My name is Jian Mengyan.
I believe in justice, but I don’t have much time left.
——
I’m just an ordinary person.
So ordinary that if I were thrown into a crowd, I would disappear without a trace.
Of course, if we’re measuring how ordinary someone is by their family background, then maybe I’m not that ordinary.
My mother’s family runs a big business, and my father’s family runs an even bigger one.
So, it’s not uncommon for me to go ten days, maybe even half a month, without seeing my busy parents even once.
I tried to get their attention by rebelling, but unfortunately, I lacked the experience to pull it off. My little spark of rebellion was discovered before it could even ignite, and with one big bucket of cold water, it was snuffed out.
That time, it was because I saw a notice on the school bulletin board criticizing some students for skipping class to go to an internet cafe. The offense was so serious that they were going to have to write self-criticisms during the flag-raising ceremony on Monday.
I remember feeling my blood rush to my face, and I anxiously skipped class, nervously finding my way to the same internet cafe mentioned in the notice.
I really did skip class and went to the internet cafe.
But, unfortunately, I wasn’t interested in online games or anything like that. After staring blankly at the computer screen for two hours, I couldn’t stand it anymore and took out my English book from my backpack to start reading.
Maybe it was because staring at the computer had been so boring that suddenly, even the English that I usually hated seemed somewhat interesting.
Eventually, I couldn’t stand the smell of smoke, sweat, and feet in the cafe anymore. Realizing it was already dark outside, I hurriedly packed my things and slipped away.
But when I got home, I was disappointed to find that the house was still dark and empty—just like always.
It’s okay.
I thought maybe it was because I hadn’t been caught yet. Once the school called my parents, they would definitely pay attention to me.
But… should I go to the internet cafe again?
It was dirty. So boring.
I didn’t want to go back…
After thinking for a bit, I came up with a brilliant idea. I found a web page that let me send a fake text message from a teacher’s phone. Pretending to be my teacher, I sent a message to both my mom and dad, telling them I had gone to the internet cafe that day. I even selfishly added a note asking them to pay more attention to me.
Soon, I got a call from my mom.
My hands were shaking when I answered the phone.
The conversation started off normal. My mom casually asked where I had been that afternoon. When I nervously but excitedly admitted that I had gone to an internet cafe, she didn’t scold me. Instead, she gently told me that if I was feeling too tired, I didn’t have to study so hard. She even offered to sign me up for a travel agency so I could tour all the scenic spots across the country. Or if I was bored, she said, I could even get a boyfriend—they were very open-minded.
I hung up the phone quietly.
They were way too open-minded.
My plan to gain attention through rebellion was completely ruined.
So, I went back to being the good student with great grades who always followed the rules. That momentary act of rebellion seemed like it had never happened.
But I didn’t have any friends.
Maybe it was because I was strange. I could only maintain a normal classmate relationship with others, but I couldn’t seem to develop any deeper friendships. As for my mom’s suggestion of getting a boyfriend, that was even more impossible.
For me, maintaining a steady, long-term friendship with someone seemed too difficult.
I thought my life would always be like this—neither great nor terrible. I wouldn’t have to worry about material things, but I also wouldn’t have anyone close to me.
But everything changed when I started high school.
It was August 30, 2009.
The weather was nice, and the temperature was high. Even the cicadas were too hot to make noise at noon.
I sat in a crowded classroom, organizing the textbooks that had just been handed out for high school.
Our homeroom teacher stood at the front, droning on about how important high school was.
The classroom was hot and stuffy. After finishing organizing my books, I automatically tuned out the teacher’s words and opened my English textbook.
Staring at the endless rows of ABCDs, I was certain of one thing—English was still just as annoying as ever. Whether I was a middle school student or a high school student, I figured even when I was seventy or eighty, lying in a coffin, I’d probably still pop up now and then to shout about how much I hated English.
Back then, I had no idea that I would never make it to seventy or eighty.
Since it was the first day back, we were just supposed to get familiar with the classroom and each other, and the teacher was supposed to motivate us. So, at 11:50 a.m., school was dismissed.
The students swiftly packed their bags and left in a rush.
Only I sat there slowly, staring at my open textbook, trying to memorize every word.
