What else can he rely on?
Gu Jiqing felt that his willpower had gradually dissipated and fragmented under the influence of drugs and could only rely on his final rationality to hook Zhou Cibai’s neck and ask in a hoarse voice, “Aren’t you not fond of men?”
Zhou Cibai’s body paused slightly.
Gu Jiqing was not surprised. He was obsessed with the cold and snowy feeling on Zhou Cibai’s body, and he hugged him tightly, but his words remained distant and gentle: “You see, you can’t bear hugging and kissing a man, but I really feel uncomfortable now, so Pei Yiming.…..wu……”
Before Gu Jiqing could finish his remaining words, he was brutally blocked back by a blazing yet clumsy kiss wrapped in the flavor of the northern winter night’s wind and snow in a gesture close to ferocity.
He felt as if the hand that was originally holding him had an inexhaustible release of emotions, exerting force as if to rub him into his bones and blood, and the kiss was so strong that it was irresistible that he could hardly breathe.
And the person kissing him envelops him completely under his own body, inexplicably plundering his final thinking ability.
Zhou Cibai felt like he was going crazy at that moment. He didn’t know if he could accept hugging, kissing, or even doing something even more absurd with a man because he had never thought about this scene.
He only knew that he couldn’t bear Gu Jiqing and other men hugging and kissing until the last step.
Even just by thinking about it, he will go crazy with jealousy.
Because he had seen Gu Jiqing’s ignorant desires and Gu Jiqing’s naive fawning underneath him, and he had also seen almost every inch of Gu Jiqing’s beautiful body that had grown on his aesthetic.
Moreover, this person also likes him.
He likes him, so why should he do such a thing with others?
Therefore, when Gu Jiqing calmly spoke out about Pei Yiming, Zhou Cibai had only one thought. He wanted to break Gu Jiqing’s constant and gentle calmness. He wanted to see him lose control and become like himself, a lowly and real person who could be controlled by emotions and impulses.
Then he kissed him down.
Without thinking, only instinct, and approaching madness.
Gu Jiqing had just also realized that a person’s breath could be so hot, so hot that it seemed to make him temporarily forget all control and calmness, and it was also as if he could make a cold pool that had been calm for a long time finally ripple without letting him languish in all that calm and unnecessary tenderness.
He thought this might be the last straw that could save him.
So, a long time later, as he was about to drown, he hugged Zhou Cibai’s neck and gasped for breath, saying, “Zhou Cibai, take me back to the hotel ba.”
When Gu Jiqing woke up the next morning, the wind and snow outside the window seemed to have stopped. Only the bright sunshine in winter reflected from the snow surface turned into a vast expanse of white. It fell in front of the white veil through the floor-to-ceiling windows.
Gu Jiqing doesn’t like sunny days, except for sunny days in winter.
So he rolled over in a fairly good mood, and then a ripping pain ripped through his body.
Last night’s crazy memories struck, and he closed his eyes and sighed in his heart. It was indeed not appropriate to find a large dog for his first time.
It was also a large dog without any experience too.
Two people who were both first-timers collided, and naturally, he was the one who ended up suffering.
Or rather, this is not a large dog, this is like a wolf.
Usually, he looks extremely shy and innocent, but in the end, it’s just like his appearance, full of aggressive and predatory tendencies.
Not only was he highly aggressive, but he also had great strength, and his stamina was surprisingly amazing.
At some point last night, Gu Jiqing almost thought he would faint because his physical strength couldn’t keep up with the other party.
To be precise, he did indeed pass out later on.
But what surprised him was that every part of his body was so clean and fresh that it should have been carefully and meticulously cleaned by someone. So it’s just a little sore, not to such an extent that he would get fever and diarrhea because he didn’t handle it right.
For this, Gu Jiqing is quite satisfied with Zhou Cibai.
But how could Zhou Cibai, an inexperienced straight man, do these things?
As Gu Jiqing was thinking, the hotel room door was brushed open.
He lifted his eyelids and met Zhou Cibai, who was carrying two large bags at the door, with an unobstructed gaze.
“……”
An awkward gaze.
