Zhou Mu said this sentence more than once.
Wen Shuyao thought that perhaps those actors who had won the most important awards in the entertainment industry would not dare to say this.
But Zhou Mu said it very firmly.
Zhou Mu once said that as long as he still loves Xu Zhi, it means that he cannot be himself during certain periods of time in his life.
But he still couldn’t help but love Xu Zhi.
Zhou Mu suddenly smiled softly. He stretched out three fingers and waved them at Wen Shuyao. “It only took three days for Xu Zhi to fall in love with me this time.”
On the night of July 13, he kissed Xu Zhi and forced Xu Zhi to call his name many times.
This was something worthy of celebration, but Wen Shuyao failed to laugh.
Although Xu Zhi falls in love with Zhou Mu again and again, nobody knows if Zhou Mu, during the time he waits for Xu Zhi to love him again, is sadder than the person who knows nothing about it.
Wen Shuyao didn’t say anything in the end. He went to the bedroom to take a look at Xu Zhi again, and then left with his suitcase.
Zhou Mu walked him to the door.
Wen Shuyao looked at Xu Zhi a few times before leaving, but still couldn’t help teasing, “Are you still hiding outside?”
When Xu Zhi relapsed for the first time, he insisted that Zhou Mu was a burglar, but he found Zhou Mu’s things everywhere in the house and was greatly frightened.
In order to prevent a similar situation from happening again, Zhou Mu bought a residence on the 15th floor of the same building and packed up all his belongings. Unless necessary, all personal belongings belonging to Zhou Mu would not appear in Xu Zhi’s home.
Because they are in the same building, the layout of the residence downstairs is basically similar to that of Xu Zhi’s place. The difference is that the downstairs residence is more like a warehouse.
All of Zhou Mu’s personal belongings are stored in this warehouse. The only place that doesn’t look like a warehouse is Zhou Mu’s office area.
So, this time, Xu Zhi only found a set of clothes belonging to Zhou Mu on the bedside table. Of course, Zhou Mu had brought them with him, as well as the work phone found under the pillow.
When Xu Zhi left the bedroom for the first time, Zhou Mu turned off his cell phone and hid it so that Xu Zhi didn’t notice anything.
Wen Shuyao’s face was obviously joking, and Zhou Mu drove the person out with a dark face.
Xu Zhi slept for a long time.
When he woke up, the bedroom curtains were not drawn, and he could see that it was already dark outside, and the lights of various colors outside were brighter.
Xu Zhi stared at the lights for a brief moment, then quickly woke up.
He sat up suddenly and looked around the bedroom hurriedly, making sure that he was the only one in the bedroom.
Xu Zhi couldn’t remember the last time he was so flustered. Anyway, he didn’t even have time to put on his shoes, so he ran to the door, opened it barefoot, and bumped into Zhou Mu, who was about to enter.
Zhou Mu held the water in one hand and quickly hugged him around the waist with the other. The two of them swayed unsteadily together.
“Why are you running?” Zhou Mu stood firm but did not let go, still holding Xu Zhi.
His shoulders were very broad, and it was easy to hold Xu Zhi in his arms. Xu Zhi felt that his whole body was wrapped in this warm temperature.
Xu Zhi didn’t break free either. His hand grasped the hem of Zhou Mu’s clothes underneath, his eyes staring at the long hairs of the carpet, and he spoke very softly, “What did you do?”
Before today, Xu Zhi was used to shouting at Zhou Mu, often with orders and questions as soon as he opened his mouth.
But what he said was very timid; his voice was very small and soft.
Just like when he acted spoiled to Wen Shuyao in order to cheat on Zhou Mu’s medical expenses, he had a nasal voice, but he was not as domineering as when he acted spoiled to Wen Shuyao.
Zhou Mu releases the embrace around Xu Zhi’s waist, then gently pushes him back by placing a hand on his shoulder. Zhou Mu’s gaze moves across Xu Zhi’s face, but Xu Zhi avoids making direct eye contact by lowering his head slightly.
Zhou Mu laughed softly, moved his hand to the back of his neck, and pinched it, shaking the glass in his hand slightly, “I’ll pour you some water.”
The living room light is much brighter than the bedroom, so in the area near the inside of the bedroom door, there is a not very obvious boundary line, as if two forces are suppressing each other.