I wasn’t in a hurry to go home.
There was no one waiting for me at home.
I wasn’t in a hurry to go out and play either.
If I went out, I’d still be alone.
I feared loneliness, but I didn’t like crowds either.
After staring at the English book for a while, my eyes started to hurt from all the letters, so I lay my head down on the desk and turned to look out the window. Summer was always so intense, so hot that it made people irritable.
It was just too hot, and I couldn’t sit still. As I packed up my things, I thought to myself that the version of me who didn’t want to go home and enjoy the air conditioning earlier was an idiot.
Why torture myself like this?
Just as I finished packing my bag and was about to leave the classroom, a girl with a high ponytail walked in.
She was one of my classmates. She had just introduced herself, but I hadn’t been paying attention, so I didn’t remember her name.
I nodded politely at her, considering that a greeting.
But she smiled back at me, her face lighting up with two small dimples, making her look even sweeter.
She must be a very nice girl.
I thought this as I was about to pass her and leave.
But before I could take a step, she spoke, “Hello, are you Jian Mengyan?”
Huh?
She remembered me?
Surprised, I looked up.
Seeing my reaction, her smile grew even wider, her eyes curving into crescent moons, making her look even softer and sweeter.
“My name is Ding Jing. Can we be friends?”
I froze, staring at her blankly, and unintentionally asked, “Friends?”
Ding Jing nodded happily. “I want to be friends with you. Is that okay?”
I was stunned, letting out an absent-minded “ah.” In my sixteen years of life, I had never met someone so bold and straightforward.
Ding Jing took my response as agreement to her friend request, ran back to her desk, and retrieved a light blue hair clip, pinning it to her hair before returning with a bright smile. She didn’t mind the heat as she linked her arm with mine. “Let’s go.”
Ding Jing was just like that summer—direct and passionate.
With Ding Jing around, I realized for the first time that “friend” wasn’t just a word with twelve strokes written on paper. It was something that could warm your heart, something that could make you smile whenever you thought about it.
The more time I spent with Jing Jing, the more I found myself smiling, starting to enjoy the bustle and no longer fearing loneliness.
Of course, some of the credit also goes to our high school homeroom teacher, Shen Tinglan.
That happened sometime after the midterm exams during our first year of high school.
Jiangzhou No. 4 High School was a very strict school. We only had Sundays off, and even on Saturdays, we had classes until 7 p.m.
That day, Jing Jing didn’t come to school because she had a competition to attend, so I stayed in the classroom, dawdling and holding my stomach while packing up my things.
It was the first day Jing Jing wasn’t around, and I missed her.
Before I met Jing Jing, I never minded going to and from school, eating, or studying alone. But with Jing Jing by my side, I got used to having her around.
With Jing Jing suddenly gone, even lunch didn’t taste good, so I ended up skipping dinner altogether.
But this is a bad example—now look at me, starving.
Still, I wasn’t in a hurry to go home.
That house with a housekeeper didn’t feel warm at all.
I stalled until 7:30 p.m. before finally packing up and leaving. But just as I turned off the classroom lights, I saw the teacher waiting outside. He adjusted his glasses and said with a grin, “I was wondering who in our class was so passionate about studying.”
The awe students feel toward their teachers must be ingrained deep in their bones.
Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Clearing my throat, I said, “Teacher Shen, I’m leaving now.”
The teacher’s eyes, hidden behind his glasses, scanned me up and down in the dim hallway light. After a moment, he said, “Forget it, come home with me.”
“Huh?”
But the teacher had already turned away, hands behind his back, and said, somewhat ambiguously, “You look like you’re starving. Let’s see if you’ll skip dinner again after this.”
So, the teacher took me to his house. When the teacher’s wife saw me, she understood immediately, heading into the kitchen to prepare some food. Before long, she brought out a plate of dumplings with garlic sauce on the side, handing me a pair of chopsticks with a kind and gentle smile. “Here, eat up.”
High school life was really wonderful.
After thanking her, I took the chopsticks and started eating the dumplings. As I ate, I thought to myself how I always seemed to encounter kindness from others.
The world really is a bright place.
Those dumplings were so delicious that I wanted to swallow my tongue along with them.
