AUG Chapter 7.2

Standing so close that our breaths mingled, he stepped into the space that my umbrella had previously covered. His umbrella had taken the place where mine should have been. The scene felt unreal, the sight of a man who had most likely never held an umbrella himself, shielding me from my share of the rain. All my senses were unfurled to him.

Swish—

The sound of raindrops hitting the umbrella above my head brought me back to my senses. As the warmth of his embrace dissipated, my obstructed senses began to return. Like an old light bulb flickering back to life, my senses gradually reawakened. I had just been bound solely to him, and now my awareness expanded back to the world. Only then did my ears hear the sound of the rain, and even closer than the rain, the sound of his breathing. The sound of my heart pounding in my chest echoed in my ears. I could feel the chill on my exposed neck and hands. My sense of smell came back, and I realized I was still standing in the middle of the garden. The scent was reminiscent of his serene study, the damp and fresh aroma of a dew-soaked forest, the deep smell of grass, and the dignified scent of ancient trees. The fragrance of the rain-soaked garden, similar to his embrace, made me feel enchanted.

Perhaps it was the overwhelming ambiance of the garden that reminded me of the blue study back then. Even knowing that I was awake, I could never have imagined that the man who once secretly explored my lips would someday forget that we were in the middle of a garden and indulge in an even deeper kiss. Perhaps that’s why I kept my eyes fixed solely on him, undistracted by anything else. I remained silent, my gaze fixed on his face, and slowly his lips parted.

“Anything else?”

His words came out of nowhere, breaking through the seemingly endless silence.

“Is there anything else that has changed?”

His following words made my mouth open involuntarily.

“…”

“…”

A silence of a completely different temperature from earlier settled between us. His words echoed in my ears, words I couldn’t believe he had spoken. From his words a moment ago, I now understood what had caused him to lean closer and kiss me so suddenly.

I was relieved that I hadn’t been mistaken. But I couldn’t figure out what was so significant about noticing such a minor change that it made him act so uncharacteristically? My gaze moved in bewilderment, slowly examining him from head to toe for anything else that might be different.

Eventually, I gave up looking and shook my head. Apart from his hair being slightly shorter and marginally lighter in color, I couldn’t find any other differences. It was a miracle I had noticed that in the first place. Normally, I would have been too insensitive to notice changes around me. I didn’t want to ruin his good mood, but I couldn’t drag this out forever.

“You have a lot of ways to toy with someone’s emotions.”

But his response didn’t seem like that of a person who was disappointed. It sounded more like he was enjoying this than feeling resentment. My eyes blinked slowly. Was the slight lift in the corner of his lips just my imagination? Perhaps, after all, there was no other change except what I had noticed. His serene demeanor only reinforced my suspicion.

“If you have a difficult request, say it now.”

“……”

“I feel like I would grant you everything.”

He genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself.

Knowing my own position, I had no such thing as a difficult request that I would hesitate to voice. On the contrary, I was overwhelmed with abundance piling in front of me, to the point where I couldn’t think of any lack in my life. I didn’t do anything with a desire for compensation. All I wished for was that these days would continue without end. To be able to welcome him back after waiting for him, to be able to stay where he would return and welcome him. That was enough.

Or so I thought. But…

“What is it?”

To my surprise, as if I’d been waiting for those words, something flashed through my mind. It must have been apparent, as he whispered to inquire more, guessing from my face that I had something I wanted to say even before I could open my mouth. His voice sounded more gentle and kind than usual, and it gave me the courage to voice a request I had never dared to ask.

“Then, there’s something I’d like to ask…”

I boldly began.

Little did I know how that request would come back to me.

***

The most important aspect of communication might be narrowing down each other’s understanding to arrive at the same conclusion. No matter how attentively you would listen or how carefully you would choose your words, you wouldn’t be able to expect a proper conversation if your understanding differed.

I stared blankly at the consequences of my unguarded words and actions in the heat of that moment. I couldn’t immediately recall what had led to the scene before me because I had been complacent over the time that had passed. I shouldn’t have hoped for good fortune and should have behaved more prudently. Regret washed over me, but there was no way of turning back. I held the thing above my hand, unable to properly grasp it or put it down, unsure of what to do, like holding a rose with thorns. Finally, I spoke.

“No, this isn’t what I meant…”

“You said you wanted to go alone.”

His reply was so firm, sounding like he couldn’t understand why I was so flabbergasted.

‘I want to go to the university by myself.’

It was true that I said so. But I didn’t expect him to take it this way. He told me he would grant my request, but I expected it to be dismissed outright, yet it did feel strangely easy to convince him. Now I understood why he reluctantly agreed on that spot, even if he didn’t seem pleased at the time. Our communication had gone awry because our understanding was different.

‘I think taking a car driven by a chauffeur to the university would attract too much attention.’

I told him that. It was because I wanted to commute by bus or subway like any ordinary university student. I was more accustomed to and comfortable with that than being driven by a chauffeur. Having lived my entire life that way, going alone wasn’t something hard to do.

I didn’t have any fantasies about my university life. I had no expectations of making new friends. I just wanted to study well without standing out and graduate eventually. I had no plans of participating in extracurricular activities or joining clubs. nd, nor did I have the passion to join clubs or anything like that. I just wanted to go to college to distance myself from my mom’s life and be more like everyone else, so I didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention. Thus, the idea of being a university student commuting in a luxury sedan driven by a chauffeur was dizzying.

Even though I knew he wouldn’t allow me to walk alone down the main road right in front of our house, I took advantage of his eager mood as an opportunity to ask for a difficult request. I would take his refusal, but I had been just hopeful. I had thought that my request worked out better than I expected. I was too complacent, knowing full well that he wasn’t the kind of person to give in that easily.

How did my request to go to school alone turn into this…

“Ah, you don’t like the car?”

How did he interpret my words as me driving my own car to school?

No, even if he interpreted that way, how could he so easily buy a new car and hand me the key?

When he handed me the car key, I didn’t understand what was happening at all. When he returned from work and looked at my face, scarily asking if I wanted to see something, I only nodded without understanding what he meant by that. Following him out, I saw a sleek, dust-free SUV occupying a spot in the garage. Even then, I couldn’t connect the car keys in my hand to the black car before me. When I realized that this car was a gift to fulfill my recent request to go to the university alone, I was so shocked that I momentarily forgot to breathe.

I might sound pathetic, but it couldn’t be helped. Having lived my whole life never possessing anything, I wasn’t used to accepting such expensive gifts nonchalantly.

“This isn’t what I meant, I don’t need a car.”

This made me feel like a hypocrite, but I hadn’t asked for a car. Especially not one with such a flashy exterior, which would attract attention even if a professor drove it, let alone a freshman. Unfortunately, he didn’t understand that the critical part of my request was not ‘chauffeur-driven’, but ’avoiding attention’.

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