TW: Blood, self-harm
His bones and blood were completely chilled, and several seconds passed like this. Then, his knees buckled, and his whole body seemed to lose control as he fell down with a thump, sliding from the wheelchair. He ended up half-kneeling by the edge of the bathtub.
Xu Linshen’s mind went blank for a moment, his only instinct was to lift him out of the water. But what caught his attention were the various cuts on his wrists—some shallow, some deeper. One of them seemed to have struck a major blood vessel, as it continued to bleed profusely even after he had emerged from the hot water, staining his pajama top red within moments.
Due to the excessive loss of blood and being immersed in water for so long, his skin felt icy, devoid of warmth. His face was pallid, lifeless, with barely perceptible breaths. Amidst this coldness, his blood-soaked hands were the only thing that felt scorching hot.
Xu Linshen shuddered, feeling his vision darken and a buzzing sound ring in his ears. A bone-chilling cold seemed to seep inch by inch from the depths of his bones…
When the doctor and nurses arrived, it was already more than ten minutes later. The doctor on the ambulance managed to stop the bleeding, and upon learning of the situation, they urgently arranged for a plasma transfusion at the hospital.
Once at the hospital, Chu Yan was rushed into the emergency room. Xu Linshen sat in the hallway, staring blankly at the blood stains on his clothes. The surroundings were eerily silent, but he felt a chill wind sweep through his veins, freezing even his blood.
He lost track of time, eventually emerging from the dizzying whirlpool of his thoughts. A jumble of chaotic ideas flickered across his mind, torturing him like self-inflicted pain. Yet, he found himself repeatedly compelled to revisit these thoughts, as if subjecting himself to relentless mental torment.
Why would he… do something like this?
How could he, how could he be so cruel to himself?
Xu Linshen lowered his head in anguish, covering his eyes with his hands. His shoulders trembled, his nerve endings tingled, and yet, this sensation oddly brought him a heightened sense of clarity.
When Xiao Meng hurried over and saw Xu Linshen sitting outside the operating room, her entire body stiffened for a moment.
His sleepwear was in shambles, with wet spots mixed with several conspicuous bloodstains, contrasting with his bloodless, pallid face.
After about an hour, a doctor emerged from the operating room. His surgical gown was also stained with noticeable bloodstains, and this nighttime ordeal had clearly taken a toll on him.
“Mr. Xu.”
Meeting Xu Linshen’s gaze, the doctor continued, “Fortunately, the major artery wasn’t severed, and the timely arrival of the patient prevented any life-threatening situation.”
Strangely enough, the patient was someone the doctor recognized—the third male lead from the recent hit drama. His wife would wait eagerly by the television for his scenes to air.
It was hard to fathom why a young and successful individual like him would resort to self-harm.
Upon hearing this, Xu Linshen felt a sense of emptiness creeping in after the initial panic. This feeling spread from his limbs to his entire body. His tense back suddenly relaxed, and only then did he realize that he was drenched in cold sweat.
He spoke, his voice so hoarse that he could barely hear himself, “Alright.”
“Thank you.”
—
The news was still hard to digest. When Fang Dingyao rushed over the next day and saw the person lying unconscious on the hospital bed with a pallid and lifeless complexion, she was left bewildered beyond words.
During this period, even when working, there hadn’t been any noticeable signs of abnormality in Zhong Yu. He seemed perfectly normal… If there was any difference at all, it was that, compared to before, he had become notably quieter.
But this change had been gradual over a significant span of time. While it was true that his temperament had grown more introverted and reserved, which Fang Dingyao had once considered a positive development… After all, a degree of restraint is necessary to navigate the entertainment industry. However, who could have predicted that things would take such a turn?
After the doctor sutured his wounds and administered an emergency blood transfusion of 800cc, it turned out that the vein had ruptured, which wasn’t a significant issue.
The more serious concern was the nerve damage to his wrist. If not properly healed, it could potentially lead to sensory impairment in his hand.
Due to the substantial blood loss, Chu Yan remained unconscious for a full two days, only waking up on the evening of the third day.
As soon as he woke up, he faced a strong reprimand from the system: [Host, have you gone insane? If the male lead had discovered your situation even a little later, you would’ve been a goner!］
[How could that be? Even if he were a bit slow, you would’ve had time to be saved, even if it was an hour later. If I remember correctly, the success rate of wrist-cutting suicide is only around five percent.］
[Moreover, I cut my wrist at the vein.] Generally, successful wrist-cutting suicides involve severing the major artery, which leads to death due to cerebral shock caused by blood loss.
2333 fell silent, making it feel once again that this host was truly ruthless.
He lay alone on the bed for a while longer, the hospital room remaining desolately quiet and cold, to the point where he could hear the sound of the liquid dripping from the IV tube.
After about half an hour, when the nurse came in to change the IV drip, she noticed that he was awake.
The doctor came over and conducted a detailed examination on him. Finally, the doctor concluded, “There’s no major issue anymore. Just a few more days of IV and waiting for the wound to heal will suffice.”
Meanwhile, on the side, Xu Linshen remained silent throughout. Seeing this, the doctor greeted them and left the hospital room.
As the footsteps faded away, the room regained its quietness. Xu Linshen pushed the wheelchair to the bedside, looking down at Chu Yan with a cold gaze.
Chu Yan observed him for a moment, then slightly lowered his eyes and shifted his body gently. He moved his right hand and found that it was numb and devoid of sensation. Carefully, he extended his left hand around his body to reach for the hand placed on his knee.
However, just as he was about to touch it, Xu Linshen abruptly flung his hand away. The motion happened so suddenly, almost without any warning, that Chu Yan froze in place almost instantly.