When it was about time to leave, I told them I had to go home. The teacher grumbled about how a girl shouldn’t be out so late, but he still got up and put on his coat, looking like he intended to walk me home.
As we left, the teacher knocked on the door next to his. A moment later, a man in his thirties, wearing a police uniform, stepped out.
The teacher smiled at the man and said, “Xiao He, your sister-in-law left some dumplings for you. Eat them when you’re done.”
The man wasn’t very tall, but he had a strong presence. He didn’t say much in response to the teacher’s words, just nodded with a stern expression.
On the way downstairs, the teacher started rambling again. “My neighbor there is something else. He’s a police officer and really good at solving cases, but the problem is, he’s too young and thinks he’s invincible.”
I didn’t really understand what he meant, so I didn’t say anything.
The teacher was very good at conversation. On the rest of the walk, he managed to get me to open up, and eventually, I confessed my secret.
I told him that my parents probably didn’t love me. Maybe they just enjoyed the thrill of making money, the satisfaction of watching each project grow from nothing in their hands. Maybe I was just another part of their sense of accomplishment.
But the teacher just smiled, patting my head, and said that no parent would ever not love their child. Maybe they were just trying to give me the best.
I stayed silent.
I didn’t want the best.
I just wanted my parents by my side.
When I got home that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about what the teacher had said.
Did my parents really love me? Maybe they just didn’t know how to show it?
So, I called my mom. I wanted to ask her if it was true.
But her assistant answered the phone, telling me that my mom had flown north for a business deal and wouldn’t be back for a week.
Undeterred, I called my dad.
But his secretary picked up, telling me that my dad had left the country the day before for an international project. He even asked if my dad hadn’t mentioned it to me.
They really didn’t love me, huh?
I quietly hung up the phone. Both of them had gone on business trips, and neither of them had thought to tell me.
But it’s okay.
I’ve gotten used to it.
Now I have Jing Jing and the teacher. I’m not alone anymore… probably.
But the world is full of unpredictable changes.
In the first semester of our third year of high school, Jing Jing’s family went bankrupt.
Jing Jing’s family business was even bigger than mine. Much bigger.
When her family went bankrupt, I asked my parents for help, but they could only look at me regretfully and tell me there was nothing they could do.
I don’t know what Jing Jing’s parents did, but they ended up in prison.
During that time, Jing Jing lost a lot of weight. In just a week, her chin had become pointed.
I was really worried about Jing Jing.
But I didn’t know how to comfort her.
I was always so clumsy.
Always so useless. In the end, Jing Jing had to turn around and comfort me instead.
Jing Jing’s house was seized.
She had nowhere to go, so I offered to let her stay at my place. But for some reason, Jing Jing refused and reassured me with a smile, telling me she would find a suitable place.
Not long after, Jing Jing did find a place to stay.
It was the top floor of an old apartment building. The landlord, an elderly man, felt sorry for her and didn’t charge her any rent.
I didn’t want her living there.
But there was nothing I could do.
So, as if to punish myself, I found an old apartment building and rented a place for myself as well.
But after Jing Jing moved, she seemed much better.
She seemed more relaxed, and her smile returned.
At first, I didn’t understand why, until one morning when I was on my way to school and saw Jing Jing from a distance.
Just as I was about to call out to her, a tall boy ran over, stuffing a pair of fluffy gloves into her hands before jogging away.
Oh~
So that’s it.
I walked over to Jing Jing, lightly bumping her shoulder with mine. “Oh wow, our Ding Jing goddess has a boyfriend now?”
Jing Jing’s face instantly turned red. “W-What are you talking about?”
I squinted at the boy’s disappearing figure and teased, “Let me guess, who’s the lucky guy who finally won your heart? Our class president, Lin Shaohuai? No, he’s not that tall. Then is it Hao Yiming from the class next door? But no, Hao doesn’t look like that.”
I guessed everyone I could think of, but Jing Jing didn’t react. I could only sigh. “It couldn’t be that landlord’s grandson, Yinzhuo, could it?”
As soon as I finished speaking, Jing Jing’s ears turned red.
I was stunned. “Wait, seriously?”
