Heewoon lifted his head and looked at Kangwoo.
“What a shame.”
Kangwoo, meeting his gaze, spoke as if seeking agreement. Heewoon couldn’t take his eyes off Kangwoo’s faint smile. The chill air slowly tightened around his throat. Thoughts raced through his mind, but the jumble of emotions and thoughts left him unsure of what he was thinking.
“Are you going to visit him? You’re not particularly close, right?”
“We’re not close at all. I won’t go.”
Heewoon replied, in a hurry.
Could it really be Seo Kangwoo’s doing?
“Sunbae has needlessly suffered because of a person that you’re not even close to.”
Kangwoo said, examining the remaining bruise on his cheek. When Heewoon’s gaze followed, Kangwoo’s eyes curved as if he knew nothing.
In that moment, the tangled thoughts unraveled just enough.
If the accident happened because Heewoon was being harassed, revealing it subtly was a warning directed at Heewoon.
Kangwoo, observing Heewoon’s complex expression, spoke.
“I like it that Sunbae is like this.”
“…”
Kangwoo’s fingers moved slowly over the bruise, and Heewoon watched Kangwoo’s lips intently, as if afraid of what might be said.
“Do you think it’s fortunate that the leader got into a car accident?”
It wasn’t a big accident. Kangwoo added, playfully tapping Heewoon’s chin. Heewoon’s eyes widened, and he slightly shook his head after a brief delay.
“No.”
“You’re good at pretending not to know. You only think about what’s good for you.”
In Kangwoo’s eyes, seeming to know everything, Heewoon felt unfairly accused. The one who only thought about what’s good for oneself was Seo Kangwoo. Heewoon wasn’t relieved that the car accident involved the leader instead of someone else. If something like that had happened to Jihwan, the sense of guilt would have been much greater, and he would have been even more terrified. He just… thought he should be more careful in the future.
To avoid harm to his close friends.
“Should I… just say I won’t go and ignore him?”
Heewoon, fiddling with his phone, cautiously asked. Kangwoo, glancing at the phone, laughed and stroked Heewoon’s head.
“I’ll send it now.”
After Heewoon sent a brief reply, he discreetly checked Kangwoo’s reaction. Hmm? Kangwoo, raising an eyebrow, tilted his head.
“Well done.”
Kangwoo hugged Heewoon and patted his thigh.
“I should praise you immediately for good deeds. I forgot for a moment.”
“… You don’t have to.”
“What?”
“No, it’s nothing.”
As Kangwoo asked again, Heewoon answered cautiously.
As soon as they got out of the car, the biting wind lashed at his face. Perhaps because it was near the river, it felt even colder. Kangwoo, wrapping his arms around Heewoon’s hunched shoulders, entered the restaurant.
Kangwoo seemed casual throughout. To the extent that Heewoon wondered if he might have taken Kangwoo’s words too sensitively and misunderstood them.
Beyond the wide window, the Han River stretched out. Kangwoo, who had been enjoying the night view, suddenly turned his head and asked.
“Do you want to have some wine?”
“N-No.”
Heewoon shook his head, face stiff. The idea of alcohol was dreadful, and Kangwoo, observing Heewoon’s discomfort, chuckled.
“Alright, then.”
After that, they ate in silence. Heewoon kept glancing at Kangwoo. His mind was in turmoil. Was the leader’s accident related to Kangwoo, was it genuinely because of himself?
Then, how much guilt should he bear?
“Hey… Kangwoo.”
“Yes?”
As Kangwoo replied nonchalantly, Heewoon made a very uncomfortable expression and spoke.
“By any chance, to other people…”
“What about other people?”
Kangwoo asked while sipping his drink. Heewoon hesitated for a moment, then bit his lip. It was challenging to bring up the subject first with Kangwoo, who pretended not to know. Also, he wasn’t sure what to say.
Heewoon didn’t dare to ask what the leader had done wrong to Kangwoo. If Heewoon made Kangwoo upset, who knows who else might get hurt. Asking Kangwoo for the reason of hurting others when Heewoon himself was the wrong one was also out of the question. He was the one who had cursed the leader. Moreover, Heewoon’s nod to Kangwoo’s desire to kill everyone wasn’t any different.
“…”
Actually.
Heewoon couldn’t say all those things because he was afraid that Seo Kangwoo might do something terrible to him.
Heewoon lowered his head. His hand, placed on his thigh, was visible. He tried to make a fist, but it didn’t look very strong.
“What’s wrong?”
Kangwoo prompted gently and touched Heewoon’s chin.
“I thought it was over on that day, but why again…”
Hmm. Kangwoo tilted his head slightly. Only Heewoon’s nose was visible because his bangs covered his face.
“If you stay silent so much, I can’t understand.”
“Ah…”
Heewoon’s face, looking up, turned pale. Biting his lips, Heewoon said in a small voice.
