Translator: Lynn
“Do you mean moving away?” Jiang Yuduo squeezed the water bottle in his hand, lifted his head, finished the remaining water, and then sighed, wiping his mouth.
Cheng Ke gazed at him.
Many times, Jiang Yuduo seemed to have two different states, and though Cheng Ke couldn’t quite define them, he could sense the difference.
For instance, Jiang Yuduo’s current calmness is distinct from his calmness last night. Cheng Ke observed.
“I mean…” Cheng Ke pondered for a moment, “Why don’t I go back home and stay for a while?”
“Damn,” Jiang Yuduo chuckled, “Why don’t you talk to Cheng Yi first and see if he can arrange for you to go back home smoothly?”
Cheng Ke sighed, turned to the side, bent his legs, and pulled a corner of the quilt to cover himself.
“Are you feeling cold? Didn’t you turn on the heater? Why is it off?” Jiang Yuduo pushed the quilt toward him.
“It’s been on for so long that even with the windows open, the air wouldn’t be fresh,” Cheng Ke explained. “Besides, I’m worried about depleting the fuel.”
“Did you stay up all night?” Jiang Yuduo inquired.
“No, perhaps I dozed off for a bit, I’m not sure, it’s all a blur,” Cheng Ke rubbed his face.
“Your face looks really awful,” Jiang Yuduo remarked, studying him.
“Better than yours,” Cheng Ke retorted, also observing Jiang Yuduo. With his pale complexion, it was evident that the bout of dizziness had taken a toll. “Did you manage to get any sleep?”
“Yes, I couldn’t sleep or move,” Jiang Yuduo smiled. “I thought you had fallen asleep.”
“Why… did you fall asleep?” Cheng Ke asked.
“Well, I can’t sleep and can’t move,” Jiang Yuduo replied. “I thought you were sleeping.”
“Have you been pondering all night?” Jiang Yuduo inquired.
Cheng Ke remained silent, took out a cigarette, lit it, and tossed the cigarette case and lighter to Jiang Yuduo.
Jiang Yuduo lit a cigarette, leaned against the car door with it in his mouth, and gazed out the window. “It’s snowing again.”
“Auspicious snow heralds a prosperous year,” Cheng Ke remarked.
“If you can’t go home,” Jiang Yuduo asked, still looking out the window, “where would you like to go?”
“I have a friend… well…” Cheng Ke hesitated for a moment, but refrained from mentioning Xu Ding’s name. “My friend owns a shop, and I thought I could stay there temporarily, or…”
“Xu Ding?” Jiang Yuduo interrupted, still gazing out the window.
“…Yes,” Cheng Ke glanced at him. “I’ve known Xu Ding for many years, and we’ve always kept in touch…”
Jiang Yuduo remained silent.
“At the moment…” Cheng Ke also looked out the window. “Is there any place selling breakfast?”
“Yes,” Jiang Yuduo turned his head, “Are you hungry?”
“I don’t feel anything, but…” Cheng Ke began, but before he could finish, Jiang Yuduo snatched his cigarette, lifted the quilt, and he quickly grabbed Jiang Yuduo’s arm. “I’ll go along with you… Are you hungry? I’ll… go by myself.”
“I’ll go,” Jiang Yuduo insisted.
“No, there’s no need. You just fainted earlier,” Cheng Ke held onto him tightly. “It’s cold outside.”
“I’ll go,” Jiang Yuduo repeated.
“I’m not hungry. I don’t want to eat,” Cheng Ke said.
“But I’m hungry,” Jiang Yuduo insisted, looking at him.
Cheng Ke was momentarily speechless. Jiang Yuduo glanced at his hand and said, “Let go.”
Cheng Ke had no choice but to release his grip.
Jiang Yu gripped the car handle, closed the door, glanced around once more, and then walked towards the east gate with his head lowered.
