DPPM Extra 5 – Jealousy (Part 3)

Let’s Understand the Cross-dressing Prejudice

When the costume shop first opened up, they were the first to rent the Butterfly Lovers’ wedding dress. After the drama performance, Song Yan left without returning it.

–Then, Xia Zhiye bought it, took it home, washed it clean, disinfected, ironed it neatly, and put it in a dust proof bag as a memento.

He didn’t tell Song Yan, just waiting for a suitable opportunity to bring it out as a surprise.

Perhaps the upcoming costume ball was the perfect opportunity.

Because even though Song Yan might not believe it, his initial plan was indeed very simple.

It was just to make that Cool Guy drink a little bit of vinegar, and then give him a surprise when his jealousy was about to reach its peak, letting him know that he was absolutely faithful and steadfast, giving him full security, and taking advantage of his emotional moment to trick him into wearing the Butterfly Lovers’ wedding dress just once.

If one must say there was any sinister motive, it was at most a little bit of fun in the bedroom, nothing too shameful.

He even called Zhou Ziqiu to help set up their new house.

However, what surprised him was that when he changed into the wedding dress and was ready to surprise Song Yan and take him to the costume ball, he was told, “Oh, Song Yan, he’s already gone with his girlfriend. She’s so pretty. Haven’t you seen how close they are?”

Song Yan?

Girlfriend?

So pretty?

Xia Zhiye didn’t know when Song Yan had even met a “pretty girl”.

—Of course, this didn’t mean Kong Xiaoxiao wasn’t pretty.

It was just that Song Yan actually had a girl he was close enough with to go to a costume ball together and didn’t tell him?

Xia Zhiye couldn’t express what he felt when he heard those words.

Although he blindly believed that if Song Yan were with him, he would never look at anyone else; and he also blindly believed in Song Yan’s moral bottom line and character—

An unnamed jealousy still surged in his heart.

And when he forcibly entered the ball with Zhou Ziqiu using the excuse of being part of the student council, he happened to see a cute foreign gay guy happily confessing his love to Song Yan, his jealousy peaked instantly.

One had to admit, Song Yan was very handsome.

Slim waist, long legs, fair skin.

With a little bit of glamour, he stood out in the crowd under the lights.

And this incredibly handsome person was his boyfriend.

It should have been something he was incredibly proud and lucky about.

But at the same time, another guy was handing roses to his boyfriend, and his boyfriend didn’t just kick him aside with a single sweep of his leg.

It felt like he had drunk 500 bottles of Shanxi aged vinegar in one second, plus eaten 500 American lemons.

What’s more, when Xia Zhiye coldly said, “Sorry, he already has a boyfriend,” the foreign handsome guy just showed a “I understand” expression, threw the rose into Song Yan’s arms, and said with a smile, “If you don’t want him as your date, just call me.”

Then, with his bunny ears bouncing, he walked away.

He didn’t give Song Yan any chance to say, “Xia Zhiye isn’t just a date, he’s my boyfriend.”

So Song Yan could only dumbly hold the rose, look at Xia Zhiye blankly, inexplicably guilty and at a loss.

But he was here to catch ‘infidelity’, why should he feel guilty?

“Anything wrong?” Song Yan asked coldly.

Those two words made Xia Zhiye laugh, he stepped closer, looked down at him, and said in a dangerous tone, “My boyfriend said he’s busy preparing for his group project. But then, I found him secretly coming to this blind-date ball with his supposed very pretty girlfriend, and then he got confessed to by a foreign handsome guy right in front of me with a rose. Don’t you see what’s wrong?” 

Xia Zhiye narrowed his eyes, gritted his teeth lightly, sounding very dangerous.

Song Yan felt guilty because of what he said, ready to explain, but suddenly realized something was off.

Wait a minute, why was Xia Zhiye questioning him?

Wasn’t he the big jerk who agreed to come to this blind-date costume ball with another girl? He even dragged Shen Jiayan along, making a fool of himself?

And Xia Zhiye had the nerve to question him?

Who gave him the guts?

This was just ridiculous!

Song Yan simmered in silent jealousy for a full five days, and suddenly couldn’t contain his anger, kicking Xia Zhiye away. “Stay away from me! Go find your senior sister!”

Xia Zhiye: “?”

“What, are you allowed to come with your senior sister, but I’m not allowed to come with someone else?” Song Yan smirked, sarcastic and cold.

Then he saw senior sister Chen Wu walking arm in arm with another guy, casually passing by them. 

