The end of September arrived, and the midday sun was a bit scorching. Bahu, with his robust physique, still wore a summer robe. Winter this year was expected to arrive later than last year. However, the flowers and grass on the grassland seemed unaffected by the temperature, timely entering their yellowed state. The river also entered its low-water period, and the gurgling flow was significantly quieter. Rounded gravel on the riverbed emerged partially. By the riverbank, new shoots of water grass would be nibbled by cattle and sheep. The remaining grass stems, persisting until late autumn, finally succumbed beneath the hooves of the livestock, half of them bowing into the water, muddying the river.
All these scenes were the silent displacements enforced by the lives of the livestock and people inhabiting this grassland. At an age when they could lift their heads and roll over, Qiqige and Jiya sat once again in the Lele cart.
Before setting off, Bahu came over to open the cart door. His eyes coincidentally met with the little girl who was trying to lift her head. He clicked his tongue and said, “Sit tight, we’re leaving now.”
“Let’s go.” Mi Niang stretched her legs and leaned on the bedding. After being entangled for half the night, her legs were sore and weak. Even speaking made her can’t help but yawn.
Bahu, on the other hand, was in high spirits. After closing the door to block the chilly morning wind, he said through the wooden boards that she should sleep when the two little ones slept, “Cover yourself with the blanket and sleep. Don’t forget to cover yourself while lying down. If you fall asleep without covering, it won’t be good.”
Concerned about this, halfway through the journey, Bahu came over, listened to the sounds inside without the children, gently opened the cart door, and only left after seeing the three of them covered with a blanket.
By noon, they still hadn’t lit a fire. The steamed rice cakes, even if they had cooled, remained soft. It was hot at noon and riding on the horse, they shared half the pot without delaying the journey. It wasn’t until the sun slanted to the west, and both people and sheep were tired, that they found a place by the water to stop and rest.
Mi Niang quickly dressed the two children and carried them down from the cart. She laid out the felt, letting the siblings roll around freely. After sleeping for most of the day, it was the right time for them to be awake. If she didn’t let them play around a bit, they wouldn’t be able to sleep at night.
Bahu, with Chaobao and Xi Jil, unstrapped the things tied to the cow’s back. Meanwhile, Mi Niang carried down the stove to prepare for cooking. The riverbank was crowded with cattle and sheep drinking water. She called Da Huang to guard Qiqige and Jiya, “I’m going upstream to fetch water. Keep an eye out to prevent any cattle or sheep from stepping on your little masters. Bahu, pay attention too.”
Bahu glanced over and saw Da Huang lying beside the two children. He casually nodded his head, knowing that Da Huang liked the two kids. Da Huang was just as dedicated as a “wet nurse” as Bahu’s dog cub, Bala.
The river water in autumn had some foam and remnants of decomposed grass. Finding a deeper spot, Mi Niang scooped out half a bucket of water while swiftly discarding the foam. On her way back, she noticed a lot of dry cow dung. After bringing the water back, she saw the two children happily sucking their toes. Da Huang was still lying in the same place. She then took a sheepskin bag to pick up cow dung for the fire.
After unloading everything from the cow’s back, Bahu and the other two were busy tying up felt packages. Passing by the siblings enjoying their feet, Bahu took a detour to avoid letting the two kids see him.
“Master, these two kids are really obedient. They don’t cry or make a fuss while sitting in the cart. When you put them down, they don’t bother others. When no one is around, they play by themselves,” Xi Jil turned his head for another look, and when he glanced back, he saw Da Huang staring at him vigilantly.
“Obedient?” Bahu hadn’t seen other people’s children, so he didn’t know if his two kids were considered obedient. “You’ll see if they’re obedient tonight.” Both of them were quite mischievous. Despite being small, they had strong personalities. Qiqige displayed open dominance, crying loudly if things didn’t go her way. Jiya, on the other hand, appeared calm on the outside, but inside, he was also domineering. If Qiqige got to drink milk first, he would push his sister away. Even during sleep, he insisted on putting his legs over his sister; he was a competitive one.
“My eldest brother’s kids are already two or three years old. Every time we move, they either cry or yell, complaining about the food and sleep being uncomfortable, quite annoying,” Xi Jil shook his head. “Your kids are the most sensible ones I’ve ever seen when they’re this age.”
However, when night fell, Xi Jil regretted his words.
“Both of you, go inside and sleep. If there’s any noise, I’ll call you,” Bahu sat by the fire, holding Qiqige wrapped in a small blanket. After dinner, when it got dark, the two kids cried as soon as they were wrapped in the felt. They wouldn’t stop crying even if they were held and rocked. They insisted on coming out and staring at the pitch-black night.
