AUG Chapter 2.4

“Read just two pages and you’ll be out like a light.”

I turned my gaze to where the voice was coming from. My eyes that had been looking off into the distance now focused on the man standing right in front of me. This time, I wasn’t staring at the study but at the man standing before me. The refined man in a black shirt blended seamlessly with the room.

This man was the owner of this study.

“I asked you to take this book, not to stare at my face.”

My eyes dropped down. Embarrassed at having stared at him blankly, the tips of my ears grew hot. His straightforward manner and speech carried an innate arrogance that needed no justification from others. He wasn’t the first sibling I had gotten, yet I found myself constantly aware of him, trying to read his cues. Was I so insignificant that I became weak in the presence of someone with high social standing? At the end of my diverted gaze, I finally saw the object he had handed me.

It was a science theory book with an unfamiliar title.

I instantly understood why he had asked if I was in humanities or sciences. Indeed, this was a book that could easily put me to sleep after just one page, let alone two.

“If you’re hungry, don’t hesitate to take something from the fridge. I hate people who walk on eggshells. If you can’t sleep, come here and read a book. There’s every book imaginable here.”

Was he really saying that to me? I was doubtful even as I listened.

“If you get sleepy, just sleep there. Don’t bother going back to your room and lose your sleepiness.”

Receiving the book he handed me, I looked up again. Seeing his mouth move, I confirmed that this was indeed reality, not something I had misheard.

“You can come here anytime, but don’t take any books out of this study. If you use my things, you need to stay within my range of activity. I’m usually working inside there, so I won’t mind if you’re here.”

With those words, he turned his back on me.

He gradually moved away.

As he entered deeper into the study, where I could no longer see him, I stood there, unable to move, watching him go.

He wasn’t the first sibling I had gotten. But who was he that I found myself repeatedly staring at him, entranced?

Holding the book he gave me in one hand and the now-cold cup of milk in the other.

I stood there for a long while.

* * *

That dawn, I made a resolution.

Even though he had given permission, I decided that once I left this study, I wouldn’t return.

Thinking that today would be the last, I planned to read until sunrise, leaning on the spacious and cozy sofa that was more fittingly described as a bed. No, that was indeed the plan I had, however, when I came to my senses, I found myself wrapped in a blanket on the sofa, deeply asleep. Nevermind two pages, I had fallen asleep before I even finished one page, just like he said. I never dreamed that sleep that couldn’t come because I hadn’t been able to get used to the bed that was too fluffy in my room, would come so peacefully in the study of a difficult and distant man.

My resolve crumbled quickly because of this. The sweet sleep was like a drug. No matter how hard I tried to sleep on my own, I failed repeatedly, spending a week in vain until it’s early Friday morning.

I opened the door to the study once again.

Even though I felt like I shouldn’t be there, I read books in the study and slept curled up on the sofa. It was difficult to go there for the first time, but once I got there, visiting for the second and third time became easier.

Surprisingly, his study had now become more comfortable than my own room. Even though it didn’t have the warm feeling like a sunlit atmosphere or a winter fireplace, the cool and clear ambiance made it feel like I could breathe.

Saying I could breathe here implied that I normally felt suffocated. Things might have improved in many ways, but it didn’t mean I could be carefree about everything. There were still things that made life hard, and because of that, I couldn’t let my guard down completely.

First of all, adapting to school life was no easy task. It started with the uniform I wore. Until now, I had always worn second-hand uniforms provided for free by the school. I had never worn a uniform that fit me properly, and no matter how clean I kept the very old, worn-out clothes, they never lost their shabby appearance. Now, I was wearing a custom-tailored uniform. The fit and length were just right for my body, the fabric felt incredibly soft against my skin, and I had several sets of it in the wardrobe, always clean and looking new. But it wasn’t just comfortable and pleasant; the meticulously cared-for uniform honestly felt like a heavy burden on my shoulders.

School life was equally challenging. Having moved schools frequently, I was not good at making friends, but in truth, even if I had the courage to approach others first, it wouldn’t have made much difference. Young children were instinctively more sensitive to the moods of people. They wanted to be friends with a bright, cheerful child and were reluctant to play with a child with a dark, sunken mood. Moreover, if we stayed in one place long enough, the other children would inevitably learn about my home situation and start spreading nasty rumors. This happened so often that I eventually found it easier to move frequently.

But adjusting to this prestigious private high school was difficult for reasons beyond that. Unlike ordinary kids, the students here were even better than normal children. They had an uncanny ability to sniff out those who hadn’t been born into wealth and power like themselves. Although they didn’t bully or harass me outright, their constant whispering and condescending attitudes forced me to endure by closing my ears and turning away. I was exhausted to the point of collapsing by the time I got home from school. Whenever my unfamiliar name, Ji Yewoon, was called by them, and I sensed what they were whispering beyond my surname, it felt like I was paying the price for my slightly improved circumstances.

Returning home didn’t give me a sense of freedom either. If anything, being at the noisy school where kids whispered behind my back was better. The overwhelming pressure of living in a large, grand mansion never allowed me to truly relax. I was so unaccustomed to this affluent and leisurely lifestyle that it was like a disease, to the point where I developed insomnia, feeling anxious and uncomfortable every single second. Despite the meager, miserable conditions I had lived in before, I had never caught a cold even when sleeping on a cold floor. Now, with a full stomach and warm surroundings, my body seemed more fragile and sensitive.

In the end, like a child who can’t forget the taste of a sweet candy once they’ve had it, I found myself returning to the study after a week’s absence, as if it were the most natural thing.

Unable to endure any longer, I left my room at 1 AM today. I tiptoed downstairs, made myself a cup of tea with warm water in the kitchen, and walked down the corridor to his space. From a distance, I could see a faint light seeping out from under the door. The darker the surroundings, the brighter the stars in the sky seemed; similarly, the dark corridor made the light under the door seem shining like a star. His study was always lit, whether it was late at night or early in the morning.

“Hello.”

My tension had melted away so far because I hadn’t seen him again since he first brought me here. I was startled to see him in his space and froze in place.

While I had sensed his presence in the inner room before, he had never come out to the outer area of the study where I slept. That was why I hadn’t worried about running into him while visiting the study. My heart tightened at the unexpected encounter when I had let my guard down. Realizing belatedly he had greeted me, I slightly bowed my head in response.

And that was it.

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