One was cosplaying as Xiao Qiao, and the other as Zhou Yu, clearly not a couple.

Song Yan: “…?”

Seeing Song Yan’s dumbfounded expression, Xia Zhiye couldn’t help but smirk, but quickly covered it up with a serious expression. “Who told you I came with her?” 

“She said in the group chat that she’s looking for you as her dance partner.”

Song Yan tried hard to maintain a calm demeanor in his tone and expression.

Xia Zhiye nodded, “Yeah, she did ask, but I declined, and I told her right away that I have a boyfriend. And it’s just not a casual date, it’s a serious relationship.”

The last sentence was said with a slightly heavier tone, the implication was very clear.

Song Yan looked at the rose in his hand, remembered what the foreign handsome guy had said earlier, silently placed the flower on the nearby table, withdrew his hand quietly, turned his back, pretending nothing had happened.

He kept his lips pursed, his face impassive, as if as long as he didn’t speak, he wouldn’t be morally condemned.

And Xia Zhiye thought that the easiest way to take advantage of Song Yan was his strong sense of morality. As long as he felt he might be in the wrong, he would feel guilty and forget about others’ mistakes.

So Xia Zhiye didn’t take advantage of Song Yan’s guilt this time either.

Of course, this time wouldn’t be an exception.

Xia Zhiye held the bag containing the traditional wedding dress in his hand, looked at Song Yan in his European-style suit, pretended to be indifferent, and ruffled his hair playfully. “Forget it, it’s not your fault. You said you weren’t jealous at the time, so I wanted to surprise you, that’s why I didn’t explain my situation to you in time. You go have fun with your female companion, call me when the party’s over, and I’ll come pick you up.”

“…?”

It seemed that Xia Zhiye’s original plan was to attend the ball with him wearing the Butterfly Lovers’ wedding dress, but it was ruined because he stubbornly denied being jealous.

Suddenly, Song Yan felt that he was in the wrong.

Initially, he proposed keeping a low profile when they first entered school, so it was his decision not to open a relationship with Xia Zhiye. And he was the one who stubbornly denied being jealous and refused to admit it.

And he even did the childish thing of bringing Shen Jiayan to catch “infidelity”, completely betraying Xia Zhiye’s trust in him.

The guilt from his self-reflection made Song Yan purse his lips slightly, awkwardly blurting out, “I don’t have a female companion.”

“?”

“That’s Shen Jiayan.”

“??”

As Song Yan finished speaking, Xia Zhiye realized that Zhou Ziqiu had disappeared at some point. When he turned back after hearing some movement, he saw his good friend Zhou Ziqiu taking off his coat with a dark expression.

Wrapping his coat around a “girl” who was surrounded by several boys, dressed in a strawberry lolita dress and white stockings, Zhou Ziqiu half-carried and half-dragged “her” through the crowd, quickly heading outside.

As the “girl” struggled uneasily in Zhou Ziqiu’s arms, “she” accidentally knocked off his wide-brimmed hat, revealing a very familiar and beautiful face, and shouted back at Song Yan in a clear, masculine voice, “Xiao Yan! Hang in there! I’ll come to rescue you as soon as I escape! Don’t be afraid!!!”

Xia Zhiye: “…”

Song Yan: “…”

For a moment, Xia Zhiye suddenly felt like he wasn’t so jealous anymore.

And Song Yan felt that escaping from the scene as quickly as possible might be a good choice.

Otherwise, he would have a hard time explaining to the bewildered boys why their sweet cute goddess turned out to have a male voice.

While Xia Zhiye was looking at Shen Jiayan, he couldn’t help but chuckle softly, “So, you don’t have a female companion?”

Song Yan grimaced, “Of course not.”

“Well, I don’t have a female companion either.” Xia Zhiye squinted his eyes, looking at Song Yan with a mischievous smile.

Song Yan warily took a step back.

Xia Zhiye chuckled as he lifted the bag in his hand. “So, why not dress up together?”

“Stop daydreaming.”

Song Yan coldly cut him off.

Xia Zhiye looked momentarily stunned and asked, “Why not?”

Why not? How could there be a “why not”? 

Before, it was fine when they were acting in a play, but now he wanted him to crossdress? Was he out of his mind?

Song Yan replied irritably, “Get out of here, it’s not appropriate in public.”

His intention was just to say that since they were at school and in front of so many people, it would be too conspicuous for them to wear wedding dresses and him in women’s clothing so openly.

