Lexy, who had been lying with her belly up, groaned and got up, looking around. Judging by the ball nearby, it seemed like he had been playing with Lexy.
“You were there?”
Heewoon, entirely focused on the call, hadn’t noticed Kangwoo and his eyes widened in surprise.
“Who you were talking to that you didn’t even know I was here?.”
“That… the person I borrowed money from.”
Kangwoo tilted his head slightly, looking at Heewoon’s face, and then walked towards him.
“So, was that about me?”
“Uh… yeah.”
Kangwoo raised one eyebrow. Heewoon touched his own ear and cheek. The weather wasn’t too cold lately, so Heewoon hadn’t worn a scarf, but today, his skin felt chilly.
“Just a junior, really just a junior, a close junior at that….”
Speaking slowly, Kangwoo stood in front of Heewoon.
“…Was that about me?”
His tone and expression were somewhat chilly. Heewoon rolled his eyes here and there and nodded cautiously.
“He must have asked if we’re dating.”
“How did you…?”
“And you answered that we’re not dating.”
The low voice slipped through Kangwoo’s lips, contorting them slightly.
Heewoon gauged Kangwoo’s reaction. Saying they were dating would have created an awkward situation for Kangwoo as well. Although he had no consideration for Kangwoo when denying it.
“…It’s true that we are not dating.”
Heewoon’s words made Kangwoo’s lips twist.
“Then what are we?”
Heewoon pursed his lips but couldn’t say anything. They were in a relationship where one gave threats and one was threatened. Kangwoo wouldn’t take that positively, and more importantly…
Heewoon couldn’t be certain if that was even right.
“Yeah? Then what are we? Sex partners?”
“…No.”
While Heewoon had considered the term “sex partners”, their relationship wasn’t just about sex. Sometimes they didn’t engage in sex when they met, and it wasn’t a consensual relationship to begin with. Their relationship was more of a one-sided, violent nature.
Similarly, this was something he couldn’t articulate. It was a one-sided, violent relationship, but in a way, Heewoon found comfort in what he received from Kangwoo. He enjoyed those moments.
“Yeah, right. I wouldn’t be like this if we were just sex partners.”
Kangwoo gently cupped Heewoon’s cheek for a brief moment between words. However, his touch was remarkably cold.
“Then what are we?”
Kangwoo lifted Heewoon’s chin, aligning their eyes, and asked quite affectionately, like teaching a child.
Heewoon understood. Kangwoo was waiting for the word ‘lovers’, but that word brought back his past memories. Something surged from within him—whether it was a sense of injustice, anger, or fear, he couldn’t define it.
“I’m just someone who…”
Heewoon’s pupils contracted. An impulse flowed out unexpectedly.
“Listens well to you, like a dog.”
Maybe the confusion that blossomed within Heewoon encouraged the impulse. To Seo Kang-woo, he was like a good dog. That should be correct. However, it’s so weird to think otherwise.
“Like a dog?”
Kangwoo retorted with a forced laugh.
“So, if I have sex with a dog, does that make me a dog too?”
“It’s not like that… You’re just playing with me.”
“…”
Kangwoo stared at Heewoon and withdrew his hand.
“Sunbae, you’re good at saying cute things even though you’re nothing special…”
As the words trailed off, Heewoon felt tension in his body. His regret came as fast as his impulse. Had he gone mad for a moment? He should have just said they were lovers. What was so difficult about saying that? Maybe the shock of hearing the term ‘homo’ was too overwhelming.
“Even though you’re nothing special, you’re good at making me feel like shit.”
As Kangwoo spoke, one corner of his mouth lifted. The moment Heewoon saw it, his body fell backward. Kangwoo had kicked his knees from behind.
“Argh!”
Heewoon screamed as his buttocks hit the grass. Kangwoo climbed on top as Heewoon winced in pain. With Kangwoo sitting on his stomach, Heewoon gasped for breath.
“Ugh…”
A white breath dispersed from his lips, and through it, the cold face of Kangwoo became visible.
“When I want to strangle you like right now, Sunbae…”
Kangwoo’s hand tightened around Heewoon’s throat, momentarily cutting off his breath. Heewoon, eyes wide open, grabbed Kangwoo’s hand. Seeing Heewoon’s face quickly turning red, Kangwoo released the pressure.
“I won’t hold back.”
Heewoon coughed briefly, the weight of Kangwoo sitting on his struggling body making it even more painful.
“Wanting to strangle you and then fuck you here, stripping off your pants right away, this would be playing with you.”
Although Kangwoo’s large hand merely enveloped Heewoon’s throat, it was enough to instill fear. The expressionless face looking down at the coughing Heewoon was equally terrifying.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Heewoon nodded in fear. Kangwoo exhaled a long breath. After withdrawing his hand from Heewoon’s reddened cheek, he briefly touched the flushed skin.
“Why should we bother being lovers? Why does it feel so unpleasant?”
