VOLUME 2 — SUMMER
Chapter 9: Sunflower
(Wow… What an amazing person…)
The nearest station to where the festival was being held was already crowded with lots of people.
Just that alone made me feel overwhelmed with anxiety, but every time I felt like looking down, a hand held my hand tightly.
When I raised my head, Senpai was there, smiling kindly at me, and the fact that our hands were still connected immediately dispelled the rising anxiety.
“Ah…”
And then.
While on our way to the main street of the festival venue after passing through the ticket gate, Senpai, who had been walking without stopping, suddenly stopped.
(What’s wrong?)
Curious, I looked at Senpai, who seemed to have a surprised expression for some reason.
Following his gaze, I saw people looking at us with surprised expressions, just like Senpai.
“S-Souma-kun!?”
The first to speak was a cute girl in a yukata.
Perhaps she was so surprised that her voice trembled even in the crowd.
And then, she exchanged a few words with the man next to her. Now with a broad smile on her face, they walked towards us.
(Huh…? Senpai?)
Unable to do anything, I looked up at Senpai, only to find him wearing a bewildered expression as well.
As if seeking help, I squeezed the hand I was holding tightly, and Senpai’s shoulder trembled slightly.
“…”
As Senpai looked at me, he finally regained his composure and relaxed his tense expression.
Relieved by Senpai’s return to his gentle demeanour, as I tried to speak slowly,
“(S-Senpai… um,)”
“Itsukii, this is too much of a coincidence!”
Our words were cut off by the two people who had already been in front of us.
“Souma-kun, this is such a coincidence! And, nice to meet you! She’s such a cute girl!!”
With a sparkling smile as dazzling as a sunflower, the girl’s hand was tightly linked with the hand of the refreshing handsome guy next to her.
From the atmosphere between the two, it was easy to imagine that they were a couple.
“Aki… and, Mari-chan.”
(Huh…?)
My eyes widened at the name that came out of Itsuki-senpai’s mouth.
And that’s because the name “Aki” was a name I had heard from Senpai’s mouth so many times that it felt like I had a callus on my ear, and what’s more is that it was the same name as Senpai’s dear friend.
In other words, could it be… could it possibly be that this person is Senpai’s dear friend, “Aki”?
“Nice to meet you. I’m Aki, Itsuki’s friend, and we get along pretty well. And this is… um, my girlfriend Mari. You’re Shiori-chan, right?”
With carefully chosen words and a refreshing smile, I nodded repeatedly, bowing my head hastily.
“…Shiori, don’t be so nervous, it’s okay. After all, it’s just Aki and Mari-chan.”
“S-Souma-kun, you’re unusually sarcastic…”
“Is that so? But isn’t it always like this?”
“…Itsuki, you’re embarrassed to be seen on a date, aren’t you?”
“…”
My eyes darted around as the three of them began to have a friendly conversation.
Aki-san and Itsuki-senpai were good friends at the same school, and furthermore, Aki-san’s girlfriend, Mari-san, and Itsuki-senpai were friends who worked at the same part-time job, they said.
…In other words.
Aki-san, who is Itsuki-senpai’s best friend, is a different type of handsome guy from Itsuki-senpai, and I was bewildered by the difference between them.
“Shiori-chan?”
“(Y-Y-Yes!!)”
Suddenly spoken to while in a daze, I blinked in surprise and stared at Aki-san.
Seeing me like that, Aki-san gave me a gentle smile and leaned close to my ear as if whispering.
“…Please take care of Itsuki for me.”
(Huh?)
When I opened my eyes in response to what was said, my arm was suddenly pulled.
My body moved away from Aki-san with great force. For a moment my body became light and fluffy, and was then held in the arms of my senpai.
“…Too close.”
“(E-Eh, eh…!?)”
In the face of such a sudden event, I looked up at Senpai, who was directing a sharp gaze at Aki-san.
In front of such a Senpai, Aki-san and Mari-san had happy smiles for some reason. I, who was completely confused and couldn’t keep up with everything, could only swim my eyes in confusion.
＊ ＊ ＊
After parting ways with Aki and Mari-chan, we headed to the main street of the festival.
There, where the lights of the food stalls and the crowd of people gathered, I couldn’t say it was beautiful by any stretch of the imagination, yet it was overflowing with people’s smiles.
(…Ignoring basic manners, huh?)
At my feet, trash was scattered carelessly, including cups and disposable chopsticks that probably contained shaved ice.
It was making me worry for Shiori, who was wearing geta sandals essential for a yukata. She might step on the trash and get hurt.
But Shiori probably wouldn’t say anything because she didn’t want to worry anyone.
In the first place, festivals are places where even children can have fun, and in such places, one should set an example, shouldn’t they?
I couldn’t help but think something like that. I almost feel like an educator, and I couldn’t help but feel gloomy.