In reality, the outside temperature wasn’t too cold for him. However, he had spent the night lying there without taking off his coat. Cheng Ke had even piled a quilt on him, but after his body adjusted to the temperature, he threw the quilt so forcefully into the snow that it became really chilly.
He zipped up his jacket all the way and briskly walked forward.
The surroundings were incredibly quiet. Those who stayed up late had just gone to bed, and those who woke up early hadn’t yet risen. For him, it was a very safe time.
The nearby shops had just opened, so he might have to wait a while before being able to buy food.
Actually, coming out half an hour later would have been perfect.
Yet Jiang Yuduo insisted on going now, not because he was arguing with Cheng Ke or afraid for his safety, but simply because he couldn’t help but think about it.
He didn’t want things to become too awkward.
He didn’t want Cheng Ke to feel too embarrassed.
Cheng Ke was a good person. Though he didn’t fully believe in Jiang Yuduo’s words, he was still a genuinely good person.
“What’s wrong with you?”
Perhaps more than one person had asked him this question, but he couldn’t recall clearly, and those people had vanished from his memory.
Everything felt familiar.
Yet also so different.
Cheng Ke was the only one who had never uttered that phrase to him. He was even willing to follow Jiang Yuduo’s train of thought and speak cautiously.
He was the only one who didn’t disappear immediately when Jiang Yuduo thought he might hurt him.
Maybe it was kindness. Maybe it was upbringing. Maybe it was that notion of “having thoughts.”
Cheng Ke was different from everyone else.
Jiang Yuduo felt a slight fear.
He was afraid that if Cheng Ke were to disappear one day, he would always remember it.
As expected, the breakfast shop had just opened, and when Jiang Yuduo arrived, the owner was raising the shutter door of the steamed bun shop.
“It’s so early.” The boss glanced at the wall clock upon seeing him. “We’ll have to wait a bit. The buns have just finished steaming.”
“No problem,” Jiang Yuduo replied. He felt a slight itchiness on his face and reached out to touch it.
In the corner of his eye, he felt a thin strip of melting ice.
Various items, daily necessities, and unfinished dishes were piled up on the table in the corner. Jiang Yuduo quickly moved them aside, picked up a small mirror from the table, and took a look at himself.
In the middle of the mirror’s emerald green frame was his pale face. It was likely due to the cold weather that the scar on his face had frozen, blending seamlessly with the surrounding skin.
His eye circles were not red.
Rubbing his eyes, he sat down on a stool, lit a cigarette, and gazed outside.
The world outside was gray and white, and the streetlights cut through the snow and fog, providing a dim illumination, resembling white flowers on a yellow background.
There was a man standing under the lamppost across the street.
At first glance, it seemed like there was no one there, but upon closer inspection, Jiang Yuduo noticed him.
“Are you catching a train?” The boss took down the chairs from the table one by one. “At this hour, I doubt you’ll catch any trains. There’s not a soul on the street.”
“No, I couldn’t sleep and woke up early,” Jiang Yuduo looked away. “I’m hungry.”
When he glanced back, there was no one under the lamppost, so he lowered his head and closed his eyes.
“You’re suffering from insomnia at such a young age,” the boss remarked with a smile. “I’m an old man, and I fall asleep every day. You still haven’t tired yourself out.”
“Perhaps,” Jiang Yuduo said.
After the buns finished steaming, Jiang Yuduo purchased twenty of them. They were quite large, and together with the hot soy milk, he probably wouldn’t be able to finish them all.
He stuffed the steamed buns and soy milk1
into his coat and quickly walked back to the community.
As he could see the car in the distance, he lowered his head and once again looked around with his eyes, but found nothing.
At a distance of twenty or thirty meters, the car door opened, and Cheng Ke leaped out of the car.
“Why, are you eager to welcome me?” he walked over.
“Welcome the hero who ventures out to buy buns without wearing a hat on a snowy day,” Cheng Ke said.
