It was him.
In the drizzling white wine, there was a mix of some reddish liquid, not knowing if it was dissolved chili candy or blood streaks, hanging on the snow-white ceramic wall, which looked quite glaring.
Drinking a glass of white wine on an empty stomach feels incredibly uncomfortable.
It’s as if no matter how much you vomit, there’s a Nezha1Nezha is a popular figure in Chinese mythology and folklore. He is a deity or a powerful spirit often depicted as a young boy or teenager with distinctive attributes such as a red sash, lotus flowers, and fire wheels. Nezha is a central character in the classic Chinese novel “Investiture of the Gods” (封神演义), which is one of the Four Great Classical Novels of Chinese literature. inside your stomach causing havoc in the sea.You want to stir up everything from the depths, but the feeling of nausea won’t go away.
The entire throat hurts, as if fire has intensely scorched along the nerves. Once the thought of that chili candy comes back to mind…
Can’t think about it anymore.
The window is misted with damp fog, and raindrops densely overlay one layer over another.
By the ears, there was an overwhelming sound of thunder and rain, to the point that Qi Juan always felt as if he was caught in a raging storm. His vision was obscured by rainwater, and his eyelids were so heavy that he could barely lift them.
Qi Juan relied solely on his remaining consciousness to barely hold on. He pinched his fingertips into his upper abdomen, squeezing and squeezing, but the pain continued from the inside out, and he had no way to alleviate it. He could only endure it like this.
From time to time, his stomach would contract fiercely, like stepping on and pressing a water-filled balloon, causing all the liquid, including the wine, to churn up.
Suddenly, amidst the ringing in his ears, a noisy voice intruded—
“It’s this candy, you can find it on Taobao2Taobao is a Chinese online shopping platform.… Did you see it clearly?” Chi Yin shook the candy bag in front of the camera.
If it wasn’t for Chi Yin suddenly speaking up, Qi Juan wouldn’t have noticed the person standing next to him, recording a video.
Qi Juan pressed the flush button and wearily stood up. His vocal cords were probably strained, making his voice hoarse and low. He slowly said, “Pass me the phone.”
Chi Yin quickly hid the phone behind his back, saying, “No. I’m standing, and I can’t get your face in the shot.”
“Then get out. I’m going to take a shower.” Qi Juan impatiently ushered the person out.
As the hot water from the showerhead poured down, his ink-black hair got wet and hung softly. Qi Juan casually brushed the black hair behind his head, revealing a smooth forehead and clear features.
The hot water showering on his body felt very comfortable, but his stomach seemed to be filled with sharp ice blades that couldn’t melt away. Waves of excruciating pain kept twisting, and even his vision was almost turning dark.
Qi Juan was in so much pain that he knelt down directly, slowly curling up on the ground.
The white foam on the floor was being pushed layer by layer into the drain like waves. He raised his hand and struggled to reach into the storage box, knocking over and causing some empty bottles to crash down.
He picked up one of the bottles and pressed it hard into his stomach, even making his knuckles turn white from the force.
The soft belly swallowed the solid shampoo bottle, and the plastic texture on the bottom of the bottle also pressed into the skin, leaving a large and shallow groove.
The hot water slid down wetly along the bath towel, and the skin of the neck showed a faint redness in the moist mist, as if one could see the fine blood vessels flowing underneath through the delicate skin.
–
When he pushed open the door handle, Qi Juan’s cotton pajamas were also soaked with dark patches, as if he had been thrown out without drying off, and his body still steamed from the high temperature in the bathroom.
Before his eyes were a mosaic of mottled color blocks, and no matter how many times Qi Juan blinked, he couldn’t make out the objects clearly.
He simply leaned against the wall and sat down, supporting his long, straight legs on the floor. The cold water flowed down his snow-white neck, chilling him to the core, and he could only shiver while wrapped in the bath towel.
When Chi Yin walked over, Qi Juan pulled his toes inward and lifted his hand to wring out some water from his hair, saying, “Let’s talk.”
The former replied with a dry “Oh.”
Qi Juan rustled in his pocket and took out a cigarette box. He took one out and lit it, then pinched it between his fingers and took a puff.
Not sure what to say, he remained silent for a long time.
“What do you want to talk to me about? Love, perhaps? Well, I’m more than willing to accompany you in that.” Chi Yin furrowed his brows, lifting his hand to disperse the smoke in front of him. “Tsk. I really admire you. You even keep cigarettes in your pajama pocket. Won’t you smell like smoke while sleeping?”
His thin eyelids drooped slightly, and Qi Juan furrowed his brow, saying, “Chi Yin, what do you want from me?”
“I hope you like me,” Chi Yin naturally took over the conversation, as if it was only reasonable to expect so.