“…”
And then, as I was disdainfully watching the scene, I suddenly snapped back to reality as my arm was pulled.
Looking beside me, I saw Shiori looking up at me with innocent eyes, her eyes shining brightly.
“(I want to eat apple candy!)”
“Hmm?”
“(Ap-ple…can-dy)”
As Shiori moved her mouth, pointing towards the front of a food stall, she showed me a smile, and my heart began to melt.
“…Understood, candy apples, huh. Should we go wherever you want, Shiori?”
With a smile blossoming at my words, Shiori nodded energetically, almost exaggeratedly.
Seeing her expression and gestures, I found myself with the same expression as many of the people in the lights that I had been watching objectively until just now, but I didn’t realize how calculating I had become.
――――
“Shiori, you don’t have to hurry like that. Let’s take our time.”
Since it had been several years, it seems like Shiori’s excitement was that of elementary school students at the festival.
Despite wearing a yukata, she hurriedly pulled my hand and stopped suddenly in front of anything that caught her interest.
While I was desperately trying to keep up with Shiori’s pace and protect her from the crowd, I too was becoming influenced by the lively atmosphere of the festival.
“Let’s take a break there for a moment. At the entrance of that park.”
At my suggestion, Shiori, who was holding a shaved ice with strawberry milk in her other hand, nodded with a smile.
Returning her smile, we walked towards the entrance of the small park, leaving the flow of the crowd behind.
Upon reaching the vicinity of the park entrance, we leaned our bodies against the thick U-shaped pipe installed there.
There were about a dozen people around and inside the park taking a break from the festival just like us. Although it wasn’t as lively as the festival itself, it was somewhat bustling.
There were couples, high school students of the same age as us, and groups of middle school girls.
Each group was chatting happily about something, and amidst them, we also watched the lights of the festival from a distance.
“Can I have some shaved ice too?”
“…”
Releasing the hand I was holding, I looked at Shiori, who was just about to bring shaved ice to her mouth, holding the spoon stuck in the shaved ice in her hand.
But at my words, Shiori, who had widened her eyes for a moment, timidly removed the straw from her mouth, and alternately looked at me and the spoon, furrowing her eyebrows in confusion.
Just from that gesture and expression, I could understand what Shiori wanted to say, what she was worried about.
And because I understood, I couldn’t help but… want to tease her.
“It can’t be helped, let me eat like this. Okay?”
“!!”
Swiftly. I grabbed Shiori’s hand holding the spoon and scooped up some shaved ice, then brought it to my own mouth.
“…It’s cold. It’s been years since I had shaved ice.”
“~~…!!”
At my sudden action, Shiori had blushed so much that it could be seen even in the darkness. When I saw her move her mouth as if unable to form words, I couldn’t help but burst into laughter.
Then, slowly releasing the hand I was holding, I stared at Shiori this time, without saying anything.
“…”
Then, Shiori seemed to have noticed everything about my actions.
She seemed to have been thinking about something for a while, but I had no intention of giving in. So she suddenly pulled her lips together as if she had made up her mind and scooped up the shaved ice herself. She then poured it into my mouth, just as I wished, bringing the sweet and sour aroma to my mouth.
＊ ＊ ＊
“Mmm, as I thought, it’s sweeter when Shiori feeds me.”
…I really feel like I’m going to lose it.
Being led… tempted by Itsukii-senpai, I was mesmerized by everything about him, even when I fed him shaved ice and smiled and said, “Well done.”
With the sweet heat given to me by Senpai, I feel like I might melt away like this shaved ice.
I love Senpai, I love him so much, I’m so happy.
Like a child, I seriously thought, ”I wish time could just stop like this.”
“Where to next? Is there anything else you want to eat or buy?”
But as soon as Senpai said those words, just as I was about to reply…
“…Shiori?”
“…”
The sweet, sweet heat vanished as if it had been surprisingly fleeting in the darkness of the summer night.
“What… are you doing?”
“(…Renji?)”
Suddenly, called by my name, I turned around to see Renji, accompanied by several boys and girls, looking at us.
The encounter was so unexpected that I found myself locking eyes with him, forgetting to even breathe.
“Shiori’s… friend?”
“…”
I couldn’t say how long I stood there stunned.
I finally came to my senses at the sound of my senpai’s soft voice, and when I looked up at him, there he was, smiling just as soft as his voice.
Feeling relieved from the bottom of my heart, I nodded slightly in response to his question.
“… I see.”
“…”
However, that relief soon turned into anxiety that I couldn’t hide.
Because, like me, Renji, who was frozen in shock, suddenly raised his voice.
“Why…”
“…”
“Why are you here…!! What if you got lost coming to a festival? It’s dangerous, damn it!!”
Contrary to the calm Senpai, Renji, who had exploded like on that day of rupture, directed a sharp gaze at me.
