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CWITAR Chapter 15

Afraid

 

 

“…Is this punishment acceptable?”

 

The young couple of passersby were still discussing whether to go in and have hot pot. Their faces were still filled with smiles as they huddled together sweetly.

 

The lottery staff raised her hand and handed the menu to the young couple, then stood up, tidied her clothes, and said to Qi Juan, “Hey handsome, come with me. I’ll take you in.”

 

“Sure, thanks, beautiful JieJie 1姐姐 = Elder Sister.,” Qi Juan replied courteously.

 

The young staff member’s cheeks turned red.

 

The aroma of hot pot filled the air again as they entered the restaurant. Inside, the place was lively, filled with people and warmth. Bright white lights illuminated the surroundings, making everything clear and visible.

 

At that moment, Qi Juan wished he could be anyone else at the table, as long as it wasn’t him. Although he appeared calm on the surface, deep down, he was a nervous little liar who had already felt guilty for the lies he had told.

 

“He’s having his birthday today, but he forgot to bring his ID. Qinqin, can you register him?” The staff member distributing the prizes, leaning her arm on the corner of the computer, explained to the person at the front desk.

 

“Sure, go ahead and give me the details,” the person at the front desk said.

 

“Three zero… um, zero six zero nine…” Qi Juan reported a series of numbers but then hesitated, and his fingers by his side kept picking at the seam of his pants.

 

“Okay, zero six zero nine…” The person at the front desk paused while typing on the keyboard and looked up at Qi Juan. “Then what comes after zero nine?”

 

“Nine.”

 

The person at the front desk pressed another key with a “click” and continued to gaze at Qi Juan.

 

Qi Juan smiled and said, “I can’t remember the rest.”

 

The person at the front desk thought, Are you playing a prank on me? If it weren’t for your handsome looks, I would have kicked you out.

 

She shrugged, “Well, there’s nothing we can do about it then.”

 

Yu Yue Sheng stood nearby and furrowed his brows, “Should I call your aunt?”

 

“Forget it. She’s probably busy. Let’s just leave it like this.” Qi Juan apologized to the person at the front desk, and only then did he feel slightly relieved.

 

Fortunately, he didn’t expose himself too early. But just thinking about the tension and awkwardness moments ago, he still felt a bit guilty.

 

After walking out of the hot pot restaurant, Qi Juan looked at Yu Yue Sheng and called him, “Laoshi.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Yu Yue Sheng stopped in his tracks, looking at him with puzzlement.

 

Qi Juan shifted his gaze to the ground and hesitantly began, “Laoshi, actually, today…”

 

The hot and dry wind brushed against their faces, causing a burning and itchy sensation on their cheeks. At this point, he couldn’t find the right words to continue. It felt as if he had swallowed numerous fish bones, getting stuck in his throat, making it difficult for him to speak. It was damn hard to bring it up.

 

This feeling was something he never wanted to experience again.

 

“Wait a moment.” Yu Yue Sheng seemed not to have heard clearly as his phone started ringing. He gestured to Qi Juan, busy reaching for his phone.

 

The familiar ringtone made Qi Juan’s body freeze for a moment, and all the words he had planned to say rolled back into his stomach. He simply stared at Yu Yue Sheng, trying to figure out how to organize his thoughts in a suitable way.

 

The street was bustling with busy pedestrians passing by. Yu Yue Sheng stood on the steps and answered the phone, “Hmm… okay. I’ll be there in a moment.”

 

He glanced at Qi Juan and said, “I’ve ordered a cake for you. It’ll be here.”

 

“Okay.” Qi Juan seemed a little dejected as he kicked a pebble on the ground.

 

Wait, what?

 

“Is there still cake?” Qi Juan lifted his eyelashes, and a spark of hope lit up in his eyes, “Laoshi, you’re so kind.”

 

In the evening, the whole street was bustling and lively. There were intricate silk threads hanging in the air, entwined with various colored small lights, playfully flickering.

 

Each shop was packed with crowds, creating a noisy atmosphere. There were also many people standing on the roadside handing out flyers and calling out to attract customers. The air was filled with wisps of mist, carrying the aroma of fireworks, the fragrance of stir-fried dishes, and the tempting scent of seasoned skewers.

 

Fortunately, they had already eaten; otherwise, Qi Juan felt like he would still want to sit down and enjoy some skewers with beer.

 

Thinking about this, he felt his stomach was quite bloated, and there was a slight pain. He followed behind Yu Yue Sheng and discreetly rubbed his full belly.

 

The cake shop that Yu Yue Sheng had ordered from was also on this food street. They hadn’t walked far when they spotted the shopfront.

