At this moment, he was almost panicking.
The trembling of his fingertips, the heaviness of his breath, and the pounding of his heart all seemed magnified, each serving as a reminder:
You’re panicking.
But why was he panicking?
Bo Xinghang blinked and suddenly recalled what one of his coworkers at the bar had said a few days ago: “You two make a good pair…”
Click.
It was like the sound of a key turning in a lock.
His breathing grew heavier. The knocking at the door stopped, replaced by a faint vibration from the bedside table.
Bo Xinghang came to his senses, hurriedly answering the phone while keeping an eye on Doctor Ji’s every move.
Doctors have more sensitive nerves than most, and constant calls form a conditioned reflex in every doctor. But perhaps Doctor Ji was just too exhausted, as he lay there completely still, deeply asleep.
Bo Xinghang let out a sigh of relief, switched his position, and cautiously opened the door. He looked at the delivery guy outside and said, “Sorry, I just fell asleep.”
“Oh, it’s no problem,” the delivery guy responded pleasantly. Seeing someone finally answer the door, he ended the call and handed over the bag. “Here’s your delivery.”
“Thanks.”
Bo Xinghang’s sense of taste seemed to have dulled as well. He finished a bowl of clear noodle soup but couldn’t taste a thing. His mind was consumed with thoughts of Doctor Ji’s face and that teasing comment from his coworker.
“You two make a good pair….”
“You two make a good pair….”
“Good pair, my ass!”
Bo Xinghang was so annoyed that his head ached. He slammed his chopsticks onto the table, only to immediately pick them up again and glance toward the bedroom.
The bedroom was perfectly neat, without a trace of anyone being there. On the contrary, he could clearly see Doctor Ji’s face right in front of him.
The kitchen window in Doctor Ji’s place was small, so he had turned on the kitchen light early for convenience while eating. The beige light illuminated Doctor Ji’s face, giving his cool white skin a warm hue. Maybe because he had just woken up, he seemed docile and lazy.
The chopsticks slipped from his fingers again.
What had he just said?
This was a bit awkward.
Doctor Ji, hearing the noise, shifted his gaze to the table. Demonstrating his keen perceptiveness, he bypassed the boy’s words and asked in a hoarse voice, “Did the delivery arrive?”
“Yeah.” Bo Xinghang moved uneasily, unsure whether to pick up his chopsticks and continue eating or set them aside. He kept talking, “You fell asleep earlier, so I didn’t wake you.”
“Okay.” Doctor Ji sat across from him, glanced at the empty bowl, and smiled a little when he noticed Bo Xinghang’s hesitation. “What’s wrong? Was it so delicious that you didn’t get enough?”
“Ah?… Yeah.”
He had been too busy spacing out earlier, and now when Doctor Ji asked what the soup tasted like, he could only nod and hope to change the subject.
It was too awkward.
Especially after realizing his own feelings and then having to face Doctor Ji, it was all so uncomfortable.
His mind wandered back to the past.
In elementary school, when innocent crushes began, there were always a few kids leading the way in forming relationships. During games like Truth or Dare, they’d ask each other about their crushes, calling each other “hubby” or “wifey,” and their closeness often came down to sharing a bag of snacks.
Back then, Bo Xinghang didn’t understand what was so great about those girly girls. He’d rather spend the day at an internet cafe with his bros.
By middle and high school, things became much more straightforward. Carefully worded love letters would be secretly slipped into desks, nervous hugs would take place in secluded wooded areas, and innocent kisses would be exchanged.
When he lived in a dormitory, his roommate would secretly play adult movies late at night, and the sticky sounds echoed throughout the room. As he sat on the top bunk with a cold expression, he thought: It’d be nice if both of them were guys.
–
Nighttime belonged to the night market.
The endless street was packed with people. The vendors’ shouts, the murmur of pedestrians, the crisp clinking of beer bottles, and the sizzle of meat on the grill all mingled together, creating a strangely comforting ambiance.
Ji Wenzhen stood at the entrance, unsure of how to feel about this place. His impeccable upbringing had never exposed him to the night market. He’d only heard about it from others but had never actually visited.
“This place…” Ji Wenzhen hesitated, struggling to find the right words.
“Huh? What’s wrong?”
Bo Xinghang was busy with work most nights and hadn’t been to the night market in a long time. Now, he was bursting with excitement, as if he’d been injected with adrenaline.
Ji Wenzhen watched him and swallowed the words he was about to say. He reached out and patted Bo Xinghang on the head. “It’s nothing, let’s go.”
Bo Xinghang was startled by Doctor Ji’s sudden gesture and dodged to the side. But when he met Doctor Ji’s puzzled eyes, he pursed his lips and leaned back over.
Doctor Ji was perplexed. “?”
“It’s just that I…” Bo Xinghang couldn’t meet his eyes. The awkward feeling from before returned, and he took a deep breath, deciding it was best to clear things up. “Actually, I—”
“Eh—Hang-ge?!”
He was interrupted.
Bo Xinghang felt like a balloon that had been popped, deflating from round to flat and shriveled, pathetically sticking to the ground.
