VOLUME 2 — SUMMER
Chapter 5: Marigold
“…Hey, Shiori. Do you know Souma Itsuki?”
──That was a [story] that I was told by an unexpected person.
By the time the uniforms had changed to summer attire and I had fully adjusted to the new class.
That question was suddenly thrown at me.
When I looked up, I saw Renji. His eyebrows were furrowed, looking straight down at me with a grim expression in the still noisy classroom.
“Shiori. I was asking if you knew.””
“…”
“Hey.”
“(Ah… um, yeah, I know… him?)”
I inadvertently gave an ambiguous response because I never imagined that Senpai’s name would come up from Renji.
A low voice urged me to reply, and I nodded, looking down.
“Eh, what? A friend of yours, Shiori?”
“(Uh, yeah…)”
“Oh, I see. First time hearing that name.”
Ayu-chan, sitting in front of me, casually opened her notebook to make it easier for me to join the conversation.
Facing Ayu-chan, I realized my face was getting warm and instinctively looked down to hide it.
But…! I never expected Senpai’s name to suddenly come up!
Or rather, why does Renji even know about him…!? Could he be a mind reader…!?
“…Why are you always coming with that guy every morning?”
“Huh?”
“…”
“You and that guy have been riding the same train in the same car almost every morning for about two months now… My senpai from middle school, who I met at the tournament the day before yesterday, told me.”
Hearing Renji’s voice with a strong tone, I looked up in a panic.
“You… you never told us anything about that. Why did you keep quiet until now?”
Renji’s words were like a spit in my face.
It was then that I finally noticed the thorn in Renji’s words.
Renji furrows his eyebrows and looks down at me with a glare.
His arms crossed, his fingers slightly trembling, a sign of his irritation.
“What’s going on, Shiori?”
(What’s the matter… Even if you ask…)
“I can’t quite understand the situation! Why is that senpai asking you something like that?”
“Shut up!! I didn’t ask you, so just shut up!!”
“Huh…!?”
In front of Renji’s sudden anger, I fell silent.
Ayu-chan, who stepped in to protect me in such a situation, was rejected by Renji with a raised voice.
“What’s with you, getting mad like that…!!”
“…Tsk”
Ayu-chan seemed surprised by the sudden yelling, and her voice didn’t have the usual vigor.
Still, Renji showed no remorse, only expressing his frustration.
… But why was Renji so angry? Even I didn’t understand.
True, I hadn’t told them about Senpai, but it’s because I wanted to keep my time with my senpai somehow.
Because there’s still a part of me that feels like I’m living in a dream.
Though only very rarely, there were times after leaving the library with Senpai when we coincidentally met in the library after school.
But that was truly by chance; we never arranged to meet.
Senpai never sent me more than necessary messages.
That’s why… I thought that time in the morning was the only time I could connect with him.
To me now, those peaceful moments spent with him were incredibly precious.
… And maybe that’s because
I… probably like him.
The kind, considerate, warm senpai.
I think I’m in love with Itsuki-senpai.
“(…I think…)”
Surely, just thinking like this already confirms that it’s love.
But, I understand that these feelings might be unreasonable.
I don’t have any outstanding talents that catch the eye. I’m not exceptionally smart. I’m not as beautiful as Ayu-chan─on top of that, I’m voiceless.
I knew that I wasn’t a match for Senpai, and if he found out about these feelings, it would only trouble him, being a student preparing for exams.
So, even after realizing my feelings, I should act as usual in front of Senpai.
Senpai is perceptive, so maybe he has noticed. But…
Even so, Senpai had been treating me the same as always.
…But that alone was enough.
That alone was enough, and I didn’t want anything more.
The time with Itsuki-senpai in the morning was happy and warm. It was a secret time shared between the two of us, and it was an irreplaceable, precious time for me now.
That’s why I don’t understand why Renji would be so irritated just because he knew.
I don’t even know why the person who apparently told Renji about it decided to do so.
And why does Ayu-chan have to be yelled at like this?
It’s absolutely absurd.
Why… like this─
“Shiori!! Stop being silent! Why are you always with that guy every morning?!!”
Senpai being referred to as “that guy”…
The classroom fell into silence once again at Renji’s raised voice.
But realizing it was Renji who raised his voice, everyone else resumed their chatter with a “same old.”
In the midst of it, I slowly picked up my pen and began writing in the notebook Ayu-chan had opened for me.
Senpai was the person who had saved me from a molester.
