ECPW Chapter 6

VOLUME 2 — SUMMER

Chapter 6: Rosemary

 

I headed to the library after escaping from school.

 

There wasn’t any particular reason for it, but the first thing that came to mind was the library.

 

After sitting in my favorite spot for a while and reading a book, I was pondering what to do today.

 

I impulsively rushed out, but it seems like things at school are okay.

 

Ayu-chan-chan sent me a reassuring message on LINE saying, “I told the teacher you went home because you looked unwell,” which was very helpful.

 

So, now the question is how to spend the time until after school.

 

If I go home this early, my mom will worry, and I can’t tell her I skipped school, so I can’t go home.

 

(…For now, maybe I’ll just spend the day reading books here.)

 

With that in mind, I closed the notebook I had opened and stood up.

 

And so, I was walking through the rows of bookshelves, looking for a book that would allow me to forget my unpleasant thoughts and immerse myself in another world.

 

(…Huh?)

 

I was surprised to see that unexpected person there, and I couldn’t help but stop in my tracks.

 

Ahead of my gaze was the figure of Itsuki-senpai, staring straight at the bookshelf.

 

But it wasn’t like he was searching for a book; he just seemed to be standing there.

 

I felt something strange about his appearance, and naturally frowned.

 

When I slowly lowered my gaze, I noticed that Senpai’s fist was tightly clenched and trembling slightly.

 

(…Senpai?)

 

His eyes were devoid of color.

 

Senpai doesn’t usually show big changes in his emotions, but right now he seems to be suppressing something inside himself.

 

It seemed like he was lost in thought… 

 

“….”

 

And.

 

Thinking about that while gazing at Senpai’s profile, he suddenly turned his gaze towards me, and our eyes met.

 

“…Shiori?”

 

My senpair’s lustrous voice sings my name.

 

My heart pounded for a moment, but at the next moment, my chest felt like it was being crushed by anxiety when I saw Senpai’s expression, which seemed more strained than usual.

 

…Because, because.

 

This is the first time I’ve seen such a weak expression on Senpai’s face.

 

He had never directed such a wounded expression at me before.

 

“(…Senpai? Is something wrong?)”

 

His fist, tightly clenched.

 

Before I realized it, I was holding Senpai’s hand, which had lost its warmth.

 

Whether surprised by my actions or not, Senpai’s grip loosened from my hand.

 

After briefly lowering his gaze, Itsuki-senpai weakly smiled and said, “There’s nothing wrong.”

 

Faced with such a Senpai, what should I do?

 

I was at a loss for words, unsure of what to say to Senpai, who clearly was not “fine.”

 

“…Let’s just go outside for now”

 

Senpai said that and gently took hold of the hand we had touched, pulling me along.

 

＊　＊　＊

 

“Let’s sit over there.”

 

After buying iced coffee and iced tea at a nearby Starbucks, we entered a small park and sat down on a blue bench.

 

As summer approaches, the extremely humid air is typical of the rainy season.

 

The coldness of the iced tea against the palm of my hand felt incredibly comforting.

 

“So? Shiori, why were you at the library at this hour?”

 

──After leaving the library, Senpai was back to his usual self.

 

Was that moment when Senpai showed that expression just a figment of my imagination? His voice sounded as normal as ever.

 

“(Um… actually, I got into a fight with my childhood friend in the same class. So, I impulsively ran out of school…)”

 

I couldn’t say that the reason was because of Senpai.

 

I didn’t write the reason for the fight. When I showed Senpai the screen with just that message, he traced the words with his gaze just once, and a gentle smile appeared on his beautiful face.

 

“Getting into a fight, huh? Even Shiori gets angry sometimes?”

 

Senpai said that with a slight narrowing of his eyes.

 

My heart, which always seems to react to every little change in Senpai’s words and expressions, has definitely become somewhat strange since I met him.

 

“(…I’m human. There are plenty of things that make me angry.)”

 

“Haha, is that so? Well then, I’ll be careful not to make Shiori angry.”

 

“(There’s no need to get angry at Senpai… You always seem to solve everything before I even get a chance to get angry.)”

 

“Huh… What’s with the high praise? I don’t have that kind of special ability… But, well, it’s okay.”

 

“(…Huh?)”

 

“I mean, that childhood friend is someone Shiori can confront without hesitation, right?”

 

“…”

 

“There aren’t many people like that. But that’s because the other person accepts your feelings, and if you think about it the other way around, it proves that you trust the other person that much.”

 

“Proof that you trust the other person that much…”

 

Senpai’s words made me think back to my time with Renji.

