(M) Chapter 12 – Unbearable Meal Time
Novel Title: 一屋暗灯 (Ephemeral Light)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 宋谨 (Song Jin -MC), 宋星阑 (Song Xinglan -ML)
*Please read at sin.Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
֍֍֍
⚠️*TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains depictions of self-harm, abuse and incestious rape. Proceed with caution.
֍֍֍
When Song Jin went to the dessert shop two days later, Tang Min was making donuts. He glanced up from the workroom’s transparent wall, then took off his gloves and walked out, asking, “What’s wrong with you?”
Song Jin walked slowly to the counter and took off his mask.
“Your mouth…” Tang Min was already puzzled by Song Jin’s tightly buttoned-up long-sleeved shirt and mask. Now, seeing the scars on his lips when he removed the mask, Tang Min’s eyes widened in shock. “What happened?”
“I’m sick.” Song Jin walked into the workroom, put on an apron, and subconsciously rolled up his sleeves. Then he hesitated. He pulled his sleeves back down tightly to cover the marks on his wrist and said, “I had a high fever. My lips cracked.”
“It’s only been a few days. How did you get like this?” Tang Min frowned. “Are you sure you can manage to work? Maybe you should rest for a few more days.”
“It’s okay. I’m fine now.” Song Jin smiled at him. “Don’t worry. It’s not contagious.”
Tang Min smiled back. “You better not be lying to me.”
But I’m good at lying, Song Jin thought to himself.
It’s easy to lie to others. But lying to oneself about still wanting to be alive is another matter.
His wrists bore not only the marks from the handcuffs but also a self-harm wound.
Song Jin wanted to die in his mother’s room. He didn’t want to close his eyes for the last time in the attic, which was a grave for his dignity and morality.
He leaned against his mother’s bed. The tip of the knife pierced his skin. Song Jin suddenly remembered a few years ago when he went to the hospital after school to take care of his mother. He didn’t find her in the hospital bed. So he opened the bathroom door to find it covered in blood. His mother was slouched by the toilet, holding a fruit knife. Her eyes were half-closed as she looked at him and she smiled.
It was the first time Song Jin realised so clearly that human blood could be so red and so thick.
The nurse said that people who fail in suicide by cutting their wrist, if they cut deep enough to damage the nerves, would feel pain in that hand every rainy day. And they would regret it.
Song Jin asked his mother at that time, “Are you afraid?”
His mother looked at him and said, “I am afraid. But I also feel reluctant to leave this world.”
As his own blood dripped onto the floor, Song Jin sat by the bed. His tears were streaming down his face. He wasn’t sure what he was reluctant to part with. But he was very afraid. When he realised that death might really come because of this cut, he was very afraid.
Song Jin considered dropping out at one point and completely escaping from the city. But he was already in his third year. As long as he completed one more semester, he could go to another city for an internship. Otherwise, all his efforts would be in vain and the intense efforts he put into his final year of high school would be wasted. He had very little sense of security. So, a graduation certificate meant a lot to him. Since he had decided to live, he had to grit his teeth and persevere through everything he had worked for.
He had originally planned to take the postgraduate entrance exam because most surveying majors required a master’s degree for better career prospects. Song Jin had been hesitant between preparing for the exam and working, but now he could make a decision. He didn’t want to take the exam anymore. He wanted to work as soon as possible and leave this place.
Song Jin applied to stay in the school dormitory. As long as he endured another semester, he could find an internship elsewhere. He guessed that Song Xiangping would most likely send him abroad after Song Xinglan graduated from high school. Everything would be better then, he believed.
How ridiculous. The real victims didn’t even have the chance to resist or scream. Instead, they struggled to think about how to evade and run away. They self-comforted themselves that things would get better by placing their hopes on the possibility of the perpetrator leaving voluntarily or involuntarily.
Moreover, not every victim suffers at the hands of their own younger brother. All thoughts would be quelled under the complexity of that relationship and involvement with other family members. In the end, all the struggles would be futile.
***
Song Jin quickly moved into the school dormitory. He attended classes, went out for surveying, or worked part-time at the dessert shop every day. In the evenings, he would return to the dormitory to organise data and do homework. Because he applied for the dormitory at the last minute, he shared a room with another student from a different major. They only had two people in a four-person room, so it was quite spacious. His roommate was not particularly friendly but easy to get along with.
That day at noon, when Song Jin finished his class, he happened to meet his roommate who had classes on the same floor. The two of them headed downstairs together, planning to grab lunch and then return to their dormitory for a nap.
However, before they could even descend the main staircase, Song Jin spotted a car parked by the flowerbed. Song Xiangping was standing outside the car, waving at him.
Beside him stood Song Xinglan.
It was the busiest time for foot traffic as classes were just ending. Song Xinglan leaned against the car, basking in the early autumn sun, still wearing his high school uniform, appearing conspicuously audacious.
He truly resembled his father, Song Xiangping. They both exuded a similar air of authority. While Song Xiangping carried an aura of dignity, Song Xinglan was brimming with arrogance and coldness, not yielding an inch.
In comparison, Song Jin felt worlds apart from them. Apart from a slight resemblance in appearance, he couldn’t find any connection between himself and them.
The father and the brother were standing not far away from him. But Song Jin felt a cold sweat breaking out all over his body and his limbs went numb. When Song Xinglan’s gaze met his through the crowd, Song Jin almost felt as if he would step into empty space on the stairs.
