There was still some time left, so Heewoon decided to look around. No matter which brand he looked at, he kept noticing padded jackets everywhere.
It was exceptionally cold today. December was just around the corner, so it would surely get even colder. Heewoon glanced at the shop assistant and looked at the price tag.
“….”
Then he simply put the price tag back down and walked out before the shop assistant had a chance to say anything. It was too expensive. Nearly 1 million won for a single piece of clothing.
Heewoon headed straight for the basement.
In the basement, there were more affordable brands and plenty of sale items. Heewoon’s face brightened as he looked at the price tag on the first padded jacket he saw. It was 98,000 won. He rummaged through the rack and found something that looked good.
Heewoon stood behind people in front of the mirror, moving here and there while checking himself in the mirror. It was a light gray color, so it wouldn’t easily show stains. It seemed alright. Even after trying it on, he hesitated for quite a while. He even hung it back, going around the shop and coming back to try it on once more. Then he finally made up his mind and paid for it.
Carrying two large shopping bags, Heewoon felt quite satisfied.
He took a taxi to Seo Kangwoo’s house.
Heewoon thought he had spent quite a bit this month. He wasn’t sure exactly how much, but it was probably more than what he used to spend. But considering the fear and humiliation he had suffered, he felt that he deserved this compensation.
So, he made an effort to maintain a casual expression in front of Kangwoo.
Noticing the shopping bags Heewoon was carrying, Kangwoo asked, a little surprised.
“Did you go shopping?”
“I told you I was going to the department store…”
Heewoon was immediately embarrassed.
“Oh, I thought you didn’t go.”
What did you buy? Kangwoo approached and stood beside Heewoon. Heewoon squatted down and began to take out the things he had bought today one by one.
Kangwoo chuckled a little. He bent his knees and sat down next to Heewoon, then opened the shoebox.
“Your expression was so serious, I thought you went to buy luxury items.”
“Can I buy luxury brands too?”
Heewoon asked in surprise, to which Kangwoo responded casually.
“You can buy whatever you want.”
Heewoon watched Kangwoo closely as he examined the sneakers. Do you like white? Putting the shoes down, Kangwoo looked up and noticed Heewoon looking at him.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Kangwoo’s eyes narrowed.
“Just.”
Heewoon mumbled and shook his head.
***
It was now December.
Another 5 million won was deposited into his bank account. It seemed like this would be happening every month. Heewoon had been sending money to loan sharks and his mother, and because he used Kangwoo’s card, he had already saved up 4 million won. If he continued like this for a year, he’d have 24 million won saved up.
And when he got a job, he could save even more, and when his brother came back with money, he could combine that money and send it all to the loan sharks too. Maybe then they’d be more forgiving.
When they found out that his brother had run away with tens of millions, they stormed into the house and smashed everything inside.
At that time, Heewoon and his mother had to be on their knees, shaking.
‘When is that bastard coming back? He abandoned his mother and brother and ran away, will he even come back?’
‘Well, once he gets settled…’
‘So, I’m asking you when is that?’
Glaring at Heewoon with irritation, the man raised his hand towards thin air, making his mother scream.
‘He said he’d come back within three years!’
Three years…. The man had lowered his hand and muttered, scratching his neck. Heewoon had felt like he was waiting for a death sentence. After a while, the man spoke up.
‘Fine. Let’s do it this way. Wire me 2 million won a month.’
Heewoon looked up at the man’s face.
‘I won’t add more interest fees too.’
‘What?’
Heewoon and his mother looked dumbfounded, in shock. The man looked down at them with a sly smile.
‘Since your circumstances are tough, I’ll cut you some slack, my customers.’
And that’s what they had to do.
Heewoon had no choice but to trust in that reluctant mercy.
He still had two semesters left until he could graduate, but he couldn’t waste any time. He needed to find a job as soon as possible and save as much money as possible.
Until their ‘mercy’ ran out.
“Kangwoo.”
“Hmm?”
Kangwoo looked up. Heewoon was studying for an exam in the library, but Kangwoo had called him to come to his house. Yet, Kangwoo was busy on his laptop. So Heewoon spread out his books on the spacious desk and started studying. This study room was more comfortable than the school library.
“I…”
Heewoon swallowed hard.
His fourth year was approaching, so Heewoon’s classmates who took core major classes together had been discussing job prospects a lot lately. Some of them already had several professional certifications, and others mentioned joining study groups.
“What is it?”
Heewoon wanted to avoid eye contact due to nervousness, but he still looked straight at Seo Kangwoo. Then, he cautiously asked.
“Is it okay if I attend TOEIC lessons after this semester ends?”
When he asked questions like this, Kangwoo usually smiled and said he could.
