TW: Attempted suicide, blood, self-harm
However, before Xu Lingshen could respond, Chu Yan whispered again, his voice hoarse and almost indistinct, “And… you’re negotiating this role for Senior Ye, right?”
His voice was husky, and his words were so mixed that they were almost incomprehensible. After speaking, he tightened his lips, but the sorrowful emotions in his eyes and on his face were almost overflowing.
Xu Lingshen was taken aback and couldn’t help but chuckle. So, he had actually been thinking and feeling jealous all along?
Then, the sense of delight that had emerged due to Chu Yan’s awkward and painful words was quickly overwhelmed by a strong sense of heartache. It was difficult to imagine that if Chu Yan had been misunderstanding him like this all along, then his past actions towards him could only be described as cruel and heartless.
It’s no wonder he misunderstood; I should have explained it to him clearly from the very beginning.
“Before, it was just that my father wanted me to take care of him more, so our relationship was actually ordinary, not as you’ve imagined,” Xu Lingshen said.
Hearing this, Chu Yan looked up at him. Perhaps due to the effects of alcohol, his gaze seemed slightly unfocused. His distinct black and white eyes stared at Xu Lingshen, containing a faint glimmer of moisture.
Seeing him like this, looking somewhat sorrowful, as if he had let himself down deeply…
This thought struck Xu Lingshen, intensifying his sense of guilt from eight to ten. His eyes were filled with sympathetic emotion. He leaned closer and whispered softly, “So don’t be upset anymore. I won’t hide anything from you in the future, okay?”
Chu Yan softly acknowledged with a quiet “okay,” but after a while, he hesitated and asked, “Should I find a time to apologize to Senior Ye? After all, I misunderstood him last time…”
His voice was both low and small as he spoke, carrying a sense of grievance that was hard to miss. Though he mentioned wanting to apologize, his expression was clearly written with “I don’t want to.”
Did Xu Lingshen still not understand him? Knowing how sensitive Chu Yan was in matters of the heart, he realized that underneath the seemingly generous and understanding attitude, Chu Yan was quite petty. However, precisely because of this, Xu Lingshen’s concern for him only grew stronger. Given how Xu Lingshen treated Ye Jingyun before, Chu Yan might be feeling jealous and uncomfortable about that too, he thought.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t react with such apparent discomfort every time Ye Jingyun’s name was brought up.
Unable to hold back, Xu Lingshen teased him, “Do you really want to apologize?”
However, Chu Yan just pressed his lips together.
Despite appearing as if he was on the brink of feeling wronged…
Xu Lingshen sighed, and affectionately ruffled his hair, saying with a smile, “If you don’t want to see him, just try to avoid him in the future.”
Chu Yan softly replied, “I don’t think that way… How could I not see him? After all, he’s your brother.”
Xu Lingshen sighed again, “It’s just a thin layer of blood relations. In families like ours, having such a relationship is already quite good. There’s no need to expect too much…”
—
Due to the tremendous success of “Thunderstruck” Chu Yan’s workload increased significantly. While Xu Lingshen felt happy for him, he also had concerns about whether Chu Yan’s body could handle such a high-intensity workload.
However, the workload was actually reduced quite a bit by Fang Dingyao’s management.
Amidst this busy schedule, Director Li’s film audition arrived quickly. The audition was scheduled at the Z Film Academy, and Chu Yan was auditioning for the male lead. As a result, he left home early in the morning after having breakfast.
The audition venue was crowded with many people. While waiting in the lounge, Chu Yan saw Ye Jingyun, who had also come for the audition.
Ye Jingyun was engaged in a low conversation with his manager when he noticed Chu Yan. A hint of surprise flashed in his eyes upon seeing Chu Yan, but it quickly transformed into a polite smile.
The audition process was swift, consisting of the director asking questions about the movie’s script and a brief performance without props. Therefore, it didn’t take long to complete.
Fang Dingyao checked her watch and said, “It’s about 10:30 now. I have a meeting at the company later. Let Cheng Yang take you back, and you can rest in the afternoon.”
Chu Yan nodded.
However, before they even left the school gate, someone called out to them.
The dining place was a restaurant near the school. Ye Jingyun looked at Chu Yan and said, “Zhong Yu, actually, I’ve been wanting to have a meal with you during this period.”
“But it seems like both of us have been really busy lately, so we haven’t had the chance.”
Chu Yan took a sip of water and then looked up with a smile. “Well… coincidentally, I also wanted to apologize to Senior Ye for what happened before.”