But Xia Zhiye’s eyes dimmed in an instant, his expression grew solemn, and he slowly nodded. “Okay, I got it. We’ll go home first.”

“????” Song Yan didn’t understand. “You got what? What do you understand?”

Xia Zhiye calmly replied, “Nothing, I just understand why you came to the ball without telling me.”

“?”

Before Song Yan could figure out what Xia Zhiye’s thought process was, the foreign gay guy appeared out of nowhere, holding a cocktail, and with wide eyes, he looked at Song Yan expectantly and asked, “Did you just turn him down?”

Song Yan: “…no.”

“Oh, it’s a pity.” 

The foreign gay guy shrugged regretfully and then left.

Left alone, Song Yan looked at Xia Zhiye’s expression, which seemed to say “as expected,” and fell into a complicated silence.

“No, Xia Zhiye, that’s not what I meant. When I said it’s not appropriate, I didn’t mean it’s inappropriate,” Song Yan quickly explained, realizing that he had spent the whole evening acting like a scumbag who was trying to hide his marital status and have affairs with others. “I meant it’s not appropriate for me to dress up as a girl in front of so many people.”

“Yeah, I understand, I get it.” 

Xia Zhiye replied gently, not angry, not scolding him, not showing any displeasure, just gently ruffling his hair. “Our Xiao Yan is so attractive and likable, it’s normal for people to be drawn to you. I trust you. I’m tired, so I’ll go home first. Remember to come back early tonight. If it’s too late, let me come pick you up.”

After saying that, Xia Zhiye picked up his bag and walked out of the venue alone.

With the lively scene around him, where everyone was paired up and having fun, Xia Zhiye’s solitary figure walking away seemed particularly desolate and lonely.

Suddenly, Song Yan felt very uncomfortable and quickly caught up, walking briskly. “Xia Zhiye, stop for a moment!”

Xia Zhiye halted, turned around, and looked at him. “What’s wrong?”

Song Yan furrowed his brows slightly. “What’s been on your mind all day? I didn’t come to the ball to flirt and dance with other girls.” 

“Why not?” Xia Zhiye looked innocent and naive.

Song Yan hesitated. “Because…”

‘Because I was jealous, to see if you were being honest.’

But saying it out loud would make him lose face.

Song Yan was proud, thin-skinned, stubborn, and felt that admitting to being jealous was unmanly.

So he swallowed the words halfway through. “Forget it, it’s nothing.”

Xia Zhiye nodded. “Okay, I understand.”

Then, he stopped in front of a Hummer parked outside the university activity center, opened the door, and sat in the driver’s seat, apparently intending to go back.

Feeling anxious, Song Yan hurriedly caught up and opened the passenger door, sitting inside. “I told you, I didn’t mean it like that. Why don’t you believe me?”

“I believe you, I do.” 

Xia Zhiye fastened Song Yan’s seatbelt skillfully, speaking softly as he reassured him, “Let’s talk when we get home, okay? It’s not safe to talk while driving.”

Xia Zhiye’s voice usually sounded lazy and relaxed, but when he spoke softly, it made it impossible for anyone to get angry.

Song Yan could only purse his lips, turn his head to look out the window, and suppress the words he wanted to say.

Finally home, just as he was about to speak up, Xia Daye came running over, slobbering all over Xia Zhiye’s face with saliva and dog hair.

Xia Zhiye could only set aside his things and walk towards the guest room. “I’ll wash my face first.”

Before Song Yan could ask why he was going to the guest room, the door was already closed, leaving him to stare at the familiar red corner peeking out of the bag on the sofa. After a moment of contemplation, he walked over, took out the clothes, and unfolded them.

They were neatly pressed and had a faint scent of sandalwood. It was evident that they had been well kept. He even saw the wedding dress, evoking the pain of their forced separation at that time.

But what surprised him was that Xia Zhiye had actually bought them.

Lost in thought, Song Lele suddenly appeared with a small bag slung over his shoulder. “Wow! Such beautiful clothes!”

Song Yan snapped out of his reverie, calmly tidying up the dress, and glanced at his bag, asking, “Where are you going so late?”

“Oh, Xia-gege told me this morning that he was going to prepare a surprise for you tonight, so he asked me to stay at a classmate’s house for the day.” Song Lele blinked innocently.

Song Yan furrowed his brows. “What surprise?”

