༺ How To Avoid Debut – 2 ༻
An SNS notification popped up from the morning. I needed to delete it, but I couldn’t because I didn’t want to let go of the memories I’d foolishly collected. My SNS, which I had not deleted, was incessantly accumulating comments. Despite my last post being nearly a year old, friend requests were still consistently pouring in. There were several messages asking for my well-being from people who weren’t even that close to me. Wondering if they ever got tired of it, I casually turned off my screen and checked my reflection in the dark TV screen.
After graduation, I rarely went outside except when I needed to buy necessities, so my complexion wasn’t the best. Maybe I should have got some sun. Late regret overcame me as I walked sluggishly to the veranda, leaning briefly on the railing. But as the smoke from the neighbor’s cigarette came my way with the wind, I hurried back inside the house.
The two weeks that seemed like they’d never come showed up sooner than expected. All I’d done in that time was finish a piece I had been writing. A TV appearance, no matter how much they cut down my screen time, a few posts would come up if you searched. I wondered if I should switch to a 2G phone.
[Attached a photo below for directions to The Art Studio. It’s a 10-minute bus ride]
I thought it was wise that I had sorted out my clothes in advance. I laid out three neutral outfits that I had taken out last night and pondered for a while. After staring at them for about five minutes, I picked up the gray sweatshirt.
“Ah, the sunlight….”
I raised my hand to shield against the sunlight in the sweltering heat. Even though only my face and hands were exposed, it felt like my whole body was burning. I checked the photo my uncle sent on my cell phone, hopped on public transportation, and got off shortly after.
The towering building overwhelmed people with its massive size. The clean, white-painted building seemed to have been built recently, designed with a modern aesthetic. I cautiously entered, quickly scanning the floor guide next to the elevator. From the 8th to the 11th floor, all studios…. I tried my best not to show how nervous I was as I got into the elevator and was about to press the button, but the person next to me already pressed for the 8th floor.
“…….”
A boy, who looked younger than me, was silently staring straight ahead. He was handsome, and I wanted to ask if he was also a participant, but his expression was so stiff that I couldn’t dare to speak, so I just fiddled with my cell phone instead. The boy, who glanced at my nervous behavior through the mirror, suddenly spoke.
“Which floor are you going to? Oh, are you going to the same floor as me?”
“Huh? Oh, yes.”
“Wow, are you here for that profile shooting too Hyung?”
“Hyung…?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you’re older than me.”
“No, it’s okay.”
A boy who looked as if he had just entered high school introduced himself with a seemingly innocent face. His family name was Jung, and his given name, Jun. I didn’t have much to say, so I complimented his simple and neat name, to which he asked back brightly, “Really?” while narrowing his eyes. He seemed rigid when he was silent, but his eyes were sparkling, and perhaps because he hadn’t quite outgrown his baby fat, he looked his age.
“I’m so glad to meet you first. I was really worried. Feel free to speak comfortably since you’re older. I don’t know anyone. Do you?”
“No. I don’t even know who’s participating.”
“Didn’t you get the list? I glanced over it, and there was even a Facebook star. I saw his selfies a few times, so I’m really curious about his appearance in person.”
Jun’s words, which spewed out like a machine gun, finally halted when we arrived on the 8th floor. The door was so big that I couldn’t easily reach out for the handle and took a deep breath, during which Jun nonchalantly swung open the door and greeted the people inside. That’s when I thought it was a good thing that I had met him first in the elevator.
“Hello!”
“Hello……”
The number of people was less than I expected, so I sat on an empty sofa, glancing around. I deliberately came late in case it was awkward to arrive early. Jun, who was known to be sociable, sat next to me with an awkward expression, as I was the only familiar face for him. Everyone was meeting for the first time, and the studio was so quiet that no one could easily open their mouth.
“Has everyone arrived?”
Just as I was wondering how long we’d have to wait due to the count of about 9-10 people, including me, a low voice sounded. A man who seemed to be the studio’s photographer counted the number of people and clapped his hands.
“We’re all here. You know we’re here for a profile shoot today, right? We’ll keep it simple, so don’t feel nervous, just be relaxed.”
I swiftly scanned the crowd once more, but there had been no influx of people in the meantime. I figured we weren’t all shooting together, but in smaller groups. As soon as I came to this conclusion, I was seated in front of a vanity.
A stylist, who seemed quite skilled, scanned my face then started to work busily. After what seemed like a long time spent applying something to my skin, I nearly dozed off by the time she began doing my eye makeup.
