Su Xinghe sat there, completely bewildered. Despite all her precautions, she had again fallen into his trap.
If she said she didn’t miss home, he would adopt the stance of a “good master” willing to give her a night off. If she didn’t take the bait, then fine, she would spend the night with him; if she said she missed home, would he take her back on a snowy night? More likely, he would allow her to stand at the Xuande Gate and gaze westward for a moment, then bring back a bowl of wonton from the dumpling stall by the Tongzi River—because the master was tired of the palace delicacies and wanted to try some common street food.
The Crown Prince’s plans were always precise and never failed, which meant she had to be extremely vigilant in her dealings. The immediate issue at hand was the matter of spending the night. From his demeanor, it seemed he wouldn’t do anything to her, but she was, after all, a young woman, and sharing a bed with a man was quite distressing for her.
In a cheerful mood, the prince felt like he had found a long-lost friend and had so much to say that he had to spend the night with her, so they could talk by candlelight or see each other first thing in the morning. He leisurely walked around the hall, removing the shades from the scattered candlesticks one by one, and blowing out each candle before replacing the shades. After making a full round, the hall was plunged into thick darkness, with only a faint light filtering through the window paper from the lanterns under the eaves. In the darkness, he fumbled his way back to the bed.
“What are you doing?” Su Xinghe couldn’t hold back any longer. His hand had brushed against her thigh, causing her to shrink away.
“Nothing,” he said, his tone innocent, “just sleeping.”
She began to feel a slight headache. “Master, you are no longer a child.”
Was there some hidden meaning behind her words? He wasn’t angry, though. The two dark silhouettes under the canopy sat facing each other, and he squinted, trying to see her. “Precisely because I’m no longer a child, I need to sleep with a woman.”
When he said “woman,” both their hearts skipped a beat. It was as if he had never considered her a woman, and she had never realized she was one. Hearing this word suddenly felt both novel and terrifying.
The room was too quiet and because it was too quiet, the sound of people breathing became exceptionally clear. The more one tries not to think about something, the more intrusive thoughts try to break in. Listening to her breath, the prince felt that in such an ambiguous environment, even her breathing seemed seductive, making his mind wander and causing him to lose self-control.
He had her sleep on the inside while he occupied the outer half. Despite his efforts to ignore it, he felt a hand fiercely gripping his lungs, making his breathing rapid. Frustrated and restless, he turned and asked, “Do you always breathe so loudly?”
Su Xinghe felt embarrassed by his question. In truth, her breathing was irregular because she was nervous. But how could she explain that? Should she say, “I’m afraid you’ll have improper thoughts”? Wouldn’t that sound like she was both rejecting and inviting him? If he decided to act on that, things would get awkward. After all, their positions conflicting, and getting too entangled would be problematic. Both of them were well aware of this.
“I’ve always breathed like this. Is there something wrong with it?” she retorted, feeling aggrieved.
The Crown Prince, who could control many things but not how someone breathed, said, there was nothing wrong. “I just find it strange.” Then he added, “Listening to your breathing, I almost thought you wanted to eat me up.”
He enjoyed creating these ambiguous atmospheres, and his last sentence had a double meaning carrying a hint of flirtation.
“Sleep, sleep…” he patted the spot beside him, “Earlier, when I didn’t want you to lie down, you insisted on lying. Now you’re sitting up straight, planning to sit until dawn?”
After holding it in for a long time, she finally said, “I want to go to my room.”
“If you say that again, from now on, this will be your room,” the prince dismissed her with a few words. Seeing her being stubborn, he lowered his voice, “I am a man, twenty-two years old! When alone with a woman, not listening can be disadvantageous. You understand this, right?”
Su Xinghe swallowed, thought it over, and finally lay down reluctantly.
The Crown Prince’s pillow and bedding had a sweet, fragrant scent. This familiar aroma was something, she supervised the palace maids to infuse into the bedding every evening. However, any fragrance requires a person to spread it, and when it is mingled with different people’s scents, it takes on an ambiance. With her cheek pressed against the pillow, the scents drifted slowly into her nose and as she carefully savored it, it seemed somewhat different from what she remembered.
Her thoughts were a bit chaotic as she pondered how to face the palace servants once, the palace gates opened the next day. Now that she had stayed the night, her relationship with the prince would become even more undeniable. this would even reach the emperor’s ears… Suddenly realizing something, she propped herself up and asked him, “Is it because you promised His Majesty to have a child that you intentionally wanted me to stay?”
Sometimes, her mind didn’t work very well, especially when, it came to matters between men and women. She often overthought things and believed herself clever without hitting the mark.
Having someone stay overnight in the sleeping quarters could cause trouble if no child was conceived. Truthfully, he hadn’t considered all those details. What lingered in his mind was the image of her in women’s attire when they kissed, which was ultimately delightful and endearing. The Crown Prince reached out, pulling her into his arms. “It’s just one night. Why so many questions?”
With his chin resting on her head, he felt her hair still pinned up, the hairpin cool against his cheek. He fumbled to remove it and tossed it aside. It probably hit the incense burner with a crisp clang.
“We had such good times when we were young,” he murmured dreamily. “I still remember when the Empress Mother passed away. I knelt all night in front of her coffin, and you stayed with me… I’ve never forgotten that.”
Su Xinghe felt a sense of bewilderment in her heart, recalling those days with vivid clarity as if they had happened yesterday.
