Extra 2 : Diary 2

January 6, Sunday, Light Snow. 

 Do you know? Today, I saw someone who looked very much like you. But don’t worry, I didn’t mistake them for you. How could I possibly mistake you?

 But they really looked so much like you, to the point where I thought you had come back, and everything before was just a lie. They were wearing a gray coat just like you, tall and slender, and their profile was particularly similar. But when they turned around, I knew they weren’t you.

 Although their facial features were similar, I could tell. That was the face I had drawn day after day. Your skin is even fairer, with eyebrows that are slightly arched upwards. There’s a mole under your eyelashes, and when you smile, you look like a cunning fox. I love seeing you like that, so vivid.

 Don’t worry, I will always recognize you. I only want you. Little Fox, I have lit some paper lanterns for you. Remember to take them, you’re afraid of the dark. Hold onto them and wait for me, wait for me to recognize you at first glance, and then we’ll go home together.

 

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February 6, Monday, Snow.

 The weather in Yao’an City is getting worse, with cloudy skies all day and occasional rain or snow. It’s gloomy and dreadful without you, as if the weather is always bad.

 They keep trying to make me forget you, and it’s annoying. I don’t want to hear them talk, none of their words are what I want to hear.

 How could I forget you?

 Don’t worry; I remember everything. You like sweet food, you enjoy various scenery, and you always want to travel to different places. I have fulfilled this wish for you. But your favorite is me, and only me, remember?

 I won’t listen to their words. I remember every single thing between us. I remember how we first met, how you helped me with my studies, and that warm afternoon when you promised to be with me and we held hands for the first time. If you’re not sure, you can test me later.

 You said you still like me; you don’t dislike me; you don’t hate me. As long as you don’t regret it, it’s enough. Even if you regret it or dislike me, I will still love you. This is just a long-distance relationship; we will meet again, and by then I will definitely hold your hand tightly, not letting you face those things alone. You can’t escape from me anymore…

 You have to prepare a birthday gift for me, you know? But if you don’t prepare, you have to let me hug you for a long, long time. Don’t complain that I’m clingy.

 Do you know? I often feel like you are still by my side. The wind that blows is you; the snow that falls is you; and the swaying tree branches are also you. Everything I see is you. I miss you so much…

 

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May 6th, Tuesday, Cloudy

 I saw the photo you inserted into the book. So you like me this much, I didn’t realise it. You even use a photo as a bookmark.

 Are you curious about what I was writing at that time?

 It was just a letter for you; it was my first time writing a letter. The first time I wanted to treat someone so seriously But before I could send the letter, that incident happened.

 Qin He, you know, I was spoiled since I was a child; I could have anything I wanted. But that was the first time I felt like I didn’t have anything worthy to give to someone. I always felt like those things weren’t good enough for you, or they weren’t things I earned myself.

 I wanted to leave my mark on you. I wanted everything on your body to have my traces. I wanted to use my own abilities to exchange things to give to you. That was my promise to you. I always thought we would have a very good future. At that time, no matter what you wanted, I could provide it through my own efforts.

 I haven’t been involved in your past, but it sounds like a bitter life just by listening to it. My heart aches for you. I want the best for your future, and I want you to taste the sweetest sugar.

 You used to be my only goal, just like you were my entire expectation in life…

 But life is not a utopia; everything has fallen apart. The malice of reality is far greater than I imagined. What I regret the most is that I didn’t have the ability to protect you back then, and I was unaware of your darkness.

 I’m truly, truly sorry, Qin He…

 I can’t control my longing; I want to go find you, make promises to you in person, and say sorry to you face-to-face…