Chapter 5 – Lunatic
Novel Title: 一屋暗灯 (Ephemeral Light)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 宋谨 (Song Jin -MC), 宋星阑 (Song Xinglan -ML)
*Please read at sin.Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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When Song Jin was in college, he didn’t live on campus. The school was close to the old house, making it convenient to come and go and saving on dormitory fees.
From Song Xiangping’s mouth, Song Jin heard that Song Xinglan had enrolled in the same high school he had attended. His grades were passable. But his temper had become increasingly worse. In front of Song Jin, Song Xiangping scolded Song Xinglan countless times, calling him a scoundrel.
“I thought he’d become more sensible in high school. But he’s still the same.”
Song Jin tastelessly chewed the food in his mouth and said, “That’s just his personality. As long as he doesn’t cause trouble, it’s fine.”
“With him, who knows when he’ll stir up trouble.” Song Xiangping snorted coldly. “It’s all because he’s been spoiled.”
Song Jin smiled faintly.
After eating for about ten minutes, Song Xiangping frequently glanced at Song Jin, clearly wanting to say something but holding back.
Song Jin took a sip of water and asked, “Baba, is there something you want to say?”
In fact, Song Jin could guess that Song Xiangping was going to get married.
This woman had been with Song Xiangping for almost a year. Her name was Yuan Ya, a very elegant teacher in her thirties who had never been married. Song Xiangping had introduced her to Song Jin a couple of times during their meals together.
Song Jin didn’t care whether or not Song Xiangping got married. Or even who he married. He just hoped that Song Xiangping wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings again and leave behind bitter consequences like before.
Of course, he had no right to tell Song Xiangping what to do. Everyone was living their own lives. As long as the people involved were happy, that was enough.
“It’s about me and Yuan Ayi,” Song Xiangping smiled. “We’re planning to get our marriage certificate soon and then invite everyone for a banquet. She said she doesn’t want a wedding. She just wants something simple.”
Song Jin nodded.
“Does Xinglan… know?” Song Jin asked.
“I mentioned it to him. He didn’t have much of a reaction. But he never cares about these things in the first place,” Song Xiangping said. “I see that he doesn’t seem to care about anything at all. I don’t know what he’s thinking about all day.”
Song Jin didn’t say anything. Although he didn’t know how Song Xiangping had interacted with Song Xinglan over the past ten years, he could guess that Song Xiangping’s emotional investment in Song Xinglan was far less than his material investment.
He didn’t believe that Song Xinglan would be completely indifferent to this matter. But he also couldn’t fathom Song Xinglan’s thoughts.
***
Not long after, Song Xiangping and Yuan Ya got their marriage certificate. That evening, Song Xiangping called Song Jin and Song Xinglan out, saying that the family would have a meal together first and then invite relatives and friends for a gathering in a few days.
That day, Song Jin happened to be out doing surveying work. After finishing, he hurried to the restaurant, where everyone else was already present.
The table was large. Song Xiangping and Yuan Ya sat together, while Song Xinglan sat at the opposite end of the diagonal, head down, playing on his phone.
Song Jin walked over and sat two seats away from him.
He glanced at Song Xinglan’s profile. They hadn’t seen much of each other in the past two years. The teenager’s facial features had become sharply defined, with a high nose bridge and long, drooping eyelashes. There was still an inescapable coldness about him, making him seem indifferent to everything.
As if sensing Song Jin’s gaze, Song Xinglan slowly turned his face. His deep black eyes aligned with Song Jin’s line of sight, meeting his gaze with a measured intensity.
It was like a beast suddenly opening its eyes. There was a latent warning in its eyes, as if those eyes weren’t looking at Song Jin’s face but tearing through his clothes and staring directly at his heart.
Song Jin felt a sudden discomfort in his chest and hastily withdrew his gaze.
He couldn’t describe the feeling. It seemed that Song Xinglan had changed. The old Song Xinglan was already bad enough. But Song Jin felt that over the past two years, something had taken root deep inside Song Xinglan’s body, amplifying every aspect of his personality a hundredfold. However, this badness no longer manifested as an outward edge but had transformed into an overwhelming coldness and silence that made one shiver upon closer inspection.