The year she entered the palace, Empress Dowager Gong was already gravely ill and rarely seen. After more than two years of unsuccessful treatments, she eventually passed away. The Crown Prince unlike other pampered youths, did not react with overt grief, fear, or confusion. He did not seek support from his only influential maternal uncle. Instead, during the emperor’s overwhelming sorrow, he calmly attended to all the matters of the empress’s funeral, including deciding on her posthumous title, funeral arrangements, and burial site. Su Xinghe stayed by his side day and night and did not see him shed a single tear. At the time, she was young and didn’t understand why he didn’t cry; she assumed he wasn’t close to the empress.
When the empress’s coffin was moved to the burial palace, she accompanied him to the Hall of Political Affairs to see the emperor. Through the hall door, she heard him crying intensely. She peered through a crack in the window and saw him and Prince Minxing holding the empress’s portrait, kneeling before the emperor and crying heartbreakingly, saying, “We no longer have a mother. A single tree cannot form a forest. With the emperor’s vast responsibilities, how long can you protect us?” These words brought tears to the emperor’s eyes, and he embraced the two brothers, comforting them. “Though you have lost your mother, you still have your father. As long as I am here no one will dare harm you.”
So, the reason, Left Zuo Zhaoyi had long been unable to achieve her desires was rooted in this— the Crown Prince had cut off her avenues of advancement ahead of her. To prevent any harm from a new empress to the Crown Prince, the emperor preferred to leave the empress position vacant rather than let the Crown Prince suffer.
An emperor who, for eight years, resisted all petitions and stayed true to his feelings was indeed rare in his loyalty. Favoring the Crown Prince certainly had its reasons. No matter how many servants the palace had, when the emperor was unwell, the one who served him day and night without rest was always the Crown Prince. His filial piety was genuine, and his strategic thinking was no mere embellishment. A person in poor health is most vulnerable, and if others had seized the opportunity, among all his sons, who would be the favorite and the neglected?
Immersed in her memories, she didn’t feel anything, wrong with being held by him. She looked up and asked, “Do you miss the late Empress?”
This topic was somewhat melancholy. The Crown Prince responded with a nasal hum, pressing his forehead against hers. “I wish my mother were still alive. Even if we were separated for ten or twenty years, just being able to see her one more time would be enough for me.”
Given his words, his presence at the family reunion wasn’t solely due to his calculated nature. Su Xinghe, after all, was a young woman, and no matter how accustomed she was to the scheming of the power struggles, there was always a soft spot within her that couldn’t be worn down or destroyed.
She wrapped her arms around him and patted his back. “I don’t blame you for disrupting my family reunion. You don’t need to explain it in such a roundabout way, making me feel uneasy.”
The Crown Prince sighed deeply. “You sure know how to flatter yourself. I never had that intention.”
Then, they both withdrew their hands simultaneously, lying straight on their backs, embodying the phrase “same bed, different dreams.”
After a long silence, the Crown Prince suddenly spoke. “Su Xinghe, no matter how far you go in the future, I hope you remember that we shared our hearts and were friends.”
She closed her eyes. “You are not my friend; you are my master. Serving you with all my might is my duty. You don’t need to get close to me. If you have any orders, give them directly.”
The Crown Prince had intended to evoke some sentiment, but her response left him feeling stifled. Thinking it over, he realized that after all these years, he should know her temperament. She could be respectful when she wanted to be, but when she wasn’t, she could leave a bruise on your heart.
Outside the window, the wind howled. Sharing one quilt, the two of them, lay far apart, as if there wasn’t enough blanket. The Crown Prince had an idea and turned the quilt sideways, pulling it towards her side.
“You don’t snore at night, do you?” he asked. “I can’t sleep if you snore.”
“That’s perfect,” Su Xinghe quickly replied. “I always sleep alone, so how would I know if I snore? “Why don’t you sleep here, and I’ll go back to the duty room.”
The Crown Prince agreed, “Alright, how about this? Tonight, you take the night watch. Night watch means no sleeping, so you won’t have to worry about snoring.”
She blinked, realizing she had been tricked again. Anyone who had done night watch duty knew how tough it was to stay awake the entire winter night. the second half of the night, the cold would make you shiver. You could sit on the floor but couldn’t slump over, doze off, or move around—you had to stay put all night. The next day, your whole body would feel like it was falling apart, and all you’d want was a bed. It was truly unpleasant.
Since joining the Eastern Palace, Su Xinghe had only taken the night watch twice, both times, during the mourning period for the late Empress. Now, seven or eight years later, she felt her body couldn’t handle it anymore. After weighing her options, she hesitantly said, “It’s cold, and I’d need to wear clothes… I’ll take the night watch in bed. If you get thirsty at night, call me.”
The Crown Prince glanced at her dim outline and then turned away, mocking, “Raised you alongside that child, but as you’ve grown, your heart has changed. When the time comes, to appoint the Crown Princess, I fear I won’t be used to it, so I’ll borrow you for practice. Don’t overthink it; I have no interest in you… Even if you were a celestial being, I’d be tired of seeing you after ten years right in front of my eyes. What are you thinking?”
She felt embarrassed but responded, “What if the Crown Princess snores? You’ll have to endure it, won’t you?”
The Crown Prince snorted in disagreement, “Look at your attitude!”
