This time, we arrived at the top floor of a sleek building. The space was elegantly and luxuriously decorated. We entered a spacious area with a large table by the window. I was still wondering why we were here when the appetizer was placed before me, and I realized it was a restaurant. The lack of any food aromas made it hard to guess we were there to eat. I hesitated before slowly picking up the fork.
Was this how he would usually dine out? Even at home, I had tried many dishes I had never seen before, but this was a different world altogether. The food was entirely unfamiliar and extraordinary. I couldn’t even guess what some dishes were made of as I chewed. Occasionally, I had to glance at him to see how he ate certain dishes before I dared to touch them. After finishing the main course, the table was filled with various desserts. As I awkwardly eyed the desserts, wondering where to start, I heard the doors close heavily. Only then did I realize all the staff had left, leaving just the two of us in silence.
Oddly, I felt more at ease. He was a naturally quiet person. When there were onlookers, he wouldn’t say much. When we ate at home, the maids would just set the table and leave. With the restaurant staff by our side, I had to be cautious even when breathing because the usually silent person didn’t say any word. With just the two of us left, my nerves, on edge in the unfamiliar place, began to calm down.
When did I start having frequent conversations with him? I thought to myself how fickle my heart was as I tasted the cake in front of me. The taste was exquisite, melting on my tongue. I felt like I could be happy with just this sweet dessert. Just this one thing. No, something as wonderful as this.
A sudden thought made me slowly close and open my eyes. Even after opening my eyes again, the scene before me remained unchanged. This moment was a reality. I stared at the cake at the edge of my vision and quietly put down my fork.
It felt like my birthday, not my mom’s memorial day. Wasn’t I spending an excessively happy day instead of mourning? That thought suddenly choked me up. Why was he being so kind to me?
I raised my lowered head. He hadn’t touched his dessert and was watching me with his arms crossed. Meeting his gaze directly, I slowly spoke.
“Why all of a sudden?”
I couldn’t help but ask. Although I left out the subject that I was referring to, he answered with a nonchalant expression.
“Is there a need for a reason?”
“…”
“I just felt like spending money on you.”
Just because.
Could the word ‘just’ sound this different?
To me, ‘just’ had always been the reason my mom tormented me. Just because she didn’t like the sight of me, just because she felt like hitting me, just because she hated me. But he said he just wanted to be kind to me without any particular reason. That single word sounded sweeter than any confession.
It was as if he was watering my life that my mom had trampled on. On my mom’s memorial day, it felt like he was breathing new life into me, giving me vitality as if telling me to use my mom’s death as nourishment. He embraced all my past time, without knowing he was doing so, with his casual actions.
I slowly lowered my head again. I moved my hand, which had paused, and cut the cake into small pieces. As I chewed and swallowed the sweet, melting cake, I also swallowed the lump rising in my throat.
My mom would have fallen into hell. Not because she wronged me, but because she hurt and tormented so many people. And I too would fall into hell. I had prepared myself for that ever since I decided to live a life enjoying my mom’s absence. When the long years end and we meet again in hell, my past 17 years of terrible life with her would start anew. If that’s going to happen anyway, shouldn’t I be a bit more selfish and shameless now here without her, happy enough so that I could endure that hell?
I thought I was disgusted by the emotion of greed, having seen my mom’s avarice. But apparently, that wasn’t the case. It was just that I had never genuinely desired something in front of me. I had never imagined I would be seized by the desire to follow in my mom’s footsteps, a greed I had so despised.
‘When I opened my eyes, the morning came with the world looking different.’
A forgotten memory surfaced. I remembered the scenery of that morning that made me chew over that passage from the book. The happiness, the expectation, and the desire I felt then now became clear and took shape.
That happiness was possible because of him. It was a happiness I could feel because he was there in that space. A happiness that would continue as long as he was by my side.
Why should I miss out on happiness? Couldn’t I be greedy for that happiness?
The moment that thought occurred, I couldn’t hold back my overflowing feelings anymore.
“Director.”
I called him calmly in a voice no different from usual. I raised my eyes and met his eyes again. Remembering his words to look at his eyes when speaking, I began to slowly say words I should have said much earlier.
“If you ever want us to go separate ways, please tell me at any time.”
There would be an end to this someday. That was only natural. Today, within just a few hours, I confirmed the extent of his wealth and power. He wouldn’t dedicate his whole life, feelings, or resources to just me, someone tied to him on paper as a sibling. Inevitably, there might be a time when he would have to be with someone else… or a time when he would get tired of me. Just because he liked me now didn’t mean his feelings would never change. I learned many times from my mom that feelings were not eternal. I was now wise enough not to act foolishly.
“Even if you don’t give me a wad of money or anything, I’ll stay away and leave quietly. I know my own place.”
If the day would come when he wanted to end this, I would let go without hesitation. But for now, that day hadn’t come yet, so it should be okay for me to enjoy this fleeting happiness.
“…Assuming prematurely is a bad habit.”
Contrary to my expectation that he would be angry at my presumptuous words, he sighed back with a contorted face.
“You’re making a person become trash, this is infuriating.”
Seeing his genuinely distressed face made me realize that his feelings toward me, every little word and action of his, were sincere. So, I felt like it would be okay to say this.
“…I.”
He had never confessed to me again, and I had never given him any answer.
But I asked myself countless times.
What was he to me? A wealthy guardian who completely changed my life. But was that all?
“No, I don’t want to be just… a little brother either.”
No, it couldn’t be just that. There was no way my heart could ache and pound so much if it was just that. There was no reason to calm my heart, which was beating violently, afraid that he would hear it. I just didn’t have the courage to acknowledge my vague feelings. Even before he confessed his feelings to me, my feelings had also perceived the same way.
“I had pondered since when I felt this. It was at the time I was relieved that you weren’t my mother’s new husband.”
From the very first time we met.
You, the one who kept opening new chapters of life for me.
“It was probably from the time I hid my swollen and botched ace because I didn’t want you to see it.”
…How could I not like you?
“…”
He silently looked at me. His face gave no clue about the thoughts in his mind, making my heart race. I was both afraid and expectant of his response. I still couldn’t believe the fact that my scars had healed enough to harbor these feelings.
At that moment, the sunlight shone on his sculpted, handsome face. The sunlight, pouring in through the large window beside him, was glistening like in his blue study. Slowly, his lips moved.
“Yewoon.”
He didn’t call me by Ji Yewoon or Song Yewoon. It was just Yewoon.
“It’s you who should tell me whenever you feel like ending it.”
“…”
“You’ll just die, and then I’ll die too.”
The way he confessed that he wasn’t letting me go until death with such rough, violent words was so characteristic of him, yet they felt oddly comforting, almost like a vow.
“I wouldn’t have started this if I thought there would be an end to this.”
He added after a pause, sounding almost cautious, which made my heart flutter.
“I won’t get you hurt.”
I always thought I must have been an uninvited guest who came into this world by mistake.
But you were the first person to give me a safe, cozy place to belong.
“Yes.”
I quietly nodded. He looked at me with his tightly shut lips. For a very long time, he maintained a quiet silence, staring intently at my face. Finally, he slowly parted his lips, and the words that came out of his mouth were so unbelievably gentle.
“Home.”
“…”
“Let’s go home together.”
Let’s go home together.
No words have ever meant more to me than those words.
I was no longer an uninvited guest. At least, not in a place where you were staying.
And that alone was enough.
An Uninvited Guest completed
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