Translator: Lynn
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Sponsored chapter (1/3)
It was unclear who accidentally activated the switch, causing the nozzle to suddenly release a spray of water.
Cheng Ke leaned against the wall, with Jiang Yuduo leaning on him, his forehead resting on the wall.
While their movements had come to a halt, their heavy breathing still lingered in the air. The cold water from the nozzle couldn’t immediately temper the heated atmosphere.
Once the water temperature began to rise, Cheng Ke raised his hand and adjusted the nozzle’s position. It swiveled and continued spraying toward the toilet.
Jiang Yuduo’s breathing gradually steadied, and he suggested, “I’ll assist you…”
“What…” Cheng Ke had become accustomed to this pattern of conversation by now. Even after their recent activities, his initial reaction was still tinged with shyness.
Luckily, when Jiang Yuduo uttered these words, he extended his hand toward the nozzle. Cheng Ke promptly grabbed Jiang Yuduo’s hand and replied, “No need, I’ll manage on my own. One hand is sufficient. You can… help me remove this sleeve.”
“Sure.” Jiang Yuduo complied, helping him tear off the woolen sweater’s sleeve. He then planted a kiss at the corner of Cheng Ke’s eye before departing the bathroom, drenched in water.
Cheng Ke redirected the nozzle to face himself, affixed it to the wall, and lowered his head with his eyes closed.
Upon exiting the bathroom, Cheng Ke found Jiang Yuduo sitting on a chair wearing only his underwear. When he spotted Cheng Ke, he leaped from the chair, hastily covering himself with embarrassment.
In previous encounters, Jiang Yuduo didn’t hesitate to open the door while undressed. Now, after having completed his own personal time and putting on underwear to cover up, he felt the need to be more modest. Perhaps, being shameless has an age limit.
Cheng Ke averted his gaze, went to fetch a glass of water, and only turned around when he heard Jiang Yuduo entering the bathroom. He settled onto the sofa.
Jiang Yuduo switched on the TV, and it happened to be broadcasting cartoons. Meow was perched on the coffee table, deeply engrossed in the animated world. Cheng Ke didn’t bother changing the channel and joined in watching.
At present, everything appeared to be in a state of equilibrium, his mind free from turmoil, almost devoid of thoughts.
Jiang Yuduo spent longer than usual in the bathroom, which stirred some concern in Cheng Ke. Midway through, he called out to him, and Jiang Yuduo responded, though it took an additional ten minutes before he emerged from the bathroom, his head still dripping with water.
“Are you asleep?” Cheng Ke inquired.
“No,” Jiang Yuduo grabbed a towel and nonchalantly dried his hair, “I’m just… sorry.”
“Oh,” Cheng Ke hesitated, “It’s alright. We can just act like it never happened.”
“Why?” Jiang Yuduo questioned. “Perhaps… even if you pretend to forget, it will always remain.”
Cheng Ke remained silent, sensing that Jiang Yuduo was addressing a matter beyond their recent encounter.
“Nothing ever vanishes without leaving a trace,” Jiang Yuduo sat beside him, his head still bowed as he dried his hair, “Even if you choose to ignore them, those marks persist where you cannot see them.”
Cheng Ke extended his hand as if he wanted to grasp the back of Jiang Yuduo’s neck, but as his fingers brushed against his skin, Jiang Yuduo abruptly turned and seized his hand.
“It’s me!” Cheng Ke exclaimed swiftly.
Jiang Yuduo paused for a moment, then let go, bowing his head and resuming the task of drying his hair.
Cheng Ke hesitated briefly but proceeded to gently squeeze the back of Jiang Yuduo’s neck.
Despite their recent intimate experience, the nervous tension stemming from the video had not entirely dissipated in Jiang Yuduo. Some things couldn’t be simply released.
As Jiang Yuduo had mentioned, once something occurred, it left behind traces. Whether visible or not, these imprints endured.
“Shall we head to the supermarket?” Jiang Yuduo suggested. “We can grab something to eat.”
“Is it necessary?” Cheng Ke inquired.
“We don’t have much left, and I… I want to go out,” Jiang Yuduo replied, rubbing his nose. “And maybe grab a bite while we’re at it.”
“Alright,” Cheng Ke agreed.
Just as he was about to rise, Jiang Yuduo turned around and embraced him once more, nestling his face into the crook of Cheng Ke’s shoulder and nuzzling against him fervently.
“Are you being affectionate?” Cheng Ke teased.
“No,” Jiang Yuduo mumbled. “I’m sorry.”
Cheng Ke chuckled and patted his back. “How long will it take you to recover from this embarrassment?”
“I don’t know,” Jiang Yuduo whispered. He continued to rub vigorously against Cheng Ke before gently pushing him onto the sofa and leaning against him. “Are you… upset about this?”