 

When they pushed open the glass door, the wind chime hanging at the entrance swayed and chimed together, producing a clear and pleasant sound, like a dream.

 

Yu Yue Sheng greeted the shop owner first, and Qi Juan looked around, admiring the beautifully crafted cakes displayed inside the glass cabinet.

 

The shop owner turned around and brought out a fresh cake, offering it warmly, “Qi Juan, happy birthday.”

 

Qi Juan nodded, “Thank you.”

 

With one hand carrying the cake and the other holding the stuffed Stitch doll, Qi Juan felt incredibly happy. As he stepped down from the front steps of the shop, a smile unconsciously appeared on his face.

 

“Hey, Qi Juan, over here!”

 

Qi Juan looked up and saw Zuo Ziming waving at him from a barbecue stall not far away.

 

Zuo Ziming’s mother was also there, following Zuo Ziming’s gaze. She had an explosive hairstyle. According to Zuo Ziming, she would go to the hair salon once a week, but by the weekend, her hair would be all messy. However, she always appeared spirited and even had the demeanor of shouting “One Bam”2 “One Bam” refers to a specific tile in the bamboo suit of a mahjong game, depicted with a single bamboo stick. during their regular mahjong games.

 

She loudly shouted, “Qi Juan, come over here! Auntie will treat you to some barbecue.”

 

Well, Qi Juan couldn’t escape now.

 

The smoke from the barbecue was blown upwards by the wind, making people squint their eyes. Qi Juan walked over a few steps, “No need, Auntie. It’s rare to meet you here. Let me treat you instead.”

 

Zuo Ziming looked him up and down, then shifted his gaze, saying, “You bought a cake too? Whose birthday is it?”

 

“No need for you to treat us. Kids don’t have money. Auntie will treat you!” Zuo’s mom said, then she looked around and commented, “Oh? This cake looks nice. Is this shop new? I didn’t notice it before!”

 

Just as she was speaking, Yu Yue Sheng walked over.

 

“Hush,” Qi Juan made a hushing gesture to Zuo Ziming, secretly signaling him with his eyes.

 

“What’s going on?” Unfortunately, Zuo Ziming didn’t catch on and looked at the person walking behind Qi Juan, “Hello Yu Laoshi, is it your birthday? Happy birthday.”

 

Yu Yue Sheng corrected him, “It’s Qi Juan’s birthday.”

 

“Thank you.” Zuo Ziming just received the grilled skewers and thanked the vendor. He furrowed his brow and reacted, “Qi Juan?”

 

“Don’t call me.” Qi Juan thought about kicking him.

 

“Sure enough, you, little brat, asked me for money two months ago, saying it was Qi Juan’s birthday and you needed money to buy a gift.” Zuo’s mom rolled up her sleeves and smacked her son on the head, “Tell me, where did the money go?”

 

“Really, every year it’s in June, right?” Zuo Ziming tried to avoid her.

 

Zuo Ziming’s mom paused and asked, “Then what is this?”

 

What could this be?

 

It was his hasty fantasy, his desperate attempt to find solace, his quickest farewell act. The string tying the cake knocked against his fingers, causing them to bend and hurt.

 

Qi Juan heard himself say:

Laoshi, um… I’m sorry… today is not my birthday, I lied, I’m sorry.”

 

Both Zuo’s mom and Zuo Ziming looked astonished, and Qi Juan saw that Yue Yue Sheng’s expression was also not good. After a long while, Yue Yuesheng finally said, “Consider it a gift for you.”

 

His tone was too cold, and Qi Juan felt like he was descending into an ice cellar.

 

Qi Juan: “I…”

 

Seeing Yue Yue Sheng walk away and continue forward, Qi Juan hurriedly chased after him. Overwhelmed with emotions, his stomach started to ache in waves, and he sorrowfully said, “Laoshi, I was wrong. I just wanted you to accompany me, so I made up such a lousy excuse. I’m sorry…”

 

He rarely bows down to others; this is probably the first time he sincerely apologizes.

 

Yue Yue Sheng: “Hmm.”

 

Fortunately, he’s still willing to listen.

 

Qi Juan’s eyes softened, and he cautiously lifted his two slender fingers, grabbing onto the edge of Yue Yuesheng’s clothes. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. Please don’t say that.” His smile seemed somewhat forced. “I…I’m a little afraid.”

 

“Qi Juan, what do you have to be afraid of?” Yue Yue Sheng stopped and lifted his thin eyelids to size him up, his tone lacking any warmth. “Smoking, drinking, fighting, lies come effortlessly to you. Who has your wild and playful nature? What do you have to be afraid of?”