Yin Zhuo wasn’t the most outstanding of Jing Jing’s many admirers. As for why he won, I could only chalk it up to “familiarity breeds affection.”
I teased Yin Zhuo and Jing Jing about it for a long time.
With the sweetness of love in her life, Jing Jing finally started to recover from the blow and vowed to restore her family’s fortune.
Just when I thought things were getting better day by day, another disaster struck.
Jing Jing was a good person—a really, really good person.
But it was as if fate was determined to test her.
By then, we were approaching the college entrance exams.
It was a time when everyone’s nerves were frayed.
I had long lost the will to study, feeling restless and uneasy every day.
But Jing Jing was full of energy. The closer the exams got, the more determined she became.
Until June 3, 2012.
I will never forget that day.
The weather was bad. The sky was overcast all morning. Since it was the last day the school was open, Jing Jing and I had planned to spend the day reviewing together.
But around noon, Jing Jing suddenly came to me, looking mysterious, and said she wasn’t feeling well and had to leave early.
I asked if she wanted me to walk her home, but she avoided my gaze and mumbled an excuse before running off.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized Jing Jing hadn’t looked sick at all. Her face had been rosy and glowing.
Later…
That’s when it happened.
In the evening, the teacher came to find me, saying Jing Jing had gone missing.
I went out in the rain to look for her. The rain was so heavy that it made me feel anxious.
Then, Jing Jing called me.
She was crying, telling me she didn’t want to live anymore, that she wasn’t clean anymore.
Instinctively, I called Yin Zhuo. Then I continued searching for Jing Jing, running into our class president, Lin Shaohuai, along the way.
It was late, very late, when I finally found her by the river.
Jing Jing was sitting on the embankment, hugging her knees, her face pale, her body trembling.
I called her name several times before she finally turned to look at me.
I asked her what had happened.
At first, she didn’t say anything. Then she told me that Hao Yiming had raped her.
My mind went blank. I knew what those words meant, but I couldn’t understand how something like that could have happened to Jing Jing.
Jing Jing, who was always so good, so kind…
Jing Jing cried for a long time before leaning on my shoulder, her voice faint as she said, “Meng Meng, I’m going ahead. Don’t tell Yin Zhuo about this. I want him to always remember me as beautiful.”
At first, I didn’t understand what Jing Jing meant, but when I finally realized it, she was already standing at the edge of the river, her back to me as she fell backward into the water.
“Jing Jing!”
I wanted to grab her hand, but the water was too strong. All I could do was watch helplessly as Jing Jing was swept away by the current.
I wanted to jump in after her, but I was too scared.
I was afraid of the water. Afraid of death.
So, I stood there, watching as Jing Jing disappeared before my eyes.
I could have stopped her when she jumped, but I didn’t.
I could have called for help when she fell, but I didn’t.
Jing Jing… I was the one who killed her.
When I finally went home, I had a strange idea and decided to stop by the school.
Jiangzhou No. 4 High School had advanced equipment. It had to have recorded footage of Hao Yiming and Jing Jing together. I wanted to expose Hao Yiming!
But I was too late.
Part of the footage from that day was missing. It must have been taken by someone.
At that moment, even though my body felt awful, my mind was unusually clear.
I meticulously went through all the surveillance footage. When I couldn’t find anything at the school, I started knocking on the doors of nearby shops. If the shop owners weren’t willing to help, I offered them money.
Finally, I found a store that had captured Jing Jing on its security cameras.
That afternoon, Jing Jing and Yin Zhuo had gone to the school together. Then Yin Zhuo left, and later, Yin Zhuo returned with Hao Yiming.
Yin Zhuo? Hao Yiming?
Why were they together?
I took the security tape and put it in a bag to bring home.
But as I was walking to my apartment, a gust of wind knocked down a plastic board from a flower pot on the upper floor, hitting me squarely on the head. I fell to the ground, my face getting cut open.
It hurt.
But I didn’t have time to worry about that.
The first thing I did when I got home was check the tape, but unfortunately, the fall had broken the bag, and water had gotten in. The tape was ruined and couldn’t be played.
I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t accept Jing Jing’s death. I didn’t know what had happened between Jing Jing and Yin Zhuo.