“It’s not far, just a few steps across the street,” Jiang Yuduo brushed off the snow from his body, got into the car, closed the door, and took out a bag from his coat, placing it on the seat. “The only open store is a bun shop.”
“Alright,” Cheng Ke also got into the car, reached out, and took a bite of a bun. “I haven’t had buns in a long time… these buns are quite big.”
“Yes,” Jiang Yuduo also took one.
Cheng Ke held a half-eaten bun in his hand, glanced at Jiang Yuduo, and then turned his head away.
“Look at me,” Jiang Yuduo said, “Do you want to say that this bun is bigger than me?”
“Shut up,” Cheng Ke said, “Why are you fixated on the food?”
Jiang Yuduo smiled and lowered his head, taking a big bite of the steamed stuffed bun. “Your young master is picky.”
Cheng Ke sighed but didn’t say anything.
After finishing the steamed buns and soy milk, and spending some time in the car, Cheng Ke peeked at the time and saw that it was already half past five.
The car’s heater hadn’t been turned on, and it was a bit cold now, so Cheng Ke hesitated. “Let’s go upstairs. It’s warm in the room.”
“Yes,” Jiang Yuduo responded.
As Cheng Ke walked into the building, carrying a bundle of quilts in his arms, he encountered the security guard who happened to be standing at the entrance.
“What’s this? Last night, I saw you rushing out with a quilt in your arms. You seemed quite anxious. I even spotted you in that car while I was on patrol in the middle of the night,” the security guard said. “I saw you smoking in there, so you should be fine, young man. I didn’t go to check on you.”
“… Camping,” Cheng Ke said. “Are you still doing your rounds?”
The security guard chuckled. “Of course, I have to make two rounds at night to ensure the safety of the residents.”
“Oh,” Cheng Ke smiled.
The elevator door opened, and Jiang Yuduo tugged at the quilt and pulled Cheng Ke inside. “I told you to fold it before bringing it in. It wouldn’t be such a big bundle then.”
“How am I supposed to stack it properly in such a small space in the car?” Cheng Ke replied.
“You clearly have no idea how to fold a quilt,” Jiang Yuduo said. “Can’t you shake it and flatten it?”
“I haven’t folded one before,” Cheng Ke honestly admitted, “but I still know the concept of folding. When you stack things, there should be space in between.”
Jiang Yuduo leaned against him and chuckled.
After they returned to the room, the warm air made Cheng Ke relax, and he sat on the sofa, not wanting to move.
Jiang Yuduo cleaned the cat’s litter box and fed it. When he came out, he stood in the living room for a while. “I’ll drive the car back to Chen Qing.”
“Oh, you’re going?” Cheng Ke handed him the car keys.
“If I go, he can chat with me for a while, but what will he talk to you about if you go?” Jiang Yuduo remarked.
“Is the Chief Protector feeling lonely?” Cheng Ke tossed him the keys.
Jiang Yuduo walked toward the door. “You can order takeout for lunch. Chen Qing will definitely have dinner with me.”
“Yes,” Cheng Ke nodded. He felt sleepy now and might not be able to wake up by noon.
“The old lady might leave tomorrow, and I’ll bring Meow back when she goes,” Jiang Yuduo mentioned.
Cheng Ke glanced at him, didn’t say anything, just nodded.
“You…” Jiang Yuduo gripped the doorknob tightly, and Cheng Ke could see the whitened joints. “The rental contract hasn’t expired yet, but if you want to move out, it wouldn’t be a breach of contract.” Cheng Ke looked at him.
“You can live here for the entire month,” Jiang Yuduo struggled with his words. “Well, if you don’t find another place to move… you can continue living here…”
Cheng Ke didn’t know what to say. He felt a lump in his throat and couldn’t find the words to speak.
Jiang Yuduo’s words made it feel as if once he opened the door and walked out now, they would never see each other again.
There was a knock at the door, and Jiang Yuduo hurriedly went to answer it, then closed the door gently.