 

 ── Renji, my childhood friend who has always been with me since I was little.

 

Renji has always hated deceitfulness, and although he can be rough, he’s always kind.

 

Whenever something good happened, we were both happy, and if I was wrong, he’d scold me… But no matter what, he was always on my side.

 

That’s why.

 

That’s why I couldn’t forgive Renji.

 

Renji, who would spread rumors about Senpai without any proof of their truth, believing only the gossip.

 

I had always believed that Renji would never do such a thing.

 

After all, it was Renji who was there on “that day,” and that’s why I found myself getting so worked up and defensive──

 

“So, that friend also understands what Shiori wants to say, right?”

 

“(S-Senpai…)”

 

“Don’t make that face. It’ll be okay. You’ll make up soon.”

 

With those words, a gentle hand was placed on my hair.

 

Feeling the warmth of his hands, I nodded deeply, as if to shake off the memories of “that day” that momentarily passed through my mind.

 

“Oh. The ice in the iced coffee has melted quite a bit. Seeing this makes you realize that summer is coming soon, huh?”

 

“(…Senpai, do you dislike summer?)”

 

“You think I like it? Summer’s just hot. Ah, but I welcome summer vacation.”

 

After that, we didn’t touch on that topic any further, and we talked about trivial things that happened in our daily lives.

 

Senpai’s friends, part-time jobs, classes, tests, and exam preparations.

 

Before I knew it, the clock’s hands were pointing to the end of the sixth period, and the chime from the nearby elementary school signaled it was time to leave school.

 

“…Is it already this late? Time flies when we’re together, huh?”

 

“(…Yes, it really does.)”

 

…If it were true.

 

I should have been the one to encourage Senpai, but in the end, I was the one who was encouraged, and I didn’t get to hear Senpai’s story.

 

Senpai, who clenched his fist tightly at the library and stood in front of the bookshelf, was definitely not the usual Senpai.

 

And yet, the current Senpai seemed too normal.

 

Too much like the usual Senpai…

 

“…There’s nothing wrong.”

 

It almost makes me think that the thoughtful look he showed for that brief moment was all just a dream I had.

 

“Oh… it’s raining.”

 

And.

 

As we got up from the bench, Senpai uttered those words, and at the same time, a raindrop touched my cheek.

 

— Rain.

 

Looking up, the sky was covered with rain clouds, and the falling droplets left stains on the ground without a moment’s rest.

 

…Or rather.

 

Could this be… no, it couldn’t be… but what if it is──

 

“— Oh no, it’s suddenly pouring!”

 

“(Oh no… this can’t be happening!)”

 

The unexpected downpour quickly turned into a heavy storm, soaking us both since we didn’t have umbrellas.

 

Still, we quickly took refuge under a tree.

 

“This rain might not stop for a while, or until tonight.”

 

“(Yes…)”

 

What should I do?

 

Maybe the only option is to give up on everything and go home soaking wet.

 

Even if that were the case, I wonder what Itsuki-senpai would do.

 

Come to think of it, where is Senpai’s house exactly?

 

He said it’s not far from the library, so maybe Senpai can get home without any problems?

 

“…Hmm, for now…”

 

“(…Huh?)”

 

“I can’t just stay here taking shelter from the rain, so wouldn’t it be a smart choice to go to my house, which is right over there and to get an umbrella.”

 

“(…Eh? Y-Your house?)”

 

“…Alright. Once that’s decided, let’s just run for now.”

 

“(…W-Wait, what!?)”

 

“Sorry, can you endure it for just a little longer?”

 

And just like that, before I could reply, my arm was pulled again.

 

Unable to resist, I ran towards Senpai’s house in the rain, which was said to be nearby.

 

＊　＊　＊

 

“Sorry, you got pretty wet. I’ll go get a towel now, so wait a bit.”

 

We were caught in a sudden rain and headed to Itsuki-senpai’s house to take shelter from the rain.

 

As Senpai said, it only took about five minutes to run from the park to his house.

 

It’s not a spectacularly large apartment, but it’s a beautiful, newly built apartment.

 

After passing through the entrance of the apartment and climbing the stairs, Senpai stopped in front of a certain room.

 

“…I should mention this upfront, but I live alone, and my parents aren’t home.”

 

At Senpai’s words, for a moment, the words Renji said to me passed through my mind.

 

“He’s living the rich life on his parents’ money.”

 

Whether they’re actually rich or not, I’m not sure… but it’s true that he lives alone.

 

The realization of this fact tugged at my heartstrings, a testament to the lingering impact of Renshi’s words.