“I don’t know, but he and Ziqiu-gege have been busy in your room all afternoon, and they didn’t let me in to see. And…” Song Lele leaned in secretly and whispered, “I saw Xia-gege taking out a small red box, just like the one the male lead proposes with in TV dramas. He also told Ziqiu-gege that he had bought it a long time ago, but because you were jealous, he was worried that you wouldn’t feel secure, so he decided to give it to you in advance. What does ‘not feeling secure’ mean, Gege? Is it like the feeling in TV dramas when the aunt is afraid that they’ll cheat?”

“……”

He’s still at such a young age, where did he learn all of those? 

Song Yan slapped his little head and said. “Accompany your Mom to watch a cheesy idol drama. Go do your homework with your classmates.”

After saying that, he handed three 100 bills to Song Lele.

Song Lele immediately trotted out, carrying his little bag.

Meanwhile, Song Yan pushed open the door to the master bedroom.

Inside, he was greeted by a very cliché scene: a large bouquet of roses, scented candles on the shelves, colorful balloons tied to the pillars, a bottle of champagne and two champagne flutes on the table, and even a large banner hanging from the ceiling — “celebrating the 666th day since Song Daxi and I got together.”

In an instant, Song Yan felt like he had stepped into a soap opera from the early 21st century.

What kind of nonsense were these two grown men up to all afternoon?

Had they spent the whole time blowing up balloons?

What kind of tacky, straight-guy aesthetics was this? Had they watched too many TV dramas?

Looking at his originally very tasteful bedroom being turned into such a ridiculous scene, Song Yan’s fleeting sense of guilt vanished completely. He clenched the doorknob, gritted his teeth, and wished he could drag Xia Zhiye out of the bedroom and give him a good beating.

If he hadn’t caught sight of the red box next to the champagne, Song Yan might have done just that.

Fortunately, upon seeing the box, Song Yan remembered what Song Lele had said. So, after a moment of contemplation, he walked over, opened the small box.

Inside were two platinum men’s wedding rings.

One was engraved with “S.Y.”

The other was engraved with “X.Z.Y.”

The one with “X.Z.Y.” was sized perfectly for his left ring finger.

So, when did Xia Zhiye order a pair of engagement rings?

And he even had Song Yan’s initials name engraved on his ring.

Song Yan was stirred by Song Lele’s words: “He also told Ziqiu-gege that he had bought it a long time ago, but because you were jealous, he was worried that you wouldn’t feel secure, so he decided to give it to you in advance.” 

Just as the door creaked open, Xia Zhiye walked in.

He must have just washed his face, as there were still dewdrops on his hair tips and eyelashes, making him look particularly melancholic.

Song Yan was about to speak with the rings in his hand, but Xia Zhiye took the box from him, closed it, and casually threw it into a drawer.

Song Yan stood still, stunned. “?”

Xia Zhiye went to the wardrobe to take out his pajamas, casually saying, “I’m sleeping in the guest room tonight.”

Song Yan: “???”

“You don’t need to feel pressured. I was originally worried that you’d be unhappy because of jealousy, so wearing the ring would at least tell others that I’m not single, giving you a sense of security. But now it seems unnecessary.” Xia Zhiye picked up a change of clothes and prepared to leave.

He also picked up a wedding dress, as if intending to toss it into the laundry basket along with the dirty clothes.

Song Yan quickly grabbed it and asked, “Xia Zhiye, what do you mean?”

“It doesn’t mean anything. Anyway, you’re not going to wear it.” 

This was perhaps the first time Xia Zhiye had shown displeasure in front of Song Yan.

So much so that Song Yan was stunned before realizing that Xia Zhiye seemed to be upset today.

It’s normal to not feel happy.

He was happily preparing for the wedding dress, preparing the rings, preparing to announce his non-single status, preparing for the ceremony, but he ended up attending a blind-date social ball and was confessed to by a young gay man on the spot. If roles were reversed, Xia Zhiye might already be dead.

But Song Yan was never good at coaxing people.

Whenever he was unhappy, Xia Zhiye would coax him. When would he ever coax Xia Zhiye?

But if he didn’t coax this matter well, Xia Zhiye would definitely feel more, feel lost, feel difficult.

He might quarrel with Xia Zhiye, and Song Yan was anxious.

Being anxious made him even less capable of coaxing people, so he blurted out, “Who said I’m not wearing it?”

Xia Zhiye raised an eyebrow.

Only then did Song Yan realize what he had just said.

But if he said it and then went back on it, Xia Zhiye would definitely not be coaxed well.