His eyes, with distinct black and white, held a glint of watery light deep within the pupils. Looking so lost, he appeared innocent and sorrowful.
Xu Linshen forced himself to avert his gaze, then began to speak, his voice hoarse with a restrained desperation, like a trapped and desperate beast whose despair and madness could not be hidden no matter how much he suppressed them. “Zhong Yu, sometimes I really want to open up your heart and see what’s inside. What are you hiding in there?”
Chu Yan’s eyes reddened, and his pale lips quivered slightly as he murmured, “I’m sorry…”
Xu Linshen’s chest heaved as he stared fixedly at Chu Yan. He grabbed the hand Chu Yan had placed on the bedsheet, his grip so tight that the veins on his arm stood out prominently.
Each word seemed to rip his throat apart, laden with a strong sense of bloodlust. “Sorry? Zhong Yu, you’re telling me you’re sorry now? How dare you do that back then? Are you… are you trying to drive me insane just to satisfy yourself?”
Chu Yan’s lips trembled as he suppressed a sob, speaking in fragments, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…”
But as he finished that sentence, his emotions seemed to completely break down. Tears rolled down incessantly, yet he clenched his teeth tightly to prevent himself from sobbing out loud. His chest heaved rapidly, his breath catching as he struggled to inhale.
Tears kept streaming down from his eye corners, trailing down his cheeks and onto his chin. Xu Linshen watched him, feeling as if his heart had been crushed into minced meat, the pain so intense that even catching his breath was difficult.
Slowly, he loosened his grip on Chu Yan’s hand a little, then leaned down to wipe away the tears on his face. His heart was laden with a bitter ache, his throat as if blocked by a lump, and he whispered hoarsely, “I’m sorry…”
Xu Linshen held Chu Yan’s trembling form, adjusting his position slightly. He gently stroked his back, his voice filled with remorse and sadness, “Don’t cry, sweetheart…”
His own body trembled slightly due to the distress, and a thin layer of sweat forming on his forehead. His warmth and slight thinness made Xu Linshen hold him tightly, whispering comforting words in a voice tinged with powerless anxiety. He could only kiss away the tears at the corners of his eyes in broken, intermittent gestures, “Don’t cry, sweetheart, don’t cry…”
It felt as if his heart was about to shatter into pieces…
Since Chu Yan had only recently awakened and his body was still weak, he couldn’t bear the emotions and physical strain for long. Xu Linshen held him for a while longer, until Chu Yan’s consciousness slipped away again.
—
In the director’s office.
After listening to Xu Linshen’s words, the doctor pondered for a moment before hesitatingly speaking, “Mr. Xu, during the surgery, we actually discovered several other wounds on the patient’s body, so… I believe there might be a tendency towards self-destructive behavior.”
Self-destructive behavior?
When Xu Linshen heard this term, his heart skipped a beat, and his fingers involuntarily clenched, as if he hadn’t quite understood. He asked, “What does that mean?”
“I’m not a specialist, so I only know a bit. Depression is actually a very common emotional disorder with many symptoms. Self-harm and self-destructive behavior are just one aspect of it. When patients face stressors or are in a state of feeling helpless to change their situation for an extended period, they can experience significant mental pressure and suffering. To alleviate this mental distress, they may resort to harming their own bodies.”
After the doctor roughly explained, he asked, “Mr. Xu, may I inquire if the patient has shown any unusual behaviors recently?”
Xu Linshen felt his heart sink, and his hands and feet went cold. “He… has been having nightmares frequently recently, including that night. Also… sometimes when I talk to him, he seems distracted…”
He had always thought that Zhang Yu was just overwhelmed and tired due to work. But now, could it be that it wasn’t the case?
The doctor sighed after listening carefully, “These are signs of mild depression. Therefore, I suggest that once he recovers, you arrange for him to see a mental health counselor for psychological counseling.”
That evening, Xu Linshen called his assistant and asked him to investigate the people Zhong Yu had been in contact with over the past two weeks. While mild depression wouldn’t lead to such extreme behavior, Zhong Yu’s condition has been abnormal lately. However, Xu Linshen still believed that the reason for Zhong Yu’s extreme act that night was primarily due to the nightmare that had been haunting him for the past week.
When Xu Linshen returned to the hospital room, he found that Zhong Yu was already awake. With his eyes half closed, Zhong Yu seemed to be gazing into the distance, lost in thought.
The color had drained from his face, leaving it as pale as the bedsheets beneath him. His lips were dry, and a thick layer of bandages was wrapped around his wrist. Just looking at him conveyed the sensation of his cold, lifeless skin.
Xu Linshen stared at him for a while, and then he saw Zhong Yu’s gaze shifting towards him as if he had sensed his presence.
He really wanted to ask him directly, to inquire about what was going on in his mind—what had caused him such distress that he had considered hurting himself?
However, Xu Linshen was also concerned that if he approached the subject in the wrong way, he might inadvertently increase Zhong Yu’s psychological burden.
Looking at him, Chu Yan gently said, “Sister Fang just called, saying that I passed the audition.”
Knowing this already, Xu Linshen sighed and asked, “Do you still want to work, after all?”
Chu Yan shook his head, his tone tinged with a hint of sadness, “I just feel quite sorry for her. It seems irresponsible of me to do this, considering she has put in a lot of effort for this matter…”
Hearing him say this, Xu Linshen’s heart tightened. In fact, if he had heard this from him before, he might have laughed at his maturity, but in the current situation… he couldn’t help but recall the doctor’s words…
He suddenly realized that Chu Yan’s temperament had actually become much more restrained, completely devoid of his previous carefree nature. It was as if he had grown up significantly overnight…
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