Translator: Lynn
On the fourth day of his escape, Jiang Yuduo attempted to harm himself.
Cheng Ke’s mind wandered as he changed the cat litter, causing a bit of a mess on the floor.
“I’ll take you to Chen Qing’s place,” he sighed, “Taking care of you is just too much of a hassle.”
Meow stretched out on the sofa.
“Your San-ge doesn’t know when he’ll return, and maybe… he won’t return,” Cheng Ke cleaned up the scattered cat litter and then sat on the sofa. “I’m not particularly fond of pets, and I don’t have any affection for them.”
Meow jumped onto his back and then settled on his shoulders.
“We haven’t received any news from him,” Cheng Ke said, picking up his phone and tapping on it. Out of habit, he dialed Jiang Yuduo’s number first but hung up as soon as he heard “You dialed.”
“Do you think he hasn’t left yet? Maybe he’s hiding nearby?”
Outside the window, on the trees, vibrant green shoots brighter than the sun were already visible. Cheng Ke stood behind the curtain, surveying every nook and cranny where someone might hide. He checked again.
But nothing was found.
Meow let out a soft meow from his shoulder.
“Isn’t he worried?” Cheng Ke mused, “When he’s not around, someone might come to ambush me.”
Meow remained silent.
Indeed, why should he be worried?
There’s no reason to worry.
Sister Luo had mentioned that Jiang Yuduo was aware of his illness and subconsciously understood what was an illusion. So, Jiang Yuduo knew that there was no danger he had to face.
Perhaps, for Jiang Yuduo, the only threat Cheng Ke had to deal with was himself.
As long as he was gone, Cheng Ke would be safe.
The phone buzzed on the table, and Cheng Ke, who had been standing by the window for quite some time, swiftly made his way to the table and picked it up.
“Hello!” Cheng Ke answered quickly, not even checking the caller ID as the second ring was still chiming.
“Do you have a moment?” He froze for a few seconds upon recognizing his father’s voice on the other end of the line and glanced at the screen. Indeed, it displayed his Dad’s number.
Regaining his composure and preventing his momentary emotional dip from affecting his tone, he responded, “Dad, what’s going on?”
“If you can spare some time, let’s meet up and talk,” his Dad suggested.
“I… I’m quite busy today,” Cheng Ke hesitated for a moment. Things at the store hadn’t been going smoothly for the past couple of days. He had to be there every day, only leaving when they closed up shop.
“I’m at the intersection,” his Dad informed him, “There’s a coffee shop nearby.”
Cheng Ke furrowed his brow. He could already guess the reason why his Dad was reaching out, most likely due to Cheng Yi’s recording. His Dad probably wanted him to listen to it and get in touch, but Cheng Ke had been avoiding his father.
He didn’t want to hand over the recording to his Dad. He wasn’t sure how his father would handle it once he heard it. If not handled carefully, it might escalate the conflict between him and Cheng Yi, a rift he had no desire to bridge. He wanted no connection with Cheng Yi, not even a spider’s thread.
Moreover, in his current state, he lacked the extra energy and emotional capacity to engage with his father.
He suffered from insomnia daily, and sleep was a rare visitor to him. Every morning, when he opened his eyes, the first sensation was one of melancholy.
“Just five minutes,” his Dad urged.
“Can we do this another day?” Cheng Ke frowned, “I’m…”
“I’m already at the cafe,” his Dad cut him off, “Will you keep me waiting?”
Cheng Ke frowned, saying nothing.
“I’ll delay you by ten minutes,” his Dad declared.
Cheng Ke hesitated for a moment, but before he could respond, his father had already hung up the phone.
He held the phone for a moment, then headed out.
It had been many, many years, since he had descended into this low point in his life, that his Dad had addressed him with such a tone. One that was simultaneously tough and compromising.
Cheng Ke found this surprisingly unexpected.
However, when he entered the café and laid eyes on his father, it was evident that his father’s expression was even more startled than his own.
“Are you working as a laborer now?” His Dad frowned, scrutinizing him from head to toe, “Are you back to working in the coal mines?”
“I was taking out the trash,” Cheng Ke replied as he sat down, aware that he probably looked a bit downcast.
“Is running your shop with Xu Ding the only thing keeping you busy?” His Dad inquired, “Is it really that hectic?”
Cheng Ke didn’t respond, nor did he ask his Dad how he found out about it.