Cheng Ke sat on the sofa, resting his elbows on his knees, and stared at the cat-head keychain on the coffee table for a long time.
Finally, he let out a sigh, got up, and went into the bathroom.
Perhaps due to a sleepless night and the stuffy air in the car, Cheng Ke glanced at himself in the mirror and saw that he looked like a refugee, with red circles under his eyes.
He turned on the hot water and let it flow until his entire body felt weak. Then he turned off the water and let out a long sigh towards the wall.
After taking a shower, he entered the bedroom, lay down on the bed, and as soon as he closed his eyes, he realized how sleepy he was, feeling a bit dizzy.
When Meow entered the bedroom, Cheng Ke could sense it jumping onto the bed, stepping on the quilt, and then onto him. It made its way from him to his face and finally settled on the pillow, near the tip of his nose.
Cheng Ke reached out his hand, lightly poking Meow’s stomach, and soon fell asleep.
“It’s early in the morning,” Chen Qing rushed over, “Can’t you just bring the car here the day after tomorrow without saying anything?”
“You can take the car then,” Jiang Yuduo replied, grabbing the keys.
“Were you okay last night?” Chen Qing followed him, “Did you get into a fight? I came down when I heard a commotion on the first floor. Someone said there was a fight.”
“Not much,” Jiang Yuduo entered Chen Qing’s store, sat in the lounge area, and took out a cigarette.
“I thought something was wrong,” Chen Qing brought an ashtray and sat beside him, “Did you have breakfast?”
“Ate before five o’clock,” Jiang Yuduo said.
“Damn it,” Chen Qing exclaimed, “I was hoping we could have breakfast together. Everyone else ate, but I missed out.”
“Go ahead and buy it, and I’ll watch you eat,” Jiang Yuduo suggested.
“Forget it, can you still eat?” Chen Qing lit a cigarette, “When did Jaeger-LeCoultre leave? I didn’t see him when I came down.” Jiang Yuduo remained silent.
“Is there something going on between them?” Chen Qing continued, “I observed… Oh, that’s right! What’s their relationship?” Jiang Yuduo looked at Chen Qing, who had instantly lost track of the topic.
“What?” Jiang Yuduo asked.
“Him and the guy with the Jaeger-LeCoultre… Jaeger-LeCoultre and him…” Chen Qing glanced at his colleagues nearby and lowered his voice, “Are they together… you know…” Jiang Yuduo interrupted him.
“Shut up,” Jiang Yuduo said firmly.
Chen Qing quickly realized the situation and kept quiet, but he couldn’t help but make a disapproving sound with his mouth, “Tsk.”
“San-ge,” one of Chen Qing’s colleagues approached Jiang Yuduo and greeted him, “Is it because you have a cold that your face doesn’t look good?”
“Seeing your face won’t make it any better,” Chen Qing remarked.
“Is your name San-ge?” the colleague asked.
“I call you San-ge, and you won’t live it down,” the colleague replied with a smile.
“Hey, where are you going?” Chen Qing stopped his colleague, pulled out his wallet, and said, “Let’s go out for breakfast. I’ll treat you, just bring me something.”
“Please, another time,” the colleague declined and left. “I just brought it for you casually.”
“Okay!” Chen Qing called out.
Jiang Yuduo observed Chen Qing and the other people in the store.
He was acquainted with almost everyone there. Some had quarreled or even fought with Chen Qing before, but once the matter was resolved, they would all be talking and laughing together again.
It was a simple way of life.
At times, Jiang Yuduo felt envious of such a life.
Even though he had been hanging out with Chen Qing and the others for ten years, he sometimes felt like he should have been born and raised in this environment, with all the vibes and connections to these people who felt like his own kind.
But still, he couldn’t help but feel envious.
Cheng Ke was different from him, which is why Cheng Ke wouldn’t easily trust him.
Chen Qing was also different from him, which is why Chen Qing would trust him unconditionally.