The voice calling his name was unfamiliar. He wasn’t sure if he’d heard wrong, but Doctor Ji had already turned his head, so Bo Xinghang also followed the voice, looking behind him.
“OMG—it really is you! You haven’t changed a bit since middle school. Still just as handsome!”
Bo Xinghang pressed his lips together, saying nothing. “…”
Who was this guy?
The man was about 1.9 meters tall, had a buzz cut, and wore a basketball jersey. When he looked over, he seemed like a typical thug who could scare people.
But his smile was a little goofy.
He looked like… his brain wasn’t working properly.
Though he had a pretty recognizable appearance, Bo Xinghang didn’t remember him. Perhaps he had changed a lot over the three years of high school, undergoing a complete transformation. He seemed vaguely familiar but more unfamiliar.
Bo Xinghang furrowed his brows, trying to recall who this guy was.
“A friend of yours?” Ji Wenzhen tilted his head to look at him.
“No…” Bo Xinghang stared at him for a moment and then hesitantly changed his answer. “Maybe he is.”
“Pfft, no way, Hang-ge! You haven’t changed a bit! Still so cold and ruthless.”
The buzz-cut guy walked over and put an arm around Bo Xinghang’s shoulder. Doctor Ji frowned and intercepted the arm in mid-air.
The buzz-cut guy’s arm hung awkwardly in the air.
It wasn’t until this interruption that he noticed someone was beside him. He turned his head and squinted. “Who’s this guy?”
“I’d like to ask you the same question.”
Bo Xinghang subtly took a half-step back, his whole body leaning against Doctor Ji as if trying to shield him.
The buzz-cut guy had never seen him act like this before. For a moment, his eyes widened in surprise, and he stood there dumbfounded, not knowing how to respond.
Bo Xinghang’s patience was quickly running out. The thoughts from earlier vanished. With a cold expression, he grabbed Doctor Ji by the wrist and gently pulled him toward a barbecue restaurant ahead.
“Hey!”
The buzz-cut guy shouted from behind, but Bo Xinghang ignored the nutcase.
“Why did you delete your WeChat back then?!”
He didn’t answer.
Ji Wenzhen was being pulled by Bo Xinghang. Unable to see his face clearly, he suddenly felt a strong grip on his wrist. The palm was scorching hot, making him instinctively want to pull away.
But he didn’t. His dark eyes remained fixed on the boy, following him into the restaurant under the barbecue restaurant’s lights and the waitress’s enthusiastic “Welcome!”
“You can’t just pretend you didn’t hear me!” the guy shouted from behind, drawing the attention of those around him. “Is it because of your dad? I could easily find out about your family—”
“Zhang Jian!”
The young man was trembling with anger. The colorful lights made his furious expression even clearer. Suddenly, Ji Wenzhen felt a coolness on his wrist as the boy released him.
His grip had been scorching before, and now there was a sense of emptiness.
Doctor Ji inwardly scoffed, ignoring the strange feeling in his heart, and raised his head to look at the boy again.
“Zhang Jian, you fucking shut up.”
Bo Xinghang finally remembered him. Zhang Jian should have been relieved, but he felt a sudden chill and appeared flustered. “Uh… I didn’t mean it that way.”
“You fucking…” Bo Xinghang struggled to steady his breathing, but his heavy breaths were distinctly audible amidst the noisy night market. “Shut up.”
He needed some quiet.
He needed to calm down from the shock of meeting an old acquaintance.
The buzz-cut guy had irritated him with a single sentence. Bo Xinghang had blurted out his name, surprising even himself. Now he stared coldly at Zhang Jian, with memories from his middle school graduation resurfacing.
Zhang Jian.
Indeed, an old acquaintance.
The first person to confess to him after he realized he was completely gay.
Half a month before the entrance exams, when his father’s scandal had just been exposed.
That was when he first felt panic, helplessness, and even disgust about his own sexual orientation.
In his immaturity, he had tried smoking for the first time, attempting to act like an adult by lighting a cigarette. The flame was blindingly bright, and the sparks in his eyes turned from clear to blurry and hazy.
Smoking didn’t feel good at all.
He pinched the filter between his fingers and took a small puff, but he inevitably ended up coughing.
His coughing was loud and echoed throughout the room, but no one paid him any attention. He was alone, half-kneeling on the floor, eyes involuntarily shedding tears, his eye sockets reddened, and everything appeared hazy in the mist.
This feeling was terrible.
Bo Xinghang threw the cigarette onto the ground and stomped it out with his foot.
Even after the smoke cleared from the room, his heart felt heavy, leaving him at a loss for words and unable to describe his feelings.
He hesitated for a moment, then lit another cigarette. This time, he forced himself to smoke the whole thing, despite the discomfort.
The taste of tobacco was strong, filling his mouth and brain, giving his confused mind a temporary reprieve.
He also developed a love for drinking, but he often ended up a mess afterward, unable to control himself. He hated that feeling, so he became addicted only to smoking.
Memories were sometimes blurry and sometimes deeply etched. He thought he had forgotten, but it all came flooding back at this moment.
He remembered smoking an entire pack that night and writing a sentence in his diary.
—Human genes are so fucking powerful that it makes me sick.
Author’s Note:
Thank you for your support~
Bows!
