Xu Zhi took the newly prescribed medicine from Wen Shuyao today, and it seemed to be more effective. He quickly fell asleep without lying down for a while.
Zhou Mu laid beside him honestly without hugging him. In fact, the bed in the bedroom was very big. If Xu Zhi was willing, Zhou Mu might not be able to touch him all night.
But Xu Zhi didn’t want to.
When people are sleepy late at night, people’s resistance is very low, and Xu Zhi suddenly wanted to find someone to talk to.
And Zhou Mu is the best person to talk to. He doesn’t have to participate in anything. He only needs to listen, which can fill Xu Zhi’s empty heart because he wants to talk.
“Zhou Mu,” Xu Zhi laid on his side and looked at Zhou Mu through the glowing lamp, “Why are you so far away from me?”
In fact, the two people were not far away. Zhou Mu’s fingertips could touch Xu Zhi’s arm with just a slight movement. But after Xu Zhi finished speaking, Zhou Mu still stretched out his arms to hug Xu Zhi, pulling him into his arms.
The air-conditioning temperature in Xu Zhi’s room was very low, and Zhou Mu hugged him tightly without getting too hot.
Xu Zhi put his head against Zhou Mu’s chest, his hands sneaked into Zhou Mu’s robes in a rogue manner, and rested on Zhou Mu’s waist, stroking it from time to time.
Zhou Mu’s abdominal muscles are in top shape; Xu Zhi knew it on the first day he arrived.
“This is the first time someone has hugged me to sleep.” Xu Zhi pressed close to Zhou Mu, whispering, “This is the first time since I was a child.”
“Really?” Zhou Mu put his hand on Xu Zhi’s back and patted him, as if to comfort him.
“Yeah,” Xu Zhi said, “I was very noisy when I was a child and was not liked by others.”
Zhou Mu held Xu Zhi’s arm with some force and said in a low voice, “That can’t be.”
“Who knows?” Xu Zhi said nonchalantly, “I’ve grown up like this anyway.”
“You know,” Xu Zhi continued with a strong desire to talk, “I have a younger brother.”
“You never said that,” Zhou Mu said.
“Yeah,” Xu Zhi said, moving into Zhou Mu’s arms and finding a more comfortable position, “I am 17 years older than my brother.”
Zhou Mu listened to him quietly, moving his hand to the back of his neck and squeezing it gently.
“My brother is 9 years old this year,” Xu Zhi paused at this point, and it wasn’t clear whether he envied or not, “It is said that he is very likable.”
His voice became softer and quieter. He didn’t seem to like this topic very much, but he wanted to talk about it, so he didn’t know whether to continue talking for a while.
“Xu Zhi,” Zhou Mu interrupted him, “you are also very likable.”
“Is that so?” Xu Zhi said softly, as if he were asking a question sincerely, but more like he didn’t care whether he was liked by others.
Zhou Mu took off his pillow and put his head together with Xu Zhi’s, as if they were whispering.
Zhou Mu said, “Other people don’t know, but I like you very much.”
Xu Zhi is 26 years old. There are very few people who need him, and even fewer people who have said they like him. Therefore, he cannot tell whether Zhou Mu is trying to coax him or if he really likes him. At the same time, he cannot tell. What kind of like does Zhou Mu refer to?
But he still said: “Thank you for liking me.”
No fuss, no sarcasm, no pride—just a serious thank you to Zhou Mu.
Perhaps because he and Zhou Mu talked too much today, Xu Zhi didn’t sleep for long before he started dreaming again.
At that time, he was in his freshman year, and he was not studying computer programming but communications engineering, which he didn’t like very much.
In fact, he didn’t have any aspirations, and he didn’t have a favorite subject or major. He just filled out his application based on the admissions brochure and his own scores after getting his college entrance examination scores.
When Xu Zhi filled out his application, no one gave him guidance, and Wen Shuyao was abroad. His family didn’t care what course he applied for. The only requirement was that he should be in the same city, so Xu Zhi just filled in any application.
The communication major class was boring, but Xu Zhi still ranked among the best.
As the first year was coming to an end, the counselor notified students about matters related to changing majors and encouraged students with intentions to sign up.
Xu Zhi’s class group chat was usually muted, and that was one of the very few notices he saw.
At that time, he actually had no plans to change his major. What really made him think about it was a very small thing that happened later.
At that time, he probably had a disagreement with someone and went to the school library to sulk.
While waiting for someone to come and comfort him, he overheard the conversation between two classmates nearby.
A guy with black-framed glasses was agonizingly looking at something on the computer, typing on the keyboard with a clattering sound. He was also talking non-stop.
At that time, the library was about to close. Another guy, who wasn’t wearing glasses, propped his chin up, waiting for him. He asked impatiently, ‘Haven’t you found it yet?”
The boy with glasses shook his head and continued browsing, “I don’t know what’s wrong.”
“Can we redo it?” The boy without glasses leaned over and watched with him on the computer screen.
“How can that work?” The boy with glasses was shocked. “There is only one mistake.”
Xu Zhi was rarely particularly interested in anything, but he still leaned over and pretended to sit down beside them casually.
The boy with glasses banged on the keyboard for a long time and finally muttered, as if he had made up his mind, “Run it and try it.”
Xu Zhi saw that the computer began to display English letters and mathematical symbols line by line, and finally a big “error” popped up.
The boy without glasses suggested that he redo the whole thing.
The boy with glasses shook his head insistently and repeated sternly, “No, there is only one mistake, and there is no need to correct the rest.”
Xu Zhi suddenly interrupted, “Why?”
Only then did the two boys notice that Xu Zhi was here. They stared at Xu Zhi for a long time without saying anything.
It wasn’t until the librarian shouted that the library was closed that the boy with glasses told him seriously, “This is the logic of the programming language. If it’s wrong, correct it. If it’s right, you never need to change it.”
Xu Zhi stared at the “error” on the computer for a while, then went to the group to find the registration form for changing majors and signed up.
Being able to use logic to solve problems is what Xu Zhi longs for most.
Because Xu Zhi has never had ordinary people’s logic in these years, and no one wants to talk logic to him.
His parents would not hesitate to have another child because of his mental illness, but no one cared. Xu Zhi’s mental illness was caused by genetic factors.
Xu Zhi’s father did not have a mental disorder, but his grandfather suffered from a severe mental illness. When Xu Zhi’s symptoms first appeared when he was 16, his parents began to prepare for a second son.
It is said that when his brother could not speak, the two of them found a very professional childcare provider and psychological counselor to protect his brother’s mental health throughout the process.
But it’s funny to say that Xu Zhi has never objected to his parents having a second child, but when his younger brother was born, he was the last to know.
Xu Zhi guessed that maybe he felt that there was no hope of his complete recovery, and his parents’ conscience was more or less tortured, so they hid it from him.
Xu Zhi felt at that time that it was fortunate that he was gay.
Xu Zhi hadn’t dreamt for a long time. When the alarm clock rang at three in the morning, Xu Zhi reached over to Zhou Mu to turn off the alarm, then snuggled back into Zhou Mu’s arms.
Zhou Mu hugged him tightly unconsciously.
Zhou Mu was sleeping soundly. His whole body was pressed against Xu Zhi’s body, his arms were around Xu Zhi’s waist, and he was hugging him tightly, as if he couldn’t live without Xu Zhi.
Xu Zhi had not come into contact with many people, but definitely quite a few. Among them, Zhou Mu was the only one whose background was unknown, and he was the only one who told Xu Zhi, “I like you very much.”
If Zhou Mu really can’t do without him, Xu Zhi thought, then he could reluctantly never leave Zhou Mu forever.