 

“He brings different girls home every day.”

 

It couldn’t be true. I refused to believe it. But what could have possibly led Senpai to be subjected to such rumors?

 

Renji said it was someone who was Senpai’s senior at school who said that. Why would such rumours spread?

 

…Is it because Senpai has an exceptionally good appearance?

 

“…Honestly, I’d rather not let you in, but…”

 

“(Eh?)”

 

“But, it’s an emergency, so I guess I have no choice…”

 

With a fleeting, troubled smile, Senpai pushed back his wet hair and gestured towards the doorway, saying, “Come on in, for now.”

 

After receiving the towel from Senpai, I wiped my wet hair, body, uniform, and bag one by one.

 

“(…I should probably take off my socks, right? Otherwise, the floor will get wet. Oh, but would it be rude to be barefoot? But then again, in summer, everyone wears sandals and barefoot, so it should be fine…)”

 

As I pondered over that, Senpai slowly spoke up.

 

“…Ideally, I’d say you should take a bath right away to warm up your body, but…”

 

“(…Eh?)”

 

“Shiori doesn’t seem to be wary of anything, so maybe I should stop.”

 

“(Senpai…?)”

 

“It’s quite difficult for a guy to see a girl after taking a bath. Especially… in a situation where it’s just the two of us, and the girl doesn’t have any sense of caution.”

 

After saying just that, Itsuki-senpai smiled gently.

 

“Hand me the towel. Your hair… is still wet.”

 

If my heart raced for a moment as his body approached, what I saw there was something I had never seen before.

 

Senpai, with a terribly mature expression, was looking straight down at me.

 

My heart pounded like a drum, echoing the close proximity of our breaths and the touch of his hair on my hand.

 

His hair, still damp from the rain, shimmered under my gaze, making him even more alluring.

 

“Shiori… Be still, okay?”

 

“……”

 

“Hmm… Good girl.”

 

Being whispered that in a husky voice, my heart couldn’t help but skip a beat involuntarily.

 

Senpai was drying my wet hair. Just the thought of that made an indescribable embarrassment well up, and I could feel my face getting hot.

 

— The wet shirt.

 

With the open neckline, Senpai’s collarbone was visible, and raindrops traced it.

 

It was strangely seductive and alluring.

 

I couldn’t help but feel resentful towards Senpai, who even made the sudden rain his ally.

 

“(This… my heart can’t take it…)”

 

“Umm… your hair might have gotten a bit better?”

 

“(…or rather, it’s late, but I’m at my Senpai’s house right now…?)”

 

— Just the two of us.

 

(Th-This is actually a big deal…)

 

Just the two of us.

 

I know it’s so late, but now that I’ve realized it, even though I know it’s wrong, I can’t help but be conscious of it, and I can’t look my senpai in the eye.

 

“…Shiori? I’ll lend you the hairdryer, so you can use it to dry your hair, okay?”

 

“……”

 

“This house’s bathroom has a bathroom dryer, so hang your uniform blouse on it. In the meantime, just wear my hoodie.”

 

“(…Senpai?)”

 

“I left a hoodie in the bathroom. If you’re ready, get moving now. I’m going to make hot cocoa. Hurry up or I’ll drink all of it!”

 

“……”

 

And then, as soon as he spoke, he let go of my hand.

 

Without another word, my Senpai rushed into the kitchen.

 

＊　＊　＊

 

I took out two cups from the almost empty cupboard, casually filled them with the cocoa powder I had bought on a whim. With a thump, I leaned my back against the wall.

 

I stretched out my hand to switch on the electric kettle and let out a small sigh.

 

(…That was close for a moment.)

 

Honestly, it’s not like I’m not used to girls.

 

I understand that I have a somewhat appealing appearance to girls compared to others. 

 

Moreover, working at a convenience store, which is so familiar and convenient, I’ve been approached by girls and given their contact information several times. 

 

However, fundamentally, I don’t deeply involve myself with people unless absolutely necessary. That’s how I’ve decided. 

 

If superficial relationships work well, there’s nothing easier, and  I’ve tried to avoid relationships with girls that might cause trouble as much as possible.

 

It might sound terrible to say I’ve never had a serious relationship, but I’ve always chosen partners who wouldn’t hurt me.

 

We cross the line only with those who can fulfill each other’s needs, without any strings attached.

 

Although it’s the lowest of the low to say I’ve never had a serious relationship, it’s a partnership that won’t hurt each other. It’s just crossing the line with each other to fulfill each other’s advantages, leaving no regrets.