But it was only for a moment.
Renji’s gaze quickly shifted from me to Senpai standing next to me.
His gaze, dripping with hostility, was filled with unmistakable anxiety and dark clouds.
But I couldn’t voice any of it. All I could do was stare back at Renji, who glared at the Senpai with shaking eyes.
“Maybe… Is he the childhood friend you mentioned? You said you had a fight.”
“…”
“I see.”
Tension filled the air.
What broke the tense atmosphere was the gentle voice of Senpai, who remained calm despite the situation.
Returning my gaze from Renji to Senpai, he smiled gently at me with a look of confusion.
My heart hurts as I wonder to what extent Senpai is able to “realize” things.
And at the same time, I felt the warmth of Senpai who understood everything with just that…
The enveloping kindness of my senpai made me want to cry right away.
Now, I resent my Senpai’s intelligence.
Because, even though it’s their first meeting, he must have realized the cause of the fight with Renji.
The reason why Renji harbours hostility towards him.
“The cause of the fight… I see, so that’s what it was.”
“…”
No, that’s not it, it’s not Senpai’s fault.
Even though I wanted to deny everything with Senpai’s intelligent “voice,” my voice wouldn’t come out.
I instinctively grabbed my senpai’s hand, and the coldness of that hand made me feel like tears were about to fall.
“Hey, Is he one of Renji’s acquaintances? Isn’t he super cool?”
“…Uh, yeah. He’s Souma-san!! My friend told me she hung out with a super cool guy before and showed me a photo of him!”
“No way! Seriously!? That guy is Souma-san!?”
“…”
The three girls behind Renji seemed to have noticed Itsuki-senpai, and their eyes lit up as they said such things.
“Hung out with him”
— My chest felt like it was being crushed.
As I looked down, desperately biting my lip to hold back tears, I heard Renji loudly click his tongue in anger.
“Shiori! Come here!!”
“…!!”
Once again, I raised my head to see Renji glaring at me as if blaming me.
However, I strongly shook my head at Renji’s command.
“…”
And almost as if begging for forgiveness…
As I desperately squeezed the hand of Senpai, who wouldn’t squeeze back, Renji seemed to surpass the limits of his frustration.
With another sigh, he clenched his fist tightly, then approached us with strides, grabbing my arm that held the shaved ice roughly.
“Come on, I said come!!”
“…”
With the impact, the cup I was holding was forcefully slammed onto the ground.
The hand that was holding Senpai’s was inevitably released.
As my arm was pulled, causing me to stagger and feel the coldness seeping into my bare feet clad in geta, when I looked down, the shaved ice that had been sweetly colored just moments ago was now scattered at my feet, leaving a large stain.
“I told you, stop hanging out with this guy!! You’re so irresponsible, bringing you to a place like this… Don’t you know how dangerous it is?! He doesn’t think about you at all!!”
“…”
“You hear me!? Stop associating with this kind of person! Bringing you to this place irresponsibly… Even though you can’t speak, you’re so carefree about coming to a place like this!!”
— Those words felt like sharp knives to me right now.
Each one tore through my heart, shredding all the courage and determination I had built up until today.
And now, the words, turned into weapons, bare another set of fangs to inflict the next wound.
…Look.
Behind Renji, people who seemed to be Renji’s friends, watching our interaction with curious eyes, changed their interest upon Renji’s words.
— Huh, that girl, she can’t speak.
— Why can’t she speak?
— She looks normal, though.
— It’s so pitiful that she can’t speak.
They probably thought they were whispering quietly enough that I couldn’t hear.
But, words can reach farther than one thinks.
There is nothing that pierces a person’s heart as deeply as that knife that was brandished unconsciously.
It was always easy to hurt others.
Like this, unknowingly presented with a knife, I’ve been hurt many times until today.
… But you see, Renji.
Do you know how much effort and time it takes to heal just one wound in the heart? I don’t think you understand that, Renji.”
“…”
───I’m definitely not going to cry.
Crying won’t accomplish anything.
As I told myself that in my heart, I looked straight up at Renji who was looking down at me.
By doing so, Renji could see my resolute gaze and feel a shiver, understanding that I was not backing down.
“Shi-o-ri…?”
With a step back, I loosened the grip that had been holding me painfully tight, then gently pulled my arm away.
And then, I turned my back on Renji slowly.
Telling myself that the days when Renji and I laughed together would never return.
And trying to distance myself from Renji to avoid receiving any more verbal knives—
“…Shiori. If you don’t speak up about what you’re thinking, you’ll regret it later.”
The calm voice of Senpai, echoing in the darkness, took control of my body.
When I lifted my head, there was Senpai, still looking at me with eyes filled with kindness.
“It’s better not to easily let go of what’s important to you. When it’s too late, you’ll blame yourself.”