When Meow’s paw woke Cheng Ke up, the sky outside the window was still dark.
He gazed outside for a while before reaching for his phone to check the time, only to discover that it was already evening.
Feeling a bit groggy upon waking up, Cheng Ke sat on the sofa for a long time before fully regaining his senses.
He noticed a missed call from Xu Ding on his phone but no other messages.
Glancing around the room, he realized that Jiang Yuduo probably hadn’t returned.
Cheng Ke poured himself a glass of water, fed Meow, and then called Xu Ding. “What’s up?”
“Are you free tomorrow?” Xu Ding asked. “Come and see the store.”
“Okay,” Cheng Ke agreed.
“I’ll pick you up at nine o’clock tomorrow,” Xu Ding said.
“Sure,” Cheng Ke hesitated. “I mentioned last time… Is there a lounge in the store?”
“Is everything settled?” Cheng Ke inquired.
“No, it’s not done yet. Why? What’s the matter?” Xu Ding paused.
“It’s nothing. I was just curious,” Cheng Ke replied. “I’ll see you at nine o’clock tomorrow.” He leaned on the table and surveyed his surroundings.
Although he hadn’t lived there for long, just a few months, he had grown familiar with everything in the house and had become completely accustomed to it.
He didn’t intend to return the house immediately; it felt too abrupt, almost like running away. Whether it was for himself or Jiang Yuduo, this approach seemed a bit too awkward.
However, Jiang Yuduo’s perspective seemed to differ slightly from his own. This deviation might be a form of self-protection, a way to cut off his path before he could do it himself.
Cheng Ke let out a soft sigh, picked up his phone, and ordered a takeaway for himself.
If his judgment was correct, Jiang Yuduo wouldn’t come back for dinner. In fact, he probably wouldn’t even step foot in the house until he came to pick up the cat tomorrow.
And indeed, his judgment was accurate. The next morning, when Xu Ding’s car was parked downstairs, Jiang Yuduo still hadn’t returned.
Cheng Ke grabbed his notebook and headed out.
“Isn’t Jaeger-LeCoultre home?” Chen Qing drove the car. “Why do we have to go to Sister Qian to get the keys first?”
“What if he’s not there?” Jiang Yuduo replied.
“Why not just call and ask if he’s home?” Chen Qing looked puzzled.
Jiang Yuduo turned the car to the right without hesitation and slapped him on the back. “Your salary for this month is damn well enough! Do you want to pay a fine!”
“Oh, shit! I didn’t see the red light! I was going to turn right!” Chen Qing shouted.
“Well, damn it, get yourself some astigmatism lenses!” Jiang Yuduo roared. “That was an arrow!”
“An arrow?” Chen Qing was stunned.
“Focus on the road,” Jiang Yuduo sighed.
The car stopped downstairs, and Jiang Yuduo opened the car door. “Just wait for me here. No need to look for a parking space.”
“I’ll help you with your stuff,” Chen Qing said, looking at him. “The cat litter and cat toilet.”
“No need,” Jiang Yuduo declined.
“Oh, Jaeger-LeCoultre can help you,” Chen Qing said, settling back into the car.
Jiang Yuduo hurried to the elevator and pressed the floor button, remaining still until the elevator doors opened.
He rang the doorbell twice and waited outside.
There was no movement from inside, only faint meows could be heard.
After a moment of hesitation, he knocked on the door again.
After waiting for a while, Jiang Yuduo took out the key and unlocked the door.
A rush of warm air from the heater greeted him, mingled with the familiar scent of perfume that Cheng Ke often sprayed in the room.
But Cheng Ke wasn’t home.
Jiang Yuduo found it a little surprising. Cheng Ke wasn’t someone who enjoyed going out, especially not at this time. According to Cheng Ke’s habits, even during meal times, he preferred to stay in and rely on takeaway or instant noodles.
Could he have gone to check out the new house?
The store they were building together with Xu Ding?