Then, after picking up my student handbook and learning about the situation, told me which car was empty and rode with me every morning.
There was nothing more between Senpai and I than that.
As I wrote down these facts in the notebook, the relationship with Senpai seemed incredibly shallow, and I felt inexplicably lonely.
With my gaze still lowered, I handed the notebook to Renji.
“…The person who saved me from a groper is Itsuki-senpai..”
“(…Yeah,)”
“I see…”
I conveyed my apology to Ayu-chan with just the movement of my lips, sensing her lack of energy.
If I did that, Ayu-chan ambiguously laughed and said, “It’s fine.”
“…Stop meeting with him.”
“(Huh?)”
“…”
“…What?”
“Don’t get involved with Souma Itsuki anymore.”
Renji’s words seemed like a misunderstanding, and for a moment, my mind went blank.
“Don’t get involved with Souma Itsuki?”
…What is he saying?
What did Renji just tell me?
“…That guy’s famous for being a huge playboy.”
“…”
“Seriously, he’s quite the womanizer, apparently. There are girls from various schools who are involved with him… You know, in our school, there’s also that Senpai, Kaori, in the third year, right? She’s quite beautiful. It seems she’s also one of Souma Itsuki’s flings.”
Kaori-senpai?… Fling?
Feeling dizzy as if my head were being shaken, I unconsciously clenched my fists. Normally, Renji would have noticed such a change in me with his keen eyes.
But the current Renji continued speaking, oblivious to everything like a “hero speaking the truth.”
“Apparently, his parents are filthy rich, and he lives alone in luxury on their money. My senpai said he brings different girls home every day.”
“…”
“My senpai goes to the same school as him, so he knows him well. He’s smart, so he handles things like that skillfully. But apparently, behind the scenes, he even makes girls financially contribute, according to rumors.”
“…”
“He’s got a good face, so he’s confident, you know? My senpai was laughing. He acts cool, doesn’t participate much in school events, acts all high and mighty.”
“…”
“Apparently, Shiori’s been fooled too, seriously. Remember what I told you before? Handsome guys often have bad personalities. From what I’ve heard, he’s the worst, can’t be saved.”
“…”
“So, Shiori, get away from him before something bad happens. This is your chance to cut ties with Souma Itsuki for good.”
“…”
──BANG!!
The classroom fell into silence again at the ear-piercing sound.
“…Shi..ori?”
“…”
My palms were so hot from hitting the desk as hard as I could.
My whole body felt hot, as if boiling with rage, and my nose stung sharply.
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I blinked repeatedly, desperately trying to hold them back.
Once the heat subsided, all that remained was a lingering pain in my hands. Clenching my fists again, as if to crush that pain, I glared straight at Renji.
“(…Itsuki-senpai isn’t like that!!)”
──Ah, why?
“(Senpai… has always been kind and considerate, always thinking ahead for me. I know very well that he’s not like that!!)”
Why…?
“(Why would Renji, who he’s never met or spoken to before, talk bad about my senpai like that?!)”
No words came out.
No words came out.
— I couldn’t speak.
“(Don’t act like you know anything about Itsuki-senpai, even though you don’t know anything about him…!!!)”
Even at times like this, my words don’t make any sound.
Talking about senpai.
Wanting to convey the truth about my beloved senpai.
But unable to find the words, I felt frustration well up inside me.
In all these years, I have never felt so frustrated about not having a voice.
I hadn’t wished for my voice to come out this desperately in I don’t know how long.
The stares from everyone in the classroom hurt.
But right now, I didn’t have the luxury of paying attention about such things.
“…”
With a plop, a large tear finally rolled down my cheek and silently soaked into the classroom floor.
That alone felt painfully real. Seeing my face like this only seemed to sadden Renji, but even that only fueled my anger.
After all, this was undoubtedly due to Renji’s heartless words.
“Sh-Shiori… I…”
“(I… don’t want to talk to Renji anymore.)”
“Huh? What… Shiori?”
“…”
Renji, confused by my words, tried to grab the notebook, but I snatched it away abruptly.
Placing it on the desk, I scribbled some words and shoved the notebook back at Renji’s chest.
[It’s cowardly to spread rumors as if they were true without having seen them with your own eyes. I want to believe what I see with my own eyes.]
Reading that, Renji looked deeply hurt.
Seeing him like that, I realized how much I was hurting him. I felt disgusted with my own half-hearted kindness, so I grabbed my bag and fled the classroom.
