Chapter 7 – First Forced Kiss
Novel Title: 一屋暗灯 (Ephemeral Light)
Author：麦香鸡呢 (McChicken)
Translator: K (@kin0monogatari)
Protagonists: 宋谨 (Song Jin -MC), 宋星阑 (Song Xinglan -ML)
*Please read at sin.Novels Space.space, the original site of translation. TQ*
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Song Jin thought that the girl would at least hesitate. But he didn’t expect that she would instead squat down in front of Song Xinglan without hesitation and reach out her hands towards Song Xinglan’s school uniform pants.
Song Jin couldn’t help but want to tell them that there were cameras in the corridor.
The girl lifted Song Xinglan’s school uniform, revealing a section of his perfectly muscular waist. The edge of his underwear was half-exposed above his waistband, with the faint brand logo resembling a tattoo against his fair skin, exuding a striking wildness.
When the girl hooked the edge of his underwear to pull it down, Song Xinglan asked her: “Is having sex with me so worth showing off?”
The girl was stunned. She raised her head and asked in panic: “What?”
“I hate having outdoor sex.” Song Xinglan puffed out cigarette smoke as he said slowly, “You are not the only one who has slept with me. But you are the first one who’s willing to be an exhibitionist.”
The girl was stunned and didn’t speak anymore. It was as if she was overwhelmed by the fact that she had accidentally done something Song Xinglan hated.
“Stop it. Get lost.” Song Xinglan said, “We’re over.”
The girl finally stood up, sobbing as she walked towards the door. Song Jin was trying to hurriedly avoid her when he heard Song Xinglan say, “There’s someone at the door. I suggest you take the stairs down.”
Song Jin’s heart tightened. Amid the buzzing sound in his ears, he made eye contact with the girl through the door. Her tear-filled, red eyes were wide open.
This moment was both absurd and terrifying, filled with the shame of being exposed and facing a collision head-on. Although it lasted only two seconds, in the thunderous rhythm of his heart, Song Jin felt it stretched as long as a century. Everything seemed to freeze and disappear, leaving only the sound of his heartbeat and the ringing in his ears, which were clear and distinct.
The girl eventually turned around and ran down the stairs. Song Jin, panting, stared at the ground. He could feel Song Xinglan watching him through the crack in the door. But he couldn’t move. Even speaking was an issue.
Song Xinglan had always known he was outside this door.
This fact struck Song Jin like a bolt of lightning, hitting him directly.
After a long while, Song Jin reached out and slowly opened the door, saying, “I’m sorry.”
There was no need for excuses or explanations. Song Jin had indeed been eavesdropping, and he didn’t want to bother with that in front of Song Xinglan—it was meaningless. Song Xinglan knew everything.
Song Xinglan threw his cigarette butt on the ground and extinguished it. He then asked Song Jin, “Are you disappointed?”
“…What?” Song Jin, who had already walked into the corridor, looked at him in confusion upon hearing this.
“You didn’t get to see the real show, huh?” Song Xinglan smirked, staring at Song Jin. “But since you’re gay, you probably aren’t interested in seeing us anyway, right?”
Even though Song Jin was wrong for eavesdropping, if Song Xinglan brought up this topic to mock him again, it would be truly tiresome.
Song Jin said, “I just came to check if you’re okay. If you’re fine, I’ll be leaving now.”
However, before he could turn around, Song Xinglan grabbed his arm and pushed him back against the wall. He then leaned in close.
Song Xinglan was considerably taller than Song Jin and his frame had matured significantly. When he loomed over him, Song Jin almost felt like there was no escape.
He truly had no escape.
“There’s no need for your fake concern,” Song Xinglan said.
His bangs were damp and drooping from red wine and his white school uniform shirt bore a dark red stain that spread out like winding vines. The strong scent of wine, mixed with the smell of mint cigarettes, reminded Song Jin of how much Song Xinglan had drunk earlier at the dinner table.
However, when Song Xinglan spoke his next words, Song Jin still felt a shocking and unreasonable sense of disbelief. It was something that couldn’t be explained away by mere drunkenness.
Song Xinglan said, “If you really care about me, why don’t you finish what she started?”
Song Jin was stunned for a second. When he finally reacted, he breathed heavily. His mouth was agape and his face was filled with incredulous bewilderment.
Against the light, Song Jin couldn’t see the expression on Song Xinglan’s face. He only knew that what he had said was beyond his ability to bear. He couldn’t spare any additional awareness to think deeply about anything else.
“Don’t get it?” Song Xinglan reached out and pinched Song Jin’s chin. He lifted his head, enunciating each word clearly, “Give me a blowjob.”
Song Jin’s back was pressed tightly against the wall. There was a strange emotion spreading through his chest, stifling all his thoughts. It felt as if the person standing in front of him wasn’t Song Xinglan. He wasn’t his younger brother. But he was a beast devoid of morality.
“Song Xinglan…” Song Jin raised his elbow to push against Song Xinglan’s chest, maintaining a fragile distance between them. His voice trembled as he gritted his teeth and said harshly, “If you’re sick in the head, go get treated. Don’t go crazy here.”