 

So, I’ve never felt a burning desire for physical intimacy. 

 

I’ve never harbored feelings of love or anything like that towards girls. 

 

…That’s why,

 

“…I shouldn’t have let you into the house after all.”

 

Girls like Shiori, who are simply pure.

 

Girls who seem untouched by the world’s filthiness or the dirty parts of humans, I’ve always made sure they don’t enter my territory. 

 

Because I knew I wasn’t the kind of guy who deserved to be near them.

 

I thought that a guy like me, of all people, should never taint such a pure soul… but──

 

(…That’s cheating.)

 

The wet hair that clung to her like tracing her outline.

 

Eyes that were directed straight at me, beautiful pupils, and cherry-colored lips.

 

She knows nothing. She’s like a personification of purity, showing the word ‘innocence’ in her appearance. 

 

───Then suddenly, her cheeks flushed red, and she shyly averted her gaze from me as if she was ashamed.

 

Whether it’s unconsciously or not, her eyes are moist.

 

I wonder what Shiori is thinking while she is confused as I dried her hair.

 

And I could see it all so clearly… It was shaking my heart, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions.

 

…Shiori is talking about me.

 

I’m not that insensitive to fail to notice that she holds me in trust and admiration, and even harbors a slight affection for me. I’m not that ignorant of other people’s feelings.

 

…For a while now, I’ve felt some ‘favor’ from Shiori, but I’ve deliberately pretended not to notice it.

 

If you were to call it unfair, you wouldn’t be wrong.

 

That’s why I’ve tried to avoid contacting Shiori outside of that time in the morning, and by doing so, I’ve created a barrier, intending not to let her have any unnecessary expectations that would hurt her. 

 

I think Shiori, who is smart, also understood that.

 

That’s why.

 

There was no sign of Shiori herself crossing a certain line, so I thought that if I was careful, I would be fine

 

…And yet.

 

I almost crossed that line myself just now.

 

More. I want to touch her more.

 

Seeing her embarrassed, I want to see more of her various expressions. I want to see her make more expressions. Such thoughts crossed my mind.

 

The kettle made a small noise to indicate that it had finished boiling the water.

 

Suddenly returning to my senses, I held the kettle and poured hot water into the mug cup.

 

“…I need to get some cocoa.”

 

As I watched the water in the mug cup turn black, I thought.

 

Shiori is not someone I should touch.

 

Someone like me shouldn’t dirty such a pure girl.

 

If I were to inflict new wounds on her, who has suffered in the past and lost her voice, it would be unacceptable.

 

A self-deprecating chuckle escaped my lips as I faced the reality that loomed behind the swirling steam.

 

The cup in my hand was warm, and as I imagined Shiori’s warmth in that heat, I let out a small sigh and quietly made my way to her room.

 

＊　＊　＊

 

…It’s too big.

 

As Senpai said, I took off the wet blouse and put on a hoodie, then dried my hair with a dryer.

 

I hung the blouse on a hanger and put it in the bathroom dryer, setting a two-hour timer.

 

The skirt is still damp, but there’s nothing I can do about it now.

 

Leaving the dressing room and heading to the living room, after a while, Senpai came over with two cups.

 

“…The hoodie is still a bit big.”

 

Borrowing a hoodie from the tall Itsuki-senpai, my hands are completely hidden.

 

When Senpai saw me accepting the cup through my hoodie, he looked embarrassed and laughed.

 

“For now, should we watch a DVD until your blouse dries? Or do some studying?”

 

At Senpai’s words, I briefly thought about watching a DVD… but immediately remembered that Senpai was a student preparing for exams and hurriedly picked up my phone.

 

(My studying doesn’t matter, please focus on your studies, Senpai!! I’ll just… do various things during that time.)

 

“…Thank you. In that case, how about I help you with your studies, Shiori?”

 

(…Huh?)

 

“You know, about studying. Instead of just copying notes endlessly, it’s better for your own study to teach someone else. It helps with your memory if you teach someone else “

 

Senpai smiled gently as he lifted the cup and took a sip of cocoa.

“(……Really?)”

 

“Yeah. So, I’m actually pretty good at teaching. Before tests at school, I usually help out my friends with their reviews, and it’s also a good way for me to review for my own exams. If it’s okay with Shiori and she doesn’t mind, I can be her temporary private tutor for today. How about it?”

 

“…!”

 

After saying that, Senpai laughed, this time somewhat provocatively.

 

Caught off guard by Senpai’s expression and the mention of being a “temporary private tutor,” I couldn’t help but react. Maybe it’s because he wiped my hair earlier── I’m becoming overly conscious.