“How is that possible?” Qi Juan looked up at him, feeling a sense of unfamiliarity. “You are just causing me pain. If this is what you call liking someone, not only me, but anyone would not accept it.”
“…”
The steam from the shower quickly dissipated, and Qi Juan continued with a pale complexion, “Besides this, what else do you want? Do you want my life? Do you not?”
The young boy’s eyes gradually curved up, and the teardrop mole at the corner of his eye slightly raised. After he finished speaking, he smiled softly, and even his shoulder blades trembled.
Unable to bear it any longer, Chi Yin said, “You’re crazy. I don’t want to talk to you anymore, I’m going to bed.”
Qi Juan flicked the cigarette ash and replied, “Hmm.”
–
Qi Juan sat on the ground for a long time, smoking three or four cigarettes in a row before stopping. After finishing the cigarettes, the pain only increased, but his mind felt somewhat empty.
He remembered the doctor advising him to quit smoking, saying that it would damage his stomach lining. But he was feeling really irritated now, just looking at the cigarette scar left by Chen Geou made him even have thoughts of burning himself again.
Forget it, it’s too melodramatic.
When he came to his senses, he realized that he had unconsciously crushed the cigarette butt. He got up and extinguished the remaining half of the cigarette.
As he slumped back on the sofa, the wind howled outside, and the thunderstorm raged. In this dimly lit living room, only when lightning struck from time to time, there was a brief moment of brightness.
Suddenly, Qi Juan thought about picking up his phone and took a glance.
In the missed call section, it showed “Han Xiao.”
Thinking that it was already nighttime, Qi Juan decided not to call Han Xiao back but instead sent him a message on WeChat saying, [What’s up?]
Symbolically, he waited for a few minutes but received no reply. He then lay back on the sofa, trying to distract himself by wearing earphones and listening to music.
Instrumental music didn’t seem to have a calming effect on him either. When lightning flashed, his stomach churned several times. Qi Juan fiercely bit down on the knuckle of his index finger, suppressing any sound from escaping.
Hugging the pillow, he tossed and turned but couldn’t fall asleep. Subconsciously, he reached for his phone and typed the number from deep within his memory into the WeChat chatbox.
In the moment when lightning flashed, tree shadows swayed on the ceramic tiles. The dark pupils also reflected the blue light from the screen.
“What am I doing?” Qi Juan’s heart skipped a beat.
He placed his fingertips in the chatbox, quickly deleted the number, and almost rushed to exit. He then browsed through his friends’ updates and scrolled through Weibo.
But it all felt tasteless, tasteless…
After thinking it over again and again, he couldn’t help but let his hand act on its own. He couldn’t resist going back to the “Add Friend” interface, typing that familiar number over and over again, and deleting it repeatedly. He continued to gaze at the rather simple profile picture and nickname for quite a while.
Afraid of what, Qi Juan?
With trembling, slightly red fingertips, he opened the bookmarked folder with anticipation.
Qi Juan remembered that in his previous life, he had saved many voice messages sent by Yu Yue Sheng—
Some replies were casual and nonchalant. Yu Yue Sheng probably wouldn’t know that only in front of him would Qi Juan say everything. Despite that, Yu Yue Sheng responded with indifference and coldness. However, in reality, many people approached Qi Juan, but he didn’t bother to respond to them.
There were also some words said by Yu Yue Sheng in anger and frustration, which made Qi Juan extremely uncomfortable, feeling as if needles and thorns were directly stitched into his heart. At that time, Qi Juan endured the pain and chose to suffer in silence, never revealing anything to Yu Yue Sheng.
Teachers of various emotions, vivid and rich. Every time Qi Juan feels uncomfortable with stomach pain, he can’t help but retrieve these voice messages and listen to them repeatedly, as if Yu Yue Sheng is by his side. He can even vividly imagine Yu Yue Sheng’s gestures and expressions when speaking in his mind.
However…
The current collection is empty, with nothing left. It’s as if all the interactions between them have been invisibly erased and wiped away.
A turmoil stirs in his chest, tightening and making it difficult to breathe. Qi Juan suddenly feels a bit cold, from his skinny and pale ankles to his slightly reddened fingertips, a chill creeping up all over him.
Sometimes the wind is strange, hitting the windows with a bizarre howl, as if it could break in at any moment. The surrounding darkness is indistinct, almost as if it could mercilessly swallow a person whole.
Qi Juan hugs his pillow, pressing it against his chest. Finally, he finds that English song, “Almost Lover,” which he once sang to his teacher.
There are many lyrics he dares not look back at.
Before, he used to listen to songs simply because he found them enjoyable. But later, one day while listening to the song, he caught glimpses of his imagined hopes and genuine sorrows between the lines.
The music fills his ears, flowing into the depths of his heart. With no stable outcome in sight, Qi Juan feels like he’s standing on a precipice, and it terrifies him.