Zhou Cibai’s ears quickly reddened, and he immediately avoided the sight: “That…I went out to buy you some congee, and I went back to the dormitory to get you some clothes to change.”
Thinking of the clothes that were almost unusable after being ruined last night, Gu Jiqing said in a warm voice, “Thank you.”
Then he asked, “Did you help me clean up yesterday?”
His tone of questioning was very natural, without any hint of ambiguity or intimacy, but because of his hoarse voice, it reminded Zhou Cibai of his excessive behavior of almost obsessively wanting Gu Jiqing to cry last night.
He lowered his eyelashes with a guilty expression, letting out an “en”, and paused, then whispered, “Because I saw it said on Baidu that if it’s not cleaned up properly, it’s not good for the body. That’s why… I didn’t mean to offend you.”
After speaking, the knuckles hanging on the side of his body were tightly clenched, the corners of the lips were also pursed in a straight line, and the ears were so red as if they were about to drip blood.
The whole person appears like a big boy who has made some kind of mistake.
But it was clear that Zhou Cibai had done nothing wrong; instead, he had not even refused the other party’s help in that situation, which was really too much of an indulgence of his own feelings and needs.
Gu Jiqing thought of the scene where Zhou Cibai carefully searched Baidu while carefully and clumsily cleaning up for him, and surprisingly found it somewhat cute.
After finding him cute, he felt a bit guilty because he thought it was too difficult for a straight man with homophobia.
So he adjusted his voice to a gentle state during negotiations and spoke softly, “What happened last night…”
Before he could finish speaking, Zhou Cibai’s body immediately tensed in an invisible state, his knuckles turning red from being pinched, and the blood in his ears seemed to be dripping out any time soon.
Gu Jiqing suddenly felt like he was lying in bed wearing only a nightgown, speaking slowly like a promiscuous man who had defiled a good housewife.
He paused and began to think about whether he should give Zhou Cibai a little more psychological buffer time.
And before he could think of a suitable answer, his phone rang.
The caller is Yin Lan.
Gu Jiqing said, “I’ll go to the bathroom and answer the phone.”
Then he got out of bed with the phone in his hand.
As soon as his feet touched the ground, his legs immediately softened.
Zhou Cibai rushed forward to help him, and Gu Jiqing was just about to be circled in his arms.
Because Gu Jiqing was bowing his head, his skin was exposed through his pajama collar, and large patches of light red marks hit Zhou Cibai’s eyes, indicating his absurd crime last night.
Zhou Cibai held onto Gu Jiqing’s hands tightly, and just as he was about to say something, Gu Jiqing casually pushed him away and whispered “thank you” before entering the bathroom by himself.
The moment the door closed, Zhou Cibai couldn’t help but sit by the bed, impatiently stroking his hair and cursing himself in a low voice.
Last night, Gu Jiqing was drugged, but his consciousness was clear.
Why did he choose the most absurd, incredible, and difficult way to solve this problem, even though there were other better ways?
He knew very well that this was not Gu Jiqing’s fault, because it was him who was crazily trying to make Gu Jiqing lose control at that time, and it was also him who made this despicable choice that allowed physiological desires to overcome rationality in the end.
But he himself also didn’t understand why he had made such a choice at that time.
Is it simply due to a man’s inherent sexual impulses, or is it because he likes Gu Jiqing?
But for whatever reason, he finds it absurd.
He is a straight man.
He also has a girl he likes.
He knew perfectly well that his fondness for the girl at the time was definitely not a matter of youthful impulses and memory filters. Rather, it’s a teenager who actually meets someone he likes at the age of love.
So how could he have a relationship with Gu Jiqing when he still had someone else in his heart?
What is the difference between him and those scumbags who are extremely irresponsible when dealing with emotions in a half-hearted manner?
But he had to admit that he was attracted to Gu Jiqing.
It wasn’t because Gu Jiqing liked him or because he needed to express himself.
Because ever since high school, there have been many men and women pursuing him, including excellent, gentle, proactive, and beautiful ones. There are even two or three with tear moles at the corners of their eyes, but he has never felt anything, and only firmly knows that he is waiting for that girl to appear.