“No,” Cheng Ke replied. “I think my left-handed skills are pretty good. I didn’t pay much attention to it before.”
“Shut up,” Jiang Yuduo playfully nudged him.
“If you say you’re feeling unwell, I might get embarrassed,” Cheng Ke said. “After all, I’ve matured quite a bit…”
“Cheng Ke!” Jiang Yuduo lifted his head and fixed his gaze on him. “Can you not act like a dirty old man?”
“Watch your words,” Cheng Ke quipped. “You can be called an old man, but you can’t call me a dirty old hooligan.”
“Damn,” Jiang Yuduo chuckled. His warm breath caressed Cheng Ke’s neck. After a moment’s pause, he cleared his throat and continued, “So, about…”
“It was pleasant,” Cheng Ke interrupted. “I was a bit concerned at first. I didn’t know if your technique in this area matched your back-rubbing skills.”
“…I’ve noticed that you’re quick to respond when it comes to such topics,” Jiang Yuduo remarked.
“Nonsense, I just finished,” Cheng Ke retorted.
“Enough,” Jiang Yuduo sprung up from the sofa. “Get up, change clothes, and let’s go to the supermarket.”
Cheng Ke was puzzled by Jiang Yuduo’s sudden desire to go grocery shopping. He hadn’t even cleaned up the bread crumbs from their previous meal. Normally, he wasn’t one to enjoy shopping.
Before heading out, Cheng Ke checked the refrigerator and noticed it was stocked with a decent amount of food, filling up nearly half of it. However, he refrained from asking more questions. Keeping the two of them cooped up in the room any longer might overwhelm Jiang Yuduo’s sense of embarrassment from their earlier, rather indecent, activity. A trip to the supermarket seemed like a good way to divert his attention from what had transpired, transferring the focus away from that first awkward and cheeky encounter.
“Is this type of cookie good?” Jiang Yuduo inquired as he pushed the cart and picked up a box of cookies.
“It’s alright,” Cheng Ke nodded. “Grab two boxes. Sometimes, you can snack on them when you’re hungry before mealtime.”
Jiang Yuduo placed four boxes in the cart and moved a couple of steps ahead. “What about these small cakes?”
“I haven’t tried those,” Cheng Ke inspected them. “I did have the egg rolls, and they’re pretty good.”
Jiang Yuduo set aside the small cakes and added several boxes of egg rolls.
“Why are you getting so much?” Cheng Ke couldn’t help but ask.
“You’ll eat them,” Jiang Yuduo replied. “I’ll grab some instant noodles and instant rice later. Didn’t you used to buy them in bulk? They come in handy when you don’t feel like ordering takeout and can’t be bothered to go out.”
“True,” Cheng Ke agreed. “They’re perfect for those lazy days.”
Jiang Yuduo glanced at him. “And if I don’t want to cook. My hand still hurts.”
“Ah,” Cheng Ke smiled. “Alright, let’s stock up then. We can also get some ham sausages; they go well with instant noodles.”
“Okay,” Jiang Yuduo nodded.
Perhaps Jiang Yuduo was in a slightly different mood today. His shopping style differed from usual. Whatever he picked up, he grabbed multiples of, as if he were preparing for a long siege.
When Cheng Ke contemplated buying a face towel, he hesitated. After scrutinizing the options for a while, he refrained from reaching out, fearing that if he did, Jiang Yuduo would grab twenty of them for him.
“Having trouble picking a towel?” Jiang Yuduo, who had apparently crept up behind him, placed his hand on Cheng Ke’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.
Cheng Ke tilted his head in surprise and then cast a brief glance at Jiang Yuduo’s hand resting on his waist. It was quite firm, as if he had no intention of retracting it even in the presence of others.
“What’s got into you?” Jiang Yuduo inquired.
“Suddenly feeling generous, aren’t we? No more concern for public decorum?” Cheng Ke asked with a soft chuckle, reaching for a towel, and trying to select a thick and soft one.
“I just want to try it out,” Jiang Yuduo grinned. “See what it’s like.”
“What’s it like?” Cheng Ke inquired.
“Be comfortable,” Jiang Yuduo responded. “Hello, everyone, this is my boyfriend.”
Cheng Ke burst into laughter and playfully flicked the tip of Jiang Yuduo’s nose with his finger.
“I want this one,” Jiang Yuduo said, pointing at a towel on the shelf. “I’ll switch to this one too, so we can use the same one.”
“Sure,” Cheng Ke agreed, taking the chosen towel and placing it in the cart.
“You should get the same toothbrush too,” Jiang Yuduo suggested. “But I’m not accustomed to electric ones, so we can share.”