 

Qi Juan withdrew his hand and helplessly curled up beside himself, speaking in a hoarse voice, “I’m afraid you’ll dislike me.”

 

“I haven’t felt that way.” Yue Yue Sheng replied.

 

A hint of displeasure flashed in his eyes, but Qi Juan easily caught it.

 

Qi Juan covered his upper abdomen with his hand, breathing softly, and from the broken and unstable breaths, he slowly squeezed out a sentence, “Teacher… can we talk about this later? My stomach is hurting…”

 

His stomach was in turmoil, as if he had swallowed countless blades, causing intense upheaval.

 

Qi Juan’s body bent, and cold sweat slid down his forehead. His icy hand covered his upper abdomen and rubbed it hastily, but it provided no relief. He could only press it against his clothes, forcefully pushing inward with such intensity that his body also bent over.

 

“I wonder who just ate so much spicy food,” Yue Yue Sheng glanced at him.

 

Laoshi, are you just going to watch?” Qi Juan slowly bent down, his hand clutching his upper abdomen. “I can’t take it anymore, it really hurts.” His words were like mist passing through a mountain valley, damp and moist.

 

Seeing Yue Yuesheng hesitating and remaining silent, he felt like his heart had been stabbed. He squatted down by the roadside, tightly hugging himself, inexplicably feeling cold.

 

The cake was placed carefully on the steps, and Stitch sat on top of it, staring at him with its innocent big eyes. Many vehicles passed by, and the headlights illuminated the cold and desolate night, casting lonely shadows.

 

Just now, it felt like nothing from the meal had been digested, and Qi Juan leaned against a small tree on the roadside and couldn’t hold it any longer, bending over to vomit on the ground. Cold sweat trickled down his forehead, and he felt his body sliding down. With every contraction of his stomach, he regurgitated a mouthful of bright, shimmering acid water, accompanied by intensifying pain. His fingertips fiercely scratched at the damp bark.

 

Though he knew that Yu Yue Sheng was standing beside him, he could see his slender silhouette under the streetlight if he lowered his head. However, the shadow remained motionless. Yu Yue Sheng didn’t do anything.

 

I admit my mistake. You can hit me or scold me, whatever. Can you please stop ignoring me? What do I have to do to make things right…

 

The more Qi Juan thought about it, the more uncomfortable he felt. His organs in the upper abdomen twisted into a cold and hard lump, spreading strands of chill. He pressed his hand firmly against his stomach, feeling unsteady on his feet.

 

“Do you regret it? Eating so much spicy food?” Yu Yue Sheng subconsciously supported him, feeling the person’s arm cold as ice.

 

Qi Juan’s hair fell over his forehead, as black as ink against his increasingly pallid skin. “Yes, I regret it. I regret lying to you…” He pressed his hand forcefully against his upper abdomen, his breathing becoming erratic.

 

The young boy fixed his gaze on Yu Yue Sheng, and a smile slowly formed at the corner of his mouth. “…Is this punishment acceptable?”

 

“That’s a different matter,” Yu Yue Sheng let go of his hand.

 

Qi Juan gave a nonchalant “Hmm” with an even stronger smile on his lips. He focused on suppressing the discomfort in his stomach and patiently awaited the concern from the person in front of him. Will it come? Will it come? Will…

 

“Are you alright?” someone handed him tissues and a bottle of water.

 

Clearly, the voice did not belong to Yu Yue Sheng, and there was a hint of darkness in their dark eyes.

 

“Thank you,” Qi Juan replied, taking the items.

 

The girl handing him the water looked up at him with her head slightly tilted due to their height difference, trying to see his face clearly—

 

In the young boy’s eyes, there seemed to be a shimmer of water, and a faint touch of pale red adorned the corners, highlighting the sharpness unique to young people.

 

Even though he was in tremendous pain, he still managed to force a playful smile, and his sharp teeth resembled little white porcelain lamps, making the girl’s heart skip a beat or two.

 

“Did you drink too much? Do you need to go to the hospital?” The girl asked with concern.

 

Shaking his head, Qi Juan replied, “I’m fine.” He glanced at Yu Yue Sheng and added to the girl, “I know him.”

 

Yu Yue Sheng leaned against an electric scooter parked nearby, casually crossing his long legs with an indifferent gaze.

 

“But he’s heartless. He doesn’t care about me,” Qi Juan added.

 

“…,” the heartless long-legged person awkwardly shifted slightly.

