“…They would know.”
Heewoon mumbled softly, and his brother’s gaze met his.
“They’ve been surveilling us for a while now.”
“What?”
“Maybe because they thought you should be coming back soon, it feels like they’ve been watching us for a while.”
“Why the hell did you only tell me now!”
His brother, who was sitting loosely with his arms behind him, suddenly sat up. His lips moved rapidly, most of the words that came out were curses.
“You said no one was watching.”
His brother glared fiercely at his mother. With a bewildered expression, she stammered.
“Watching… They were watching us?”
Her gaze shifted to Heewoon. There was no way his mother, who rarely left the house, could have known, and Heewoon hadn’t told her. The fear of being watched was enough for him alone. Sending money every month, receiving encouraging messages that felt like threats. It’s all enough for him alone.
“Oh, damn it. It’s all messed up because of you, Mom!”
His brother yelled angrily. Then Heewoon’s suppressed anger erupted.
“Why are you saying that to Mom!”
“Are you nuts?”
His brother’s face scrunched up.
“You don’t have the right to raise your voice at Mom. You abandoned us and ran away!”
“Heewoon.”
His mother called Heewoon softly, as if telling him to calm down. Heewoon resentfully glared at Mom’s wrinkled hand that was holding his arm. Why is Mom not angry with his brother? Why does she ask him to endure his brother, instead of scolding the brother or making him reflect?
“I told you I brought money, right?”
Heehyun chuckled and said. Heewoon stared at Heehyun intently as he spoke each word.
“So, where is that money now?”
“In the Philippines… Damn. But have you really lost your mind? Why is this kid like this?”
With a five-year age gap and Heewoon’s natural obedience since childhood, he often followed Heehyun’s words. Seeing his little brother act like this seemed to genuinely surprise Heehyun. He glanced at Heewoon for a moment, then sighed, touching his forehead.
“Mom, where did you put the cigarettes you bought earlier?”
“Over there, in front of the TV.”
As Heehyun went out with the cigarettes, he grabbed Heewoon’s jacket, which was next to the door. Heewoon frowned.
“But that’s mine.”
Heewoon said irritably, but Heehyun, who had already gone to the entrance, couldn’t hear him.
Opening the front door and stepping outside, Heehyun made a complicated expression and rubbed his face. Wearing Heewoon’s jacket, he muttered to himself.
“I’m screwed.”
Dragging his slippers, he walked over, casually sat on the edge of the flower bed, and took a cigarette. Tsk, he brought the tip to the flame of the lighter, and Heehyun’s cheek sank deeply.
Exhaling smoke, Heehyun shook his leg. He didn’t know how much money his brother had, but he had to grab some of Woo Heewoon’s money for now. It didn’t matter if he said he wouldn’t give it. He knew that kid’s bank password anyway.
After a while, the short cigarette butt fell to the ground. His slippered foot roughly snuffed it out. Then, one after another, he lit another cigarette. When the door, which had been slightly ajar, made a creaking sound and opened, Heehyun’s gaze turned toward the wide-open door.
“Damn it.”
A small curse escaped with the cigarette smoke through his lips.
Heewoon glared at the closed door where his brother’s figure had disappeared. A slight chill seeped through the slightly opened door crack.
“Heewoon. Why are you acting like that to your brother?”
His mother said, as if calming him down. Heewoon furrowed his brows.
“What’s wrong with me doing that?”
“You haven’t seen your brother for a long time, right?”
“Mom, I…”
I don’t want to see my brother again. Heewoon bit his lip to stop the urge to say his real feelings. Looking at his mother’s face, eyebrows curved downward, Heewoon thought.
How could you smile and welcome the brother who fled away with millions of won, leaving only his mother and Heewoon in this hell?
If his brother had stayed in Korea and worked together with him, everything might have been better. They could have paid off more debts, and his mother would have been less depressed, having her beloved son around. Perhaps he wouldn’t have struggled so much with getting scholarships, and he might not have needed to budget his time down to the minute.
When the burden became suffocating at times, having someone’s presence to rely upon might have made a difference. But his brother didn’t play that role.
Thus.
His mother, their debts, his school. Whenever his desire to abandon everything and run away surfaced, it was all because of his brother.
“Mom, if you’ve finished eating, let’s clear the table.”
Heewoon didn’t look at his mother and kept his gaze fixed on the table. Only Heehyun’s plate was fully emptied.
“Heewoon, aren’t you eating more? Oh, it’s gotten a bit cold. I’ll warm it up for you.”
