After his classes, Heewoon grabbed a drink from his locker and went to the library. He reviewed the parts he didn’t quite understand, printed out newly uploaded lecture materials, and read them carefully. When he was done, it was around 6 pm. Despite taking his time to read slowly, it had only been about two hours.
Heewoon picked up his phone, which he had placed face down, and opened his social media account. The first thing he saw was a picture from a friend who was traveling the world. He had been quite close with this friend during his 1st and 2nd year, but this guy seemed to be traveling and maintaining a blog these days. The comments on the photos were full of envy.
After liking the post, Heewoon scrolled down. Even after reading all the new posts, only a few minutes had passed. He looked more closely at the photos. Was this in Australia? The koalas looked adorable.
Heewoon suddenly felt like it had been a long time since he had spent time so idly like this. He usually divided his time carefully because he considered even an hour or even a few minutes to be precious.
Starting to feel hungry, he grabbed his books and got up.
It was already dark outside. It really seemed like winter was coming.
Winter…
Everything had always happened in winter. His mom’s cancer diagnosis, his dad’s passing. The Han River at that time would have been so cold that it would hurt his flesh.
It was also winter when they sold their apartment and moved into their current house because of debt. Carrying more things to throw away than to bring, even though he wore gloves, his hands were still very much cold then.
Several years of his winters had been exceptionally cold. That’s why Heewoon was once again afraid of the upcoming winter.
He put his slightly cold hands in his pockets and walked slowly. As he tried to pass the time leisurely, all his actions became more relaxed.
He arrived at the school cafeteria and stood in front of the machine to get a meal ticket. Since the exam period was over, there were no people in the evening. He contemplated over the menu and pressed the button for a set meal. When there wasn’t anything particularly appealing on the menu, he tended to choose a set meal.
And then, as Heewoon was about to take out his card to pay, he hesitated.
He looked at his wristwatch and then back at the machine screen. The second hand on the ticket machine kept ticking away, as if it were urging him to pay.
21 seconds, 20 seconds, 19 seconds….
Heewoon pressed the cancellation button and turned around. He wanted to go and watch a movie.
He hesitated as he walked. Should he ask Seo Kangwoo for permission? Kangwoo told him to ask for his permission when he was going somewhere other than his house or the school vicinity. The cinema, which took about 15 minutes to walk from the front gate, was undoubtedly close to school by his own standards. However, it was unclear whether it was close to Seo Kangwoo’s standards.
Heewoon stopped abruptly just past the front gate. Kangwoo would know if he used his card, which made Heewoon afraid that he might be asked where he used his card and why he hadn’t asked for permission after that. And he was sure Kangwoo had someone watching him. Though he didn’t know if that was going on every day.
Anyway, it was better to be cautious in advance. It wouldn’t hurt more than getting his leg broken.
So, he took out his phone.
It was his first time making a call to Kangwoo, so he took a few deep breaths. In his recent call history, there were more Seo Kangwoo than his mom. His hesitant finger finally pressed the call button.
As the dial tone rang, his heart raced as if it was about to burst. What if Kangwoo asked why he was calling when he’s at work? Maybe it would be better to just hang up. But then, the dial tone stopped, and he heard a voice.
– …Sunbae?
It sounded like he was surprised as if it was unexpected for Heewoon to call. Heewoon swallowed nervously and replied.
“Hello…”
– Yes, I’m listening.
“Um… Kangwoo, I…”
As he tried to ask, his face flushed. It felt difficult that he had to ask for permission just to go to a cinema near the school.
– What is it?
The voice on the other end of the line was gentle. Heewoon cautiously continued.
“Can I go to the cinema in front of the school?”
– ….
There was silence on the other end. Heewoon wasn’t sure if Kangwoo felt annoyed by his question or if he didn’t like the idea of him going to the cinema. Maybe Kangwoo was thinking about which of his limbs to break. The silence inflated Heewoon’s imagination.
– Haa-.
The sighing sound made Heewoon nervous, so Heewoon was about to make an excuse.
– More than I expected, this is…
A small muttering could be heard. His words were hard to hear. Heewoon strained his ears and waited for Kangwoo’s reply.
– You called because you want to go to the cinema?
The voice that asked gently was soothing. It sounded sweet.
“Yeah.”
– You can go.
Seo Kangwoo said, sounding with a little smile. Heewoon exhaled quietly. His tension eased. It seemed like he had made the right decision to call since Seo Kangwoo responded positively.
– Enjoy the movie.
“Yeah.”
Seo Kangwoo’s voice remained affectionate until the call ended. Heewoon put his phone back in his pocket, sighed deeply, and then started moving. As he walked, he roughly estimated the movie times. He planned to watch the movie with the most showtimes.
Since it was a weekday, the movie theater wasn’t crowded. Heewoon arrived and booked a movie for 50 minutes later. It seemed like that was the perfect timing to have dinner first at the food court downstairs. The movie would end around 10 pm, which was also a suitable time to go home.