“You don’t need to investigate this matter in particular. Lao Li visited your shop when you opened it. How could I not know?” His Dad stated, “Xu Ding just wanted me to be aware.”
Cheng Ke remained silent. He genuinely hadn’t thought that Xu Ding had invited Mr. Li for this reason.
“No one is currently investigating you, and I’ve instructed Xiaoyi not to investigate you any further,” His Dad informed him, “This is the first time I’ve heard you issue a threat in your entire life.”
“Who did I threaten?” Cheng Ke furrowed his brow.
His Dad smiled but didn’t respond.
Cheng Ke recollected the events of that day. When it came to Cheng Yi investigating him, he had mentioned that if he were to investigate Cheng Yi’s girlfriend or something…
To his father, that probably came across as a veiled threat.
Cheng Ke sighed, pondering if he had spent so much time with Jiang Yuduo that he had become accustomed to his straightforwardness.
“Damn Jiang Yuduo,” he muttered under his breath.
“Regarding Xiaoyi,” his Dad got straight to the point, “Is there something you want to discuss with me?”
“What do you want from me?” Cheng Ke replied, “I just think you two should have a serious conversation.”
“What is there to talk about? We see each other every day and have dinner together every night. What else do we need to discuss?” His Dad replied.
“Forget it then.” Cheng Ke lowered his head and took a sip of his lemonade.
“Talk to me, we haven’t had a proper conversation as father and son in a long time,” his Dad urged.
“Dad,” Cheng Ke looked at him, “We’ve never really talked before.”
His Dad stared at him for a moment, seemingly at a loss, “I’ve noticed that you… have changed a lot. And today, for the first time, I feel that you may truly have no intention of coming back home.”
Cheng Ke set down his glass, perhaps that’s why he sensed a hint of compromise in his father’s tone.
“What do you think a chat is?” Dad questioned, “Or, do you believe there’s a particular topic we need to discuss? Now I want to talk to you, and I have to plead with you! Do you think I have nothing to talk about?”
In business, Dad had always been tough, starting from the ground up. It had been a long journey, and his demeanor at home was no different from his demeanor outside. Even now, he could sense that some things had changed, but his attitude remained sharp.
“It’s late, why do I feel like you’re playing favorites? Why do I feel like I’m worthless in your eyes?” Cheng Ke lamented, “Why does Cheng Yi also think you’re playing favorites? Why does he believe he can never satisfy you and feel the need to kick me out of the house until I can’t get back up to feel at ease? It’s too late to talk now!”
Dad regarded him in silence for a moment. “There’s competition everywhere.”
“It’s not competition,” Cheng Ke retorted, his voice trembling. He had been struggling with his emotions lately. He locked eyes with his father, saying, “This is a battle! You initiated a battle between me and Cheng Yi, and I don’t want to partake in it. I’m a failure, but he keeps battling, and in your eyes, he can never lose!”
Dad frowned.
“He wishes I had never been born,” Cheng Ke declared, “I hope I’ll never have anything to do with him in this lifetime. Is that what you call competition?”
Dad gazed at him with dissatisfaction and uncertainty in his eyes.
“I’m never going back home again,” Cheng Ke asserted, “I’m quite content now.”
“With your boyfriend?” Dad’s tone turned icy in an instant. “Is that your resistance or your choice?”
“I never resisted,” Cheng Ke replied with a smile.
Dad inquired, “Are you seriously involved with this Jiang Yuduo?”
“You asked me the same thing last week, and I might not have been so sure,” Cheng Ke remarked, “Now, when you ask me, I can answer that I’m serious.”
“Have you considered that he’s a mentally unstable person with violent tendencies? To be blunt, he’s insane,” Dad said. “Do you realize how perilous it is for you to be with him?”
“I’m not in danger at all now,” Cheng Ke mentioned Jiang Yuduo and felt a tightening in his chest. “He’s gone.”
Dad was taken aback.
“That’s it, Dad,” Cheng Ke stood up, “I’m not in the mood for this conversation anymore. I have to get to the store; I’m really busy these days.”
“Give me that USB flash drive,” Dad demanded.
“Do you really want to listen to it?” Cheng Ke asked, “If you can’t guarantee that you won’t end up disappointed in me, that you won’t use any pressure to fuel Cheng Yi’s determination to keep me, then don’t listen. I have no interest in this never-ending battle.”