So he was certain that he didn’t develop this desire because he was being pursued by an excellent person.
But it was because when he was with Gu Jiqing, he felt a certain trait similar to the girl at that time.
That gentle, calm, and rational tolerance, the inadvertent sense of loneliness and fragmentation, and the amazement that always makes his heart skip a beat, these fulfill all of his yearning for beautiful things and his innate desire for heroism and protection.
Except for Gu Jiqing and that girl, no third person has ever brought him this feeling.
So does he like Gu Jiqing?
When Zhou Cibai realized this, his heart skipped a beat. But before he could deny himself, the bathroom door opened.
Zhou Cibai immediately stood up, reflexively pressing his hands against his side, standing straight and nervously looking at Gu Jiqing, like a dog making a mistake waiting for its owner’s verdict.
Gu Jiqing paused slightly as he opened the bathroom door.
He doesn’t know why, but at that moment he suddenly worried that Zhou Cibai would say something like “I’m going to be responsible for you” in the next second.
But Zhou Cibai has homophobia. Even if the fear was cured, he also had a girl who he liked so much that he would never marry anyone else besides her. He was undoubtedly a straight man.
So how could he possibly be responsible for him?
And he doesn’t need responsibility either.
What happened last night was just a forced accident for both sides.
However, based on his understanding of Zhou Cibai, the other party’s overly strong sense of morality and overly loyal view of love will definitely make him feel a completely unnecessary sense of guilt and responsibility.
After a moment’s pause, Gu Jiqing said softly, “You don’t have to worry about last night’s matter. If there’s anything else, just go ahead and get busy. I can handle the rest on my own.”
He wanted to resolve this matter early and let Zhou Cibai leave, as he had suffered from excessive physical exertion last night and still had some soreness in his body. He wanted to have a good sleep.
But Zhou Cibai’s heart tightened as he heard this.
Why is Gu Jiqing still thinking about him at times like this?
Is this person willing to bear any grievances on their own and never cause trouble or ask others to help share them?
And it has also been mentioned on Baidu that after doing that kind of thing for the first time, there is a high possibility of fever and abdominal pain. How could he leave Gu Jiqing here alone?
“I’m fine.”
Zhou Cibai tried his best to answer in a low and steady manner, trying to give Gu Jiqing a sense of his reliability.
Gu Jiqing paused slightly.
He thinks that even if Zhou Cibai had nothing to do, he could just leave first.
But it’s a bit impolite to say such things.
And Zhou Cibai may feel that he hasn’t explained last night’s situation clearly yet.
Gu Jiqing looked at him carefully and said in a warm voice, “I’m sorry for the unpleasant experience last night. If you need me to make any compensation, such as moving out of the dormitory or cutting off contact, I can treat you completely as a stranger in the future and never touch you again. I can do anything.”
He thought his proposed solution was sincere enough.
Zhou Cibai, however, had an unknown fire rise up in his heart all of a sudden.
When did he mention that his experience last night was unpleasant?
Or does Gu Jiqing feel that the experience last night was unpleasant?
But even if it’s not pleasant, this is his first time, and there is still room for improvement in the future. How come he has to move out of the dormitory and delete contact information?
However, before he could even ask, Gu Jiqing’s phone rang again.
This time, it was Pei Yiming’s call.
Zhou Cibai’s face darkened when he saw these three words on the caller ID.
Gu Jiqing didn’t care.
On the other end of the phone, Pei Yiming’s usual rational and measured voice quickly came: “Hello, Ji Qing, are you awake? Yesterday I went to the bar to find you, and they said Zhou Cibai took you away. He also answered the phone when I called you, and I thought he should be quite reliable. So I didn’t call the police. Are you okay?”
Gu Jiqing vaguely remembers that when Pei Yiming called last night, his consciousness had already become somewhat blurred.
Fortunately, Zhou Cibai answered the phone for him. Although he just said “He’s with me” in a bad mood and hung up the phone, at least Pei Yiming didn’t really report to the police and didn’t continue to inquire.
Unlike Zhou Cibai, even if he says he’s okay, he probably still has to guard him and confirm with his own eyes that he’s really okay.
Maybe a big dog is more clingy than a kitten.