“Scolding me because of the alcohol. I thought that was all over…”
Kangwoo nodded as if he was listening. Heewoon took a deep breath and spoke.
“Why did you do that to the leader?”
“…Hmm.”
The sound of Kangwoo clearing his throat resonated as he promptly sat down. Heewoon, who thought he would continue to act like he didn’t know, was surprised. Leaning back on the chair, Kangwoo looked at Heewoon, who seemed on the verge of tears, and grinned.
“Sunbas knows that too, right?”
Heewoon stared at Kangwoo, frozen like a statue. Could it be that Kangwoo was really warning him…?
“Sunbae always creeps away when there’s an opening, and I keep letting it happen.”
“…”
“So, I thought it shouldn’t just be over like that.”
His tone was casual.
“Next time, if you do that again, it might become troublesome for Sunbae or me.”
Lost in thought, Kangwoo looked into the air. His fingers lightly tapped the table. He had pondered various thoughts while watching what Heewoon did that day. What was clear was that Heewoon should not drink elsewhere again. Handling a few ordinary people at once was quite hard.
After much contemplation, Kangwoo chose the most effective method.
“Coincidentally, there’s another guy bothering Sunbae there, right?”
Surprising Heewoon suddenly, Kangwoo laughed. Unable to say anything, Heewoon, whose words were blocked, listened as Kangwoo spoke gently.
“You don’t have to say thank you.”
Looking at Kangwoo’s smiling face, Heewoon scratched his thigh vigorously. The tingling pain helped clear his mind.
At that time, Seo Kangwoo had intended to cause a traffic accident with someone who had drunk with him. It just happened that Heewoon talked about the leader, so the leader became the target. Therefore, this was all because Seo Kangwoo was not in his right mind.
“Shall we go out?”
“…Yes.”
With his head bowed, Heewoon followed Kangwoo. His face was filled with fear. This time, it ended with a minor traffic accident, but he didn’t know what would happen next. Suddenly, Heewoon felt self-disgust for comforting himself by thinking it was just a minor traffic accident.
And then, he felt anger toward Kangwoo, who stirred up these emotions inside him, before feeling extremely fearful. What if someone very close, like Lee Hyukjin, had the leader’s accident? What about mom… oh, Kangwoo said she wouldn’t be touched.
“Stop working your head and get in.”
Opening the passenger seat door, Kangwoo pressed Heewoon’s head firmly, pushing him inside. Heewoon, surprised, opened his eyes wide. With a thud, the door closed along with his thoughts.
Sitting in the car, Kangwoo looked at Heewoon intently, then hugged him tightly. His large hand gently patted Heewoon’s back. Heewoon, bewildered, blinked his eyes.
“Why…”
“Since you seem scared.”
Kangwoo whispered gently, enveloping Heewoon’s head and making Heewoon’s face lean on his shoulder. His hand once again softly patted Heewoon’s back. It was a familiar warmth. The body that had momentarily frozen began to thaw gradually.
“Sunbae doesn’t need to think. Just listen to me.”
The moist voice echoed in Heewoon’s ears. Even though he should feel frustrated or angry, Heewoon thought that Kangwoo’s words were right. Since he had to do as Kangwoo instructed, thinking alone would only make things more difficult for himself.
Besides, following his instructions didn’t feel that difficult these days.
“When have I ever been mad when you listen well?”
“…”
Feeling like there might have been such an instance, Heewoon almost said a word, but Kangwoo playfully nibbled on his ear. When Heewoon made a surprised “Ah!” sound, Kangwoo’s gentle kisses settled on his earlobe.
“You don’t have to do anything pretty. Just listen well, and I’ll keep treating you well.”
Kangwoo spoke with a playful tone in his laughter. Heewoon replied with an “Okay.” As memories of his drinking incident surfaced, his face flushed. Kangwoo kissed his cheek and pulled back.
“Shall we take a short drive?”
As Kangwoo pulled the car out, he teasingly added while glancing at Heewoon.
“I brought you out to see the night view, but you’ve only been looking at my face.”
“…Yeah.”
Kangwoo drove along the river and stopped at a cafe. Although Heewoon intended to have only coffee with Kangwoo, Kangwoo ordered a sandwich for him.
Heewoon, who had been so dazed earlier that he couldn’t remember what he ate, suddenly felt hungry. So, he quickly devoured the sandwich Kangwoo had ordered.
“Want more?”
“No. I’m good.”
Heewoon shook his head. However, Kangwoo was already scanning the menu on the counter. Kangwoo looked at the menu from a distance, slightly wrinkling his eyes and muttering, ‘There’s nothing good to eat.’ Heewoon stored that action in his head.
Later that night, Heewoon sent a message to Jihwan, asking about the leader’s injuries and where it happened. Jihwan replied quickly, complaining about the late response, but he provided detailed information. The leader had a broken arm, but since insurance was involved, and they were getting money from the other party, he was in the hospital for admission.
