Heewoon gripped the doorknob and took a deep breath. His breathing came out shaky. He looked down at his clothes, clenching his lips. He had washed the dusty stains on his clothes with water in the subway restroom, making them look somewhat clean.
It was a little past 7 in the morning, so his mom might already be up. Heewoon ran his fingers across his bruised cheek and pulled the doorknob.
He opened the door to the small house, with only one kitchen and one bedroom. There was a small kitchen to his left, a bathroom in front, and a room on the right.
The house was dark and quiet. Heewoon stood in front of the semi-transparent sliding door. His mom seemed to still be sleeping. He breathed in slowly. A familiar scent was mixed in the warm air.
“Heewoon, are you home?”
He heard his mom’s voice from inside the room as if she had just woken up. A sensation surged from his chest, making him tearful. Heewoon squeezed his eyes shut and opened his mouth.
“Yeah, I’ll go wash up.”
His voice, which was stifled from holding back tears, sounded strange even to himself. He quickly went into the bathroom and opened the door with a creak.
“You shouldn’t come back at this hour without letting me know.”
“…I, wasn’t feeling well.”
Heewoon said, closing the bathroom door. His voice, holding back tears, sounded like he pressing down on vomit that was coming out.
“Have you been drinking? Oh my, you really.”
The sound of footsteps walking on the linoleum flooring grew distant. And there was the sound of the refrigerator opening, clattering, and water dripping into a cup.
Heewoon, who had been listening to the sounds outside the bathroom, slid down to his knees.
“Haa-.”
As Heewoon closed his eyes, tears fell down from them. Despite trying to keep a straight face, his body was trembling uncontrollably as if it had broken down from exerting too much energy. He clenched his teeth, afraid his sobs would leak out.
I’m alive. I made it back home alive.
Heewoon closed his eyes and silently shed his tears. Crying without making a sound made his chest ache as if it was about to burst.
The events of last night flashed through his mind.
His shaky vision, the dreary factory, the screams, the sloppy kisses, the red blood, the dying man’s eyes, the man begging for help, and himself desperately sucking on penis.
Suddenly, he felt nauseous. Heewoon crawled to the toilet and gagged, but only bile came out. And it looked just like semen.
With trembling hands, he pulled the lever down and rinsed his mouth in the sink. As he looked at his swollen face through his blurry vision, he heard a voice outside the door.
“Heewoon, are you alright?”
Heewoon cleared his throat.
“Yeah. I feel better now after throwing up.”
“You should drink in moderation. I left your clothes by the door.”
“Thanks.”
Every time he heard his mother’s voice, he could vividly imagine her dying. He was afraid. He felt like Seo Kangwoo could come and kill them at any time.
“I’m okay. It’s fine.”
Heewoon muttered it like he was spelling a mantra and turned on the shower.
Shwaaaa-
Heewoon stared blankly at the water droplets falling from the showerhead. The image of blood dripping onto the floor overlapped with it.
Heewoon closed his eyes tight. After a while, he opened them again and took off his clothes. The sight of hands trembling as he unbuttoned his shirt felt familiar. He lifted his head up. Avoiding the mirror that reflected his littered body in his small bathroom, he turned his gaze to the shower.
“… The water bill is going to be high.”
He muttered hollowly.
Heewoon raised his head a little higher. A bright light made his eyes hurt. The round, white light was the best sight he could see right now.
If his mother found out about yesterday, she might collapse again. The incident would be too much for his weak mother.
“….”
So he should swallow it.
He should act like it was nothing. So that nobody would notice. So that Seo Kangwoo wouldn’t kill him.
He had to do it alone, and try his best.
He let his spotted body move under the stream of water that was finally warming up. Occasionally, a stifled moan escaped between the sound of water.
***
That day, Heewoon went to his tutoring job in the evening. His jaw hurt so much from clenching due to the severe muscle pain and the pain between his butts.
When his mother saw Heewoon’s clearly beaten face, she asked in surprise what happened, and Heewoon mumbled that he fell. His mother, with a subtle expression, told him to be careful, then she lay back down.
It wasn’t the first time that Heewoon came back home after being beaten. Recently, he had been hit by debt collectors a few times, and his mother had cried and raged that she wouldn’t let them get away with it.
But there was nothing that his mother could do, in the end, she chose to pretend not to notice it.
Late at night, when Heewoon got back home after finishing his tutoring job, his mother quietly asked him a question.
“If the money isn’t enough, should I help you out?”
“No, I got paid a bit more because one of my students improved his grades by a lot. That’s why I was a little late in covering the debt.”
His mother nodded her head while briefly pursing her lips. Noticing her tired face, Heewoon said,
“Why are you still up? I’ll take a shower, so mom can go to bed first.”
“Okay.”
His mother laid down. The one-room apartment was so small that there was barely any space left once Heewoon and his mother laid down. Looking at the blanket his mother had laid out, Heewoon grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom.
Heewoon knew his mother wouldn’t fall asleep.
