Chapter 4 – Enmity
Novel Title: 一屋暗灯 (Ephemeral Light)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 宋谨 (Song Jin -MC), 宋星阑 (Song Xinglan -ML)
*Please read at sin.Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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The student Song Jin tutored was named Fang Yi, who would be entering the third year of junior high in the next semester. He was a pretty well-behaved boy. But he tended to daydream a lot and had trouble concentrating. His mother didn’t have high demands. She just wanted Song Jin to supervise him completing his summer homework and teach him some of the third-year junior high school knowledge in advance, just to give Fang Yi an introduction to it.
Fang Yi’s parents divorced a few years ago. He lived with his mother.
One afternoon, after Fang Yi finished a test paper, he said, “Teacher, can you grade this for me?”
“Sure.” Song Jin closed the book and took the test paper to correct it carefully.
“It’s my birthday tomorrow.” Fang Yi said, “My dad said he would come to celebrate with me tomorrow night. Should I save a piece of cake for you?”
“Thank you. But I’m not very fond of cake.” Song Jin said, “You should eat more yourself. Happy birthday in advance.”
Song Jin had celebrated birthdays before. Before he was seven, his birthdays included his younger brother, his parents, exquisite and beautiful cakes, and toys and gifts that a young boy would love.
After he turned seven, every birthday was marked by his mother making him a bowl of noodles. Occasionally, his mother would forget or be too busy to make them and that was that.
Song Jin couldn’t judge which of these two forms was better or worse as the environments were vastly different. But if he could stay celebrating the birthdays before he was seven forever, he would not refuse.
Dreams of emptiness were always more captivating than reality.
Song Jin still remembered his mother saying that on his eighteenth birthday, she would take him out to celebrate his coming of age.
Unfortunately, his mother didn’t make it to that time.
Song Xinglan’s birthday was also approaching. After his birthday, he would be fifteen years old.
Song Jin looked at Fang Yi. He was a year younger than Song Xinglan, always wearing a naive and innocent expression, obedient and well-behaved, with a very good personality. He was completely different from Song Xinglan.
Song Jin asked him, “Do you often meet your dad?”
“Not often. My mom doesn’t let me see my dad. But it’s my birthday, so my mom will agree this time.” Fang Yi said gloomily, “When I was little, they used to argue all the time. I always wondered when they would stop arguing. Then they really did stop, because they got divorced.”
“I would rather they argued than separated. When my mom took me away, my dad kept holding my hand, telling me to listen to my mom and be a good boy.”
“I didn’t understand before, why they had to separate. Now I understand a little. Maybe they really aren’t suited to be together. This way might be better, right?”
Song Jin looked at the test paper, feeling a lump in his throat.
He remembered when his mother took him away, he had to look at Song Xinglan’s tear-stained face. He was so young then, crying and trying to grab his mother’s hand, only to be ruthlessly pushed away.
So Song Xinglan and Fang Yi were different because they were treated in completely different ways. Naturally, they developed different attitudes as they grew up.
***
The college entrance exam scores were out. Song Jin did very well. He had more than enough scores to apply to his ideal university and major.
Song Xiangping called him, asking him to come home so they could fill out the application together.
Song Jin didn’t refuse. Although he didn’t necessarily have to go home to fill out the application, he decided to go back anyway.
After more than an hour on the bus, Song Jin, with his backpack, returned to the Song family’s house.
When he reached the door, he suddenly remembered Song Xinglan’s words when he left, “Once you’re out, don’t come back.” He hesitated for a moment.
But he was just coming back to fill out an application. He would leave in the evening and Song Xinglan was probably out playing every day after the exam. So they might not even cross paths.
There was indeed only Song Xiangping at home. Song Jin talked to him about his thoughts, saying he wanted to apply to a university in the province for the surveying and mapping engineering major, which he had discussed with his high school teachers and found it to be a good choice.
After looking at the information, Song Xiangping made a phone call to his friend.
After hanging up, Song Xiangping said, “Jin, if you want to apply for this major, the X University in our city is more suitable. Moreover, if you want to work in a design institute or a surveying and mapping institute after graduation, I can help you get in.”
Song Jin had considered it. Even his high school teachers advised him to directly apply to X University in the city, as it would be more suitable for his scores. However, deep down, Song Jin still wanted to be a bit further away from the city.