Jihwan’s tone suggested that it was almost like a casual visit rather than a hospital visit. He mentioned that tomorrow, the leader hyung would order chicken and pizza for them and suggested going together in the afternoon. After receiving this message, Heewoon took a deep breath.
He felt a bit relieved. He knew he shouldn’t feel relieved, but he did.
‘Sunbae doesn’t need to think. Just listen to me.’
Those words echoed in his mind like a malicious spell.
***
One weekend morning, Heewoon received a call from Kangwoo. When asked what he was going to do today, Heewoon mentioned that he would attend an online class. Upon hearing this, Kangwoo suggested coming over to study, and Heewoon grabbed his bag.
“Mom, I’ll be studying at the library.”
“Our son is such a hard worker even during holidays.”
His mother smiled as if she was proud.
“It would have been nice if Heehyun was back, it must have been very lonely to spend the holidays alone in another city.”
After his mother’s murmurs, Heewoon said his goodbyes and headed outside. He couldn’t understand why his mother never scolded his brother for once and only pitied him. It didn’t make sense.
The weather was cold again today. It felt even colder since February had arrived. Heewoon walked towards the main road, breathing out visible puffs of air. He eyed the car parked across the street for a moment and decided to take a taxi. Looking around had become a habit, if he saw something suspicious once, everything tended to look suspicious.
The taxi ride was brief, and the cold was only momentary until he reached Seo Kangwoo’s place. After paying with the card, Heewoon rang the doorbell. While entering the building, he felt like he had forgotten something.
As he walked towards the entrance, pondering deeply, he realized he had forgotten his laptop. Greeting the familiar housekeeper, Heewoon was about to turn back when his bag was pulled.
“Where are you going?”
Suddenly, Kangwoo was behind him.
“I forgot my laptop, so I’m going to get it.”
Heewoon explained, and Kangwoo looked at him with a puzzled expression.
“So, you’re going back just for that?”
“…”
“How can you leave without saying hello?”
“I’ll be back again…”
Kangwoo let out a laugh. Heewoon, unsure if he had done something wrong, blinked slowly, pondering.
“We haven’t seen each other for a few days.”
“Yeah.”
Heewoon nonchalantly replied, and Kangwoo furrowed his brow. Turning away, Kangwoo muttered to himself.
“Ah, this is annoying. Should I just make Woo Heewoon cry?”
It was clear he meant for Heewoon to hear that. Feeling unsure of what he had done wrong, Heewoon followed Kangwoo.
“I won’t go, to home.”
“Suit yourself.”
Kangwoo’s response was rather indifferent. Watching Kangwoo briskly walk ahead, Heewoon became uneasy. So, he discreetly held Kangwoo’s fingertip, while looking around if someone might notice. He slightly squeezed the pinkie finger, then let go quickly.
“I really just wanted to go quickly and come back.”
Heewoon slightly raised his head to look at Kangwoo, and Kangwoo also gazed at Heewoon. Their eyes met, and a brief moment passed. Soon, a laughter, light as the wind, escaped Kangwoo’s lips.
“I don’t know if you’re really clueless or you’re actually not.”
“…Why?”
Never mind. Kangwoo shook his head. His gaze fell on Heewoon’s hand below.
“But why did your hand grab me and go?”
“Someone might see…”
Walking closely and holding Heewoon’s hand, Kangwoo glanced at a passing housekeeper.
“Uuuuh…”
“Who doesn’t know that we’re fucking?”
The voice wasn’t exactly hushed, and it felt like the person who just passed might have heard. It was awkward to speak that so openly, even if it would be strange for people there to not know about their relationship.
But, ‘their relationship?’
Their relationship… Heewoon pondered silently. Right, it probably meant being physically intimate with each other.
Kangwoo, watching Heewoon lost in thought, pulled his hand.
“Huh?”
“Weren’t you going to study?”
They were suddenly in a study room.
Looking at the tablet PC and documents spread out on the desk, it seemed like Seo Kangwoo had been working too.
“Sit here.”
Kangwoo gestured for Heewoon to sit beside him and handed him a laptop. Though they were quite apart, it felt uncomfortable as they could easily see what the other was doing by tilting their heads slightly. Heewoon’s entire focus shifted to Kangwoo, sitting to his left.
Glance. Heewoon rolled his eyes slightly. The tablet PC screen was half-visible, showing some graphs.
Then Kangwoo pushed the tablet towards Heewoon. Surprised that he got caught, Heewoon looked at Kangwoo.
“Did you want to see?”*
Heewoon nodded absentmindedly, then got startled himself and waved his hands. Ignoring Heewoon’s hand gesture, Kangwoo spoke.
“I missed you too.”
A faint smile appeared on Kangwoo’s previously expressionless face.
*Translator’s note: “Did you want to see?” can also be translated as “Did you miss me?”
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