Furrowing his brows, Jiang Yuduo started packing Meow’s belongings.
For some reason, he seemed slower than usual today. Just as he was finishing up, Chen Qing called and asked if he needed any help.
“Get down here right away.” Following Cheng Ke’s example, Jiang Yuduo tucked Meow into his coat and gathered his things.
But he paused when he reached the doorway.
In the past couple of days, his mind had been preoccupied, causing him to overlook things that would normally catch his attention at a glance.
There was a small notebook on the shoe cabinet.
And on it, a line of writing.
-I went to the store to check things out.
Cheng Ke had left him a note.
Jiang Yuduo stared at that line of writing for a long moment. Then he stepped out, took a step back, tore that page from the notebook, and placed it in his pocket.
Every time the elderly lady stayed here, she would tidy up the house before leaving. This time, she had even pruned a few withered plants in the backyard.
Standing by the backyard door, Jiang Yuduo gazed at the suddenly empty yard in a daze.
He hadn’t realized just how empty the yard looked before. Even the withered plants had occupied some space when they were still standing, but now they had vanished so suddenly that Jiang Yuduo couldn’t quite grasp it.
Were they dead?
They had sprouted last spring. Though their growth hadn’t been impressive, they had always had leaves. And now, after autumn, they had withered away.
Jiang Yuduo sighed. Even if they weren’t dead, they wouldn’t have the opportunity to sprout in the coming spring and prove their vitality.
He returned to the house, placed Meow’s belongings back where they belonged, and sat down at the table.
The old lady had never discarded the crushed cigarette packs he had placed under the table. Perhaps she believed he was saving them to sell…
He took a few of the cigarette packs and set them on the table, then retrieved more from his coat pocket. Using a knife, he slowly sliced through the flattened packs.
There was no need for a ruler to compare or measure. With a single cut, he could produce pieces of paper that were nearly identical in size.
They were about the size of playing cards.
He had cut countless pieces—55 each time—to form a complete deck of playing cards.
He didn’t know how to play any card games, nor did he have any interest in watching Chen Qing and his friends play. Yet, he had played countless times, too numerous to count.
Every night, the little pups would gather together and engage in card games.
Using the cut cigarette pack papers.
A deck contained 55 cards, with 54 of them being used.
The cigarette pack papers had no numbers or letters, and there was no need for them because they couldn’t be seen.
The pups would draw cards one by one, hold them in their paws, and randomly call out one or multiple numbers. They would then discard one or several cards at random… The sound of a ringing mobile phone interrupted his thoughts.
Jiang Yuduo gently placed the knife down as he finished cutting the cigarette pack paper on the table. He gathered the cut pieces into a neat pile before picking up his phone.
It was Cheng Ke calling.
He answered, “Hello?”
“What’s wrong with your voice?” Cheng Ke’s voice came from the other end.
“Huh?” Jiang Yuduo cleared his throat. Perhaps due to not drinking much water throughout the day, his throat felt a bit tight.
“It sounds like a hoarse chicken,” Cheng Ke remarked.
Jiang Yuduo chuckled, “You have such a vivid imagination.”
“Did you retrieve it?” Cheng Ke asked. “I’m still outside.”
“I’ve got it,” Jiang Yuduo assured him.
“Alright,” Cheng Ke replied. “I was just checking.”
“Okay,” Jiang Yuduo confirmed.
“I’ll be having dinner with my friends tonight,” Cheng Ke informed. “Everything’s… going well.”
“Understood,” Jiang Yuduo acknowledged.
Cheng Ke ended the call.
Jiang Yuduo rested his head on the table and lightly tapped his fingers on the surface. Cheng Ke was letting him know that he was safe.
Was it because Cheng Ke was worried about him?
Or was he afraid… that Jiang Yuduo was following him again?
Jiang Yuduo pressed his eyes against his arms, took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then exhaled slowly. Tears welled up as relief washed over him along with the released breath.
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