This smile was brief, not even deserving the term “smile.” Yet, unlike the distant and perfunctory smile he used to wear in front of Ye Jingyun, this one seemed to hold an unexpected sense of warmth and friendliness.
Warm and friendly?
Ye Jingyun paused for a few seconds, puzzled by his own sudden thought. Then, his fingers unconsciously traced along the edge of the exquisite white porcelain coffee cup, his expression somewhat ambiguous, as he asked, “Why do you want to apologize?”
After a moment of hesitation, Chu Yan spoke slowly, “The things I said to you last time were actually very rude. I shouldn’t have looked at you in that way just because of my baseless guesses.”
Ye Jingyun’s gaze fell on the arm Chu Yan had placed on the table, noticing a red mark, possibly a burn, amidst his fair skin. Against the backdrop of his pale complexion, it stood out distinctly.
Ye Jingyun shifted his gaze away from Chu Yan’s arm and sighed meaningfully. He smiled wryly and said, “Who could have thought it would lead to such a misunderstanding? Actually, speaking of it, I feel quite sorry for you and my elder brother.”
“I originally thought the misunderstanding between you two was due to Le Huo or something else… I never expected it was because of me…”
Chu Yan managed a faint smile and interrupted, “It’s alright, it’s all in the past.”
“Yeah, it’s in the past.” Ye Jingyun looked at him and said calmly, “Fortunately, the misunderstanding between you and my elder brother has been resolved, or else I might have truly become a criminal… But aside from that, there are a few things I want to talk to you about today…”
Ye Jingyun rested one arm on the table and leaned slightly forward, adopting a serious posture.
Chu Yan nodded, adjusting his posture as well. “Go ahead.”
After a brief pause, Ye Jingyun spoke slowly, “I’ve been following my elder brother to study abroad for so many years… I won’t hide it from you, I’ve actually been quite envious of you.”
Chu Yan was taken aback and asked softly, “Envious?”
“Yeah. Although he treats me well too, that kindness is more like a responsibility from an older brother. Only with you, I can feel that he genuinely cares about you.”
Ye Jingyun furrowed his brows and looked at Chu Yan as if puzzled. “So I’ve always been confused. Why did you misunderstand like that? Couldn’t you see any of his actions towards you? And why didn’t you ever think to ask him, to believe him, and instead sentenced him and yourself to this kind of punishment in your heart?”
His tone wasn’t accusatory, but Chu Yan’s face turned pale at his words, and he even seemed to freeze in place, remaining silent for a long moment.
Ye Jingyun ladled some soup into a bowl and placed it in front of Chu Yan, his tone softening. “I’m not blaming you. I just want to tell you that my big brother truly cares about you. And since that incident, his health hasn’t been the same as before. There are many things he doesn’t say, and you probably wouldn’t notice… So, please don’t let him down.”
Chu Yan nodded, his gaze flickering and his voice hoarse. “I know…”
Ye Jingyun sighed, “Do you really know?”
Chu Yan lifted his eyes to meet his gaze, but in his look, he saw a trace of questioning scrutiny.
“You always see things from your own perspective, even at this point… Do you still not understand what my brother has sacrificed for you?”
Chu Yan held his breath, his gaze fixedly locked onto Ye Jingyun.
With an almost resigned smile, Ye Jingyun shook his head. “You really don’t know, after all… When you told me last time that my brother changed because he saved me, I didn’t tell you back then. It was something my big brother had asked me to keep from you, fearing that you’d be upset if you knew the truth.”
“But now I think… if I don’t let you know the truth, you might never realize how much he cares about you and how much your suspicions and lack of trust hurt him.”
“What…?”
“That night, the two of us were trapped in the blaze. Since I was in the outer area of the studio at the time, my big brother did find me first… I think that’s what led to your misunderstanding.”
Pausing here, Ye Jingyun’s gaze took on a tinge of sadness. “But later, you fell unconscious, so you had no idea what actually happened, and of course, you didn’t know… when the entire steel protective wall collapsed, how my brother shielded you underneath him.”
Ye Jingyun closed his eyes heavily, his voice choking. “But I saw it all…”
—
After finishing reading the email, Xu Linshen looked up and checked the time. It was already past eight in the evening.
He had checked Chu Yan’s schedule for today, and besides an audition with Director Li, there weren’t any other commitments. Logically, he should have returned home by now.