Seeing Song Jin silent, Song Xiangping took off his glasses. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “Jin, I know we’re still a bit estranged. But you’re my son and I just want to take care of you. If you don’t want to come home in the future, I’ll buy you a house outside. You can live there happily on your own. Just don’t run away like you’re avoiding someone, okay?”
A father knows his son best. Despite their estrangement, Song Xiangping could still guess some of Song Jin’s thoughts.
Song Xiangping also knew that Song Jin was currently living in his old house and Song Jin had tried to hide it from him. Song Xiangping didn’t want to expose him. But since applying for university was about the future, he hoped Song Jin would make the best choice.
Song Jin pursed his lips. If Song Xiangping had ignored or simply tacitly ignored the issue, he could have made a firm decision. However, Song Xiangping had subtly brought it up, making Song Jin hesitate.
Song Xiangping might not be a perfect husband. But Song Jin had to admit that since he returned to the Song family’s house, Song Xiangping had indeed been trying to play the role of a good father. The level at which he played this role didn’t really matter. Just the fact that Song Xiangping had such thoughts made it hard for Song Jin to be firm in his decision.
“I didn’t mean that, Baba. Please don’t think that way.” Song Jin said, “Let’s go with your suggestion then. I’ll put X University as my first choice and the one I had decided on before as my second choice.”
As he said this, he tightly clenched his fingers together. It seemed that instead of making a decision, he was actually creating more options that he couldn’t decide on.
Song Xiangping smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. “Alright, that’s settled then. I’ll go out for a bit. The nanny has bought groceries, so we’ll have dinner at home tonight, okay?”
His tone of inquiry made Song Jin feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable. All he could do was nod and say, “Okay.”
***
As the sun set, Song Xiangping still hadn’t returned. Song Jin stayed in his room, staring at the gift box on his bed for a long time.
This was one of the reasons he had come back this time. It was perhaps the most important one—he wanted to give Song Xinglan an early birthday present.
Fang Yi’s words had reminded him that no matter what, Song Xinglan had been the most hurt back then, because he was still so young and couldn’t understand many things. He had also lacked many of the emotional influences he should have had in his upbringing, which had led to him becoming the way he was today.
Everyone played their roles in contributing to his current personality. No one could claim to be innocent.
The sound of the door opening downstairs interrupted his thoughts. Song Jin opened his door and saw Song Xinglan pushing a skateboard against the entrance. The nanny was still cooking. Song Xinglan glanced at the dining table in the dining room and then went upstairs.
Song Jin stood in the corridor and reached out to stop Song Xinglan, who was clearly ignoring him. “Xinglan…”
“Don’t touch me.” Song Xinglan coldly pushed his hand, ignoring him. “What, ran out of money and moved back?”
It had only been a short time. But Song Jin felt that Song Xinglan had grown taller. He was now half a head taller than himself, looking down with a cold and contemptuous attitude.
“Back to fill out the application.” Song Jin endured the malicious intent coming towards him and said, “I’ll be leaving soon.”
Afraid that Song Xinglan would leave, Song Jin continued, “There won’t be many chances for us to meet now. Your birthday is in September, right?”
Song Xinglan leaned back against the railing, tilting his chin slightly as he looked over. “So what?”
Song Jin said, “Just wait a moment.”
He went back to his room to get the gift, feeling so nervous that his wrists were shaking. He walked out and handed the gift box to Song Xinglan. “I don’t know what you like. But I wanted to give you a gift in advance. Happy birthday.”
Song Xinglan looked at him for two seconds, then reached out to take the gift, casually untying the bow on the packaging and slowly unwrapping the gift.
In fact, up to this moment, Song Jin should have realised something was wrong with Song Xinglan’s abnormal behaviour. However, his heart was beating too fast, causing him to overlook many things that weren’t right.
As Song Xinglan took the gift box, Song Jin almost naively thought that Song Xinglan’s heart had finally softened a little bit.
He watched as Song Xinglan tore open the wrapping paper and opened the box, taking out the set of guards, wrist guards, and knee guards that Song Jin had picked out for him.