Song Jin only caught about sixty or seventy percent of what Song Xiangping and the others were saying. Song Xinglan remained silent throughout. Yuan Ya, seemingly already familiar with Song Xinglan’s character, didn’t appear uncomfortable. She continued to smile gently, encouraging them to eat more.
Ten minutes later, Song Xinglan put down his chopsticks, slipped his phone into his pants pocket, and got up to leave.
“Where are you going? The meal isn’t over yet,” Song Xiangping said sternly.
“I’m not feeling well. I’m just gonna go get some air,” Song Xinglan replied indifferently.
His voice was deeper than before. His tone was not sharp and his words were calm. Compared to the once arrogant and rebellious boy, he had indeed changed a lot.
However, Song Jin felt that this new version of Song Xinglan was even more frightening because you couldn’t tell what lay beneath his exterior.
After Song Xinglan left, the atmosphere seemed to relax a bit. Yuan Ya chatted with Song Jin and everything remained fairly harmonious.
Suddenly, his phone rang. It was his teacher calling. Song Jin stood up and gestured to Song Xiangping and the others before stepping outside to take the call.
There was an issue with today’s surveying data. A document was missing. Song Jin thought for a moment and then said it was probably in another document, asking his teacher to check.
Sure enough, it was found. After a few more words with his teacher, Song Jin hung up the phone.
Song Jin pinched the bridge of his nose and prepared to wash his face in the restroom. As he turned the corner, he saw Song Xinglan leaning against the wall not far away, smoking.
With his head slightly lowered, Song Xinglan’s profile was not very distinct among the faint smoke, outlining his features vaguely. His fingers were slender and there was an artistic visual effect when he held the cigarette.
Song Jin felt like he had gone crazy from all the surveying data, unable to resist scrutinising every line on Song Xinglan’s body.
Having come this far, turning back would seem deliberate. Song Jin could only pretend he hadn’t seen anything, walking past Song Xinglan and heading to the restroom to wash his face.
When Song Jin came out, Song Xinglan had just put out his cigarette.
Then he turned his head, with a smile that was not quite friendly, as he said, “My birthday is coming up again. What gift are you planning to give me?”
Song Jin remembered the summer two years ago when Song Xinglan had shredded the gift he gave him and enlarged a photo, which was actually a misunderstanding, and handed it to Song Jin.
Whenever he thought of the air that night and the traffic on the street, the shaking paper between the light and shadow in the car, he felt a subconscious nausea.
No one knew that after that day, he had nightmares for a whole week. He dreamed that the photo had been printed countless times and posted in every corner of the campus, posted at the doorstep, and posted on the street. Countless people pointed and talked about him. Song Xiangping had a cold face, while Song Xinglan stood outside the crowd, tilting his head maliciously, smiling at him, and then opened his mouth to say something.
He said, “Take a look at yourself.”
Song Jin lowered his head and saw himself standing naked in the centre of the crowd, surrounded by flying and blurry kissing photos, as if they were going to engulf him.
Fortunately, it was just a nightmare. Song Jin would console himself sadly when he woke up in the dark night.
And now, the culprit could still casually ask him what gift he was planning to give him.
Such deliberate taunting and malice.
Song Jin felt that he had not guessed wrong. Song Xinglan had indeed become worse.
He remained silent, lowering his head and walking forward.
“Song Jin.” Song Xinglan stopped him. When Song Jin looked at him, he cruelly said, “Your mother has only been dead for two years. And you already feel satisfied to call someone else ‘mama’?”
Song Jin halted in his tracks.
Song Xinglan didn’t acknowledge their mother as his. But Song Jin didn’t care about that anymore. But if Song Xinglan wanted to use this as a topic to mock Song Jin, then Song Jin didn’t mind confronting him to see who had more right to speak on the matter.
“Is it any of your business?” Song Jin stared at him, lifting his eyes. “Since she’s my mom, what right do you have to judge me?”