The more he listens, the more his stomach twists in pain, as if sensing the emotions of sadness. A hard lump forms in the upper left abdomen, and he curls up deeper and deeper.
The light slipping through the gap in the room’s door frame has already gone out. Perhaps Chi Yin has already fallen asleep. Qi Juan dislikes being disturbed in his peaceful slumber, and he also doesn’t like to disturb others. He walks barefoot into the bathroom, quietly closing the door.
Maybe he has smoked too much; his throat feels sore and itchy. Leaning against the sink, he struggles to spit out some acid water from his stomach.
He feels a bit hungry, but there’s nothing to eat at home, so he decides not to eat.
He collapsed back onto the sofa, weakly pressing on his aching stomach. Qi Juan stared into the darkness for a while, but in the end, he couldn’t resist the temptation and created a new account to add Yu Yuesheng.
He fixed his gaze on the screen, sent a few songs without receiving any response, and then added a note saying, [Laoshi, it’s me,] and sent it over.
Turning off the screen’s brightness, Qi Juan tapped the screen with his fingertip several times. He slowly curled up his body, wishing he could push his kneecaps into his upper abdomen.
After a few minutes, the phone vibrated.
Qi Juan was so excited that he almost rolled off the sofa.
“Hiss—”
Ignoring the pain caused by his movements, he quickly unlocked the screen.
【You have added…】
Yue Yuesheng: 【??】
Qi Juan hesitated for a while, not knowing what to say. He could only hold his breath and stare at the chat box, waiting for the message “The other party is typing,” with more focus than a stock market investor studying the stock market.
A few minutes later –
Yue Yuesheng sent another message: 【Quan?】
Qi Juan glanced at it, and his eyes shimmered with fragments of light, and his lips curved up unconsciously.
You guessed it, huh? You guessed it, huh?
Qi Juan’s heart was in a flurry, wishing it could fly out of his chest immediately. He held the hot phone against his chest and rolled around on the sofa.
Then the phone vibrated again, and Qi Juan quickly checked it –
Yue Yuesheng sent another message: 【Are you okay?】
I’m doing fine.
Qi Juan quickly took a screenshot, feeling it wasn’t enough, and added several messages to his favorites.
Look at this person, he cares about me.
As Qi Juan smiled, his nasal passage tingled, and he felt his vision becoming a bit blurry. His temples itched, and suddenly his forehead became wet.
Raising his hand to wipe it, he found glistening tears, and Qi Juan sniffed, using the back of his hand to haphazardly wipe his eyes multiple times.
It’s that kind of feeling when he endured for a long time, knowing that he could handle everything, but when someone exchanged a simple greeting, he felt like he was about to break down.
No, it’s not just frustration; it’s the pain. It’s all because my stomach is hurting too much. It’s just a physiological response, a conditioned reflex.
Qi Juan quickly withdrew the contact, fleeing in panic.
–
After the rain, the early morning was filled with a thin white mist, and the sky still retained some deep blue from the night, as it hadn’t fully brightened yet. The air was moist, as if one could wring out a handful of water at any moment.
Various breakfast stalls had already set up by the roadside, selling egg pancakes, hot soy milk, and more—all steaming with warmth.
Qi Juan checked the remaining balance in his WeChat wallet and thought that if any of his teachers from a certain subject suddenly asked for specific materials, he might not have enough. He decided to avert his gaze and continued walking towards the direction of the school.
The fog seemed to be quite thick, and he didn’t notice it until he got closer. When he turned a corner, even the school’s main gate was not easily discernible, only the flashing red and blue lights were visible.
As he walked, he felt a weight on his shoulder.
“What were you doing last night? Why didn’t you answer the phone so early?” Han Xiao raised his arm and hooked Qi Juan, asking.
Qi Juan discreetly pressed his hand against his stomach, “I didn’t hear it. What’s wrong? Didn’t I send you a message on WeChat?”
Han Xiao scratched his head, “Oh. I just wanted to ask how things went with you? I was cornered by that tall guy, and he even tried to bribe me with gaming equipment, asking me to join their side. It took me a long time to sneak away without being noticed.”
“Qi Juan, I even gave up my beloved Wu Zetian, Li Xin, and that skin for the Grand Elemental Summoner Lux.
3 – Wu Zetian, also known as Empress Wu or Wu Zhao, was a powerful empress regnant of China during the Tang Dynasty. She ruled the country for several decades and is the only woman in Chinese history to hold the title of emperor.
– Li Xin https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Li_Xin_(Qin)
As for “the skin for the Grand Elemental Summoner Lux,” it likely refers to a cosmetic skin in a video game called “League of Legends.” In the game, players can purchase different skins for their characters, and “Grand Elemental Summoner Lux” is a specific skin for the character Lux, which changes her appearance and visual effects in the game. Isn’t that considerate enough?” He continued talking to himself, then suddenly looked at Qi Juan, feeling puzzled. “What’s going on? Are you okay? Why do you look so bad?”