After paying with Seo Kangwoo’s card, Heewoon put the movie ticket in his wallet and headed down to the restaurant area. After walking and looking around, he entered a hamburger joint and ordered the new, extra-thick burger set. It was only a hamburger, yet it was priced at about two times the cost of a meal at the school cafeteria.
The cafeteria also had burgers, but it was only 2000 won. Hee-woon took a bite of his burger, clicked his tongue, and immediately nodded. It was about three times more delicious than the one in the cafeteria. Heewoon finished all the fries too, and then made his way to the screening room.
He considered getting popcorn but decided against it since he was already full, and there was half a cup of cola left. And he already used Seo Kangwoo’s card twice within a few minutes. Kangwoo had told him to use it more often, but this felt like too much.
It was a bit awkward going to the cinema after a long time. Probably more than two years for sure. The price of cinema has gone up a lot in the meantime.
The movie was enjoyable. He later found out that it had exceeded ten million viewers. Heewoon couldn’t help but keep thinking about it even as he left the theater.
Then, a thought crossed his mind.
If it weren’t for Seo Kangwoo, today wouldn’t have happened. He wouldn’t have leisurely studied at the library, eaten an expensive burger, or watched a movie that cost over 10,000 won.
The thought struck him unconsciously, and it gave him goosebumps.
***
Instead of going home straight after getting off the bus, Heewoon went to the convenience store across the street. He felt a little hungry.
Recently, the convenience store had started selling hot buns. They looked warm and inviting, so he bought four, thinking to give some to his mom, and also picked up some ice cream.
Paying with the card became a little easier lately.
Heewoon opened the front door with a rustling bag.. Since his mom waited for him on the days when he had private tutoring and didn’t take a nap, he greeted her upon entering.
“I’m back.”
Looking at Heewoon, his mom said.
“You’ve worked hard, my son.”
At that moment, Heewoon froze. His day had flashed by.
“Yeah.”
He answered with a small choked voice. He couldn’t bear to see his mom’s face.
“My Heewoon seems to be looking good these days.”
“…Is that so?”
Heewoon wiped his cheek and said he bought hot buns, giving them to his mom. He still couldn’t bear to see his mom’s face.
He took out milk from the refrigerator and poured it into a cup. Even after finishing a cup, the lump in his throat didn’t go away.
The lump stuck in his throat was guilt.
During the day, he could have come up with at least three reasons why he shouldn’t feel guilty, but it was nighttime, and his mom was right behind him. He couldn’t think of any of those reasons.
“Heewoon.”
Then, his mom called Heewoon in a quiet voice. His heart sank.
Heewoon turned around, putting in a lot of effort to fix his expression. He pretended to drink from the cup, covering his face with it because he wasn’t brave enough in his expression.
“Next week, Mom will be staying in Auntie’s house for a few days.”
“What?”
Heewoon’s eyes widened at the unexpected words. His mom tucked her disheveled hair behind her ear and continued.
“It seems Auntie is busy with Sunyoung’s wedding preparations these days. So, I’m going to help with whatever I can.”
“What can Mom help with?”
Heewoon asked with curiosity. His innocent question brought a flicker of emotion to his mom’s face, but she quickly hid it.
“Even if Mom can’t help with anything, I’ll just…be there. Auntie has helped us a lot before.”
“Is that so?”
Heewoon nodded his head slowly.
At his dad’s funeral, Auntie took the place of his mom, who was crying to the point of fainting, to greet the guests and follow the funeral formalities. Auntie didn’t have much financial leeway, but she handed 10 million won when the loan sharks caused chaos at their place.
Auntie even apologized for not being able to give us more help and that it was okay not to repay the money back. Her face was similar to his mom’s, but different.
“When did you say Sunyoung noona’s wedding was?”
“First Sunday in December.”
Heewoon was glad he had the money for the wedding gift. He couldn’t yet afford to pay back the 10 million won Auntie gave them, but it would be nice to at least give her a small gift.
“Mom, don’t push yourself too hard.”
“…Okay.”
After a pause, his mom nodded. Heewoon suddenly observed his mom’s face.
“Mom, you look tired lately… Are you okay?”
Her fatigue closely resembled depression, lethargy, and sadness, so Heewoon assumed his mom was just tired.
“No, I’m fine. I just stay home, what’s there to be tired of?”
Her slightly reddened eyes were hidden behind a smile.
“My son is the one being through a lot.”
Through a lot. Heewoon repeated that phrase silently. Today had once again passed by quickly. Memories of days past, from the day he knelt and prayed to all the days before, came rushing back. Heewoon turned around to pour milk into his cup, then, putting strength to clear his throat, he asked.
“Do you want some milk too, Mom?”
His voice sounded rather cheerful.
His mom and Heewoon didn’t talk about their honest feelings much.
Because their honest feelings would just become burdens and wounds to each other.
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