༺ How To Avoid Debut – 1 ༻
Reciprocity in human relationships was good. Giving and receiving appropriate greetings, affection, and liking, and getting the same amount and intensity in return was comfortable. Plus, it left a good impression on the other person. It was wasteful to pour affection into someone who couldn’t interact.
“It’s chilly today, did everyone dress warmly?”
And that’s the pointless act I was doing at the moment. Instead of practicing dance, I was standing proudly in the fan sign meeting place.
“Jeonghun! Jeonghunaaaah! Taeyang! Jay!”
Fans, who got to see the real person right in front of them, screamed their throats out. The person sitting next to me seemed quite excited, almost hitting me with a giant stuffed toy. Screams poured from all directions whenever the members made the slightest move, and I, swept up in that atmosphere, stood in line quietly with a face full of thrill.
I remembered the hardship I went through to stand in this fan signing event. Just thinking about those past days made me feel tired. I dragged a carrier to the album store an hour away from home, bought bundles of albums, and carefully wrote entry tickets one by one. I can’t tell you how many times I had to be mindful of others because the desk prepared for writing the entry tickets was too narrow. I even regretted not calling my uncle for help.
The process took about three hours and I spent most of the money in my bank account, but I didn’t regret it. It was my only hobby I could occasionally enjoy in my busy daily life.
“Jeonghun, I lost 10kg to come here.”
“Hey, you’re pretty even without losing weight.”
Compliments were constantly flowing from the members’ mouths, and at the same time, the shutters of DSLR cameras were clicking. As I slowly took in the sight of each member, the line began to shrink.
“Please move quickly!”
Thanks to the members, who were famously committed to fan service, the line moved at a snail’s pace. Fans at the back could not hide their anxious hearts and expressed their feelings here and there. Some fans were busy broadcasting the current situation on community sites via their mobile phones.
I had come running frantically without even having time to change my clothes after school, so I was still in my uniform. Worried that a picture might be taken and posted on the school’s SNS board, I had worn a mask. But everyone seemed to be oblivious to the person sitting next to them, so I quietly pulled it down. Indeed, when there’s a perfect option to appreciate the faces of the members right in front of your nose, who would care about the person sitting next to you.
My turn came quickly. When I carefully sat on the chair right in front of me, the handsome faces were within a nose-length. It was my second fan meeting, but it was still a bit embarrassing to make eye contact. Moreover, the lead-off batter today was a member famous for locking eyes with fans.
“Hello, Jeonghun hyung.”
“It’s been a while. How’s the new album?”
“I really love the choreography, especially the group dance in the highlight part.”
“That part is good, isn’t it? But you’re a high school student, aren’t you studying hard?”
“I’m studying hard.”
The choreography of this album was really good, especially the part where the members stepped in sync without an inch of error. I intended to say more, but I stopped short, and Jeonghun hyung shook my hand. After a brief handshake, I slowly opened the shiny new album and found the page where Jeonghun hyung was.
“What should I write?”
“Please write my name.”
Sometimes people misheard my name due to pronunciation, so I pulled out my name tag attached to my school vest and showed it to Jeonghun hyung. He laughed heartily and signed it. Among the members, Jeonghun hyung, who had the most mature handwriting, even had a mature autograph. After the signature was finished, I took a step to the left at the indication to move on.
“Oh, you’re back! I remember you! You came in a school uniform? Oh, isn’t this a Korea Arts High School uniform?”
“Yes? Oh, yes.”
“You must be talented. What do you do?”
“I’m studying practical dance.”
“Cool, what will you do after graduation? How about being an idol?”
“I’m planning to go to college.”
“I see, I see. Fighting. If you get accepted, will you come back and brag?”
Jay hyung, who was jokingly twirling his fingers, naturally asked for my name and signed quickly. It was surprising that he remembered me among the numerous fans, so I turned the signed item around to look at it. I took out the gift I’d barely managed to bring from my bag and was about to move to the side when suddenly…
“Huh?”
I felt a sudden sensation of my body being pulled downwards. What’s happening? Did someone push me? The loud noises around me gradually faded, and before I could figure out what was happening, my vision turned black.
It was pitch black in front of me, and when I frantically flailed my hand, I was met with a surprising and painful reality. The moment I collided with something hard, my eyes snapped open, and I was faced with the floor.
I didn’t expect to fall out of bed at this age, how embarrassing, especially after getting an autograph and feeling happy about it.
“Who has a nightmare at this time…”
Starting from when I began living alone, I began talking to myself as a habit. I spoke out just as naturally as always and slowly got up. I scratched my bed hair and went into the bathroom to wash up. As soon as I came out, I started cleaning the clothes I had left unfinished yesterday.