The absurd and surreal scenes of those days were still vivid in his mind. Song Jin clenched his fists, forcing himself to return to the present scene.
“My dad is here,” Song Jin said hoarsely, “I can’t have lunch with you. You go ahead.”
“Okay,” his roommate patted his shoulder. “Then I’ll go first.”
“Yeah.”
Step by step, Song Jin approached Song Xiangping. “Baba.”
“Yeah,” Song Xiangping smiled. “I came to see Professor Zhou to discuss Xinglan’s study abroad plans. When I saw your department’s schedule, I thought I’d see if I could run into you and here we are.”
In truth, Song Jin didn’t quite catch everything his father said. He only heard the words ‘study abroad’.
Song Xinglan was really going abroad.
The oppressive sunlight seemed to lighten a bit. Song Jin’s palms were sweaty. He almost wanted to ask Song Xinglan when he planned to go abroad.
“Let’s have a meal together,” Song Xiangping said. “You’ve been away from home for so long. We haven’t had a meal together in a long time.”
Song Jin didn’t know how the incident at the banquet with Song Xinglan had ended. But the fact that Song Xiangping and Song Xinglan could still stand together peacefully, in a sense, proved that their father-son relationship had not been shaken. Perhaps they had been getting along like this for the past decade or so. That night might just be a bit more intense.
Song Jin nodded with pale lips. He knew he couldn’t refuse in this situation.
***
Yuan Ya did not appear. If Song Jin’s guess was correct, Song Xiangping should be living with Yuan Ya, while Song Xinglan lived alone.
His guess was indeed correct. This is because Song Xiangping suddenly said, “Xiao Jin, why did you move back to school? Why not move back home? Song Xinglan is living alone now so there’s plenty of space.”
“No, thanks,” Song Jin said.
Being asked to go back and live with Song Xinglan was no different from being asked to go to hell. In the past, Song Xinglan’s attitude towards him was already unbearable and he had desperately escaped. Now, with what had happened between them, how could Song Jin possibly take a step back to that house?
“You’re already in your third year,” Song Xiangping said as he picked up a piece of ribs for him. “I’ve found a house for you. It was not far from the family’s home. It’s also a standalone building. Take some time to go and have a look with me later. If it’s suitable, we’ll finalise the decision and do some renovation. You can move in before graduation.”
Song Jin calmly refused, “It’s okay. I don’t need it.”
“What are you talking about?” Song Xiangping frowned, “I wanted to say this when you were living in the old house. Now you’re back at school, how can this not be possible?”
Song Jin wanted to tell him: I just want to be away from you guys as much as possible.
But he could only force a smile and tactfully delay, “Really, there’s no need for that. I haven’t thought about these things now. We can discuss it later, okay?”
Song Xiangping looked at him for a few seconds before sighing, “Alright. You’re a stubborn kid.”
Song Xinglan had been silent the whole time. Song Jin avoided even glancing at him. He just ate with his head down. However, he still found every second unbearable. So, he put down his chopsticks and said, “Baba, I’m full. I have classes in the afternoon. So I’ll head back to school first.”
“You wait. I’ll take you back.”
“It’s okay, it’s just a short walk, I can go back by myself.” Song Jin picked up his backpack and stood up. “I’ll leave first.”
“Alright. Take care on the way.”
Song Jin walked out of the private room, closed his eyes, and took a long breath. Every second with Song Xinglan present made him feel on edge.
He went to the restroom. His hands had gotten some soup on them during the meal. Even after wiping them with a tissue, there was still a lingering smell. He wanted to wash them with soap.
As Song Jin was about to use a tissue to dry his hands after washing, the restroom door was pushed open. When he saw who it was, Song Jin’s face turned pale. He took two steps back, gripping the strap of his backpack tightly with his slender fingers, looking extremely frightened.
“Are you not interested in owning a house?” Song Xinglan approached him expressionlessly. “Then what do you want, getting a share of the company?”
Song Jin’s lips trembled. He didn’t want to have any conversation with him at all. He tried to step in the other direction, attempting to bypass Song Xinglan and open the door. However, Song Xinglan grabbed the collar of his shirt and pushed him back against the door of a cubicle.
His back hit the door with a heavy thud. If he wasn’t carrying a backpack, Song Jin suspected his shoulder blades would have been bruised from the impact.
“You heard that I’m going abroad,” Song Xinglan stared down at him. “Are you happy about that?”
“Get lost,” Song Jin gritted his teeth. “Let me go.”
Before he could form his next sentence, Song Xinglan bit his lip.
Song Jin grunted. His head was throbbing. He had tormented him for two days but there had not been a single kiss between them. Song Jin had almost forgotten the first turning point in their twisted relationship; that bloody kiss in the hallway.
He gritted his teeth, resisting Song Xinglan’s invasion. However, the pain from his bitten lips made him gasp. And when he felt Song Xinglan’s tongue, Song Jin bit it without hesitation.
Suddenly, Song Xinglan lifted his head. He pulled Song Jin’s collar and dragged him forward slightly. Then, he reached out, opened the door of the cubicle and pushed him inside.
“Song Xinglan…” Song Jin’s voice sounded low and fierce. But it was also trembling in fear. “Don’t go crazy!”
֍֍֍
*Translator’s Note: There will be no more fucking for a while after this. Soon, we will enter the second phase of the novel where SXL will become an idiot. -K
Next update: 2024.07.12
֍֍֍
