Chapter 35 – Plenty of Time
Novel Title: 一屋暗灯 (Ephemeral Light)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 宋谨 (Song Jin -MC), 宋星阑 (Song Xinglan -ML)
*Please read at Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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Song Jin was about to close the courtyard gate when a man suddenly approached, carrying a translucent white plastic bag. “Xiao Song,” someone said, “I brought you your medicine.”
Song Jin’s hand paused in mid-air. He was startled. He reopened the door and said, “Thank you, Uncle Zhang. It’s New Year’s Eve but you still made the trip.”
“Oh, it’s just a few steps away. Why are you being so polite?” Uncle Zhang handed him the medicine and then seemed to notice Song Xinglan, who was dressed in black, standing beside him. After scrutinising him for a moment, he exclaimed in surprise, “Isn’t that… Xiao Song’s younger brother?”
Everyone had heard that Song Jin’s younger brother had accidentally fallen into the river on a rainy night. After being sent to the hospital, he never came back. Song Jin would only say lightly when asked occasionally that his brother had recovered and would not be returning.
In the dim light, Uncle Zhang carefully studied Song Xinglan, noticing that he was indeed very different from the cheerful boy he remembered. Just standing there silently, he exuded an inexplicable aura of intimidation. It made it difficult to know how to start a conversation with him.
“Oh, you’re back to spend New Year’s Eve with your brother?” Uncle Zhang came to his senses and smiled. “It seems like you’ve really recovered. You look so different from before. That’s good. It’s great that you’ve recovered. It’s a rare thing.”
Song Xinglan remained silent. He only nodded at him. Uncle Zhang sensed the strange atmosphere but couldn’t pinpoint the cause. Song Jin looked down at the medicine in his hand. With Song Xinglan standing there, he felt his ability to maintain politeness in front of the villagers slowly slipping away, leaving him speechless.
“I’ll be off then. You two have a good New Year.” Uncle Zhang tightened his coat. “Go inside, it’s cold outside. I’m leaving now.”
“Take care, Uncle Zhang. Thank you for the medicine.” Song Jin finally looked up and forced a smile. “Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year to you too!” Uncle Zhang smiled and waved at them before turning and walking into the darkness.
With the onlooker gone, Song Jin found himself once again in a standoff with Song Xinglan. He felt as if he was in an out of body state. His entire body became numb and mechanical. His heart was swinging like a pendulum without rest, yet devoid of any consciousness inside.
“What are you doing here?” After a long while, in the whimpering night wind, Song Jin finally spoke. His voice was hoarse.
Song Xinglan silently looked at Song Jin’s face, his gaze as if scrutinising. Then he countered with a question, “What do you think?”
This was the first thing he had said to Song Jin since waking up. More than half a month ago at the hospital, Song Jin had left without waiting for Song Xinglan to speak. Now, suddenly appearing before him, Song Xinglan was still the same, sparing with words yet able to make Song Jin tremble with just a few.
– “What do you think?”
– “I think you’re going to go mad again, make me have endless nightmares again, destroy me once more.”
Song Jin found it difficult to even voice this response; each word felt like an executioner’s blade hanging over his neck. It seemed as if he was already cut to pieces, bleeding and mangled, without Song Xinglan needing to do anything.
Suddenly, Song Jin felt that if kneeling would help, he would really do it.
If kneeling in front of Song Xinglan, begging for mercy, pleading with him not to go mad again, would help, Song Jin would do it. He truly couldn’t bear his life collapsing once more. He didn’t have a heart strong enough to endure and keep biting his tongue. Especially when he realised he indeed had feelings for that face. That is even though Song Jin had always considered them as two separate individuals. However, Song Xinglan was still his brother. And that had never changed.
Song Jin took a step back. His expression was full of fear and confusion. He fumbled to touch the door frame. Noticing what he intended to do, Song Xinglan directly reached out to hold the courtyard door. His posture was almost as if he was embracing Song Jin in front of him. He suddenly asked in a low voice, “What kind of medicine do you have in your hand?”
The deep voice was more stimulating than anything else. Song Jin suddenly came to his senses. He stumbled backward a few more steps, standing inside the courtyard door. His voice nearly broke in the wind, “Please don’t come in.”
“Please, Song Xinglan. I’m begging you…”
Song Xinglan had never paid attention to Song Jin’s pleas. And now was no different. Without a word, he stepped into the courtyard. He closed the door behind him and walked directly past Song Jin towards the door of the house.
Grapefruit, hearing the sound, jumped off the chair and ran a few steps but stopped at the moment Song Xinglan entered. His ears stood up, as if it was on alert. His big amber eyes stared at Song Xinglan without moving.
The cat felt that this person seemed familiar, yet more so unfamiliar. He didn’t dare to approach.