 

(No, no, no. Stop these weird fantasies!! Senpai is just being kind and offering to tutor me. I can’t afford to get carried away!!)

 

With a sharp inhale, I quickly straightened my lips and redirected my gaze back to Senpai.

 

“(P-please…!!)”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“(I-I don’t understand various things… Please teach me!!)”

 

“…Huh?”

 

Without much thought, I rapidly typed out the words and presented them in front of Senpai’s face.

 

Then, for a moment.

 

Just for a brief moment, Senpai’s expression showed a hint of agitation as he deeply sighed while looking at me.

 

“…You’re not allowed to tell other guys about this, okay?”

 

“(…Huh?)”

 

“It’s quite… impactful, you know?”

 

With just those words, Senpai averted his gaze from me, and for some reason, his ears turned slightly red.

 

＊　＊　＊

 

“…Yeah, that’s right. If you use the formula I taught you earlier, you can solve this easily. By the way, this one too. If you remember this formula, you can apply it to various problems.”

 

Senpai’s elegant fingers smoothly guided the way to solve the problem, so much so that I was mesmerized.

 

All of Senpai’s explanations were thorough and easy to understand.

 

He concisely and accurately conveyed what we should keep in mind.

 

(If that’s the case… maybe I can solve this one using the same method… Is my answer correct?)

 

“Oh, right, right. That’s correct. You’re getting quite used to this, aren’t you?”

 

Softly, Senpai smiled kindly.

 

With each question solved, Senpai’s gives me a sweet smile like this, and there is no better reward than that.

 

Getting a smile from Itsuki-senpai as a reward was truly luxurious.

 

It’s too luxurious… I wish I hadn’t dried the blouse a bit more… 

 

Oh, why do I think like this…!

 

Senpai is a high school student preparing for exams, yet…!!

 

“…”

 

And…

 

As I battled my desires and rationality, suddenly, a vibration rang out.

 

When we both stopped moving and exchanged glances at each other, we realized that the vibration was actually Senpai’s cellphone on the desk.

 

“…Sorry. Can I take this call?”

 

“(Ah… Yes, of course!!)”

 

Although there was no reason to apologize, Senpai mouthed “sorry” again and put the cellphone to his ear.

 

──A moment.

 

“…Do you need something?”

 

“…”

 

I had never heard that before.

 

The severely cold voice echoed heavily in the silent room.

 

Senpai?

 

Was that just now, Senpai’s voice?

 

“…When did you change your number?… Oh, I guess it’s for work. Well, if it’s for emergencies, you should call the hospital. Honestly, I don’t need either number.”

 

〈―――Just a moment ago――― I received a call―― so I answered it.〉

 

“…It’s not like I didn’t want to say it. I just… forgot to contact you.”

 

Perhaps because the room was too quiet, so fragments of a man’s voice leaked intermittently from the phone.

 

But Senpai’s voice responding to it…

 

Because Senpai’s voice had a coldness that I had never heard before, as if rejecting someone…

 

“…Anyway. The homeroom teacher seems unsatisfied if you’re not there. Just come to the designated place on the designated date. I don’t want anything more than that, so rest assured… father.”

 

(…Father?)

 

My body tensed involuntarily at Senpai’s words.

 

At the same time, my chest tightened painfully.

 

Father… Father, he said. The person on the phone is Senpai’s father?

 

“…Then, if that’s all, I’ll hang up.”

 

With a voice devoid of warmth, Senpai said that and hung up the phone, casually placing it on the desk.

 

His expression was completely different from what he had shown just moments ago, filled with frustration.

 

It overlapped with the one I had seen in the library, somewhat distressed, and my chest began to throb uneasily.

 

— Also, “father.”

 

Those words churned within my chest as if dealing a final blow…

 

“──I want to become an adult as soon as possible.”

 

“……”

 

“I don’t need anyone’s help. I want the strength to survive on my own…”

 

…Senpai?

 

Quietly.

 

Senpai, who uttered only that, furrowed his brow and bit his lip.

 

His hand placed on the desk was tightly clenched without me noticing, and it was trembling slightly.

 

Senpai’s eyes, devoid of color like when I saw him in the library, were focused on a single point in the open notebook.

 

“(…Senpai,)”

 

“…”

 

“(…Senpai,)”

 

“…”

 

“(Itsuki-senpai…!!)”

 

“…”

 

I overlaid my trembling fist on top of Senpai’s fist, just like I did in the library.

 

By doing so, Senpai, who had shrugged his shoulders slightly, raised his face and furrowed his brow as he looked at me.