He hesitated whether to call and check, but also wondered if he would be bothering Chu Yan given his free-spirited nature.
As the time reached eight-thirty, just as he was about to give in to his urge to make a call, he heard some noise coming from the entrance.
Setting down his phone, Xu Linshen wheeled himself to the door and smiled, “You’re back.”
Chu Yan looked at him for a good while, then finally nodded, “Yeah.”
The meal was ordered from the hotel as takeout. After finishing eating, Chu Yan tidied up a bit and returned to the bedroom. There, he saw Xu Linshen sitting in his wheelchair, struggling to bend down and pick up a file that had fallen to the floor.
Chu Yan quickly walked over and picked up the file for him. When he looked up, he noticed that Xu Linshen’s expression was calm, as if he had already gotten used to this.
Getting used to such actions, actions that might seem trivial to others but required all his strength, was something he couldn’t do easily.
Xu Linshen looked at the slight bruise under his eyes, his heart aching. “I’ve prepared everything for you. You should freshen up and rest early.”
After all, it was a rare day off today, but it seemed that even celebrities like actors were so busy that they barely had time to sleep.
“Yeah.”
Sleeping until midnight, Xu Linshen faintly heard a restrained sob. He was startled awake from his slumber, straining his senses to confirm whether he had misheard. But within a few seconds, he heard more stifled sobs coming from beside him.
An uneasy feeling crept over Xu Linshen, and he quickly reached out to turn on the bedside lamp. There, he saw the person next to him tightly pursing his lips, trembling slightly from trying to suppress his sobbing. Tears streamed down the corners of his eyes, wetting the pillow beneath him.
Xu Linshen hesitated for a moment, then pulled a towel from the bedside rack to wipe away his tears. He gently patted his cheek and called out, “Zhong Yu.”
In the following week, for several nights, Xu Linshen noticed that he would have nightmares. Sometimes he would wake up on his own, but other times, he had to call out to wake him.
He called out multiple times, and then, as if startled, the other person abruptly opened his eyes.
Confronted with the sudden light, he seemed dazed for a moment. His thin eyelids were reddened from crying, and he stared at Xu Linshen for quite a while, as if slowly emerging from a state of shock.
Xu Linshen couldn’t help but sigh at the way he was being looked at: “Having a nightmare?”
Zhong Yu continued staring at him, as if not comprehending his words. After a long while, he nodded slightly.
Xu Linshen reached out and pulled him into his embrace. He listened to the choked sobs that he still couldn’t control, gently patting his thin back. In a soft and soothing tone, he comforted, “Don’t be afraid, it’s just a dream… Can you tell me what the dream was about?”
“What…” His voice was hoarse and choked with tears, sounding muffled.
Xu Linshen understood that he probably hadn’t fully recovered yet, so he didn’t press further. He held him silently, kissing his sweaty forehead and hair, whispering, “Go back to sleep.”
After about five or six minutes, the person in his arms finally stopped sobbing. Quietly, Xu Linshen asked, “Shall I turn off the lights?”
There was no answer for a moment, and then he heard him say in a barely audible voice, “I want to take a shower…”
His voice was so hoarse that it was almost indistinguishable.
His back was indeed drenched in cold sweat. Xu Linshen touched his sweaty hair and said, “Make the water warmer.”
Zhong Yu went into the bathroom with his pajamas, while Xu Linshen leaned against the head of the bed. He listened to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, feeling completely awake.
What kind of dream could make him so upset? Xu Linshen wondered for a while, and then, after about twenty minutes, the sound of water was still ongoing.
Not without concern, Xu Linshen called out, “Zhong Yu?”
However, in the late night, the entire room was filled with nothing but the sound of water constantly coming from the bathroom.
This deathly silence caused a skip in Xu Linshen’s heartbeat. He shouted loudly again, but still received no response from inside.
A change came over Xu Linshen’s face. He reached for the wheelchair by the bedside and struggled to the bathroom door. He knocked on the door, “Zhong Yu?”
The only reply was the unceasing sound of water. An indescribable panic began to spread within Xu Linshen. He forcefully pushed the door open, but at first glance, his entire body froze in place.
In front of him was an endless sea of blood. Zhong Yu lay in the bathtub, wearing only a thin pajama. One of his hands was resting on the edge of the bathtub. The porcelain-white bathroom tiles were covered in winding bloodstains. The water in the entire bathtub had turned a faint shade of red, and the water tap was still gushing water…
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