But I knew one thing: Jing Jing wouldn’t want her story to be widely spread.
So, I didn’t tell the police the truth.
Later, the teacher took me home.
Sitting in my apartment, I was restless. My uneasy behavior quickly caught the teacher’s attention.
He took my hand and asked me what was wrong.
Looking at the concern in his eyes, my heart wavered. Maybe I could tell him.
So, I did.
And then…
The teacher died.
He died right in front of me. I watched as his blood flowed across the floor.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore.
I passed out.
When I woke up, I was lying in a hospital bed, the smell of disinfectant filling my nose. My mom and dad were sitting by my side with red eyes.
The moment I moved, they looked over at me.
But right then, I didn’t need their concern.
What did I want…
What was I thinking about?
My head felt heavy, like there was something important I had forgotten.
What was it?
I frowned, trying to remember. But every time I tried, my head started to hurt, making it hard to breathe.
Just then, a middle-aged doctor walked in. His name tag read “Zhong Langming.”
My parents hurried over to ask about my condition. The doctor said something about retrograde amnesia caused by a major shock.
I asked my parents if I had forgotten something, but they just kept their mouths shut, refusing to tell me anything.
Then, before I knew it, they had sent me abroad.
As I sat on the plane to another country, I kept thinking—what had happened? Why had I lost my memory?
What could have happened that was so shocking it made me forget everything?
Suddenly, the plane hit some turbulence, and I banged my head against the cabin wall. In that daze, it was as if… everything came rushing back.
So that’s what it was.
I looked down at my hands. So it really was me who had killed my best friend and my best teacher.
For a long time after that, I suffered from insomnia, and every time I closed my eyes, I would see Jing Jing and the teacher’s faces.
As a result, my studies fell apart.
The country I was in was chaotic.
Street fights, armed robberies—these were everyday occurrences.
There was even a time when a thief broke into the classroom during a lecture, and someone resisted. The thief shot them dead, splattering warm blood all over me.
But strangely, I didn’t feel afraid. Instead, my heart burned—burned hot.
Maybe I was born this way.
Born to be… rotten.
Suddenly, I wanted to know what had happened after Jing Jing and the teacher’s deaths. I asked for leave from school and secretly returned to Jiangzhou City.
But the results I found were disappointing.
The person who killed the teacher was sent to a juvenile detention center. Jing Jing was still missing.
I went to the hospital where the teacher had been treated, but the head of the emergency department had been fired. Meanwhile, that doctor named Zhong Langming had been rapidly promoted, rising to head of the department in just a few months.
Something was off.
As I was leaving, I ran into Zhong Langming.
But strangely enough, even though we had only met once and several months had passed, he still recognized me. He seemed surprised to see me there.
I couldn’t find any answers in Jiangzhou, so I went to find Yin Zhuo. I wanted to know what had really happened to Jing Jing.
Yin Zhuo must have just finished an experiment. He was in a lab coat, carrying a book, hurrying through the school. When he saw me, he lowered his head, like he didn’t want to be recognized.
I stopped him.
I asked him what had really happened.
Yin Zhuo looked at me for a long time, then asked why I had to keep digging. Why couldn’t I just stay out of it?
Stay out of it?
How could I?
This was Jing Jing.
This was the teacher.
Yin Zhuo sighed, then led me aside. He said that afternoon, Jing Jing had gone to find Hao Yiming, which was why he had brought Hao Yiming with him. But he swore he didn’t know what happened after that.
But as I looked at his face, I knew he was lying.
And yet, the expression he wore didn’t seem like he had given up on Jing Jing.
Instead, it was—
The calm before the storm.
I asked him, “What are you planning? Are you going to take revenge for Jing Jing on your own?”
Yin Zhuo lowered his head and stayed silent.
That’s when I knew—I had guessed right.
I asked him how he planned to do it.
He kept his head down, like he didn’t have a plan yet.
Suddenly, I felt like I could do something for Jing Jing.
So I took his hand and told him not to act rashly. I would help him.
When I returned abroad, I switched my major to biology, spending nearly the entire semester in the lab.