 

—

 

“…Ah… I… just now…”

 

Weakly murmuring.

 

The eyes of Senpai, who was looking at me, were like those of a lost child.

 

What happened, Itsuki-senpai?

 

Did something happen in that phone call with your father?

 

Were you hurt by something someone said like that?

 

What are you afraid of now, Senpai?

 

“…”

 

I wasn’t sure if I could ask Senpai what I was thinking.

 

As Senpai’s gaze turned to confusion and momentarily wandered in the air before looking back down.

 

But still, his fist remained tightly clenched, and that strength didn’t seem to loosen at all.

 

Perhaps Senpai didn’t even realize that. He simply lowered his gaze and furrowed his brow, and showing no signs of saying anything further.

 

[…It’s okay.]

 

“…”

 

[It’s okay, Senpai.]

 

“…What?”

 

[Senpai, you’re not alone now.]

 

“…”

 

…Even I…

 

I don’t know why I said such a thing.

 

Before I knew it, I had naturally picked up the pen and was writing those words in the notebook in front of Senpai.

 

[Senpai is a kind person. Even though it hasn’t been long since we met, I see Senpai’s the good and wonderful things about my Senpai. I know a lot. So, even if Senpai shows a little bit of selfishness or unpleasantness, I won’t dislike him now. So, it’s okay.]

 

After writing just that and placing the pen down, I placed my hand on Senpai’s tightly clenched hand again.

 

By doing so, slowly, the strength drained from his hand.

 

I felt a little relieved at that, and couldn’t help but smile as I looked at Senpai.

 

(Ah, with this… maybe Senpai has calmed down a bit.)

 

…But I…

 

I had no idea.

 

Senpai’s emotional wounds. Senpai’s thoughts. The immense loneliness Senpai carries…

 

“…What’s okay?”

 

“…”

 

“What’s okay?”

 

The silence was broken by a low voice, almost like it was crawling on the ground.

 

When Senpai, whose long eyelashes fluttered, quietly raised his face, he had the most expressionless face I’d ever seen.

 

Meeting the gaze of Senpai, who looked like an emotionless robot, I involuntarily held my breath.

 

“Why can you say ‘it’s okay’ when you don’t know anything?”

 

Senpai?

 

I don’t know anything…I…

 

In response to Senpai’s question, I put strength into our overlapping hands.

 

— In that moment.

 

“(…Huh?)”

 

Pushed, my body fell back.

 

Of course, it was Itsuki-senpai who pushed my shoulders, and I, unprepared for the sudden action, fell to the floor.

 

Without understanding anything, I looked up. Senpai was there, covering me as if to shelter me.

 

As I recognized the beautiful face of Senpai, with long eyelashes like a work of art, slowly…

 

Slowly, Senpai’s lips approached me—

 

“…Did you think I was going to kiss you?”

 

“…”

 

Just a few centimeters away.

 

Senpai, who stopped his movement at a distance where our breaths could almost touch, said so with a cruelly beautiful smirk on his lips.

 

Kiss… a kiss?

 

I couldn’t even spare a thought for being kissed by Senpai— 

 

It was such a sudden and completely unexpected event.

 

“…Shiori, you’re too naive around me.”

 

“…”

 

“I could easily push a girl down like this, and I wouldn’t hesitate even now if it weren’t for you, Shiori.”

 

“(If it weren’t me…?)”

 

“Shiori, you’re the type of girl who’s never even been kissed, right? I wouldn’t do this with someone I’m not used to… Absolutely not.”

 

“…”

 

“You know a lot about my good side? Those words can only be said because I’ve been good at hiding my dirty and deceitful self. You can only say these words because all you’ve seen is the fake me.”

 

With that said, it’s very beautiful.

 

Senpai, with a beautifully sweet smile I’d never seen before, gently placed his hand on my chin.

 

“I’ll tell you my true self.”

 

“(True self?)”

 

“I’m… just by being alive, I get in the way of people’s happiness. I’m inherently a ‘nuisance’.”

 

—A ‘nuisance’?

 

“Just by existing, I get in the way of my parents’ lives— I’m a nuisance.”

 

Senpai’s eyes, as he spat out those words, became tinged with sadness. 

 

Yet his hand, with the smiling face, felt as cold as ice. 

 

The chilling voice that came out cut through my heart like a blade.

 

“My parents were having an affair.”

 

“(An affair…?)”

 

“Both my father and my mother. They were both… ordinary family interactions and memories of parents laughing together, I don’t have any. They were originally busy with work, so I hardly have any memories of spending time together.”