Song Jin’s delicate and handsome features usually gave him a gentle and obedient appearance. Even now, being genuinely angry, there was no sign of ferocity or distortion in his demeanour. From Song Xinglan’s perspective, looking down, he appeared merely stubborn, with a hint of annoyance and a slight frown. But completely lacking in intimidation.
“Who’s sick?” Song Xinglan asked. Then he lowered his head, tilting it slightly to closely observe Song Jin’s beautiful eyes as he said, “Asking you to give me a blowjob means I’m sick? Then when you blow someone else, are you sick? Or is your boyfriend sick?”
“Don’t randomly accuse me of having a man,” Song Jin glared at him. “Watch your mouth.”
“Don’t you have one? What about the one you watched a movie with before?” Song Xinglan asked casually.
Song Jin suddenly panicked, “How do you know about this?”
He indeed had dated a boy before. He was an upperclassman one year senior to him. The guy had a great personality and had actively pursued Song Jin. They had been together for just over two months, during which they had a few meals and watched a few movies before Song Jin initiated the breakup.
Song Jin felt that he was the one who was truly sick because the guy had been so good to him that he felt at a loss, not knowing how to accept it.
After the breakup, he thought a lot about it and realised something. At the core of it all, it was probably a matter of low self-esteem. He felt unworthy of being with such a good person.
It was like a bug living in the darkness. Being exposed to the sun for too long, it would wither away.
“What, only you are allowed to go to the movies?” Song Xinglan said. “So you’re admitting it?”
“No,” Song Jin turned his head, avoiding Song Xinglan’s pressing gaze as he said, “We already broke up.”
If being honest could make Song Xinglan less crazy, Song Jin didn’t mind telling him that he and his ex-boyfriend hadn’t reached the point of oral sex or sleeping together.
“Oh,” Song Xinglan looked unsurprised. He chuckled. His breath brushed against the side of Song Jin’s neck. “Yeah. It’s indeed easy to lose interest in someone like you.”
Song Jin’s Adam’s apple bobbed. But he said nothing.
“Everything about you is mediocre and you’re also a hypocrite. But you can’t even be pretentious properly.” He gripped Song Jin’s jaw, forcing him to meet his gaze. He then said in a low voice, “Song Jin, you actually despise yourself too, don’t you?”
Song Jin felt as if he had been completely dissected. Every inch of him was thoroughly grasped by Song Xinglan. If it was because of blood relations, why could Song Xinglan see through him so clearly while he couldn’t fathom anything about Song Xinglan?
“Yes, I despise myself,” Song Jin met his eyes and said, “because I’m gay. And because my Didi is a lunatic. Is that enough?”
Being mocked by others was mild. But willingly admitting everything he considered contemptible about himself was the most torturous.
Song Xinglan showed no anger to this. Instead, it was as if he had finally taught a satisfactory student. He laughed to himself. One of his hands was pressed against the wall next to Song Jin’s ear. The other was gripping his pale neck. His low laughter echoed in the corridor. It was clear and abrupt.
Laughing, he said, “So you do know that being gay and being a lunatic are synonymous?”
Unable to bear it any longer, Song Jin raised his right hand into a fist, ready to strike Song Xinglan’s face.
In an instant, Song Xinglan’s smile vanished. He quickly grabbed Song Jin’s wrist and pressed it against the wall. Then, he lowered his head and bit down on Song Jin’s lip.
His actions were fierce and swift, with a sudden and unpredictable direction. Song Jin desperately widened his eyes. But his view was completely blocked by Song Xinglan’s face. All he could see was the backlighting highlighting his prominent nose and the blurry shadow of his eyelashes.
“Ugh…!”
Before his brain could react, Song Jin instinctively tried to push Song Xinglan away by his shoulder. He couldn’t think about anything else. He was purely resisting upon instinct. Every nerve in his body was stretched to the breaking point, screaming on the verge of collapse.
Song Xinglan grasped the hand of Song Jin, who struggled desperately against it. His strength was unimaginable, like that of an unreasonable drunkard. But Song Jin knew that Song Xinglan was now more sober than anyone else.
That’s why he would insult Song Jin in this way. Because Song Jin was homosexual, someone he despised.
As for why Song Xinglan chose to use this method, the answer was obvious. He was fundamentally insane, disregarding all reason. After all, not everyone would tear open their father’s privacy in front of so many people.
Song Jin’s hands were held behind him by Song Xinglan’s single hand, while Song Xinglan’s other hand squeezed his neck, forcing him to lift his head to breathe. And then his tongue invaded his mouth. Song Jin tasted the bloodiness, which came from the wound caused by Song Xinglan licking and biting his lips just now.
It was painful and numb. The saliva was mixed with blood. It stirred up a crazy and bitter taste amidst the scent of red wine and smoke. Song Jin struggled to break free from Song Xinglan’s restraints. But he was tightly squeezed into the corner, forced to accept a cruel and fierce kiss. Tears of physiological response welled up in his eyes. Through Song Xinglan’s shoulder, Song Jin vaguely saw the camera with a blinking red light in the opposite corner.