“Shiori…!”
Just before rushing down the stairs.
I heard Renji’s voice calling out to me, but without turning back, I left the school alone.
＊ ＊ ＊
“…So, Souma. Make sure to inform your parents about the schedule for the parent-teacher conference properly this time. If you don’t tell them today, I’ll contact them directly.”
── The rainy season has finally arrived.
My homeroom teacher called me during lunch break, and I was on my way back to class, completely cut off from any escape route.
Looking at the handout I was given, I let out a small sigh.
“Iーtsukiiii, baldy, what’s up?”
“Is it about the parent-teacher conference?”
When I returned to the classroom, the two people who had apparently been waiting for me to return spoke at about the same time.
Facing the two of them, I shook the handout just once in response, then let out my second sigh of the day and sat back down in my seat.
“I see… So, it’s just Itsuki who’s having the parent-teacher conference, huh?”
“…Baldy, were you going to contact Itsuki’s dad if he didn’t say anything?”
It seemed like my two best friends understood what I wanted to say with just that.
That alone makes me feel relieved, maybe because I’m feeling extremely depressed right now.
“Yeah, it seems like it. Even in our second year, it was just me. And last time, I couldn’t bluff my way out of it. They were like, ‘You haven’t told your parents about the parent-teacher conference, have you?'”
“I see…”
“You’re surprisingly perceptive only at times like these, Baldy!”
“Well, seems like I was the only one in the grade. I boldly showed up alone on the day of the parent-teacher conference.”
As I joked and let out a playful smile, their expressions visibly darkened.
(…But, it can’t be helped since that’s the truth.)
I pretended not to notice their feelings and smiled faintly again, quietly diverting my gaze out the window.
── Back in the day, it was mid-April.
I was informed by my homeroom teacher about the school’s policy of holding a three-way discussion to confirm our future career paths.
We had a similar discussion at the end of our second year to confirm our future paths.
This time, it was to see if there had been any significant changes in our aspirations since then.
It was also right after the first round of tests in our third year, to ensure our aspirations were still feasible.
Of course, a three-way discussion refers to a discussion involving myself, my parents, and the homeroom teacher.
“When May comes, we’ll have the discussions in order of preference. Make sure to confirm with your parents if the dates in the schedule I just handed out are okay. If you want to change the dates, let me know as soon as possible.”
After the teacher said that, several weeks later, my three-way discussion took place as scheduled on the provided schedule.
Even though it was still before the rainy season, I remember thinking that it was raining so hard outside that I felt depressed.
“Alright, Souma. You’re the last one in our class… Wait, why are you alone?”
The classroom designated for the parent-teacher conferences.
After exchanging greetings quickly, I walked up to where the homeroom teacher was already seated, and I confidently took a seat alone.
However, the homerrom teacher, upon seeing me like that, froze in a bewildered expression, almost laughably so.
“My father couldn’t make it because of work.”
During the parent-teacher conference in my second year, I had gotten away with this excuse.
Even this time, I could have skipped the discussion, but if I was going to get caught later anyway, I thought I might as well get away with it using this excuse…
“You… You said the same thing in your second year, didn’t you? Your father didn’t come then either. And I specifically told you to inform your father if the schedule didn’t work. You… didn’t tell your father about the discussion, did you?”
Apparently, this time, such a bluff wouldn’t work.
I guess so. It makes sense.
The homeroom teacher isn’t invested enough in my future to say, “Yes, that’s it,” without even having a parent-teacher meeting once.
A teacher who has many other students besides me can’t possibly take responsibility for my future as a human being.
That’s why the parent-teacher conference is necessary.
We’re not children who can’t see our future anymore. But we’re not adults who can decide our future alone either.
We need the existence of a so called “guardian.”
Of course, they are the ones who will be deeply involved in our future, unlike the “homeroom teacher” right in front of us.
“…Sorry, I forgot. My father really was busy.”
“You… Your situation was… Ah, right. Your mom… isn’t… around, is she? So, you have no choice but to ask your father to come.”
I wanted to say something like “I don’t really care, so you can just say it openly,” to the teacher, who seemed somewhat hesitant.
But in the corner of my heart, I knew that thinking like that made me nothing but an impudent child who couldn’t walk alone.
“Yeah. My parents got divorced, and I’ve been taken in by my father. So, technically, my guardian is my father… for now.”
Even though I wished to become an adult quickly.