 

“…”

 

“When my parents divorced as soon as I entered high school, I was taken in by my father. It was terrible before the divorce, arguing over custody, you know? In the end, my father who is a doctor, ended up taking me in. He decided to take me in because he was concerned about his public appearance. Well… I didn’t care either way, so I just went along with it.”

 

“…”

 

“But you know, as soon as my mother left, my father brought the woman he’d been seeing into the house. Even at his age, he want to taste the feeling of a newlywed. When it got to that point, he wondered what to do with me… In the end, he prepared this apartment and kicked me out.”

 

“…”

 

“When I left home, my father said to me, ‘You’ll be fine.’ Yeah, that’s what he said.”

 

(“You’ll be fine?”)

 

“I was told ‘You’ll be fine.’ Because I’ll be fine, I was thrown out.”

 

[It’s okay, Senpai]

 

Ah, I… What have I done to Senpai…

 

“‘It’s okay.’ That’s just an excuse to justify myself.”

 

I hurt Senpai.

 

“I was abandoned by my own parents. I have no memories of being loved, and from the very beginning… even now, I’m just a ‘nuisance.'”

 

“…”

 

“I’m not loved by my own parents. As the ‘unwanted child’ who was abandoned, I don’t possess any true kindness.”

 

An unwanted child.

 

Unable to bear the weight of those words and Senpai’s expression any longer, tears finally overflowed.

 

“…”

 

“…Huh?”

 

Through my blurred vision, though I couldn’t clearly see Senpai’s face but I can tell he’s confused right now because of his words.

 

Looking at me suddenly burst into tears… Senpai seemed troubled.

 

“W-Why…?”

 

“(Senpai…)”

 

“Don’t cry all of a sudden…”

 

But… it’s because Senpai…, with such a lonely expression drowning in sorrow, said such a heartbreaking thing.

 

An unwanted child. Senpai had said that.

 

Has Senpai been living like this until today… even now, in this moment?

 

Has he lived his life thinking like that?

 

Did he spend his days thinking that he were a nuisance?

 

“Could it be… pity…? In that case, it’s even more of a nuisance, right…?”

 

“(…No, that’s not it.)”

 

“Huh…?”

 

“(I’m not… feeling any pity!!)”

 

Like a reluctant child throwing a tantrum, I hesitantly reached out my hand towards Senpai.

 

I slowly touched Senpai’s cheek and blinked a few times to wipe away the tears.

 

“(Senpai is…)”

 

“…”

 

“(My…)”

 

— Itsuki-senpai, to me, is

 

“(a light of hope)”

 

Senpai.

 

I don’t know if my words reached him.

 

I don’t know if Senpai understood my words just by the movement of my lips.

 

“…”

 

Even so, as my hand touched his cheek, tears fell from Senpai’s eyes like raindrops.

 

It is Itsuki-senpai’s “voice” that flows down his cheeks and slowly sinks into my heart from my fingertips.

 

It hurts.

 

It’s lonely.

 

Look this way.

 

Thinking that, my chest tightened painfully, and tears overflowed from my eyes again.

 

Senpai, who had been abandoned by his parents and has lived a lonely life.

 

Yet, even so, I thought of Senpai, who is more sensitive to others’ feelings than anyone else.

 

…I’m sure, when he was a child.

 

He wanted to be acknowledged by his parents, even if just a little. He must have eagerly tried to get closer to them.

 

Suffering in front of two people who can’t see each other.

 

Bearing the loneliness of not being seen.

 

Yet, even so, wanting to be seen, even if just a little.

 

Senpai must have reached out his hand many, many times.

 

He must have tried to listen to their voices over and over again.

 

— That’s why Senpai is here now.

 

Always ahead of everyone, always thinking of others’ feelings.

 

Suppressing his own voice and desperately trying to listen to the others.

 

Because otherwise, Senpai wouldn’t be so sensitive to others’ feelings, words, and voices.

 

Thinking that, I felt satisfied with all the delicate kindness Senpai possesses.

 

As I quietly shed tears in front of Itsuki-senpai, I felt like I could see the journey Senpai took to become who he is now.

 

“…”

 

Slowly, Senpai raised his body without saying anything and averted his gaze from me.

 

Only tears remained on his cheeks, and Senpai silently wiped away those traces with his sleeves.

 

At the same time, in the distance, I heard the sound of the dryer in the distance telling me that the time was over.

 

“…You should go home now. I don’t think I’ll be able to drop you off today, but… I’m sorry.”