“Man, never say you’re not doing well, okay?” Qi Juan forced a smile and patted Han Xiao’s back, then continued, “Thanks, dear Han Xiao Tongxue. Let’s have a meal together in a couple of days, okay?”
Han Xiao also smiled, “Sure. After a few words, we’re already off track. But who’s kidding with you, are you really okay?”
Qi Juan rubbed his face and tried to make his complexion look better, “I’m really fine. Let’s not talk about this, it’s just being overly dramatic. Why don’t you talk to me about your ‘King of Glory’
4 King of glory also known as honor of king is an online mobile game. games instead?”
As he spoke, he pulled the zipper of his jacket a bit higher.
By now, many classmates had arrived in the classroom, some copying homework, others having breakfast.
The smell of greasy egg pancakes reached Qi Juan’s nose, and his empty stomach began to ache again. He decided to lay his head down on the desk and told Han Xiao, “I’ll take a nap, wake me up when the teacher comes.”
Han Xiao, still working on his homework, nodded without looking up, “Sure, go ahead and sleep.”
As the group leader began to collect the homework, Han Xiao was no longer surprised by Qi Juan’s habit of sleeping. Normally, Qi Juan would keep his homework tucked under his desk, and Han Xiao subconsciously reached for it.
“Qi Juan, did you finish your homework?” He searched around but couldn’t find any paper in the desk compartment. It suddenly occurred to Han Xiao that Qi Juan might not have come to class last night.
“What homework?” Qi Juan mumbled as he lazily slipped his arm out from between the desk and his body.
Han Xiao gestured to the group leader that he would collect the papers from the back of the classroom. Just as he turned around, he heard Qi Juan let out a soft groan.
Turning back, Han Xiao saw Qi Juan turning his head and even the paper beneath his forehead became wrinkled.
“Is your stomach hurting?” Han Xiao asked worriedly, “You had medicine in the desk compartment, why didn’t you take it?”
“Oh, I forgot,” Qi Juan said in a hoarse voice.
Only then did he remember that he had put stomach medicine and bread in the desk compartment yesterday, given by Lao Yuan. He must have had a sleepless night due to stomach pain, and his mind was also in a daze.
“You rest for a while, I’ll go get you a cup of water,” Han Xiao naturally picked up Qi Juan’s cup and ran to the water dispenser at the front of the classroom, twisting the switch open.
Hot water quickly poured out of the machine, creating a misty vapor.
Coincidentally, the homeroom teacher, Yu Yue Sheng, also walked over while the class bell rang.
After a quick rustling of papers hiding sounds in the classroom, it became quiet again. The gurgling sound of flowing water seemed somewhat abrupt.
Yu Yue Sheng stood at the door, knocked, and said with a cold face, “Han Xiao, it’s time for class.”
The air seemed to drop several degrees. Han Xiao raised his hand with the torn medicine bag and struggled a bit, Laoshi, um… my desk mate has a stomachache, I’m giving him some medicine, he’ll be fine soon.”
With his loud voice, the whole class probably heard it.
Yu Yue Sheng also followed Han Xiao’s pointing direction to look over.
Qi Juan: “…”
Just as he lifted his head, he felt that his throat was locked by numerous gazes.
That feeling was like the curtains being drawn open, and a person who had no idea how to perform suddenly being pushed onto the center stage.
“Snap!” The blinding spotlight suddenly lit up.
He really, seriously, immediately, wanted to crawl into the desk and hide. He quickly lowered his little head, feeling utterly embarrassed.
“Students, take out the handout distributed last night, and I’ll go through the last few questions,” Yu Yue Sheng said as he turned on the projector.
Qi Juan took a sip of the slightly hot medicine, one hand propping up his chin, and the other holding a pen, poking at his blank handout.
His mind had long wandered far away, and he was probably just scribbling the answers to the questions he remembered with a ballpoint pen.
Yu Yue Sheng’s lectures were fast and efficient. Qi Juan barely wrote anything; luckily, he was sitting in the back row; otherwise, if Yu Yue Sheng noticed, he might scold him.
It wasn’t until the end-of-class bell rang that Qi Juan let out a sigh of relief, looking at his almost blank homework.
He yawned, zipped up his jacket, and naturally put his hands into his school uniform pockets. Ah, class was over, and he felt at ease.
Just as he was about to rest his head on the desk and continue his daydream, he heard Yu Yue Sheng tapping the blackboard and calmly saying, “Group leader, collect the handouts. Bring them here now.”
Alright, continue sleeping.
Wait, what?
Collect, collect what?