The hands touching the plates were affectionate. On dim mornings, those hands would occasionally stroke Heewoon’s head silently. On a day when he had bad thoughts and wanted to run away, those warm hands remained unchanged.
How could he dare to think of his mother as a burden? That thought, even if it only occurred in a fleeting moment, made him feel the worst.
The occasional emergence of bad thoughts, the self-blame and self-hatred that followed those thoughts. Everything, if only his brother had been there…
“Do you want more soup, my son?”
His mother, poking her face through the door crack, asked. Heewoon and his brother resembled their mother a lot. Heewoon looked at his mother’s face, thinking it’s sometimes annoying that they unmistakably look like a family to anyone.
His mother reheated the food. This time, Heewoon finished all his rice and ate many side dishes. His mother’s smile finally became relaxed.
Heewoon, suppressing his dirty feelings, did the cleanup. After washing the dishes and brushing his teeth, he came out. His mother was cutting fruits.
“You bought fruits earlier? It must have been heavy. You should have called me early.”
“It wasn’t that heavy. But Heehyun hasn’t come in yet.”
His mother said, looking at the entrance. Heewoon sighed softly and moved toward the entrance.
“Should Mom call him?”
“No, I’ll call him.”
The entrance was only two steps away. Heewoon opened the door and looked outside. But his brother was not there.
“Mom, he’s not there.”
“Hmm? Maybe he went outside to smoke.”
Heewoon put on his sneakers and went out to the yard. Two cigarette butts were lying under the flower bed, and one still had a spark. Heewoon frowned and stomped on it with his foot, putting it out.
The front gate was wide open. His brother was really wandering around marking his path. Heewoon closed the gate. Where he could have gone without money? What if loan sharks see him wandering outside? Although considering they waited for three years, they might not mind a little more delay.
Then today, it would be good if his brother came home extremely late. No, not too late, or Mom would worry, probably around the time she goes to sleep.
“Oh, my padded jacket.”
With that sudden thought, Heewoon scowled again. He disliked even trivial things related to his brother. He sighed softly and entered the house.
He easily took off his shoes, then suddenly looked down. The white sneakers were already dirty. He thought he should buy new shoes with a different color soon, not white.
“Heehyun isn’t there?”
“Yeah.”
“Where could he have gone?”
The worry in his mother’s expression darkened at the mention of her 32-year-old son. Heewoon thought, it would be great if his brother just gave the money back and never came back.
***
The next morning, his brother still hadn’t returned.
His mother suggested reporting to the police since there was no contact from him, expressing her concern. Heewoon did calm her down, but he was worried too.
It wasn’t that he was worried about his brother, it was the strange sense of anxiety that something had started and the worry about what might happen in the future.
“He might have stayed up all night at a PC cafe or something.”
“A PC cafe? Well, maybe I should go and check.”
Heewoon grabbed his mother’s arm as she tried to get up. There was a faint fear on her face. She might be recalling the moment she faced the death of her husband.
“I’ll go and check.”
On the first day back home, his brother went out without any contact. Heewoon couldn’t fathom what he might be thinking.
“Mom will come with you.”
“But it’s cold outside…”
Heewoon’s words trailed off, but he nodded. Waiting at home would be awkward for his mother. While she went into the bathroom, Heewoon called Kangwoo.
“Hello.”
–Yes?
“What are you doing?”
Heewoon asked, remembering what Kangwoo said about calling etiquette last time.
–I’m getting ready for work. How about you, Sunbae?
“Oh. I… My brother hasn’t come in, so I thought of going out to look for him.”
–Is that so?
“Yeah. Can I go out?”
–Yes.
The response was gentle. The tense muscles around Heewoon’s chest, which had felt guilty, relaxed. It was a release of tension. It was hard understanding both why he was nervous and why the tension eased.
–Since it’s cold outside, don’t look around for too long and go back fast.
“Alright.”
Kangwoo didn’t express any concern about his brother even when Heewoon said he was going out to look for him. Well, you can’t expect Seo Kangwoo by ordinary standards.
–I thought you called because you missed me.
There was a light laughter in his voice. There wouldn’t be any possibility of him missing Seo Kangwoo. Because Kangwoo killed a person, then blackmailed Heewoon, and even beat him several times.
However…
Heewoon remembered the table crowded with food, his mother’s excited expression and his brother’s shameless face from yesterday.
He could only think that if he kept meeting Seo Kangwoo, the turbulent emotions and bad thoughts he had might grow bigger.
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