Song Xinglan glanced at the few simple dishes on the table, his gaze lingering on the plate of chicken wings. Then he turned his head. Song Jin stood outside the main door with his face full of bewilderment. This was his home. But at this moment, he was completely afraid to step in because Song Xinglan was inside.
Song Jin thought that Song Xinglan seemed taller. But it was impossible for someone to grow taller in just over half a month. When Song Xinglan had amnesia, he never stood so straight. Every time he spoke to Song Jin, he would bend down, almost putting his ear to Song Jin’s mouth to listen carefully. Now, he stood coldly and upright under the living room light. His imposing presence made him appear much taller.
This was the real Song Xinglan, aged and experienced. He held more in his hands. He was twice as fearsome as the lunatic from three years ago.
“What exactly do you want to do…”
Give me an answer, Song Jin thought. Please, don’t torture me anymore. The person who had amnesia is never coming back. He just begged not to be trampled by the lunatic again.
“I came to eat the chicken wings my Ge bought for me specially before the New Year,” Song Xinglan said slowly, looking at him. “What, just half a month and you’ve forgotten?”
Hearing this, Song Jin’s pupils dilated.
What Song Xinglan said meant that he remembered everything.
He remembered their daily meals in this house, remembered their trips to the mountains and vegetable fields, remembered them sitting on the roof watching the moon and stars… If he remembered all that, Song Xinglan should have softened a bit and not treated him the same as before.
But Song Jin immediately thought that if he remembered, he would also remember all the kisses and intimate moments between them. He would remember his own half-hidden true feelings.
Song Xinglan turned and walked to the dining table. He reached for the chicken wings on the plate. His fair wrist contrasted sharply with the dark sleeve, the colours vividly distinct.
Grapefruit ran to Song Jin’s feet. Song Jin picked him up to gain some sense of security.
Song Xinglan took a few bites of the chicken wings before putting them down and wiping his hands with a napkin. He turned to look at Song Jin, who was standing in the cold night wind, holding the cat. His face was pale. He looked fragile and defenceless.
Song Jin moved his feet and slowly walked inside. His posture looked almost timid. His chest was filled with a heart gripped by fear. He had come to understand that the other Song Xinglan would never return. But he could never accept facing this version of Song Xinglan.
“Do you remember everything?” Song Jin asked him softly, “Do you? If you do, could you just… for the sake of those two months, please don’t…”
He stopped mid-sentence because he couldn’t find the right words, afraid of angering Song Xinglan and even more afraid of stirring up those nightmarish memories. Song Jin simply looked at him, pleading, “Please?”
“Yes, I remember everything,” Song Xinglan walked toward him. His voice was soft but clear. “I remember crying while looking for you, begging you not to leave me, and always wanting to stick by your side.”
Song Jin stared ahead blankly as his eyes gradually turned red. Every word Song Xinglan said was something he had personally experienced. It was like a dream, and thinking back on it always felt precious.
When Song Xinglan approached, Song Jin lowered his head to look at Grapefruit in his arms, afraid that Song Xinglan would notice his reddening eyes.
“Do you still remember when you asked me what was so attractive about you?” Song Xinglan continued, “I remember you didn’t refuse when I kissed you. And I remember you willingly made love with me.”
Feeling a surge of emotion, Song Jin raised his head in a panic. He saw Song Xinglan’s calm eyes. They were as dark as the night. He asked, “Song Jin, why are you so afraid of me now?”
With each word Song Xinglan spoke, Song Jin seemed to become more clear-headed. Leaning against the wall, he said, word by word, “Because you are not him.”
It seemed Song Xinglan had anticipated this answer. He smiled slightly and asked, “Does it make a difference?”
“In the end, I’m still your brother. You’re still committing incest, Song Jin.”
Song Jin knew he was pathetic. But being exposed so bluntly was indeed too cruel for him.
“Get lost.” Song Jin took a sharp breath and said, “Get lost.”
“Do you love deceiving yourself that much?” Song Xinglan stared at him. “I said I liked you. And you offered no resistance. You just accepted it. Song Jin, you’re really starved for love.”
When Song Jin was lost in his dream, he never thought that the heart he had finally laid bare would be gently held, only to be shattered by the same person.
The most hidden aspects of his personality were ruthlessly dissected. No matter who it was, it was too cruel for Song Jin. Especially when it was Song Xinglan. When Song Xinglan had amnesia, Song Jin had really thought about living like that with him for the rest of their lives.
“This is the difference between you and him,” Song Jin swallowed the lump in his throat, forcing a steady tone. “He never thought it was incest. He said if he liked someone, he liked them…”
“So what?” Song Xinglan lifted his hand to stroke Grapefruit’s head. Grapefruit nestled in Song Jin’s arms. His ears drooped slightly in fear. His big eyes fixed on Song Xinglan. Song Xinglan said, “You still slept with your brother. And it was your choice.”