Xu Zhi always had strange thoughts that were difficult to explain to others, so he stared blankly for a while, and after unilaterally judging that the lighting in the living room was brighter, he looked away.
“Xu Zhi?” Zhou Mu realized that Xu Zhi was absent-minded and asked him, “What are you thinking about?”
“Who said I need to drink water?” Xu Zhi said firmly, as if he didn’t hear anything, and ignored Zhou Mu’s question.
“No one said it,” Zhou Mu still put his hand on the back of Xu Zhi’s neck and rubbed it, “I guessed it myself.”
Zhou Mu’s hand was very hot, and he placed it on the back of Xu Zhi’s neck, making Xu Zhi feel like a hare being picked up by his ears.
Xu Zhi raised his head and looked at Zhou Mu uncomfortably.
He believed that Zhou Mu’s expression must be very different from before, for example, a little reluctant or even bored.
But the result was that Zhou Mu’s mouth was slightly raised, and he was looking at him with a smug face, as if he were asking if his guess was right.
Xu Zhi was stunned for a moment. He couldn’t figure out why Zhou Mu had such an expression, but he found that the shallow dimples on Zhou Mu’s face had appeared again.
So he started to feel a little nervous again.
“Then let me take a sip,” Xu Zhi said reluctantly, but his actions were almost as if he eagerly grabbed the cup from Zhou Mu’s hand and drank half of the cup quickly.
The water temperature is just right; it should have been prepared before being brought in.
After he handed the cup back, Zhou Mu put his arm around his shoulders and led him to the bed.
“Drink medicine first,” Zhou Mu said, opening his palm and revealing a few pills, “After taking the medicine, eat the food.”
Xu Zhi stared at the pills and asked Zhou Mu, “Do you know what kind of medicine this is?”
“Yeah, I know,” Zhou Mu said calmly.
Xu Zhi took the medicine from Zhou Mu’s hand with some reluctance, but he didn’t want to put it in his mouth.
“What’s wrong?” Zhou Mu asked.
Xu Zhi thought of something Wen Shuyao once said to him.
“During treatment, patients may have a certain sense of shame about the use of psychotropic drugs, which leads to reduced compliance with the drugs and increased resistance.”
Wen Shuyao said so.
“…It’s nothing,” Xu Zhi said, reaching for the cup in Zhou Mu’s hand, raising his head, and swallowing it.
Zhou Mu asked Xu Zhi to lie back on the bed, rubbed his stomach gently with his hand, and asked him, “Are you hungry?”
Xu Zhi shook his head slightly.
He looked down at Zhou Mu’s hand on his abdomen, and his vision began to blur. After a while, hot and dense tears fell on the back of Zhou Mu’s hand.
Zhou Mu sighed and asked him, “Then do you want to sleep a little longer?”
Xu Zhi turned his head, glanced at Zhou Mu with the corner of his eye, and asked him, “Don’t you have anything to say to me?”
Zhou Mu also put his other hand around Xu Zhi’s waist and hugged Xu Zhi with a little force, “No.”
“Liar.” Xu Zhi stopped looking at him and stared at the bright and dazzling lights outside the window.
The building he lives in is close to the road, so when the windows are open, you can hear the sound of passing vehicles, and sometimes drunk people who come home late shout loudly.
But today the windows are closed, so the room is quiet.
Zhou Mu leaned forward, put his chin on Xu Zhi’s shoulder, and said to Xu Zhi in a very affectionate manner, “Why would I lie to you?”
“You already know,” Xu Zhi said plainly, “I have a mental illness. My mood is constantly erratic, on the verge of breaking down all the time.”
“So?” Zhou Mu asked.
Xu Zhi turned his head, attempting to find any evidence of lying on Zhou Mu’s face, but Zhou Mu met Xu Zhi’s gaze with a calmness that seemed unreasonable. It was as if what Xu Zhi said was something casual, like commenting on the weather.
“So no one would want to live with a mentally ill person,” Xu Zhi said.
“Have you forgotten?” Zhou Mu smiled lightly and put his forehead together with Xu Zhi, “I am a special life form created by you.”
“But…” Xu Zhi was interrupted by Zhou Mu.
Zhou Mu said, “Xu Zhi, I can’t live without you.”
Xu Zhi, I can’t live without you.