 

“…”

 

“It’s dark outside, so… try to take a bright path home, or call your parents when you get to the station.”

 

With a quiet voice that seemed to fade away, Senpai uttered those words, and involuntarily, I held my breath.

 

(…Ah, Senpai, even at times like this)

 

Even at times like this, Senpai worries about others and cares for them.

 

Even when he’s in pain, he worries about others around him.

 

I wish he could be more selfish.

 

I thought to myself as I looked at Senpai, who didn’t even look at me and kept his gaze down.

 

As Senpai said.

 

The blouse should be dry by now, and Senpai might want to be alone right now.

 

But… even so, Senpai.

 

Even so, I can’t leave Senpai alone and go home with him hurting like this.

 

I can’t leave Senpai alone like this.

 

“…Shiori?”

 

“…”

 

“What are you…”

 

Impulsively grabbing the pen again, I opened a new page in my notebook and began to write there.

 

Just four characters.

 

As politely as possible, I wrote them down, then slowly handed the notebook to Senpai and opened my phone.

 

[Souma Itsuki]

 

“My name…?”

 

“(Please, allow me to say this upfront. I have no intention of siding with Senpai’s parents. No matter the reason, I can’t forgive them for causing Senpai such suffering… I’m sorry, but I’m very angry.)”

 

“…”

 

“(But Senpai’s name, ‘Itsuki,’ isn’t that the name your parents gave you?)”

 

“……That’s right, but”

 

“(Just like a ‘tree’ standing tall and proud in the forest, quietly strong, resilient, I hope you’ll live. ‘Itsuki,’ I thought that name must hold such a meaning… When I first saw Senpai’s name.)”

 

“…”

 

“(It’s a very… lovely name. It suits you perfectly, Senpai.)”

 

I believe that a person’s name is filled with the “love” that the person who gives it feels.

 

The “name” given by one’s family for the child to live in this world.

 

Even my name “Shiori” has a proper meaning. 

 

It’s a cherished treasure my father taught me long ago.

 

That’s why.

 

I’m sure Itsuki-senpai’s name is filled with the love and wishes of his parents who gave him that name.

 

“(But, Senpai, there’s another reason why I think your name is lovely.)”

 

“…”

 

“(Why did your parents choose to use the character ‘生’ which can also be read as ‘sei’ for ‘Itsuki’?)”

 

“…That’s…”

 

“(I think for Senpai’s father, who works with lives as a doctor, the character ‘生’ holds special significance. Your parents must have chosen that character, filled with such special feelings, for your name.)”

 

“(I understand that what I’m saying, as someone who hurt Senpai, might not be acceptable. It’s all just my speculation, and even if you can’t accept it, I understand. But please, let me say this much. At the very least, Senpai… you’re not an unwanted child.)”

 

“…”

 

“(When you were born, I’m sure your parents were happy. And I want to believe they gave you the name ‘Itsuki’ with love. I believe it.)”

 

“That’s…”

 

“(And Senpai, living up to that name, strong and resilient like a dignified tree until today. Now, you’re aiming to be a doctor to connect and nurture life.)”

 

“…!”

 

“(There’s nothing more wonderful than this.)”

 

Without delay, I typed on my phone, my fingers slightly numb from the rush, pouring my wishes into them.

 

Please.

 

Please, let my words reach Senpai even just a little.

 

May my voice be heard by Senpai.

 

“(Senpai once said he doesn’t possess kindness, that he’s a hindrance to people’s happiness, but that’s not true.)”

 

“…”

 

“(Because I’m happy to have met you.)”

 

“…”

 

“(Just a moment ago, I said I was angry at Senpai’s parents. But I truly thank them from the bottom of my heart for bringing Senpai into this world, for allowing me to meet Senpai.)”

 

With that, I smiled.

 

I quietly put away my phone and study materials into my bag.

 

Standing up, I bowed once to Senpai, who was still sitting, and headed to the bathroom.

 

Taking off the hoodie I borrowed from Senpai and putting on the completely dried blouse, I picked up my bag again and opened the front door.

 

“(…Senpai, see you again tomorrow.)”

 

Closing the door, the voice I murmured in my heart would never reach Senior, who should have been in the living room.

 

As I left through the entrance just like when I arrived, the rain that had been so harsh had stopped.

 

There, in the sky above, was a large rainbow stretching across the sunset.

 

　*

　 ﾟ

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　+:

　｡

　+

　*

　 ﾟ

 

『Rosemary（ローズマリー）』

Sincerity・Unchanging Love

You revive me.

 

 

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PAYPAL

 

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