“I noticed you seem to like playing sports, so I chose these. They should be useful for skateboarding as well. I don’t know if you…” Song Jin hadn’t finished his sentence when Song Xinglan turned and went back to his room without saying a word.
Song Jin didn’t feel any embarrassment from being ignored. Instead, he was a little surprised that Song Xinglan had taken the gift. He thought that maybe his brother was just being stubborn and a bit aloof, rather than truly seeing him as an enemy.
With this mood, Song Jin’s face showed a rare smile during dinner, which even surprised Song Xiangping.
“Xinglan said he already ate outside and won’t come down to eat. Eat more yourself,” Song Xiangping said.
“Okay.” Song Jin smiled again.
After dinner, Song Jin said he had to leave. Song Xiangping didn’t say anything. He just called a driver to pick him up.
While waiting for the driver, Song Jin and Song Xiangping sat on the sofa drinking water. Suddenly, Song Xinglan opened the door and came downstairs, holding a small paper bag. He walked straight to Song Jin, who quickly stood up, looking at him somewhat flustered.
Song Xinglan handed over the paper bag, saying, “Open it after you leave the house.”
This gesture was quite unusual. Song Jin took the bag and just responded with a vague “Okay.”
Song Xinglan had already reached the staircase when Song Jin’s father laughed and asked, “What gift did you give your Gege?”
Song Xinglan turned back and replied, “He’ll know when he sees it.”
Sitting in the car, Song Jin sighed and slowly opened the paper bag.
He didn’t know what was inside because it was very light, making it hard to guess. The car remained dark, with only occasional flashes of light from outside casting intermittent shadows inside.
Inside the bag, Song Jin found a folded piece of paper. Instead of immediately unfolding it, he checked underneath the paper to see what else was there. With a vague glance, his heart seemed to drop from a great height, plummeting into a deep abyss.
He saw half of a logo. The sports brand of the wrist guards he had bought for Song Xinglan, all cut into pieces and haphazardly piled in the paper bag. Each messy thread, under the flickering streetlights, looked like menacing remnants. The scent of new fabric mixed with the paper smell of the bag invaded his nostrils mercilessly.
Song Jin’s lips were a bit dry. He carefully folded the paper bag’s seal, placing it slowly on the seat beside his thigh. He then opened the paper with his fingertips trembling.
It was a printed version of a photo, black and white, with very low resolution due to being enlarged, filled with dense pixel noise. The pixels formed two blurry faces on the white paper, like bloodthirsty bugs.
It was Song Jin and the boy who was pursuing him. The boy was kissing Song Jin on the cheek. This scene had been seen by Song Xinglan, who claimed to have taken a picture.
The bugs seemed to come to life, crawling from the paper onto the back of Song Jin’s hand, climbing up his arm and covering his face, drawing the same expression on his face as in the photo.
“Stop the car…” Song Jin gasped, crumpling the paper into a ball and clenching it in his hand. He hoarsely called out, “Shushu… stop the car…”
“What’s wrong?” The driver hurriedly pulled over to the side of the road.
Song Jin fumbled to open the car door, stumbled out, and ran to a tree by the roadside, bending over and retching.
He had just eaten dinner. But nothing much came out. His stomach churned violently. But only clear saliva dripped from his mouth.
“Did you eat too much for dinner? Or was my driving unsteady?” The driver came over and patted his back. “Should I take you to the hospital?”
“No need…” Song Jin wiped the corner of his mouth and slowly straightened up. “No need.”
He clenched the crumpled paper tightly, tilted his head back to swallow the nausea in his throat. He closed his eyes and let the physiological tears mixed with a certain repressed despair roll down his face.
“I’m fine now. Let’s go.”
This was enmity of another kind. Song Jin no longer wanted to make any effort to reconcile with Song Xinglan. It was useless.
Old grudges, estrangement, distance, personality, sexual orientation, differences in consciousness—each one was a huge chasm. Each one of them.
Just forget it.
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*Translator’s Note: Yep. SXL is a lunatic. -K
*GLOSSARY:
- Mama = mom/mommy
- Gege/Ge = (Big) Brother
- Baba = Dad
- Shushu = Uncle
- Ayi = Auntie
- Didi = (Little) Brother
☝🏻I’ll be using these throughout my translation. I won’t be using English words for most titles that are being called out.
Next update: 2024.06.26
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