With just a simple sentence, Song Jin’s throat was tightly constricted. It was a dead end. No matter how Song Jin argued the differences, no matter how clearly he tried to distinguish between the pre-amnesia and post-amnesia Song Xinglan. The blood relationship between them remained an immutable law, enough to overturn all seemingly strong excuses.
Yes. After all, Song Xinglan was his own brother.
Precisely because Song Xinglan was his own brother, Song Jin now had to stand here, enduring double the humiliation and pain. He had his wounds reopened by the returning lunatic.
And those unbearable wounds had been recently stitched up by Song Xinglan’s own hands. He had even promised Song Jin that he wouldn’t let him get hurt again.
Why treat me like this? If I’m destined for hell, there’s no need for heaven to shine upon me. It will only make me suffer more.
“Ge.” Song Xinglan reached out, lifting Song Jin’s chin to make him meet his gaze. He stared into Song Jin’s eyes and asked, “I just want to know. Were you willing to sleep with me because you pity me? Or was it because you simply can’t refuse someone’s affection?”
“Or perhaps.. Was it because you like me?”
Song Jin’s pupils slightly dilated. His breath trembled. Other reasons no longer mattered, as all focus was forced onto the last possibility. He said, “I can’t possibly like you. I wouldn’t like a lunatic.”
Song Xinglan ignored his response and asked, “Do you like that foolish amnesiac then?”
Song Jin couldn’t provide an answer. Even when Song Xinglan hadn’t regained his memory, in such situations, Song Jin hadn’t given an answer. Let alone now.
They stared at each other in a tense standoff. Song Xinglan’s thumb lightly rubbed against the side of Song Jin’s face. Suddenly, he said, “I understand now.”
His cool fingertip traced up Song Jin’s jawline, gliding to the corner of his eye where he touched the faintest hint of tears in Song Jin’s eyes. Song Xinglan continued, “After tonight, I’ll be twenty-two.”
“I still have plenty of time to waste with you, Song Jin.”
Song Jin felt as if he had just witnessed his own death sentence. His face went ashen for a moment. However, Song Xinglan withdrew his hand and asked an unrelated question, “Has that family come to bother you again?”
“Who…-” Song Jin began, then suddenly realised. His eyes widened. “Was it you?”
The day after returning, Song Jin had visited a household in the village. Their house was situated by the roadside. Anyone passing to the foot of the mountain would have to pass by their outer wall.
It was an elegantly decorated villa with a camera installed at the front gate. Song Jin specifically went to see the homeowner and pulled up the surveillance footage from the day Grapefruit was taken. Sure enough, he saw the old man grabbing Grapefruit by the nape of its neck, holding it in his hand, while the child held a rope.
Song Jin had intended to confront them. But found their house completely empty. It remained shut tight until the Lunar New Year, a full two weeks later.
Normally, their entire family would gather in the countryside for the New Year. But this year they had disappeared without a trace.
“What did you do to them?” Song Jin’s voice trembled with fear. “What have you done?”
At that moment, Song Jin couldn’t distinguish whether he feared for the old man and the child’s safety or dreaded that Song Xinglan had gotten involved in something irredeemable, even if just a little.
“You’re overthinking things,” Song Xinglan said calmly. “I sent a few people to their house. I heard they kneeled before we even spoke a word. They packed up and fled to their son’s house overnight.”
“Song Jin, you have to admit. Sometimes this world needs a lunatic like me.”
Song Jin looked at him. “But I don’t.”
“Your wishes don’t matter,” Song Xinglan replied.
He picked up the medication hanging on Song Jin’s wrist, glanced at the name through the white plastic bag.
Then Song Xinglan said nothing more. He flicked Grapefruit’s ear with his fingertip and walked out the door.
Grapefruit twitched his ear. He turned to look at Song Xinglan, watching until he disappeared from his view.
Song Jin stood still for a moment. He then took out his phone and dialled a number.
“Tang Min.”
“Changed your mind? Ready to come out and play?” Tang Min asked him. “Should I come to pick you up now?”
“No,” Song Jin said. “I’ll be going out by tomorrow. Can I stay at your place for a while after that?”
Tang Min didn’t ask why. He only said, “Sure, I’ll come pick you up tomorrow.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
He hung up the phone. Suddenly, a dazzling white light flashed across the sky, followed by a loud, resounding boom. Brilliant fireworks burst into the night sky, illuminating it as bright as day. Song Jin just lowered his head, holding Grapefruit tightly against the wall by the door. It was as if he had heard a thunderous roar.
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*Translator’s Note: I have to agree with SXL tho. Sometimes this world needs a lunatic like him. That grandpa and his child don’t deserve to be called human beings. I was at the hospital while translating this. Please inform me if there are any mistakes. I have not proofread the chapters. I’ll be fine though. Not in that much pain. Hope no one asks. -K
Next update: -Daily-
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