“Enough. I’m going to take a shower.”
His brother pushed away his mother’s hand, who was applying ointment to his face, saying to do it moderately. His mother, who seemed dizzy, closed and opened her eyes deeply. Wobbling to her feet, she busily moved around, packing their belongings. From the bathroom where his brother went in, the sound of water was heard.
Heewoon sat alone in that place, motionless, until Heehyun came back and hit him on the back of the head.
“Stop your daydream, kid.”
With his hair dishevelled, Heewoon stayed still before slowly looking up. Then, he glared at Heehyun.
“All of this… all of this is because of you, hyung. Because you blew the money, those people got mad.”
“Hey. Thanks to me, we’ve gotten three years extra, damn it. If it weren’t for me, we would have lost our organs and died a long time ago.”
The shameless attitude made Heewoon’s anger surge. But at this moment, when Heewoon thought that his brother’s words were not entirely wrong, it was terrifying. He felt resentful. More toward his brother, more than his father. Instead of resentment towards his brother, resentment towards his father grew larger. Dying and leaving us behind, having borrowed money from such scary people without saying anything.
At this moment, Heewoon didn’t care about the fear or pressure his father had to bear alone.
“Heewoon, pack your things quickly. Here.”
His mother handed a bag to Heewoon. Holding the slightly worn leather handle, Heewoon took a deep breath and stood up.
I have to live. I can’t die like this no matter how much I have to struggle. Everything should be fine if we can just get to the airport. They won’t be able to catch us at the airport.
Heewoon clenched his teeth and searched through his wardrobe. The bag quickly became full after putting in a few sets of winter and summer clothes. He pondered confusedly if there was anything else to take.
Suddenly, Kangwoo came to mind.
I should call Kangwoo first. I almost forgot in the chaos. Heewoon picked up his phone left in front of the TV and tried to call Kangwoo as he usually did. Heehyun’s gaze fell on Heewoon as he did so.
“Ah, this shit . Woo Heewoon, who are you calling? Didn’t you hear what I said earlier?”
“I have to make a call.”
Heewoon frowned and Heehyun walked closer, looking at him unbelievably. Heewoon held the phone with force, resisting when Heehyun tried to snatch it away.
“Let go. Why are you like this?”
“Don’t tell me you’re trying to call your lover?”
“…It’s not my lover.”
Lover? Heewoon didn’t understand why people talk like that about Kangwoo and himself.
Heewoon exerted all his strength to avoid having his phone taken away. The hands of Heewoon and Heehyun fought in the air, struggling for power.
“Is this guy crazy? Give me the phone when I ask nicely.”
Heehyun squeezed Heewoon’s wrist painfully. Heewoon held onto the phone tightly and shouted.
“I’ll just make one call!”
“Fuck it, who are you calling in the midst of us dying like this?”
Heehyun glared, and the white of his eyes between his swollen eyelids was as red as blood.
Drop-!
After their struggle, the phone eventually slipped from Heewoon’s hand and fell to the floor. The phone rolled a few times and stopped when it hit the wardrobe. A loud bang sound followed.
‘Who are you calling in the midst of us dying like this?’
Heehyun’s words echoed like an echo.
It was then. The foggy feeling in his head cleared.
What was I doing just now?
What was he calling Seo Kangwoo for? I’m trying to run away from loan sharks at dawn, can I do that? What if Seo Kangwoo told him not to go? Would he stay here alone?
A shiver ran down his spine. Heewoon looked at the fallen phone on the floor and opened his eyes.
“Foolish bastard.”
Heehyun cursed a few more words and sat in front of the first aid kit.
“Heehyun, I’ll do it for you.”
“Just pack your things.”
“What else is there to pack? We just need to go with our healthy body.”
Heewoon looked alternately at Heehyun’s face, still in bad shape, and his mom’s face full of worry and fear. Looking closely, the faint emotion that appeared on his brother’s face was also fear. Heewoon thought.
He’s always been in the midst of plummeting.
When would he finally reach the bottom? This endless descent might be leading to his death. It could be like a scene from a movie or an internet horror story, where his body was discovered with all the organs missing.
Still, if Heewoon talked to Kangwoo, he might help like he did with the card and the money. If he asked for help just like how he did back then, things might turn out much better than he expected.
