Chapter 2 – Disgusting
Novel Title: 一屋暗灯 (Ephemeral Light)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 宋谨 (Song Jin -MC), 宋星阑 (Song Xinglan -ML)
*Please read at sin.Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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When he woke up the next day, the nanny had already prepared breakfast. After Song Jin finished eating, he waited downstairs for a while. But there was no sign that Song Xinglan was going to come down for breakfast.
Song Jin then took the breakfast upstairs. He stood outside the door for over a minute before he gathered the courage to speak.
“Xinglan, I brought breakfast for you. If you don’t eat it soon, it might get cold.”
There was no response. With his hands full, Song Jin couldn’t knock on the door. So he asked again, “Are you still sleeping? Can I come in and put the breakfast on your table?”
Still no answer. Song Jin bent down and used his elbow to press down the door handle, slowly pushing the door open.
He thought Song Xinglan was still asleep. But there was no one in the bed.
Then the bathroom door opened and Song Xinglan walked out, still showing signs of drowsiness on his face.
As soon as he saw Song Jin, a look of almost visible disgust and anger appeared on his face. His eyebrows were furrowed. “Who told you to come into my room?”
“I…” Song Jin raised his hand slightly, indicating that he was there to deliver breakfast.
“Stop being pretentious.” Song Xinglan took a few steps forward and pushed Song Jin’s shoulder without hesitation. “Get out! Don’t come into my room!”
Song Jin was pushed without any warning and the hot porridge in his hand spilled out, splashing onto the back of his hand. He sucked in a breath, endured the burning sensation, and gritted his teeth as he placed the bowl on the cabinet nearby, preventing it from spilling all over the floor.
“Get out now!” Song Xinglan pointed to the hallway. His voice sounded cold and angry after suppressing his emotions. “Don’t let me see you!”
“Okay,” Song Jin said.
He picked the porridge back up again and left the room.
The door slammed shut behind him. Song Jin walked downstairs with his face looking expressionless.
He understood Song Xinglan. Just as he had understood his mother year after year.
Having been abandoned by the person he thought was his mother when he was a child and now his older brother returning to this family over a decade later, Song Xinglan’s reaction was understandable. After all, the bond of blood had become so thin that it could be ignored. He could only be seen as an unwelcome guest now.
Even though he was only seven years old at the time and had no choice, now that his mother had passed away, Song Jin was the only target for Song Xinglan’s emotional outbursts.
He was Song Xiangping’s biological son and Song Xinglan’s biological older brother. Yet, he had to endure this situation of being unwelcome. It could only be said that fate was inevitable. He was the only one who couldn’t escape it.
Afterwards, Song Xinglan left and didn’t come back until evening. During dinner, Song Xiangping had a driver come to pick up Song Jin to go out to eat. Song Jin sat across from Song Xiangping and a woman he didn’t know, eating his food in silence.
“Xinglan said he’s out hanging around with friends. So he won’t be joining us for dinner,” Song Xiangping explained.
In reality, Song Jin understood. Song Xinglan just didn’t want to see him.
Fortunately, school was starting soon. Song Jin had applied for boarding, where senior high school students could come home once every two weeks. This way, he could reduce his frequency of appearing at the Song family’s residence.
***
On the morning of the first day of school, Song Xiangping personally accompanied Song Jin to the school.
They were standing in the living room when Song Xinglan came downstairs. He was dressed neatly in a basketball uniform, carrying a mesh bag with a basketball covered in signatures inside.
He didn’t even glance at Song Jin. He walked expressionlessly towards the front door.
“School starts in two days and he’s already in ninth grade. All he knows is to play around. Learn from your older brother,” Song Xiangping said.
“Learn from him?” Song Xinglan didn’t turn his head, leaving only his stubborn back and disdainful retort.
Song Xiangping looked helplessly at Song Jin, who just pursed his lips and said, “It’s okay. He’s still young.”
***
Senior year passed especially quickly. The countdown to the college entrance examination in the upper right corner of the blackboard tirelessly changed. Song Jin buried himself in textbooks and test papers, barely going home even during breaks, staying in the dormitory studying day and night.
He wanted to achieve excellent results. Firstly, it was to avoid letting Song Xiangping think he was incompetent. And secondly, it was because this might indeed be the only way to change his fate.
He knew his current situation. On the surface, he had a wealthy father and a superior place to live. But in reality, he was just a hair’s breadth away from being homeless.
In the past ten years, even if he lived in a cramped and narrow place, even if the food was bland, Song Jin had never thought like this before because he and his mother depended on each other and were inseparable.
But now it was different. There was no one who saw him as a pillar and no one who poured their heart out to him.
Throughout the whole year, except for the winter vacation, Song Jin’s visits home were pitifully few. The number of times he met with Song Xiangping and Song Xinglan could be counted on one hand.
Even on New Year’s Eve, Song Jin was alone at home. Song Xinglan went to a countdown with friends and Song Xiangping sent him money via WeChat as a New Year’s gift. He then said he wouldn’t be coming back home that day and told Song Jin to go out and have fun.
Alone in the dark bedroom, holding a photo of him and his mother, Song Jin looked at the brilliant lights of the tall buildings in the distance. As the clock struck twelve, he whispered, “Happy New Year, Mama.”