Cheng Ke reached into his pocket, retrieved a pack of tissues, took one out, waved it in the air twice, and then placed it in front of his father. “Consider this my white flag.”
Before Dad could respond, Cheng Ke turned and walked out of the café.
—
“I bought some oranges today,” the proprietress greeted him outside the door, “I brought a few for each of your rooms. Give them a try; they’re quite sweet.”
“Sure.”
Jiang Yuduo took the food into the room.
The proprietress followed him inside and placed four oranges on the table. “Young man, don’t think I’m prying… I’ve seen many young folks like you.”
Jiang Yuduo glanced at her but remained silent.
“Is it a breakup? Or perhaps work isn’t going well,” the proprietress continued, “Family conflicts, perhaps? These are just common annoyances, young man.” Jiang Yuduo twitched his lips and began to peel an orange slowly.
“There’s nothing insurmountable; time is the best healer,” the proprietress offered, “The key is to keep your spirits up.”
“Sure,” Jiang Yuduo replied with a nod.
“The weather is nice today,” the proprietress remarked, “How about going for a walk? Staying cooped up inside all day gets tiresome. Even if you draw the curtains at least, the room will be brighter, and you’ll feel better.”
The proprietress reached out to help open the curtains, as she’d done before, but Jiang Yuduo raised his head and said, “Don’t touch them.”
The landlady stopped, her expression shifting from surprise to slight fear.
“I want to get some sleep,” Jiang Yuduo explained, aware that his tone and gaze might have come across as unfriendly. It was an excuse for himself.
“Alright, then… go ahead and rest,” the proprietress hesitated for a moment, then turned and left the room.
Jiang Yuduo continued peeling his orange. After finishing one, he stood up, walked over to the window, and peered out through a gap in the curtain.
The rain had stopped, and the sun was shining brightly. His gaze scanned every corner.
All the shadows were bathed in sunlight, almost blinding.
But the figure that had been lurking in the shadows was no longer there.
Jiang Yuduo narrowed his eyes.
They were gone.
Jiang Yuduo finished the lunch provided by the proprietress, peeled another orange, and decided to step out of his room for the first time in the past few days of his stay.
The corridor outside was dimly lit, and the atmosphere felt peculiar.
As he closed his door, the opposite room’s door creaked open, and a woman stuck her head out to examine him. “Hey, is someone really staying in that room?”
Jiang Yuduo remained silent, his gaze fixed on her.
“You can’t go out in that outfit now,” the woman added, “It’s getting hotter today, and you’ll be sweating buckets if you go out like that.” Jiang Yuduo removed Cheng Ke’s coat, slung it over his arm, and continued on his way.
“Hey, maybe this person can’t talk…” The woman’s hushed voice drifted from behind as she seemed to converse with someone in her room.
On the first floor, the proprietress sat beside the shabby reception desk. She looked surprised when she spotted him but didn’t say anything.
Jiang Yuduo hesitated briefly before turning to address her, “The oranges are really sweet, thanks.”
“Oh, are they?” The proprietress chuckled, “I have more, and I’ll get you some later when you return.”
Jiang Yuduo nodded and exited the small hotel.
The sun here had a different quality. Even though it was still spring, when it broke through the clouds, it felt unusually intense. Jiang Yuduo put on his sunglasses.
He crossed the street and glanced back.
From here, he could see the window of the room where he had been staying.
From the outside, the building looked even more run-down than from within. The light fixtures nearby were all broken, leaving just an empty frame.
He had been here a few years ago.
He had come to see the place where the dog had met its tragic end.
The place appeared as decrepit now as it had been then. It seemed to be frozen in time, neither getting newer nor deteriorating further, as if it were forever stuck in a certain period, refusing to move forward.
Jiang Yuduo fixed his gaze on the window for a long while.
The proprietress had changed, but she hadn’t disclosed the fact that someone had died in that room. She didn’t appear surprised when Jiang Yuduo requested to stay in that room. Jiang Yuduo could tell she wasn’t intentionally hiding anything; she might not know or might not remember because it didn’t matter to her.
Someone had simply vanished.
Without a trace.
Even he couldn’t recall the name of the puppy anymore.
After finishing a cigarette, Jiang Yuduo walked along the street until he reached a corner where a payphone sat on a grocery store counter.