When he returned from his shower, he lay down on the bed with his eyes closed and took deep breaths. His mother then quietly retrieved the ointment she had hidden under the blanket.
She would carefully apply the ointment on him and cry silently.
But this time, he didn’t get hit by loan sharks. This time, it was a far more terrifying experience to remember, so he intentionally thought about other things.
The remaining debt he calculated over and over, his older brother’s promise to return when he had a stable job, the money his mother secretly sent to his brother, and the slap he received because of the money being not enough to pay the debt.
“Our Heewoon…”
A warm hand gently caressed his forehead.
Sometimes, Heewoon wished how nice it would be if his mother was a very, very mean person.
***
Monday had arrived. His face was swollen because he had barely slept, and the bruise had gottem even more severe. He had a large bandage on his cheek that had turned purple.
As he headed towards school, Heewoon had to keep suppressing the urge to run away.
Throughout the weekend, Heewoon hoped Monday wouldn’t come, and at the same time, he hoped it would come. His desire to avoid seeing Kangwoo and his desire to confirm that Kangwoo wouldn’t kill him, both were combined into one.
Unfortunately, his first class today was also a major core class that Kangwoo also attended.
In this class, Seo Kangwoo usually sat in the window seat, either the second or third row from the back. If he wanted to be the first to leave the classroom without catching Seo Kangwoo’s attention, Heewoon had to secure a seat near the back door. So he arrived at school earlier than usual.
But.
Kangwoo was sitting alone in the empty classroom. Heewoon, who was almost frozen in place, passed by the wide-open classroom door. Hearing the sound of chairs being adjusted, he started walking faster.
Only after rushing down the stairs did he realize he had been running. He checked to make sure that Seo Kangwoo wasn’t following him, but he was still scared, so he went into the convenience store. He wandered around near the crowded area, peeking through the door often. A few people looked at him strangely, but he paid them no interest.
Heewoon left the convenience store at 8:57. The class would start at 9, so he could arrive at the classroom right on time.
This major core class was also important for his attendance, so Heewoon would usually arrive about 15 minutes early. Even a 0.01% difference in scores was important to receive a scholarship. Last semester, he couldn’t receive a scholarship and had to take out a student loan, so for this semester, no matter how, he really had to receive a scholarship.
It was frustrating to still have to think about money while being so close to death. Heewoon sighed heavily and opened the classroom door. Luckily, there was one empty seat in front of the door. As he lifted his bag and glanced around, his face froze.
It was because Kangwoo was looking at him.
‘Come here.’
Seo Kangwoo mouthed those words as he lifted his bag up from the seat next to him. Heewoon barely managed to fake a clueless expression and took out his book , pretending that he didn’t understand what Kangwoo was saying. He could feel Kangwoo’s gaze, but it stopped when the professor started taking attendance.
After class, Heewoon quickly left the classroom and hid in a bathroom stall on the two floors below, waiting to attend the next class. During lunchtime, he had his meal at the convenience store in front of the back gate in case he ran into Seo Kangwoo.
Heewoon thought that it was fortunate that he knew Seo Kangwoo’s schedule like a stalker, so he could avoid bumping into him until all the classes were over.
On Mondays, Seo Kangwoo’s class ended at 6 pm. Heewoon let out a relieved sigh as he looked at his watch, which showed 5 pm.
The day had passed fine. He just needed to endure this for another two months. As this was Seo Kangwoo’s last semester.
“Haa….”
Should he take the semester off?
If he took a leave now, how much of the tuition could he get back? Even considering all that, if he took a leave and worked a part-time job, he could earn way much more money.
But earning more money wouldn’t necessarily mean he could pay off more of his debt.
‘Your brother is starting a business, but he’s a little short on money….’
He thought of his mother’s awkward smile when she said that.
Heewoon could only stand still, covering his eyes with his hands. He was extremely tired from lack of sleep and constant anxiety. He had a tutoring job tonight from 8:30 pm. He could drop by home and take a quick nap before going.
As he stood there with his head down and his eyes covered, several people passed by him. But he took a deep breath and put his hands down, thinking that tomorrow he didn’t have a morning class, and there were no overlapping classes with Kangwoo.
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
He almost bumped into someone walking towards him, quickly avoiding to the side. But the man’s feet didn’t move at all. Heewoon’s puzzled expression turned pale as soon as he lifted his head.
“Are you sleeping while standing?”
“Ah…”
A groaning sound came out of Heewoon’s slightly open mouth. He took a step back and looked at his surroundings.
This was not an abandoned factory with no person around, but a campus with hundreds of people who would take out their phones if someone showed even the slightest odd behavior. While they were here, Kangwoo couldn’t harm him.
“Why? Did someone call you, Sunbae?”
Seo Kangwoo asked casually, his eyes following Heewoon’s gaze.
“…No.”
“Then?”
“Huh?”
“Why are you looking elsewhere, you fucker?”
For a moment, his tone was so calm that it made Heewoon doubt his ears.
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