And if he went somewhere without saying anything, Kangwoo would be extremely angry. Heewoon might get slapped, forced into violent sex, or not even get hugged.
“….”
Heewoon bit his lips tightly. Then he picked up the fallen phone on the floor. The screen was shattered into pieces. He felt the same way about himself.
He was so broken that he couldn’t tell in detail what went wrong.
The phone screen went black. Heewoon pressed the power button firmly. Despite the shattered screen, the power came on. Since the touch function still worked well, making and receiving calls seemed to be possible.
Heewoon sat down right there. His mother and his brother didn’t say anything anymore. The house, which had been filled with loud noises, suddenly fell silent. The quiet and heavy silence was even more profound than usual. Fear and terror approached with larger footsteps.
Heewoon wiped the broken screen with his fingertips.
I want to call Seo Kangwoo. I hope Kangwoo won’t get angry. I want to hear his voice. It would be nice if he praised me for calling him.
But including his current thoughts, various impulses that occasionally arise were things that should not be entertained.
If Seo Kangwoo said for him not to go, thinking that it might be okay to send only his mother and his brother away and stay by Kangwoo’s side was very nonsensical.
Heewoon felt scared.
Could he attach his shattered self?
If he had the slightest thought to gather the broken pieces and put them together, now was the chance.
Heewoon, with his back against the wardrobe, hugged his knees. In the narrow room full of overwhelming fear, time passed slowly. He occasionally touched the fallen phone on the floor and pressed the home button. Checking that there were no calls or messages, in the dark room, he stared at the lit screen. Bright light emanated from the fractured gold, brighter than anywhere else.
He closed his eyes tightly. His memories came flooding back in a jumble.
‘The situation is tough, so I’ll look out for you, sir.’
The face with a twisted smile, a little more distorted, and himself clinging to something wrong, ignoring his ominous premonitions.
‘We can pay it all back. We just need to endure a bit together.’
It couldn’t have been more absurd. Even when his nose was bleeding, when he tried to smile in front of his mother, and in the moments when he looked at his mother’s back as she slept, gathering his resolve. All those times.
However, his memories of Seo Kangwoo were only of good things. As if those scary and difficult memories were hidden in the depths of his mind.
His undivided attention and gentle touch. His kind voice, his eyes, his firm embrace. Each memory made his chest tighten.
Heewoon had truly become broken.
“Let’s go.”
Heehyun, who was lying on one side, said in a hoarse voice. Heewoon was surprised, as if that sentence was a death sentence. His heart pounded like crazy. He was scared, too scared.
Watching his mother checking the passport again, Heewoon pressed the home button on his phone. 4 am. It’s still dark outside. Seo Kangwoo must be asleep.
He squeezed his eyes shut, and then opened them.
He had to run away. From the people who were destroying him. From loan sharks, from Seo Kangwoo.
Heewoon put on his worn-out padded jacket. He couldn’t wear the one Heehyun was wearing because it was too dirty. And it would probably be better not to wear it.
“Did you pack everything well?”
His mother’s voice asking at the door sounded wet. The lights were off, so Heewoon didn’t know what her face looked like, but it was probably wetter than her voice.
Heewoon looked around the small room visible through his eyes accustomed to the darkness. Then, he put down the phone in front of the TV.
“Are you not bringing your phone?”
“It’s broken.”
Heewoon replied dully.
Watching Heehyun leading the way, Heewoon took out his worn-out sneakers and put them on. They were not his newly bought ones, they were his old sneakers. Heehyun slightly opened the front door and peeked outside, then he signaled. His mother went out first, and Heewoon followed quietly into the yard. He closed the door carefully, fearing the sound might be heard by the neighbors.
The old houses were tightly packed together, and the walls were not very high. Just crossing two walls would lead to a narrow alley. They planned to hide there and hail a taxi.
Heehyun went up first, holding his mother’s hand, and Heewoon pushed her up from behind. As he sneaked through the yards of other people’s houses, his heart was pounding. What if someone heard them and screamed? What if those people were watching near our house and came running?
It happened when they were passing through the narrow space next to the stairs. His mother, who was walking stealthily, accidentally hit a small flowerpot placed on the edge of the stairs. The pot shook as if it were about to fall.
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