Although he didn’t need to use a payphone anymore since he didn’t have a mobile phone and his phone was at home, he decided to use it. He frowned slightly, shaking his head as he entered the store and dialed Sister Luo’s office number.
“Hello,” Sister Luo’s voice came from the other end.
“It’s me, Sister Luo,” Jiang Yuduo whispered.
“Xiao Jiang?” Sister Luo’s tone was filled with surprise. “I finally got your call.”
“Has Cheng Ke contacted you?” Jiang Yuduo inquired.
“Yes, I’ve been in touch with him. He’s very worried about you,” Sister Luo replied.
“I need you to keep it a secret,” Jiang Yuduo urged. “Don’t tell anyone where I am.”
Sister Luo hesitated momentarily. “Okay.”
“You promise,” Jiang Yuduo insisted.
“I promise,” Sister Luo affirmed.
Jiang Yuduo cast a glance at the shop owner who was smoking outside the door. He lowered his voice, “I need to go to the hospital for treatment.”
—-
“Is there any way you can at least tell me which city he’s in?” Cheng Ke stood by the window on the store’s third floor, where there were no customers at this time. He lowered his voice, his concern evident. “Is it impossible for me to know if he’s still in the local area?”
“What I can tell you is that his current condition is generally stable, so there’s no need to worry too much,” Sister Luo explained.
“Will he come back? How soon can we expect him?” Cheng Ke bit his lip anxiously.
“I can’t be certain about that, and I can’t inform you,” Sister Luo said softly. “Xiao Cheng, please understand that our communication about Xiao Jiang is based on his consent…”
“So he’s refusing to tell me now, is that it?” Cheng Ke quickly grasped the point.
“He requested that all information related to him be kept confidential,” Sister Luo clarified.
“Why didn’t he just tell you to tell me to get lost!” Cheng Ke couldn’t hide his agitation.
“Xiao Cheng, please calm down,” Sister Luo’s voice remained gentle. “He’s a patient, and we can’t expect him to think everything through rationally, especially in a way that aligns with our thinking. From his perspective, this is a measure to protect you.”
“I understand,” Cheng Ke took a deep breath. “In reality, he’s quite rational. I just…”
“I believe he values you greatly,” Sister Luo offered a reassuring smile. “Every decision he’s made has been influenced by you.”
After ending the call, Cheng Ke stared out of the window at the street below for half an hour.
Sister Luo had immediately informed him that Jiang Yuduo had reached out, but this was the only piece of information she could share with Cheng Ke.
Where Jiang Yuduo was, what was happening, what would happen next—Cheng Ke had no way of knowing any of it.
All he could do was wait.
Wait for one day, two days, one month, two months, one year, two years, three years, five years.
You can’t wait, so just go. It doesn’t matter.
The words Jiang Yuduo had written on the cigarette case suddenly filled him with anxiety.
At that moment, he felt the same unease that Jiang Yuduo must have felt.
Damn you.
He turned away from the window.
Damn you, Jiang Yuduo.
Cheng Ke walked over to the sand painting platform nearby, grabbed a handful of sand with his left hand, and sprinkled it onto the table.
He needed to do something to distract himself, to focus on an activity that would help clear his mind.
He had faith in Jiang Yuduo’s determination. He believed that Jiang Yuduo would cooperate wholeheartedly and return within the assumed deadline of “Cheng Ke will disappear.”
He could sense Jiang Yuduo’s urgency in this regard.
But why keep it a secret!
Why the hell keep it a secret!
Could Cheng Ke’s knowledge somehow delay your medical treatment?
Were you afraid that Cheng Ke would run away if he knew the challenges you were facing with your treatment?
What in the world gave you such a delusion!
Cheng Ke is here, waiting for you! Waiting for your return! Waiting until death!
Someone cleared their throat.
Cheng Ke abruptly snapped out of his anger and saw Miller standing there, looking uncomfortable.
“Just…” Miller gestured towards the sand painting table, then quickly moved aside and pointed towards the stairs. “I have a guest, and we want to discuss a small gathering of sand painting enthusiasts here this weekend…”
“Hmm…” Cheng Ke glanced at the platform, his momentary embarrassment giving way to calm resolve. He gazed at the two shameless individuals on the stage. “I was practicing.”
“Ah,” Miller nodded hastily. “Practicing the art of using your non-dominant hand is quite… impressive.”
Please let me know if there are typos/mistakes in the chapter.
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