So, between coaxing Xia Zhiye well and losing dignity, Song Yan made a decisive choice and pushed Xia Zhiye out of the door, saying, “Stand there and don’t move!”

After saying that, he slammed the door shut.

When the door opened again, Xia Zhiye saw Song Yan dressed in the attire of Zhu Yingtai.

Unlike the previous two times, this time Zhu Yingtai had a ring on “her” left ring finger. As if afraid Xia Zhiye wouldn’t see it, he bent the other four fingers and left only one straight, directly in front of Xia Zhiye, asking, “Is this okay now?”

Xia Zhiye looked at the strange gesture and said, “…”

A brief silence.

He silently helped Song Yan retract the raised ring finger. “There’s no need to force it. I don’t mind. In the past, it was just you and me, but now you have a broader space, so having more choices is understandable. I don’t mind. I’m willing to wait for you to figure out your own heart.”

Where did these sour and affected lines come from?

Is there an end to this? Coaxing didn’t work, right?

Song Yan completely lost patience, forcefully put another ring on Xia Zhiye’s left ring finger, grabbed his collar, dragged him into the room, kicked the door shut, then pushed him onto the sofa in the bedroom, knelt on his thighs, gritted his teeth, and said in a low voice, “What heart do you need to figure out? I’ve figured it out since eight hundred years ago. I went to the costume ball today just because I was jealous, to catch you. Now I’m going to beat you up, is that satisfactory?”

Xia Zhiye had long guessed what was going on. After acting for so long, he finally saw Song Yan wearing the bright red wedding dress that had appeared in his dreams, still kneeling on his thighs. He nodded in satisfaction, “Satisfactory.”

“I said to keep a low profile before because you were running for the student union, and I was afraid it might affect your reputation, so I said to keep a low profile, not to pretend to be single, got it?”

“Got it.”

“Today, I also directly rejected that foreign gay man. I just didn’t have the chance. I have no interest in cute types who are shorter than me. Can you stop being jealous for no reason?”

“I can.”

“I wore the wedding dress, I wore the ring, so can things be okay now?”

Xia Zhiye felt that Song Yan might have misunderstood coaxing.

His tone didn’t sound like coaxing at all; it sounded more like a scolding from an elder.

But who could blame Song Yan for looking good? Sitting on his lap, with his head slightly lowered, the red collar of the robe half-covered and half-fallen, revealing slender, fair shoulders and delicate, stern clavicles, set against the extremely bright red, was extremely enticing.

So Xia Zhiye tightened his arms around Song Yan unnoticed, raised his head slightly, looked at him, and smiled, saying, “Okay.”

The smile was full of cunning satisfaction of a successful scheme and the satisfaction of about to enjoy the spoils, without a trace of the jealousy, loss, and coldness from earlier.

Song Yan: “……?”

Every time Xia Zhiye smiled like, it meant…

Fuck!

In an instant, the mature and steady Song Yan understood everything. He tried to run, but it was too late. Xia Zhiye had already tightly wrapped him in his arms.

All that jealousy, unhappiness, giving him choices, turned out to be just to deceive him into wearing women’s clothing and sleeping with him!

Realizing the cruel reality, Song Yan angrily exclaimed, “Xia Zhiye! You damn well played me!”

But Xia Zhiye just chuckled softly, “That’s the price you pay for being a stubborn duck.”

‘You’re the duck here!!’

Song Yan, not learning his lesson, threatened fiercely, “Let me go, or I’ll go find a foreign little gay guy right now!”

“Oh, really? Try it?”

“If I try… Fuck… you… mhmm… I’m sorry, Xia Zhiye, I’m sorry… I admit I was wrong!”

---

Late that night, Song Yan finally learned the cruel and violent punishment that comes from stubbornly holding on to a lie regardless of the situation.

And “Xia Zhiye’s Diary” gained another vivid stroke.

 

September 23, 2022 (I love Song Yan)

Song-xiansheng was extremely tired, his clothes were extremely dirty, and they were even torn. To avoid Aunt Tan’s scolding, I decided to wash them myself and make amends.

Well, I can’t really say I did anything wrong.

After all, Song-xiansheng looks really good in these clothes, and I only made the mistake that any boyfriend in the world could make.

If there’s anything inappropriate, it’s probably that I shouldn’t have made the same mistake three times.

Well, I’ve already hidden the guest room mattress, so Song-xiansheng can’t do anything to me now.

 

September 24, 2022 (I love Song Yan)

A bed without a mattress is really hard.