“…”
“You see, in this world, it seems like things won’t be resolved unless you confront them properly. That’s what Shiori taught me, right?”
“(Itsuki… Senpai…)”
“… It’ll be alright. It will definitely get through. Because… I’ve never once failed to hear Shiori’s voice.”
“…”
“And… ‘not being able to speak’ isn’t a reason to give up on ‘ordinary everyday life’.”
— At Senpai’s words, tears that I had been desperately holding back overflowed like a dam bursting.
Senpai. Itsuki-senpai.
I wanted to squat down right here and now, crying out loud like a child.
Warm tears fell from my cold cheeks.
Since losing my voice until I met Senpai, I had never cried out of joy or happiness, not even once.
On the other hand, I had cried out of frustration and sadness many times.
And there were many things I had given up on…
In my mind, it had become natural to give up on things.
But Senpai never let me give up.
There was never anything I had to give up on.
Senpai taught me that, even if I couldn’t speak, I didn’t have to give up on anything.
Senpai… Itsuki-senpai.
I love Senpai, I love Senpai’s words, I love everything about Senpai.
How many more times will my heart be squeezed by these feelings that fill me so much that I want to express them right now?
How many more times will I realize my feelings for Itsuki-senpai?
— Even if this love doesn’t come to fruition, just being able to love Senpai is enough.
As I wiped away the tears and lifted my face, Senpai nodded slightly once.
Taking that as a signal, I turned back towards Renji.
And then, clenching my fist tightly, taking a deep breath—
“(— Renji, you idiot!!!!)”
I glared at Renji, who looked like he was about to cry.
“Sh… Shiori”
“(You don’t understand anything!! Idiot!!)”
“I-idiot? Idiot… I…”
“(You’re an idiot!! Renji is a big idiot!! Because instead of regretting what you said, you should’ve just not said it in the first place!!)”
“…”
Renji furrowed his brows at my words and tightened his lips.
… He’s been my only childhood friend since we lived close to each other since we were kids.
Whether when I could speak, when I lost my voice, or since losing my voice.
Renji has always been by my side, always helping me.
So surely, it’ll get through. He’ll understand.
What I want to say now.
What I want to convey now.
Because I can see how much Renji regrets what he said and blames himself right now.
Gently, I opened my phone and typed out some words.
Slowly, I stood in front of Renji and showed him the screen of my phone.
“(I… am here of my own will. Renji has no right to deny that, and I, in my own way, am… being as cautious as possible, I think.)”
“….”
“(Itsuki-senpai understood my feelings and brought me to the festival. Thanks to Senpai, I laughed a lot today. Really, really, it was fun.)”
“…”
“(Senpai isn’t the kind of person Renji thinks he is. He’s gentle, compassionate, and very warm.)”
“But, but…”
“(…Senpai also told me he hangs out with women. But there’s nothing for Renji to worry about, right? It goes without saying, Senpai has never done anything unpleasant to me, and he’s not the kind of person who would. Besides, Senpai and I are so mismatched that it’s almost laughable to worry about it.)”
As I typed, a self-deprecating smile slipped out unintentionally.
It’s painful and sad, but there’s nothing I can do about it.
Because I’m facing Renji, he probably can’t see my current expression, which is probably a good thing.
… It’s good that I turned my back.
This pitiful face. If Senpai were to see it, he would just be troubled, kind Senpai.
“(Senpai is such a wonderful person that it’s almost wasteful for me. Just being able to be by his side is like a miracle, he’s that kind of person.)”
After showing Renji the screen I had typed on, I quietly put away my phone.
Furrowing his brows and showing a puzzled expression, Renji looked at me, and I smiled at him. Renji then furrowed his brows again, this time with a sad expression.
Taking that as a signal, I quietly took a step back.
But, see you at school, okay?
That’s what I conveyed to Renji with just the movement of my lips, then I quietly turned away—
(Huh…?)
This time, it was me who was bewildered by the fact that filled my field of vision.
(Itsuki… senpai?)
Turning around, Senpai wasn’t there.
My heart started beating fast at that fact, and as I hurriedly moved my gaze around, my cell phone vibrated as if it had been waiting for me to do so.
[The festival was fun. Thanks for accompanying me to take a break. Today, I’ll have my childhood friend take me home. See you after summer break, on the train.]
“… “
It was Senpai’s usual simple message, without any emojis or anything.
And yet, why does it feel so suffocating? Maybe it’s because the dim light that vaguely glows in the darkness feels unusually lonely.
The sweet time I spent with Senpai just a moment ago vanished like a summer night’s dream.
— Before I knew it, the time was pointing to 8:00 p.m.
I realized for the first time on this day how quickly the night had come, and how little time I had left to spend with Senpai, a third-year high school student.
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『Sunflower（ヒマワリ）』
I gaze only at you.
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