Mi Niang changed Jiya’s diaper and came out. Afraid of the cold, she put on a raincoat and brought a bedsheet, sitting on the felt with her legs covered.
“You sit inside too. If you’re tired, take a nap. I’ll call you if anything happens,” Bahu, tired after a day’s work, wanted Mi Niang to rest. They had eleven dogs at home, and if there were wild wolves around, they couldn’t afford not to notice.
No matter how courageous Bahu was, he wouldn’t dare to sleep. He not only didn’t get into the blanket but also stood up and left the fire with Qiqige in his arms. When his body was warm, he would feel sleepy, and the cold wind blowing kept him awake.
“Do you want to bring your mother here for a while this year?” Bahu suddenly brought up an unrelated topic. Seeing Mi Niang stunned and unresponsive, he explained, “When Wali Lake freezes over, I’ll take you ice skating. Qiqige and Jiya can’t be brought along, for sure.” In fact, he felt that the two children were too much of a hindrance. They had to be taken everywhere, making it difficult for him and Mi Niang to have some private conversations or do something else until the kids fell asleep.
“Ice skating can be done every year. No need to rush it this year,” Mi Niang held Jiya’s hand that was grabbing her hair. “I can also ice-skate in the river in front of the door. We don’t necessarily have to go to Wali Lake.”
Bahu understood her meaning as soon as she said that. “You’re not going fishing this year?”
Mi Niang thought for a moment and politely declined, “My mother may not be willing to come.” The words Bahu said during the summer made her wary of his mother. She was indeed afraid that the two children would be taken away.
“There’s still Uncle Muren at home. Let him help look after them for a day, wouldn’t that be fine?” Mi Niang was more reassured with Uncle Muren looking after the children.
“That’s true, I forgot about him.” Bahu didn’t say much more. Seeing Mi Niang leaning against her hand, he walked over and sat behind her, letting her lean on him. Glancing at the little girl with big eyes who was rolling around, he whispered in her ear like a thief, “Is it tiring to take care of the kids?”
Mi Niang shook her head, “With you helping me take care of the kids, and them being well-behaved, I don’t feel tired.” The one who was truly tired was Bahu. He had to manage nearly two thousand head of cattle and sheep, all while taking care of the family. “Next year, let’s not raise any more lambs or calves. Let’s focus on these one or two thousand head of cattle and sheep. Don’t exhaust yourself for the sake of expanding the livestock. I don’t want you to be overwhelmed.” She leaned her head against the man’s neck. The warm breath touched the exposed skin. “Don’t overwork yourself. I worry about you.”
“Umm…” Bahu became uncomfortable again, stammering to recover from that awkward moment. Once the goosebumps on his neck subsided, he whispered, “I’ll do as you say.” Lowering his head, he noticed Qiqige staring at him with a burning gaze. Knowing she couldn’t understand, Bahu still felt a bit awkward. He covered her eyes with his big hand, “Little troublemaker, sleep well. It’s already late at night.”
The two children weren’t crying or making a fuss, but they refused to close their eyes and sleep. They insisted on watching people’s mouths move. If there was no movement, they would reach out and poke.
“What strange habits they have.” Bahu bit the little hand that reached into his mouth. Even in this state, he couldn’t help praising the children for being well-behaved.
“Probably inherited from you; I wasn’t like this when I was a child.” Mi Niang pressed down on Jiya’s little hand. She became quiet when Mi Niang spoke, blinking her eyes as she stared.
Bahu didn’t agree, even though he had no idea what kind of temperament he had as a child. “Nonsense again. Do you even know what kind of personality you had when you were this little?”
“I do know. My mother and grandmother said I was obedient and well-behaved when I was a child. When adults were busy, I lay quietly in the cradle without making a sound, making it easy for them.” Mi Niang spoke with pride, but her smile faded when Bahu asked the next question.
“I rarely hear you talk about your family. Since we have nothing else to do now, tell me about it, so I don’t fall asleep and doze off.”
Mi Niang fell silent. When Jiya once again tried to pry into her mouth, she spoke with a hoarse voice, “There’s nothing to say. Talking about it won’t change anything. We didn’t know each other before, and we won’t meet in the future. When we return to Lingshan, pick an old Lele car, fill the gaps with mud, and I’ll use it to store beehives.”
Her words transitioned abruptly, leaving Bahu even more curious about what happened to make her keep silent. “Do you know you talk in your sleep at night? Every now and then, you dream and shout, ‘Little brother, little sister, run quickly.’ After saying that, you calm down, and sleep soundly, but there are tears in the corners of your eyes.”