“…”
“Sunbae, do you know this?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“I should’ve known since the time you asked me about having a girlfriend.”
With a contorted expression, Kangwoo finally spat out a curse. Heewoon’s body shrank a bit more. Kangwoo stared intently at Heewoon’s daunted face, which felt like an eternity to Heewoon. After a while, Kangwoo spoke.
“I’ll leave you here because you’re annoying.”
“…Yeah.”
Heewoon nodded innocently, not understanding the situation. He didn’t realize he was making the easy path difficult. Kangwoo laughed harshly.
“You foolish idiot.”
Heewoon just kept an eye on him.
“You’re only good at inducing these situations, huh?”
The rough touch on his cheek was unforgiving. With each touch, Heewoon’s eyelids twitched. He held his breath, observing Kangwoo’s expression.
Exhaling a sigh, Kangwoo descended from Heewoon’s body. Heewoon lay there, breathing heavily. Kangwoo stood up and looked at him.
“Still lying down? Well, suit yourself.”
“Ah…”
Kangwoo, rising half-heartedly with annoyance, looked disdainfully at Heewoon, and for some reason, Heewoon’s chest chilled at that gaze. It must be out of his fear.
“You don’t even understand what I’m saying.”
“Ugh…”
Kangwoo grabbed Heewoon’s collar and lifted him. The foot that had been hanging in the air wobbled, landing on the grass. Confirming Heewoon was standing, Kangwoo let go and coldly asked.
“What can you do properly, Sunbae?”
“…”
Heewoon’s downturned mouth corners sagged a bit. Noticing it himself, he forcibly smoothed his expression.
“When you do something pretty for once, you cause yet another accident, then you come back crawling.”
“Sorry.”
Heewoon mumbled a short apology, sniffing. Whether it was from being in the cold for too long or something else, his nose was running. Kangwoo, who sent a disdainful gaze, turned away as if he found the sight disgusting. Heewoon clenched his fists.
And Heewoon imagined.
What if Seo Kangwoo asked to stop whatever they were doing right now.
Heewoon would be very happy. No more dealing with violence or harsh words, no more feeling guilty towards his mom. Everything would return to normal.
The tall figure moved away.
There wouldn’t be any forced sex, no uncomfortable cuddling. The situation he had long waited for would unfold.
However, where did all this waiting come from? He became perplexed. Did it stem from a heart that desperately wanted this to end or from a mind that was differentiating between what should and shouldn’t be done?
The foot that had been moving steadily stopped abruptly in front of the entrance. The broad back expanded and contracted.
“Aren’t you coming?”
Kangwoo, looking back, spoke. Heewoon moved forward, gazing at the face that was familiar like a sculpture.
Then, he embraced Kangwoo’s waist.
“…What’s this?”
Kangwoo’s hand paused in mid-air. Heewoon closed his eyes, pressing his cheek against Kangwoo’s chest. The neck that had been hurt earlier felt painful again.
“Are you acting cute?”
Kangwoo furrowed his brow, and Heewoon shook his head. It wasn’t like that.
It was just…
Terrifying.
The emotions he felt now, the thoughts of a future with Kangwoo and a future without him.
Kangwoo’s hand descended onto the thick padding, and as he enveloped Heewoon’s back, he looked down at Heewoon’s forehead for a moment. Then, with a suspicious tone, he asked.
“Did you drink alcohol from the morning?”
“…No.”
“Saying nonsense and doing this now, you’re acting strange.”
It isn’t like that. Heewoon pressed his lips halfway onto Kangwoo’s solid chest. The sound of his words created a small vibration.
“I’ll have to check.”
The moment a whisper was heard, his shoulders were pushed back. His chin was caught, and then their lips met.
The hand gripping Heewoon’s chin covered his cheek. The other hand delved into the nape of his neck. Feeling cold as if it stung, Heewoon shivered, pulling Kangwoo’s waist tighter. The momentarily released hand stroked his head.
“I still can’t tell.”
Smugly, Kangwoo’s lips met Heewoon’s again. Their lips, touching seamlessly, traced a soft arc. Their warm breaths mingled.
After the kiss, Kangwoo’s face returned to its usual state. He looked at Heewoon as if all his irritation or coldness had disappeared, making him look incredibly adorable.
Even inside the house, Kangwoo hugged Heewoon’s shoulders, complaining about the cold. Seeing Kangwoo like that, Heewoon, relieved and frightened of his own relief, once again sank into the firm embrace.
Exhaling a sigh-like breath, Kangwoo took Heewoon’s arm, pulling him towards the bedroom. Seeing the two crossing the living room in a hurry, the house helpers’ eyes widened. Heewoon’s face blushed, hesitating, but Kangwoo pulled him, ascending the stairs, two steps at a time.
As soon as they entered the bedroom, Kangwoo roughly started to take off his clothes. Heewoon staggered, reaching out with his hands. They had to close the door.
“What? Where are you going?”
With a low voice, Heewoon’s nape was seized.
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