“Yeah, you can do that.”
It was the same this time too.
Looking into Kangwoo’s softly curved eyes, Heewoon breathed a sigh of relief inwardly.
In fact, it had become almost a habit for Heewoon to seek Kangwoo’s permission.
Sometimes Heewoon became aware of himself. Using Seo Kangwoo’s money, following his words, seeking his permission for everything.
At those times, Heewoon felt like he was caught in a strong current, flowing helplessly towards an irreversible destination. When he realized it later, he might be so far gone that he couldn’t swim back. By then, struggling might only drain him further.
What was even scarier was that he didn’t even consider trying to swim against the current. He was afraid that he would go with the flow, that he would let it comfortably carry him away.
Kangwoo, with a faint smile on his face, reached out to Heewoon. Heewoon stood up from his chair and went over to sit opposite Kangwoo. Kangwoo pulled him closer and sat him on his lap.
As Kangwoo patted the side of Heewoon’s thigh, he spoke.
“I’ll be a bit busy once the semester ends. I might even work at my father’s company for a while too.”
His father’s company? Did that mean he had been working somewhere else before? Heewoon started to think about it but abandoned the thought. It didn’t matter where. It was certain to be a scary place.
“During the day, you can do your stuff, Sunbae.”
“Okay.”
Heewoon thought he should attend the intensive course for a month. The intensive course started on January 2nd and he would have to stay at the academy for almost half the day. He thought that if he studied diligently with the goal of finishing within a month, he might be able to prepare for the TOEFL or OPIC exams by February.
Heewoon lowered his eyes and bit his lip, lost in deep thought. Kangwoo, who had been watching silently, moved his hand.
“Uh-huh…”
Heewoon’s eyelashes which had drooped down suddenly perked up.
Startled, Heewoon lowered his head and saw a large hand, veins bulging, massaging his thigh as if it were its own.
“Have you been studying a lot?”
Kangwoo’s voice was affectionate, unlike his blatant and impolite hands. Heewoon wanted to answer no, but a short whimper escaped his lips. Kangwoo, who had braced Heewoon’s waist tightly so he wouldn’t fall backwards, spoke in a slightly lowered voice.
“Spread your legs a little more.”
More. That’s right.
Heewoon felt embarrassed to be sitting on Kangwoo’s thigh, spreading his legs, but it wasn’t embarrassingly unbearable.
It was the same kind of feeling as his fear towards Seo Kangwoo.
Even though he was still afraid of Kangwoo, it wasn’t as terrifying as it once was. He slept well now, and the food he ate in front of him even tasted delicious.
He didn’t forget that Seo Kangwoo could kill someone at any moment, or hurt his body. He had just become accustomed to the fear.
He had become accustomed to Seo Kangwoo.
***
Heewoon was only released from Kangwoo late that night. He put on his shoes on the front porch, where not a speck of dust could be seen, and opened the front door.
The wide garden was filled with the strong scent of grass as night fell. Heewoon took a deep breath. The heating in the room was so intense that the slightly cooler air was a welcome relief.
Outside, Seo Kang-woo’s dog, who had been lying down, sensed his presence and jumped up. Heewoon was scared of the big, unleashed dog, so he didn’t look towards the dog and walked straight to the gate.
Since Seo Kangwoo had told him to take a taxi, Heewoon called for one to take him home. Inside the taxi, he patted his sore arms, legs, and back. He adjusted his position a few times due to an unfamiliar sensation between his buttocks.
The ride home was fast.
As soon as he entered the front door, a sweet and savory smell filled the air. Heewoon initially thought it was coming from the neighboring house, but it turned out to be their own home.
The fact that the kitchen light was on at this hour felt somewhat strange to Heewoon, his eyes widening. His mother, standing in front of the stove, greeted him.
“Mom, what are you doing?”
Heewoon walked over to his mother and peered into the steaming pot.
“Is that braised short ribs? It looks delicious.”
His mother tore off a small piece of meat and fed it to Heewoon. Watching him eat so well, his mother spoke as if she had just remembered something.
“Oh, by the way, quail eggs. Can you go to the supermarket and buy some?”
His mother seemed to be reaching for her wallet as she opened the cupboard. Heewoon quickly went to the front door. He put on a new pair of shoes that still showed no signs of wear and cheerfully said, “I’ll be back!”
In the past, he would have waited for his mother to give him money, or if she didn’t, he would have thought a lot about it, but now it was different.
Heewoon texted his mother to ask if she needed anything else, bought all the necessary items, and returned home with both hands full. The bags were quite heavy, and he broke into a sweat inside his padded jacket.
The cold winter was approaching, and everything felt so peaceful.
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