walk out, leaving only him and Jiang Dao who was sitting on the bed half-naked, Chu Yinlong pinched his brows with a headache.

Let him make Jiang Dao cry?

How can he!

He doesn’t know what Director Mu was thinking.

After a moment of silence, Chu Yinlong took Jiang Dao’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“I know, I can see that you’ve experienced a lot of sad things, maybe even more than all of us.” Chu Yinlong looked into Jiang Dao’s eyes. “Although it’s cruel to ask you to open your wounds, but… want to tell me?”

“No.” Jiang Dao didn’t hesitate at all.

“Why?” Chu Yinlong asked softly.

“I can’t say.” Jiang Dao lowered his eyes.

“Can’t say, even to me?” The hand holding Jiang Dao’s tightened slightly. “Why?”

Jiang Dao sighed helplessly as he looked at their joined hands.

“My past is not important, nor is it beautiful at all.” He didn’t dare to look into Chu Yinlong’s eyes, and looked sideways. “I don’t want to tell you, and I won’t tell anyone.”

Chu Yinlong lifted his other hand and Jiang Dao’s cheek, frowning and staring at those dark eyes.

“But I want to know.” His voice lowered a fraction. “I want to see all of you, and I will accept all of you. Look, I know what you did to Qin Xiao, and know the dangerous things you’ve done. But I still like you very much.”

No, you don’t know that I once cheated, kidnapped, deceived, murdered, set fire – everything evil.

You also don’t know, many times, if I didn’t give up my identity as a human being, if I don’t treat myself like a beast, I wouldn’t be able to survive.

If you saw the me who would do anything to survive, would you really… like me?

Jiang Dao looked at Chu Yinlong’s eyes, his heart cold as ice.

“No need.” He turned his face ruthlessly and shook off Chu Yinlong’s hand. “I’ll try harder to see if I can cry. No need to say anything else.”

Chu Yinlong curled his fingers in the air, and slowly retracted them.

He took a breath, resisted the dull pain in his chest, and tried to bring the topic back to business: “Okay, let’s not talk about anything else. I can actually feel that it’s not that you don’t want to recall sad things… you look sad, but… it feels like you’re still holding back and can’t let go.”

Jiang Dao knows that if even those heart-wrenching memories are vivid in his mind, he can’t cry. One is that those things have long since passed, and the other is that he has long been accustomed to suppressing his emotions.

Especially negative emotions, because they will expose his weaknesses, which is dangerous.

“Jiang Dao, you are an actor now,” Chu Yinlong said seriously. “You can no longer suppress your emotions, you must release them. You did a good job before. Joy, anger, sorrow, love, and hatred, apart from crying, you can play other emotions well… Why can’t you cry?”

“Because crying is useless.”

Jiang Dao’s tone was too calm.

There was a faint smile on the corner of his mouth, as if mocking himself. “I also know that it’s good to be able to cry and vent your emotions. But crying won’t solve any problems. Instead, it will make one appear weak, revealing one’s greatest weaknesses, and letting them know how to strike at my weakest spot…”

Chu Yinlong was stunned.

What has this child been through?

It’s not that he can’t cry, he just doesn’t dare to cry.

If it weren’t for acting, Jiang Dao would hardly reveal the slightest negative emotions on weekdays. He seems free and optimistic, as if he didn’t care about any misunderstandings and accusations.

… However, no one realized that it’s not that Jiang Dao does not feel sad, but that he hid all his negative emotions behind a thick shell, and even deceived everyone, including himself.

He may not be afraid of pain, nor care about it, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel pain.

Chu Yinlong reached out and took Jiang Dao into his arms, hugging him hard.

His eyes were red, and his throat was so tight that he could hardly make a sound: “…Don’t say more.”

Jiang Dao raised his hand, placed it on Chu Yinlong’s shoulder, and pushed him away slightly.

“I thought of a way.” He looked at Chu Yinlong. “I may be able to cry if someone targets my weakness. That, now… I can try to… let go of my emotions. Maybe, I can cry.”

Chu Yinlong’s heart trembled violently. “…your weakness?”

Jiang Dao hummed: “En, scold me.”

“Scold you?” Chu Yinlong had a bad premonition.

“Yes.” Jiang Dao nodded. “Scold me, it doesn’t need to be reasonable. Just use the most vicious, hurtful words you can think of to scold me, harm me, insult me… You can learn from those people on the internet who say whatever they want, and I’ll try and see if I can… show a little emotion.”

Chu Yinlong looked into Jiang Dao’s eyes, and his heart trembled more.

He suddenly remembered that he had actually seen Jiang Dao’s emotions on the verge of losing control before.

That first time he almost had an accident on the set, Jiang Dao hugged his waist and shuddered.

The second time, when he came out of Qin Xiao’s villa, Jiang Dao said with red eyes that he didn’t want to lose him.

Chu Yinlong suddenly understood.

—he is Jiang Dao’s weakness.

Here, only he can make Jiang Dao cry.

“But I…” Chu Yinlong hesitated.

“You are an actor, so am I.” Jiang Dao grabbed Chu Yinlong’s finger and shook it gently. “We’re filming. I need to cry, so be more dedicated and scold me.”

Chu Yinlong was silent for a long time, and finally took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

He reached out and hugged Jiang Dao, put a light kiss on the corner of the boy’s lips, and then got up. “Give me some time, I’ll prepare.”

Jiang Dao nodded.

 


Filming for this movie gonna last for quite a while.

Don’t forget to rate and leave a review on novelupdates. Want to support ABV? Buy me a ko-fi for faster releases (add’l release status is tracked on my ko-fi page).

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