Gu Jiqing whispered, “I’m okay, thank you.”
Pei Yiming let out an “en” and said, “Then that’s good. It seems that your roommate is quite reliable, but why do I think he’s got some issues with me? It can’t be that he really likes you, can he?”
The last sentence carried a hint of probing humor.
Zhou Cibai’s face instantly became even uglier.
Whether he likes or doesn’t like Gu Jiqing, what does that have to do with Pei Yiming?
But Gu Jiqing noticed that Zhou Cibai’s emotions were not right, so he thought that he couldn’t accept such misunderstandings and jokes. He quickly explained in a warm voice, “No, he just looks cold and aloof, but he’s actually a very nice person.”
Zhou Cibai’s complexion softened slightly.
Gu Jiqing said again, “And he’s straight, definitely not the type to like guys, so he’s just simply a nice person. Last night, even if it were someone else, he would also help. Don’t think too much about it.”
Zhou Cibai’s complexion immediately became so ugly that it could not be further enhanced.
Who said he would help even if it was someone else last night?!
And why did Gu Jiqing explain to Pei Yiming?!
It’s not like Pei Yiming is his……anybody.
After a crackling sound in Zhou Cibai’s heart, he suddenly realized that he was not Gu Jiqing’s anybody either.
Moreover, he had repeatedly emphasized to Gu Jiqing before that he was not interested in men, that the two of them should maintain a distance, and that he should not want to bend him all day long.
Zhou Cibai thought of this and clenched his fists.
No wonder Gu Jiqing pretended to be calm and said it was okay, saying that he could handle it alone, and that moving out of the dormitory or severing ties in the future would not be a problem.
It must be because his previous attitude was so bad that Gu Jiqing felt that he couldn’t accept what happened last night, so he said these comforting words to him.
And even though he knew that Gu Jiqing liked him and treated him as his only protection, he still said those outrageous words.
Thinking of the sentence “Only like you, only have you” that Gu Jiqing said when he was burning in fever that day, Zhou Cibai’s heart was filled with bitterness.
And Gu Jiqing has also hung up Pei Yiming’s phone because Gu Jue’s call has come.
He said, “I’ll go to the bathroom.”
Zhou Cibai nodded.
After waiting for the low sound of talking to come from the bathroom, Zhou Cibai sat down by the bed again. He took out his phone and clicked on the exclusive photo album with the number of photos displayed as “1.”
The photo has very low pixels and was captured by a phone several years ago.
The girl in the photo’s face was not in front either. She is only wearing a white gauze dance dress with a bob cut that Shiwai school in Nanwu requested all the girls to keep at the time. She was squatting on the ground, holding a small, dirty white dog.
Due to the fact that she was lowering her head, her forehead and slightly longer hair on both sides hang down gently, covering almost her entire side face. Only her slightly raised right eye corner and the bright red mole under the corner of her eye appear exceptionally dazzling and gentle in some overexposed light.
That was when he transferred to Shiwai in Nanwu in his second year of junior high school.
Coincidentally, just in time for the school art festival, they didn’t bring him to the whole class program because he was new and a bit fat. When others were rehearsing, he could only wander outside alone.
Once, while strolling around, he encountered a group of thugs from the sports class. As soon as they saw him by himself, they started to cause trouble. One of the guys even tried to abduct him to the bathroom, saying that he was cute and chubby, so why not give brother a touch?
He couldn’t help feeling nauseous at the time and didn’t pay attention to his constant tutoring. He fought fiercely, knocked down those senior thugs, and then ran out.
As a result, he ran and got lost. When he accidentally pushed open a door, he happened to bump into the girl changing her dance clothes.
The snow-white shoulders, which only revealed a silhouette, gave Zhou Cibai, who had just entered puberty at that time, an unprecedented acceleration in his heart.
And that girl was not angry with him either. She just put on her clothes and saw the bruises on his face. She asked him gently if he needed any help.
When she helped him apply the ointment, she was just as gentle as when Gu Jiqing bandaged him.
However, that girl also seemed to be like Gu Jiqing, although gentle but also showing a hint of alienation. She never asked him who he was from beginning to end, as if she didn’t intend to make friends with him.