Even though I wished to live on my own as soon as possible.
I knew well that I couldn’t live without my parents’ support right now.
“Well, for starters… you know… maybe… is it that? Are you not… getting along well with your father?”
“…”
“That’s why you didn’t tell your father about the parent-teacher conference, right? If it’s about your grades, your father would be proud, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“…”
“Even I, at your age… often got frustrated and took it out on my parents.”
“…”
“But, Souma… That’s just a rebellious phase. Even if you clash now, someday, you’ll definitely…”
“…Understood.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll contact my father. I’m sorry for taking up your time..”
“O-oi… Souma…”
Interrupting the lengthy words of the teacher, I suddenly stood up, prompting a startled voice from the teacher.
Did they think I was hurt by the words they said?
But the teacher just spoke the “truth,” right?
So I turned to my homeroom teacher with my usual smile and said, ”Please don’t worry about it.’
I directed my usual smile towards the teacher. Perhaps relieved by my expression, the teacher didn’t say anything further, and I left the classroom with just an “excuse me.”
── Then, today, about a week later.
After not receiving any response, the teacher, fed up with me, called.
And now, with my escape route finally cut off, I’m tormented by what to do.
..No matter how much I worry about it, in the end there’s only one choice.
“…Sorry. Looks like I’m feeling unwell and need to leave early.”
“Huh?”
“I-Itsuki…!?”
Then, I abruptly got up from my seat, left the two of them with a quick, ”Thank you,” and ran away from the classroom.
I headed straight to the station after leaving the classroom.
I took the train as usual, got off at the nearest station, and headed to the library.
As I entered, I passed by the study rooms and walked into the forest of books, stopping at a random spot.
In my hand was my cellphone.
I opened one of the screens from there──and immediately pressed the power button, pushing it into my pocket.
(I know it’s better to contact him myself since my father will find out anyway.)
If the homeroom teacher contacts him and I don’t say anything, my father might think I’m still sulking. I can’t let that happen.
But really, I’m just a kid.
If I were to be seen that way, I might end up berating my father in front of a stranger like the teacher.
(My teacher wouldn’t know, but I don’t live with my father.)
How much easier it would have been if I could just say that and smile like I always do.
… “Are you not… getting along well with your father?”
I don’t know about that. I don’t even remember the last time I spoke to my father.
My father… If I could just get in touch with him quickly, I wouldn’t have to worry like this.
If it were just a matter of not getting along, I would have contacted him as soon as I received the schedule for the parent-teacher conference.
The teacher doesn’t understand any of that, right?
They probably just think it’s a rebellious phase of adolescence.
As I stood in front of the bookshelf, I cursed all these thoughts in my heart.
But without putting any of it into words, I just kept repeating it in my mind.
“…”
No matter how much I want to move on.
I still can’t forgive my “adult” parents who easily discarded me, a “child”, for the sake of their own future.
I couldn’t help but stare at the person in my line of sight.
But it seemed that the other person felt the same way, as Shiori also froze, looking at me.
…Her shiny black hair swayed faintly as if carried by the wind that had somehow wandered in.
The blackness caressed her pale skin so tenderly, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. I involuntarily gulped audibly.
“……”
(…Why. Why are you here at this time?)
As if to conceal my agitation,
I looked down and let out a small breath, trying not to let Shiori notice.
To prevent her from sensing what I had been thinking just moments ago.
To prevent her from sensing such dark emotions within me.
─── As usual. It’s okay. I’m sure I can be my usual self.
“(…Senpai?)”
“……”
“(Is something wrong?)”
Before I knew it, the distance between her and I had shortened.
Unbeknownst to me, her warm hand had touched my tightly clenched fist.
That warmth drained away my strength.
I lifted my gaze and met Shiori’s eyes. Her brows were furrowed, and her expression was filled with concern. I inhaled another shallow breath.
“(Senpai…?)”
“…There’s nothing wrong.”
“(Huh?)”
“There’s nothing wrong, so…”
I didn’t actually hear her voice.
It was just that the warmth of her touch and her expression made me feel like she was asking me, “Is something wrong?”, so I answered that way.
But at my words, her obsidian eyes wavered and her lips moved to say, “…but…”.
“…Let’s just go outside for now.”
Looking at her like that, my chest felt like it was being tightly constricted.
In a small voice, I told her so, and I took her warm hand and left the library.
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『Marigold（マリーゴールド）』
Jealousy・Sadness
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