“Alright,” Cheng Ke said.
Today, Jiang Yuduo displayed an unusual enthusiasm for shopping, wandering around the supermarket with their cart filled to the brim.
“We’re almost done,” Cheng Ke remarked, looking around. “I feel like we’ve passed through the underwear section three times already. This massive haul might expire before we finish eating it all.”
“If we can’t finish it, we’ll just toss it,” Jiang Yuduo replied, also scanning the area.
“Hey, Cheng Ke.”
“Hmm?” Cheng Ke replied.
“Do you remember when we first met at the supermarket?” Jiang Yuduo inquired.
“I do,” Cheng Ke nodded. “You bumped into me, and you were quite cocky.”
“You didn’t say a word either,” Jiang Yuduo clicked his tongue. “Who’s the cocky one?”
“If it had been anyone else, I might not have said anything either,” Cheng Ke laughed.
“Did you dislike me that much back then?” Jiang Yuduo asked.
“No,” Cheng Ke pondered for a moment. “At that time, I was just annoyed by pretty much everyone.”
“Did you write something for me… do you remember?” Jiang Yuduo asked once more.
“What?” Cheng Ke was taken aback and suddenly recalled that he had written “Risperidone” on Jiang Yuduo’s cigarette case paper. “I just jotted it down casually, and I know that drug… Jiang Yuduo, you…”
“Tell me, isn’t it a bit of a coincidence,” Jiang Yuduo smiled, lowering his gaze. “It turns out that I really…”
“Jiang Yuduo,” Cheng Ke interrupted.
“Will you regret it?” Jiang Yuduo looked up at him.
“What would I regret?” Cheng Ke inquired. “Do I regret liking you? That’s something beyond my control. Even if I were to regret it, if I had to do it all over again, I’d still end up liking you when the time comes.”
Jiang Yuduo had been clinging to him like glue ever since he’d finished his intimate moment, sticking with him from the supermarket to their meal, and then watching TV at home before finally sticking to his back when they went to bed.
However, what made Cheng Ke slightly uneasy were Jiang Yuduo’s words.
Jiang Yuduo wasn’t in the state of excitement that one might expect when entering a new chapter of their relationship; in fact, he seemed somewhat off.
“Cheng Ke,” Jiang Yuduo held him tightly and whispered in his ear, “If you didn’t know me, would you have gone home by now?”
“No,” Cheng Ke replied. “With Cheng Yi around, he wouldn’t let me leave. Perhaps… I’d continue to struggle with him endlessly. After all, I don’t have a San-ge to bail me out.”
Jiang Yuduo chuckled. “Well, you’re not my brother anyway.”
“Yeah, if I didn’t know you, I might have been angry at him for another year or two before finally exploding,” Cheng Ke said.
“So, no matter how much you can endure,” Jiang Yuduo mused, “if there are always troubles following you, sooner or later, it becomes unbearable and erupts, right?”
Cheng Ke remained silent and turned to face him. “Jiang Yuduo, what happened to you today?”
“Nothing,” Jiang Yuduo replied.
“If you sense that something is wrong, just tell me,” Cheng Ke said. “I’ve said it before, we’ll face this together…”
“How long can you endure it?” Jiang Yuduo asked in a hushed tone.
“I don’t know, and I won’t dwell on it,” Cheng Ke furrowed his brow. “I approach things with a broad perspective, focusing only on whether there’s progress, and I don’t dwell on anything else.”
“I’m scared,” Jiang Yuduo remained quiet.
“Back when you were scared, you were alone, but now you have me when you’re scared,” Cheng Ke reassured.
Jiang Yuduo didn’t respond, he sat up and gazed at Cheng Ke. “What if I had stabbed you today? Would you still say the same thing?”
“But you didn’t,” Cheng Ke replied.
“What if…” Jiang Yuduo frowned.
“There are no ‘what ifs,’ only what actually happened,” Cheng Ke stated.
“I’ve hurt you before,” Jiang Yuduo stared at him, “If I could hurt you once, I could hurt you a second time, and a third time. This time I managed to control it, but what about next time? Once, twice, three times, how many times can you endure it?”
“You’re willing to work on it already,” Cheng Ke also sat up. “If you seek treatment…”
“If treatment doesn’t work!” Jiang Yuduo suddenly yelled, “Before treatment… What! I’ll end you before I get treated!”
Cheng Ke was taken aback by his outburst. It took him a moment to regain his composure, and he shouted back at Jiang Yuduo, “Then try killing me! You said to let me save you! Help you! But you have to let me hold you!”
Jiang Yuduo stared at him in silence.
Cheng Ke lay back on the pillow.
Today’s video had already been transferred to his phone, and he had deleted it from Jiang Yuduo’s device. He understood the impact of this incident on Jiang Yuduo.