At that time, he was also afraid to ask questions due to his appearance’s inferiority complex.
However, after that, he rebelled and fought more frequently, and every time he finished fighting, he would “accidentally” meet that girl at the art and sports building.
That girl also applied ointment for him every time and told him that his eyes were very beautiful and he would become a beautiful little boy. He needed to work hard to become stronger.
At that time, he thought to himself that he must get rid of baby fat, become a very beautiful little boy, and then confess to this girl.
But the last time he helped the girl retrieve the poor, abandoned little white dog from those thugs, those thugs reported him, and his father finally knew about his fighting behavior and isolation.
So he was transferred back to Beijing overnight, without even having a chance to officially say goodbye to that girl.
And when he asked someone to check again later, because there were not many acquaintances, the search was not smooth, and the final answer he got was that there was no such girl in Shiwai Junior High School. She might be a junior high school student who graduated after performing the show.
Therefore, during the summer vacation of the third year of junior high school, he directly self-studied for a whole year of high school content and then took the college entrance examination one year ahead of schedule.
He just thought that the girl’s grades should also be very good. What if they meet again at the same school?
If he meets her again, he must tell her that he has fallen in love with sports, grew a lot taller, and also lost a lot of weight. He could be considered a very beautiful little boy. Would she be willing to be his girlfriend?
But he didn’t meet that girl again; instead he met Gu Jiqing.
He thought he would detest all homosexuals who tried to come into contact with him because of what happened in middle school, but he didn’t.
He would not even be able to control his desires and jealousy, even with reason.
The rubber sleeves and lubricant in the trash can are evidence of his loss of control last night.
The faint sentence came from the bathroom door. “Gu Jue, I didn’t resist before, it doesn’t mean I can be bullied at will. From now on, the Gu family has nothing to do with me.” It was so calm and gentle, but sadly detached.
It reminded Zhou Cibai of Gu Jiqing’s portrait.
What kind of lonely and sad princess lives in that tall tower?
Will one day she finally be unable to withstand jumping off a high tower anymore?
At that moment, he felt that his heartache had made a decision for him.
He would never deny the long crush and joy he had for that girl, but he cannot ignore his concern for Gu Jiqing either.
Although he cannot determine whether his attraction to Gu Jiqing is due to hormones or his genuine desire to become a partner, since he has already had s*x with Gu Jiqing, he should not think about others anymore.
After all, people and things in the past were destined, so he must at least take on the responsibility of the present.
And if he can’t be with Gu Jiqing wholeheartedly, just like him, just take care of him, just protect him, and who was he to accept Gu Jiqing’s liking?
Thinking about it, Zhou Cibai tightly grasped his phone, as if unable to control his inner turmoil and struggle.
However, after a long struggle, he finally gritted his teeth, as if making the most important decision of his nineteen-year-old life. He forcefully pressed and held down on the photo, and a delete option popped up, ready to click.
Then a voice came from above: “Why do you have a picture of me in middle school?”
Zhou Cibai: “?”
Before he could react, Gu Jiqing lazily picked up his phone from his hand and confirmed, “It’s indeed a photo of me from middle school. This dance dress is still at my house.”
“???”
How could this be Gu Jiqing?!
Zhou Cibai felt incredulous and said, “She has a bob haircut!”
And it’s even a little longer than the average girl’s bob cut!
But Gu Jiqing felt a bit puzzled by his reaction: “When I was in junior high school, I had bob hair.”
When he finished, he blinked, and his frontal hair, which had just gotten wet in the bathroom, collapsed and fell down in one piece, as if it had turned into bangs like a bob haircut.
At that moment, Zhou Cibai, who had just decided to forget about the goddess and say goodbye to the past, single-mindedly took responsibility for Gu Jiqing, remembered that a week ago, he personally and seriously told Gu Jiqing, ‘I liked a girl in junior high school because I was attracted by her qualities, so if I liked her, I would always like her, and even pray in my journal every day to see her again and spend my whole life with her.’ “……”
Three seconds later, with a blush on his face and in his heart, he bursts out with the most humiliating sentence: f*ck!