The next day Mi Niang, woke up as if she didn’t remember dreaming at all, completely unaffected.
Mi Niang frowned tightly. She couldn’t recall having such a dream, but Bahu couldn’t have made up such a statement just to deceive her. “Did I disturb your sleep? I don’t remember.”
“I wake up easily with the slightest noise,” Bahu said, turning around to sit next to her. He didn’t insist on looking at Mi Niang’s face, but he touched her with the hand holding Qiqige. “Still don’t want to tell me?”
Mi Niang clasped her hands together, unable to stop trembling. She tilted her head, taking deep breaths of the cool night air. She asked Bahu how long it had been.
“Since you were pregnant.”
“Why did you ask only today then?”
“At that time, it hadn’t been a year since you came to the Mobei. There were significant changes in my family, and it was normal to have nightmares. I thought you were fine during the day, forgot about it, and never mentioned it again.” He just didn’t expect her to have the same dream and say the same dream talk every now and then.
Mi Niang said, “Oh,” and just when Bahu thought she wouldn’t speak again, she spoke with a trembling voice, “My younger brother and sister had a chance to survive, but I stopped them.”
Bahu’s heart tightened. He reached out to hold her head, and warm tears flowed into his collar. He didn’t speak, waiting for Mi Niang to continue.
“On the day of the earthquake, after lunch, I was going out to give water to the bees in the beehive. My younger brother and sister wanted to follow, but it was unusually hot that day, and mosquitoes were everywhere. I was afraid the bees would sting them, so I didn’t let them come, telling them to sleep at home. As I approached the beehives, the road cracked, forming a deep trench. By the time I ran back home, the houses in our village had collapsed, including my own.” Mi Niang wiped away her tears, biting her lip as she said unclearly, “I pried apart the broken bricks and tiles. My grandparents and parents were trapped under the collapsed beams, and my younger brother and sister were lying at the doorway…”
“Okay, okay, stop talking.” Bahu hugged Mi Niang tightly. “Everyone has their own fate. You prevented them from going out entirely out of kindness. Even if they had come, there was still a possibility of falling into the deep trench.” With this kind of thing weighing on her mind, she was still cheerful on regular days. If it weren’t for the nightmares and sleep-talking, Bahu wouldn’t have noticed. Moreover, she rarely mentioned her parents and siblings at home, not even during holidays. It gave the impression that her feelings towards her family were indifferent.
Now Bahu understood that it wasn’t indifference but rather Mi Niang suppressing her feelings deep down.
No wonder when they first met last year, Mi Niang’s eyes were numb, like an unfathomable deep well.
Mother and son shared their hearts. When Mi Niang cried, both Qiqige and Jiya cried along. This time, Qiqige didn’t fake her cries, holding onto her mother’s hand and not letting go, tears falling like pearls.
Bahu quickly put the little girl into Mi Niang’s arms. With two crying children, Mi Niang couldn’t immerse herself in sadness any longer.
“What’s wrong? Bitten by a wolf?” Chaobao ran out half-awake, the fire in the camp had gone out, leaving only faint sparks. He only heard the cries of the children. “They were sleeping well, and I thought a wolf had come.”
“You wake up Xi Jil and stand guard. I’ll take Mi Niang inside to sleep with the children.” Bahu picked up Jiya, half-holding Mi Niang, and stood up. At this moment, he was grateful that the children insisted on being carried by their mother. Mi Niang lay in the quilt, holding the two children, humming a soft tune. Once the two children fell asleep, she also drifted off. Bahu didn’t say anything, waiting for Mi Niang’s breathing to steady before lying down beside her. In the dark camp, illuminated only by a candle on the table, he could vaguely see the contours of her eyes and nose.
He pondered all night on how to comfort Mi Niang, coming up with many consoling words after much thought. However, when daylight arrived, Mi Niang reverted to her usual self, as if she had forgotten what happened the night before. Bahu held his breath and dared not speak. He didn’t know if she had genuinely forgotten or intentionally avoided the topic. During the daytime journey, she would occasionally run over to check, wearing an expression that seemed like she wanted to say something but held back. If she wasn’t noticed, she put on a hesitant smile.
“I don’t need comforting. The event has already occurred, and it can’t be changed. No matter what is said, it’s useless. Over time, I’ll forget, and that will be for the best,” Mi Niang said, giving the man a sidelong glance. “If you don’t bring it up, I’ll almost forget it.” But crying last night had lightened her heart. She just didn’t want to hear words of consolation; others’ comforting words were of no use. Moreover, Bahu was clumsy with his words, and the things he said frightened her.
Last night, he had even assumed that using the method of death in the deep trench would console her. Disgusting.