Because the autumn clothes I purchased from the shopping mall were supposed to be delivered in bulk tomorrow, I had to clean these summer clothes as soon as possible. When I strenuously put down the large box on the top of the wardrobe, I saw dust settling on the floor. I considered vacuuming that unpleasant pile of dust for a moment but decided to leave it as it is since more would inevitably come out. Then, I picked up the clothes on top.
[Uncle]
I was contemplating whether to throw away a t-shirt that had stretched out at the neck when an urgent call came in from my uncle. I had worn this shirt often during practice, so for some reason, I couldn’t easily throw it away and was repeatedly picking it up and putting it down.
– Hahyun-ah, please do me a favor. Okay?
An ominous premonition crept up on me due to my uncle pleading on a call out of the blue, even before I could ask what the matter was. Even though it wasn’t a video call, I stared blankly at the screen with as neutral an expression as possible.
My uncle often asked me for minor favors. He was clumsy and forgetful, and he had few friends due to his quiet nature. For such an uncle, a nephew who didn’t have much to do at home or go out was a precious resource. There were often big and small issues like a lack of manpower or a staff member not being able to come in since he worked in broadcasting. Every time something like this happened, my uncle called me relentlessly.
“What is it?”
“Can you appear on one of our shows this time?”
“What program is it?”
I decided to listen politely for now. At most, I presumed I would briefly be among the fans shouting the names of idol groups. Anticipating minor fill-in roles that my uncle might request, I casually tossed the T-shirt into the trash bag. Keeping a shirt that I couldn’t wear, just because it held memories of sweating, didn’t seem right.
– It’s nothing major, just a program that turns ordinary people into idols.
“Do I just need to admire how handsome they are from the sidelines?”
– No, as a participant.
“…Uncle, I think you’ve got the wrong number. I have to finish some work, I’m hanging up.”
With a brief glance at the dimly lit screen of the laptop, I quickly found an excuse to end the call. Truth be told, since I had already done more work than usual the previous day, I had plenty of time to finish tidying up the clothes scattered on the floor. However, it was essential to reject this proposal as quickly as possible.
– I know it might be surprising, but one of our participants dropped out, so I thought of you.
“There are plenty of other people you can use. Just recruit someone else.”
– We can’t do that because of certain circumstances. We didn’t even accept applications for the show. We managed to fill the spots with a few well-known people and some street casting, but we didn’t expect a dropout. But then I thought of you, Hahyun… So I asked the main PD and he said to bring you in no matter what.
My uncle, after countless trials and errors, managed to secure a position as a PD at a famous terrestrial broadcasting company about two years ago. I knew how much effort it took to get there, so I wanted to help him in any small way I could, but this was a little more than a small favor. I didn’t know the specifics, but the very title of an idol debut program seemed as distant as the sun seen from Pluto.
– I only thought of you because you’re the only one in the right age group that I know. Yeah?
“I’ve completely given up on that path, you know. What’s an idol? I can’t do it. It’s not that I won’t, I really can’t. I really want to help you, Uncle, but this is a bit too much.”
– I know you quit dancing because it was tough… But you really just need to show up and leave. We’re not asking you to debut, just to appear on the program. You’ll never have to debut. You just need to fill a spot for the first episode or two and then disappear like you were never there. We’ll make sure the camera never captures your face, aside from your solo shots. Just dance however you want. No need to practice.
“Ah, Uncle… I understand it’s urgent but…”
My words began to stretch out. It shouldn’t happen. But if I’m barely noticeable, wouldn’t it be okay? My heart, notoriously weak to my uncle’s requests, began to sway unsteadily like an old bridge between cliffs. The stage. Dance. I glanced at my legs, which had long stopped dancing. I hadn’t danced once since graduation.
‘Hahyun, Uncle is here.’
I remembered my uncle, who had come to me bearing a bottle of Del Monte juice when I was pathetically holed up in my blanket, pretending to be the most pitiful person in the world, ignoring all calls from my family. So I ended up asking a question, 90% accepting the request.
“When does it start?”
– I’ve been doing odd jobs every day and finally got a decent position, so how can I… Huh? You’ll do it?
“Just make sure I’m really not noticeable. I need to be less present than argon in the air.”
– Argon, haha… is that in the air?
My uncle let out an awkward laugh, then made a sound as if he had something more to say.
– I have to take a few shots, unavoidably. Is that okay? I can talk to the photography director to minimize it.
“That’s fine.”
I could feel that he was being as considerate as possible, so I couldn’t request any more. After I ended the call with a calm mind, I immediately made eye contact with the members of NOBLE dressed in casual sportswear. Of course, not in person, but in a photo. I got rid of all the albums but just couldn’t throw away that bromide. If you ask if I have any regrets, absolutely not.
[I’ll contact you as soon as the date is set]
[Hahyun, thank you so much ㅜㅜ]
After hastily reading my uncle’s heartfelt text message, I flipped my phone over. The crying emoticon then instantaneously transformed into a toffee. I was planning to stick to the flat path, but a mountain course just appeared before my eyes.
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