At three in the morning, there was a sudden, heavy sound outside the door.
Song Jin opened his eyes and heard Song Xinglan’s low cursing outside.
He opened the door and saw Song Xinglan was sitting by the door, emitting a strong smell of alcohol.
Song Jin didn’t go to help him. It wasn’t the first time Song Xinglan had gotten drunk. In the few times Song Jin had come home, he had seen Song Xinglan drunk several times.
At first, Song Jin would rush to help him. But the outcome was always the same. Song Xinglan would push him away and then curse at him, saying all sorts of nasty things. It was as if Song Jin wasn’t just Song Jin, but a collection of all the people Song Xinglan disliked and he wanted to vent his anger on them.
It was only the third day of the Lunar New Year and Song Jin couldn’t understand. Were all teenage boys like Song Xinglan now?
“Get up,” Song Jin said. “Your room is next door.”
The house was completely dark and they couldn’t see each other’s expressions. Song Jin could only hear Song Xinglan’s heavy breathing.
“Get lost! Who asked for your help?”
“I’m not trying to help you. You bumped into my door and woke me up.”
“If it’s too noisy, then get out!” Song Xinglan’s voice suddenly became louder. “Who are you to complain here?”
Communication was impossible. Song Jin sighed. “Whatever I say is wrong.”
“Right,” Song Xinglan stumbled to stand up and leaned close to Song Jin’s face. “Do you know why?”
Song Jin waited quietly for him to continue.
Leaning closer to Song Jin’s ear, Song Xinglan whispered, “Because you’re gay. So everything you say disgusts me.”
The darkness seemed to turn into a thousand-ton weight, pressing down on Song Jin one piece at a time. Amidst his thundering heartbeat, he could hardly hear anything else. He felt a dizzying sensation, as if the alcohol from Song Xinglan had permeated every fibre of his being.
Seeing no reaction from Song Jin, Song Xinglan smiled. “Did I hit the mark?”
“You’ve had too much to drink,” Song Jin managed to squeeze out. His voice sounded hoarse and hollow.
“I have kissing photos of you with that guy. Why pretend to be pure?” Song Xinglan’s voice was still in the midst of changing. It was deep and unsettling. “And then what? What did you guys do next?”
Song Jin realised his sexual orientation in the second year of junior high. He never saw it as something shameful. But he also didn’t feel the world deserved to know. He never thought about love. He knew the road ahead would be difficult. He just hoped to survive on his own merits, without relying on anyone else.
The boy was in the same grade as him. As a transfer student with a striking appearance—fair and delicate—Song Jin had attracted attention. The boy had tested him many times, openly and covertly. Eventually, tired of the harassment, Song Jin agreed to meet him off campus to clear things up.
Little did he know, before he could refuse, the boy leaned in and kissed him on the face.
Song Jin just wiped his face and said, “Don’t bother me again. I don’t have time to waste with you.”
For Song Jin, whether it was love or entertainment, it was all a waste of time. At this moment, he didn’t have the capital to expend.
He never expected that scene to be witnessed by Song Xinglan. It was his most guarded secret. The one he dared not speak of. Song Xinglan was the first to discover it.
“You were following me?” Song Jin asked. His hands clenched tightly and they trembled.
“Don’t flatter yourself. I just happened to pass by and took a photo,” Song Xinglan clicked his tongue, taking two steps back as if avoiding something dirty. “Song Jin, you’re really disgusting.”
He never called him ‘Gege’. But instead, he called Song Jin by his full name.
Song Jin knew that a heterosexual boy might not easily understand someone like him. But he didn’t expect Song Xinglan to have such malicious intent towards homosexuality at such a young age.
Then he thought, Song Xinglan might not necessarily find homosexuality disgusting. But just happened to be faced with Song Jin + homosexuality. So he naturally deepened his disgust.
“Yes. I’m disgusting,” Song Jin looked at the blurry figure of Song Xinglan in the darkness in front of him as he swallowed with difficulty, “If I’ve affected you, I’m really sorry.”
“Affected me? Just who do you think you are?” Song Xinglan sneered, “Take care of your own damn business and stop embarrassing yourself.”
Song Jin remained silent. He retreated into his room and closed the door.
He didn’t feel he had any damn business to worry about. He just really wanted to escape from this house. He wanted that so much.
He didn’t hate Song Xinglan either. He just suddenly hated his mother. In the hours after New Year’s Eve, he wondered why his mother couldn’t hold on for a few more years, why she wouldn’t let Song Xinglan feel needed again, and why he had to be arranged to face such a younger brother?
Song Jin would rather never see Song Xinglan again in his life than stand opposite him in their current situation.
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*Translator’s Note: There you go. MC being too nice and ML being too mean. I kinda suspect ML were stalking MC tho. But we’ll see if it’s true later. I’ve read the whole story a long time ago so I forgot most parts of it. Lol. -K
*GLOSSARY:
- Mama = mom/mommy
- Gege/Ge = (Big) Brother
- Baba = Dad
- Shushu = Uncle
- Ayi = Auntie
- Didi = (Little) Brother
☝🏻I’ll be using these throughout my translation. I won’t be using English words for most titles that are being called out.
Next update: 2024.06.22
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