I still didn’t know exactly what had happened to Jing Jing that day, but it didn’t matter anymore. As long as everyone who hurt her went to join her, that would be enough.
When someone focuses intently on something, they’re bound to achieve something.
I discovered PHR769.
It’s an anesthetic that will go down in history.
Then, Yin Zhuo and I started reviewing all the people involved in Jing Jing’s case.
During the winter break, I visited many shops in the area and asked many people questions, finally piecing together a complete timeline.
We ranked everyone involved by difficulty and decided to carry out our plan one by one.
Yin Zhuo wasn’t ruthless enough, so I took care of the first person.
She was the class queen bee. Back when Jing Jing’s family hadn’t fallen, she used to stick to Jing Jing all the time. But once Jing Jing’s family collapsed, if it weren’t for me, Jing Jing would have been bullied to death by her soft personality.
That day when Jing Jing disappeared, she was the one who cleared out the area around the storeroom.
——
And so, Yin Zhuo and I followed our plan, killing everyone who needed to die.
The plan stretched over several years until, in 2019, I met a man.
He was a police officer.
He was very kind to me, so kind that I didn’t know how to handle it.
Eventually, I learned to accept his kindness, and I treated him well in return.
Later, I started thinking, after I finished avenging Jing Jing, maybe I could marry him and live the peaceful life I longed for.
But when Yin Zhuo and I were getting ready to go after Hao Yiming, I suddenly felt unwilling.
Unwilling to let Hao Yiming, a criminal, be remembered as a beloved entrepreneur.
If we killed him the same way we killed the others, people would just feel sorry for him.
How could a man like that deserve anyone’s sympathy?
So, I decided to use Zuo Shuyang.
Use the man I loved most.
We deliberately killed Shen Jun and Cheng Hao, intentionally leaving behind evidence.
We intentionally brought Jing Jing and the teacher into the police’s view.
When the investigation hit a dead end, I pretended to be attacked, drawing the police’s attention to Zhong Langming.
Everything went smoothly.
Hao Yiming’s mask was torn off.
On June 3, 2022, Yin Zhuo and I went to the place where Jing Jing had jumped into the river. I brought some river lanterns with me. Whether they would work or not didn’t matter—it was the thought that counted.
It was then that I realized Yin Zhuo had already left enough evidence to prove he was the killer behind all the cases.
The rain poured down, and Yin Zhuo stood beside me, looking relaxed.
He said, “I can finally let go. I can finally see Jing Jing again.”
I looked up at him, but before I could say anything, I heard Zuo Shuyang calling me from behind.
That’s when I realized what Yin Zhuo was planning.
He wanted to take all the blame alone. As I sat in the passenger seat, watching Yin Zhuo’s figure disappear, I wondered—why did he think that after everything we’d been through, I would be able to live in peace?
Zuo Shuyang noticed that something was wrong with me. He was worried, but he didn’t dare ask directly, trying to bring it up indirectly instead.
But I didn’t say anything.
Not a word.
He just assumed I was in a bad mood, so I was feeling down.
As Zuo Shuyang was leaving, I called out to him. Seeing the startled look on his face, I rushed up and hugged him, then whispered, “Stay safe.”
Zuo Shuyang patted my head and told me to wait for him to come back.
But I knew I would never be able to wait for him again.
I was so tired.
I just wanted everything to end.
Bleeding out doesn’t feel good.
My wrists hurt, and my body was cold, but my mind was clearer than ever.
The events of the past few years flashed before my eyes like a slideshow.
Beyond that, there was only an endless white void.
I felt someone moving my body. There were lots of loud voices around me.
I heard Zuo Shuyang calling my name.
But I was so tired. I didn’t want to open my eyes anymore.
In that endless white void, a figure suddenly appeared.
It was Jing Jing.
She smiled at me. When I tried to walk toward her, she gently pushed me away.
I didn’t understand why. She just kept smiling, just like she had ten years ago, just like in my dreams, the same blue hair clip still pinned to her hair.
She was always like that.
I felt weightless, and the long, sharp beep of a medical instrument filled my ears.
This is it.
Ending things this way… isn’t so bad.
Zuo Shuyang, I hope in your next life, you don’t meet someone as bad as me.
✨Translation complete!✨
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