When you want to make a change, you suddenly realize that you’re still a ticking time bomb.
It wasn’t self-mutilation that Jiang Yuduo feared; it was the fact that he had come dangerously close to stabbing Cheng Ke.
Cheng Ke didn’t know how to address Jiang Yuduo’s fears. He hadn’t had a chance to contact Sister Luo today, but he planned to ask her when he went to her store tomorrow.
Right now, all he wanted to do was hold Jiang Yuduo, who was still sitting beside him.
“Jiang Yuduo,” he called out and reached his hand out. “Come here.”
“Yes,” Jiang Yuduo replied and lay down, resting his face in Cheng Ke’s palm.
He gently caressed Jiang Yuduo’s face, and as he moved to embrace him, Jiang Yuduo intercepted his hand and planted a kiss on his palm. “Cheng Ke.”
“Hmm?” Cheng Ke responded softly.
“Are you upset?” Jiang Yuduo inquired.
“No,” Cheng Ke replied.
“Are you tired right now?” Jiang Yuduo asked again.
“I’m fine,” Cheng Ke assured him. “What’s the matter?”
Jiang Yuduo took his hand and slipped it under the quilt.
“Damn,” Cheng Ke was startled. “You…”
Jiang Yuduo leaned in and kissed him. “If you can’t… help me…”
“You’re unbelievable.” Cheng Ke grumbled.
Jiang Yuduo smiled.
This smile was pure, devoid of worry, fear, or complications. It was a simple smile that touched the heart.
Cheng Ke had been maintaining a relatively regular sleep schedule for the past two weeks. However, after yesterday’s physical and mental exhaustion, he knew that he would probably sleep until noon the next day the moment he closed his eyes at night.
So, he wasn’t particularly surprised when he woke up, grabbed his phone, and saw that it was nearly three o’clock in the afternoon.
“Jiang Yuduo.” He reached out to the other side of the bed, but it was empty.
Jiang Yuduo had a different sleep pattern from him. Regardless of the situation, he tended to wake up at almost the same time, and sometimes he didn’t sleep at all.
“Did you have lunch on your own again, and you didn’t even have breakfast…” Cheng Ke yawned and got out of bed, slipping on his slippers before shuffling into the living room.
“I should have breakfast now…” There was no one in the living room, and Cheng Ke checked the kitchen and bathroom. Meow strolled past him. He bent down to pet Meow. “Where’s your San-ge?” Meow meowed and wandered off.
“Jiang Yuduo!” Cheng Ke called as he made his way to the backyard.
But there was no sign of Jiang Yuduo in the backyard, and the bloodstains from Jiang Yuduo’s wound were still visible on the ground, now darkened.
Cheng Ke stood there for a moment, then moved towards the courtyard wall, scrutinizing it closely. He noticed a faint red mark, just like the one from yesterday’s video.
Unlike the bloodstains on the ground, this mark had faded considerably, blending with the weathered wall surface, nearly invisible.
Despite the sunny yard, Cheng Ke suddenly felt the surrounding light dimming bit by bit. He sensed a gradual chill enveloping his entire body.
“Jiang Yuduo!” He shouted, rushing back into the house. He dashed to the bedroom and grabbed his phone, trembling so much that he mistakenly pressed the wrong buttons twice while trying to dial Jiang Yuduo’s number. He yelled in frustration, “Damn it!”
Eventually, he dialed the correct number.
But even before the phone reached his ear, he heard the automated message coming from the receiver.
“The person you are calling has switched off their phone.”
“Damn you!” Cheng Ke slammed his phone onto the bed.
Two seconds later, he picked up the phone again, undeterred, and dialed the number once more.
Yet the response remained the same.
“Damn it!” Cheng Ke gritted his teeth and redialed Chen Qing’s number.
This time, he heard a normal dial tone, and Chen Qing’s voice came through: “Hello?”
“What?” Chen Qing was bewildered.
“Where’s San-ge? Has he contacted you?” Cheng Ke raised his voice.
“No,” Chen Qing replied, also raising his voice. “What’s going on with him?”
“I don’t know,” Cheng Ke paced around the living room, growing more agitated. “He’s gone, his phone is off…”
He noticed several pieces of cigarette case paper on the table.
Cheng Ke suddenly felt as though he couldn’t breathe. Chen Qing was still talking on the phone, but the words became incomprehensible. He moved slowly to the table, glanced at the cigarette pack paper, and slumped into a chair.
After a moment of daze, he kicked the table forcefully, screaming until his throat felt like it was tearing apart: “Damn it! Jiang Yuduo, you fucking piece of shit!”
Please let me know if there are typos/mistakes in the chapter.
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