Zhou Mu said this sentence many times, in a serious tone, a joking tone, and a tone to make Xu Zhi happy, but none of them made Xu Zhi’s heart move more than this time.
Although the window was not open, Xu Zhi felt that the air around him was no longer as stagnant as it was at the beginning and was accelerating at a very slow frequency. The airflow slowly converged into a tornado, wrapping around Xu Zhi’s heart and floating upward.
Xu Zhi was in a daze; his mind went blank, and he could only think of a name.
“Zhou Mu.” Xu Zhi called him softly.
“Huh?” Zhou Mu responded, looking at Xu Zhi with gentle eyes.
Xu Zhi didn’t know why he called Zhou Mu; he just did it subconsciously.
For the first time, he felt that the name Zhou Mu sounded so pleasant. Uttering it even once felt like an unintentional confession, making his heart flutter uncontrollably.
The sound of the air conditioner working made the gaze between the two appear ambiguous yet harmonious.
So Xu Zhi began to speak without thinking.
“If you can’t live without me,” Xu Zhi said, “then do you want to be my boyfriend?”
Xu Zhi’s voice was not loud, but it was enough for Zhou Mu to hear.
But he regretted it less than a second after asking the question, so he immediately said, “It’s nothing!”
Xu Zhi felt that his heartbeat was climbing rapidly and felt that Zhou Mu would immediately notice the loud heartbeat, so he hurriedly leaned forward to kiss Zhou Mu, hoping that Zhou Mu would ignore what he said.
Zhou Mu seemed to have been ready for a long time. He put one hand around Xu Zhi’s back and held his other hand on Xu Zhi’s chin, but refused to kiss him.
“Okay,” Zhou Mu said.
Xu Zhi was stunned and asked, “What?”
Zhou Mu looked at Xu Zhi and said seriously, “Okay, Xu Zhi, we’re a couple.”
Then they kissed.
Amid Xu Zhi’s unsteady breathing, Zhou Mu thought of a small incident a long time ago.
They were only one year apart and were originally in the same grade. However, Xu Zhi was diagnosed with delusional disorder when he was 16 years old. After a year off from school, he became his junior student.
At that time, Wen Shuyao was studying abroad. When he learned that Xu Zhi had been admitted to Zhou Mu’s university, he asked Zhou Mu to take on the task of taking care of Xu Zhi.
However, Zhou Mu took good care of Xu Zhi so well that when Wen Shuyao learned that the two were living together, he became very angry. With a livid face, he asked Zhou Mu why he took care of Xu Zhi in bed.
Zhou Mu thought to himself, what else could be the reason? It was just a long-term plan.
At that time, to maintain his treatment, Xu Zhi had been receiving guidance from a private tutor, while Zhou Mu transferred to another city with his parents shortly after starting his senior year. Thus, even though they were in the same high school, they only met once at Wen Shuyao’s house.
Before transferring, Zhou Mu had attempted to establish contact with Xu Zhi through Wen Shuyao. However, Xu Zhi was resistant to making friends, and Zhou Mu was afraid of scaring him away by expressing his feelings too early. Therefore, his hidden affection remained concealed for the time being.
Of course, he just hid it from Xu Zhi. In fact, Wen Shuyao saw through him when Zhou Mu met Xu Zhi for the first time.
But Xu Zhi didn’t know about it, so when faced with Wen Shuyao’s questioning, he acted coquettishly with Wen Shuyao on the phone after a time difference of more than eight hours.
Later, this phone call was always defined by Wen Shuyao as Xu Zhi showing off.
At that time, Xu Zhi said to Wen Shuyao in a soft and irritating voice, “What are you doing? Don’t scare my boyfriend.”
They had just been together at that time, and Zhou Mu’s status with Xu Zhi had just changed from senior to boyfriend.
And now that they are together again, Zhou Mu’s identity has changed from the protagonist in Xu Zhi’s novel to his boyfriend.
From when Xu Zhi was 19 to 26, Zhou Mu was Xu Zhi’s boyfriend for 8 years.
But Zhou Mu has been in love with Xu Zhi for more than eight years. His love for Xu Zhi started when he opened the balcony door on the second floor of Wen Shuyao’s house.
When that creatively gifted child looked up at Zhou Mu, Zhou Mu had already predetermined Xu Zhi’s future.
t/n: Happy new year! This chapter made me cry a bit T-T
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