 

In the moment of the girl’s slight stupefaction, Qi Juan smiled casually, “Just kidding. We are on good terms, and I’m fine, no need to worry.”

 

“Okay, as long as your friend is here,” the girl smiled awkwardly at Yu Yue Sheng and left, feeling a bit disappointed. As she walked away, she couldn’t help but turn back for a glance.

 

“Cough, cough, cough…” Qi Juan retched a few more times, witnessing even the medicine he took a few hours ago coming back up.

 

His wretched stomach probably couldn’t digest anything. With one hand supporting himself against a tree, he pressed the mineral water bottle against his upper abdomen, almost half of the bottle’s bottom disappeared inside, creating a horrifying curve. The tightness of his clothes on both sides accentuated his slender waistline.

 

The bottle rolled a few times, resisting the spasms inside.

 

Qi Juan slowly said, “You really don’t care about me, huh? Yue, Sheng, Laoshi?” His tone carried a teasing lilt, as if it had a seductive hook.

 

“You still have the strength to talk,” Yu Yue Sheng frowned.

 

Qi Juan slowly loosened his grip, somewhat self-deprecatingly saying, “If I don’t find a topic, I might be frozen to death by you. Teacher, you don’t care about me at all.”

 

“What about yourself?. Have you ever cared?” Yu Yue Sheng stood up and threw down a remark.

 

“I don’t mind. ‘Life is short, so enjoy it.'” His bright red tongue licked the dried blood at the corner of his lips, and Qi Juan let out a short, unpredictable laugh.

 

He leisurely continued, “Apart from the pain, everything else is fine.”

 

“So endure the pain.”

 

“Hey…” Qi Juan watched Yu Yue Sheng’s quickly retreating figure and his lips curved slightly, “Hahaha.” He laughed with a sense of powerlessness, and his shoulder blades fluttered. He raised his hand to rub his eyes, and even his fingertips were moistened with a thin layer of tears.

 

Qi Juan squatted down and rubbed the little head of Stitch, slowly saying, “Little guy, he doesn’t want you.”

 

The headlights of the car shone on him, making him squint his eyes. Qi Juan raised his hand to shield his eyes, then he carried the cake and walked to the front of a closed shop. He unpacked the box.

 

Inside was a simple box of mini cakes, with a dense layer of cream and a generous sprinkle of fruits on top. The bottom was written with jam, “Qi Juan, happy birthday.”

 

Qi Juan unwrapped a spoon and with the first bite, he dug out the words “happy birthday.” The rich cream mixed with the jam spread in his mouth.

 

Soft, very sweet.

 

So, this is the taste of cream cake.

 

This was still the first time Qi Juan had eaten cake. Since the incident of getting an allergic reaction to milk when he was young, his family had been particularly careful to avoid letting him come into contact with dairy products. Every year on his birthday, they only sang the birthday song and served a simple bowl of longevity noodles.

 

The cake was very delicious, but it also felt greasy. After eating it, the overly sweet and creamy flavor seemed to clog his blood vessels, causing discomfort and making it difficult to breathe. His stomach, unable to digest dairy products, spasmed violently, and the milky taste slowly spread up his throat.

 

After a few bites, Qi Juan couldn’t eat any more.

 

In a certain nearby shopping mall, lively music was playing and many pedestrians passed by. They pointed and whispered at this strange young man with his head down, eating cake on the street while a large stuffed toy sat next to him.

 

Qi Juan suddenly remembered the little black cat that had run into the classroom that day. The cat’s fur was very soft, and its eyes were black and big. When he fed it, the cat would cautiously test the food with its paws.

 

It was undeniably cute, a little thing that made people feel sorry for it. Why would anyone reject or fear it?

I wonder if it has found its way back home.

 

Looking down at the cake, the remaining characters were written crookedly. The character “倦”3“倦” = Juan.

had many strokes, making it difficult to write, and each stroke seemed to be squeezed together, deformed.

 

[Is it the tired “倦”?] A sentence echoed in his mind.4 倦” (juàn) means “tired” or”weary.”

 

“No,” Qi Juan said hoarsely.

 

He used the fork to scrape off the remaining characters, huddled alone in the corner. He brought the cream cake to his mouth, mouthful by mouthful, mechanically chewing and swallowing. He pressed his fingers hard against his upper abdomen.

 

  • 1
    姐姐 = Elder Sister.
  • 2
    “One Bam” refers to a specific tile in the bamboo suit of a mahjong game, depicted with a single bamboo stick.
  • 3
    “倦” = Juan.

  • 4
    倦” (juàn) means “tired” or”weary.”

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