A few minutes ago, he was worried about what Song Xinglan and that girl might have done and been caught on camera. Now, he had fallen under the lens himself, like a helpless death row prisoner, with a knife at his throat, only able to close his eyes and endure.
Song Xinglan maliciously toyed with Song Jin’s tongue. The sound of their breaths in his ear were like the tolling of a bell before execution. The sound of wetness was ambiguous yet merciless. It sounded so clear. Song Jin’s Adam’s apple rolled up and down in Song Xinglan’s palm. His vague whimpering was accompanied by painful gasps.
He truly wanted to bite off Song Xinglan’s tongue.
And he did just that. When he was certain that if he continued to endure, the situation would only get worse, Song Jin bit down on Song Xinglan’s tongue.
Song Xinglan didn’t make a sound. He simply pulled back decisively. Their wet lips separated and the restraints on his hands loosened. Song Jin then smashed a punch directly into the corner of Song Xinglan’s mouth.
Song Xinglan’s head was knocked askew by the punch. He licked his lips with the tip of his tongue. He remained expressionless. In the dim light, he looked like a wounded beast growing more vicious.
When those eyes glanced over, Song Jin’s muscles stiffened all over.
He was grabbed by the hair by Song Xinglan. He slammed the back of his head against the wall. With a buzzing sound in his ears, Song Jin almost saw stars. His whole body fell into a sense of weightlessness. His legs went weak.
“Song Xinglan, don’t go crazy!”
Song Jin didn’t have time to consider how loud his voice was. With eyes blackening, he leaned against the wall, feeling shame, fear, anger, and the hatred that was forced out of him again and again. There had never been a moment when he wished he didn’t have this brother.
Maybe it’s better off without a brother. He didn’t know why it had come to this.
“You bit me and then hit me,” Song Xinglan’s voice was low. It surrounded Song Jin’s ears along with the ringing sound, “pulling your hair is just the beginning.”
“Song Jin, if you really fight back, do you think you’ll end up well?”
He said it as if the current situation was still within his mercy.
Only the heavy breathing of both sides was left in the air. Song Jin refused to open his eyes. It was as if by doing so, he could avoid some of the reality.
“What do you want me from me…”
As long as Song Xinglan gave an accurate answer, no matter what it was, Song Jin was willing to do whatever it took to accomplish it. He didn’t want every meeting with Song Xinglan to end absurdly. This time it was a forced kiss. Who knows what dreadful scene would unfold next time. With Song Xinglan’s temperament, Song Jin didn’t dare to imagine.
“You’re overthinking it,” Song Xinglan sneered. “For me to make a special demand of you, you’re not qualified for that.”
Indeed, someone who could be treated casually wasn’t qualified to ask for any answers.
Song Xinglan seemed too lazy to stay any longer. He let go and turned to leave. The heavy door swung open and closed due to inertia. The light outside the door was almost the same as in the hallway. But at that moment, it seemed brighter. As the gap in the door widened and narrowed, it cast light of varying widths into the darkness behind the door. Yet not a single beam touched the tip of Song Jin’s toes.
Song Jin stood there, feeling bewildered and at a loss. After a long while, he reached up to touch the back of his head, which was throbbing with a dull pain. It was likely swollen. His lips were also sore, with a persistent taste of blood—undoubtedly, the wound was quite obvious.
He remembered he hadn’t brought anything with him. So there was no need to return to the banquet hall to get anything. Song Xiangping was currently preoccupied with his own troubles. If he didn’t show up, maybe everyone would feel a bit better.
Song Jin turned and walked toward the stairs. His legs were stiff and aching, making it difficult to go down.
***
That night, Song Jin only left a WeChat message for Song Xiangping, saying he left early. He had no knowledge of what happened afterward. Nor did he want to know how chaotic things got at home. He just wanted to stay as far away from the Song family as possible.
Just like when he first arrived at the Song family, this feeling surged again after a few years. But now, it is even stronger than before.
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*Translator’s Note: Yep. Next time will be more than just a forced kiss. *Sighs*. Allow me to write my thoughts at the moment. I think SXL is projecting his own disturbed desire for his brother onto SJ. I mean, I think he was the one who felt disgusted at himself and hated himself for lusting for his own brother but instead of admitting that, he accused SJ as being that way. I think he is obsessed with SJ right from the beginning and is angry at him for leaving him behind. Well, you all know why towards the end of the novel. What he went through wasn’t pretty either. -K
*GLOSSARY:
- Mama = mom/mommy
- Gege/Ge = (Big) Brother
- Baba = Dad
- Shushu = Uncle
- Ayi = Auntie
- Didi = (Little) Brother
☝🏻I’ll be using these throughout my translation. I won’t be using English words for most titles that are being called out. OKAY. THIS MIGHT BE MY LAST TIME POSTING IT HERE 🤣
Next update: 2024.07.02
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