Having suffered from the illness for so long, Song Yan’s physical strength was really not up to par, and he appeared extremely frail. When being embraced, it felt like he could shatter at the slightest touch. Moreover, he had become more delicate, complaining of fatigue and pain.
At times, he would lightly kick in a manner that he thought was fierce, speaking in a coquettish tone that both irritated and endeared him to others, who, out of concern, dared not apply too much force.
In the end, he still managed to bring Xia Zhiye into climax – though, it was rather hasty, and Xia Zhiye even had to hold his hand to “help” him. On top of that, after finishing, Song Yan still kicked him because he took too long.
Xia Zhiye gritted his teeth in frustration, wanting to scoop him up in his arms and give him a good scolding. However, as soon as he touched his paper-thin body, he could only let out a low sigh. “How did you become so thin? If Grandma finds out, she’ll be furious and might even beat you up.”
Song Yan closed his eyes and did not speak.
Xia Zhiye said helplessly, “You have to eat first.”
Song Yan still closed his eyes and did not speak.
Xia Zhiye could only say fiercely, “If your health doesn’t improve in the future and you can’t accompany me until I’m 99, I’ll find another old man to marry just to make you jealous.”
“You dare!”
Song Yan flew over and kicked him.
Xia Zhiye grabbed his ankle, not giving up. “So, will you eat well from now on?”
Song Yan struggled but couldn’t break free. He said irritably, “Dream on if you think you can go find another old man after I’m gone. If you live to 99, I’ll live to at least until 101. Don’t even think about finding another old man in your lifetime. If you do, I’ll beat you to death.”
“Alright, alright, I won’t look for anyone else,” Xia Zhiye said, smiling as he hugged Song Yan back. “But you better have the ability to live until 101 years old. With your current frail body, I doubt you can beat anyone to death. So, the most important thing is to eat well and sleep well every day.”
“Get up, don’t treat me like a child.”
Song Yan said so, but his body was very honest, “It’s not that I don’t want to eat or sleep. I’m…”
Song Yan was halfway through speaking when he realized he had missed the point. He abruptly stopped, then closed his lips shut.
Xia Zhiye asked in a low voice, “What is it?”
Song Yan’s lips parted slightly, hesitating for a moment before finally lowering his eyelids and softly saying, “I just miss you too much.”
Xia Zhiye’s hands that held Song Yan became slightly stiff.
Song Yan lowered his eyelashes, speaking calmly and indifferently, “During meals, I wonder what Xia Zhiye is doing, whether he has eaten, who he’s eating with, if any pretty girls come to sit with him, bring him milk tea, or order takeout for him.”
“At bedtime, I wonder what Xia Zhiye is doing, if he’s asleep, if he dreams of me, if he might forget what I look like because it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, and if I’ll never see him again.”
“When I see other couples in school sneakily holding hands, strolling around, passing notes, I wonder if I was still attending Nanwu No. 3 Middle, would we be like other couples, wandering in the woods, stealing kisses, and playing guerrilla warfare with Liu Deqing?”
“So whenever my mind settles down, I think of you. I wonder if you’re still there, if you still like me, and if we’ll make it through this whole year.”
“If we can’t make it through and you give up this relationship… then, I wonder what should I do?”
“Every time I think about these things, it feels like I’m back in those days when I was locked in a dark room, with no light, no hope. And then suddenly, I understand why my mom chose to end her life back then. But I don’t want to go down that path, so I can’t let myself have any idle time. I’m afraid to sleep, afraid to eat, so I just keep studying and doing practice questions. It’s like studying is the only thing I can control.”
“So I’m very happy when you come today.”
Because he could finally be sure that Xia Zhiye was still by his side.
His hope and redemption still lie ahead.
Even though Song Yan’s tone was calm and rather indifferent, it still caused a sharp pang in Xia Zhiye’s heart.
He hugged Song Yan and whispered, “Song Yan, do you know what I was thinking when I stood on the green train all day long?”
Song Yan raised his eyes.
Xia Zhiye looked into his eyes and said slowly, “I’m thinking, the view outside the window is really beautiful. After we finish our college entrance exams, I’ll definitely drive you to see it. So I don’t feel tired at all, I’m just thinking how nice it would be if you were here.”
“If you were here, I could tell you: Song Yan, look, there’s a cute little puppy on the roadside. Should we consider getting a well-behaved puppy like that in the future? And maybe a naughty little kitty too. I’ll be in charge of cleaning up after them, and you can be in charge of playing with them. Our home will definitely be lively.”
“When someone asked me why I was smiling so foolishly, I said I was thinking about my beloved. He would definitely end up in a fight with that naughty little kitty, and it would be so adorable. And when I smile, he would blush and get angry, which would make him even cuter.”
“I kept thinking like this all the way, and when I finally saw you, I became even more certain. I want to raise a Golden Retriever and a beautiful Ragdoll cat, so the elder one looks like me1Lao Da, ofc he’s talking about the dog., and the younger one2Lao Er looks like you. Wouldn’t that be great?”
“So Song Yan, don’t think about the future without me. Because, in the future I dreamed about, there’s always you.”
Song Yan thought, at that time, Xia Zhiye was clearly speaking with the gentlest tone about the most beautiful things, but why was he unable to stop tears from flowing as he listened?
He also thought – he’s too lucky.
Because even though he had some unpleasant experiences, God still gave him a Xia Zhiye who taught him what is the right way to love.
So much so that in that moment, he suddenly felt like there was nothing painful, desperate, helpless, or unbearable anymore. He lazily kicked Xia Zhiye and said, “I’m hungry, order takeout. After eating, I’ll sleep.”
Xia Zhiye chuckled. “Okay.”
They didn’t know when the torrential rain outside the window subsided.
Song Yan had a dream in Xia Zhiye’s arms.
In that dream, he and Xia Zhiye raised a dog and a cat. They both sported white hairs, but they both couldn’t stop laughing joyfully.