Song Xinglan didn’t get angry but instead smiled sarcastically. He said, “You’re a hypocrite just like Song Xiangping.”
Song Jin was about to retort with ‘You’re even more like him’, when he saw Song Xinglan reach out, grabbing the clothes on his shoulder and pushing him back against the wall.
The back of his head hit the wall, causing a sharp pain. Song Jin frowned. “What are you-…”
“What were you looking at me at the dinner table for?” Song Xinglan leaned closer. The faint smell of smoke lingered on him, giving him an untimely mature aura. He asked in a low voice, “Can’t find other men to lust after? So now you’re starting to covet your own didi?”
Song Jin admitted that Song Xinglan’s appearance was absolutely attractive, whether to men or women. But he also admitted that most of what Song Xinglan said made him feel disgusted.
Yes, he felt very disgusted. Initially, considering his young age and lack of proper character education due to his parents’ issues, Song Jin tried to understand and tolerate. But now, the person in front of him was seventeen years old, yet his words were even more shameless and filthy than before.
For Song Xinglan to first refer to himself as ‘Didi’ in such a context was simply insane.
“Song Xinglan, don’t disgust me,” Song Jin trembled as he gritted his teeth. “Is this all that you can talk about?”
“Is this not enough? What else do you want me to talk about?” Song Xinglan clenched his fist against the wall next to Song Jin’s ear. His eyes seemed to suddenly ignite, burning and boiling in the low pressure. “Should I talk about how your mother abandoned me and treated me like I was dead? Or how she only recognized you as her son and thought I was trash?”
“It was dad who did wrong in the first place!” This matter was finally brought up directly. Song Jin had a desire to get it all off his chest. He grabbed Song Xinglan’s collar and said harshly, “Who do you think wanted to leave? Who do you think had the worst time? You’re the only one in the whole world who feels aggrieved? Just who do you think you are?”
“Who do I think I am? Why do I need to think about it?” Song Xinglan’s eyes were as fierce as a wolf, with a cold-blooded taste of wanting to devour someone. “Yes, it was Song Xiangping who did wrong. What did I do wrong? Why did you have to blame me for your grievances back then? Why did you lump me together with Song Xiangping without even looking back at me? Are you all saints?!”
“We are not saints.” Song Jin suddenly relaxed his grip. He suddenly understood that Song Xinglan’s threshold was higher than anything else. Whatever was said would be useless. Explaining or not explaining was meaningless. The hatred accumulated over more than a decade would not dissipate because of a simple quarrel.
No need to waste energy.
Song Jin let go and said, “But at least we are not the same kind of person as you are.”
“Then you guys are truly great,” Song Xinglan said.
Then he grabbed Song Jin’s neck, pressing the back of his head firmly against the wall. He lowered his head, almost nose to nose with him. His eyes, so close, cut through with a chilling coldness. “Song Jin, don’t act like a victim. I don’t owe you anything.”
He slowly lifted his chin, his lips almost brushing against Song Jin’s. Song Jin, feeling a slight suffocation, broke out in a cold sweat. His mouth was agape and his eyes were wide open. He was trembling all over.
“Xinglan…” Song Jin struggled to speak with his voice hoarse. In his beautiful eyes, there was a sense of almost shattered fear. The watery gaze mingled with confusion and vulnerability.
He instinctively sensed danger. But this danger exceeded any limits he could bear.
“Every time you say my name, it makes me feel disgusted,” Song Xinglan maintained a hair’s breadth of distance with his eyes downcast as he spoke softly, “Disgusted to the point of wanting to crush you.”
With that, fresh air filled his mouth. The smell of tobacco in front of him dissipated. Song Jin leaned against the wall, breathing heavily, afraid to look at the towering figure in front of him.
His brother was a lunatic.
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*GLOSSARY:
- Mama = mom/mommy
- Gege/Ge = (Big) Brother
- Baba = Dad
- Shushu = Uncle
- Ayi = Auntie
- Didi = (Little) Brother
☝🏻I’ll be using these throughout my translation. I won’t be using English words for most titles that are being called out.
Next update: 2024.06.28
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