“Your eyes are really pretty, but… if you keep closing them, I can’t do your makeup properly.”
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
I’d been half-asleep without a thought, so the comment took me aback. I straightened my posture and glanced over at the people seated on either side of me. They appeared to be taking the makeup process in stride. I began to regret once more that I hadn’t declined my uncle’s request, wondering if I was the only one feeling so uncomfortable.
“Hyung, are you done?”
I thought at least 30 minutes must have passed when I hopped down from the tall chair, Jun, who had finished his makeup before me, came over. The made-up Jun looked much more mature than I’d thought. I looked around, realizing the truth in the claim that they’d cast only good-looking kids.
The alert eyes of those exploring each other felt oddly familiar. Given it was a survival program, it was only natural for animosity to arise, but the atmosphere already felt heavy. As I made eye contact with a man who had neatly slicked back his hair with wax, I grabbed the shirt I was supposed to wear and hastily escaped to the changing room.
“It felt familiar.”
“Haha, well, I’ve just been practicing roughly.”
“You don’t seem like the type to appear on such shows?”
“Eh, what do you mean? I’m just another participant like everyone else here.”
I seemed a bit late, as inside the changing room, people were already in the midst of changing clothes. The awkward atmosphere from when I first arrived seemed long gone as my attention naturally drifted to a noisy group. Four guys were having a conversation, and it seemed they were talking about the blond man standing in the center.
“That’s Kim Seongwon.”
“Do you know him?”
“I know him. He was on an audition show before. I think he joined a famous agency and left just before his debut.”
Jun was trying to dredge up a vague memory to provide information as he started buttoning his shirt belatedly.
What was the name of that audition show? It seemed familiar from watching it so often, but I couldn’t remember until I left the changing room.
“You can sit on this chair one by one. Only your upper body will be visible, so please pay attention to your facial expressions.”
So, that’s why they didn’t give us trousers; it wasn’t a full-body shot. The words of the photographer, who was exuding an air of professionalism, made my body stiffen. His expression was friendly and his voice soft, yet I felt an odd pressure. The order seemed to be randomly called, and someone with the surname ‘Cho’ was the first to be selected. I planted myself in a waiting chair in the corner, watching the figure walk toward the chair with long strides. It wasn’t like they were calling us into the studio one by one; everyone was watching, so the room had become silent.
“Ah, hyung, I have a feeling I’ll be next.”
“Is this your first time doing something like this too?”
“No. I helped my aunt’s online shopping business as a fitting model, so it’s not my first time… but it’s actually the first time my face will be shown. Ah, it’s really my turn.”
Jun, who had been sharing his experiences, stood up abruptly as his name was called. Despite it being his first time in front of the camera, Jun did well. He smiled well and got the angles right. The photographer pressed the shutter continuously with a satisfied look, and then my name was called next.
“Don’t be nervous, just sit comfortably.”
Maybe because my uncle had given him a heads up, the photographer smiled at me, holding his camera, trying his best to make me feel relaxed. Initially, I was a bit tense and my face was stiff, but I soon relaxed when I remembered that I was just a stand-in with no pressure to look good.
“Good. Keep that expression, it’s good.”
Even though my face was neutral, the photographer seemed satisfied as he captured each small movement. It finished quicker than I thought. I said my thanks and sat down next to Jun, who was fiddling with his phone in the corner.
“You did well, hyung.”
“I was less nervous than I thought.”
“I’m still a bit scared. The feeling that the camera will swallow me? I kept hypnotizing myself, ‘my face won’t show up, my face won’t show up,’ like when I was taking fitting pictures… but I don’t know what to do on the stage. Even taking one picture was this hard.”
Jun, sighing softly, seemed far from an aspiring idol. Even after the shoot, he seemed nervous, judging by the hand he had placed on his chest and the deep breath he took.
“Just be confident and proactive. You might not be as nervous as you think once you’re on stage.”
“Hyung, have you ever been on stage? How many times?”
“Several times.”
I’d been on stage so many times due to competitions that I couldn’t remember the exact number. Hearing my response, Jun clapped a few times, praising me for my experience.
Once the shoot was over and we were told we could go home, I changed my clothes, left the studio, and took the elevator. I instinctively pulled out my earphones from my pocket, deciding which song to listen to, I chose to play the top 100 songs on the chart at full volume.
“Hyung, I think you’d do well on stage. Even when I saw you in the elevator earlier, I thought you were a trainee because you’re so handsome! Should I say you’re like a real celebrity? I think you’ll really debut, just showing your face will get great reactions. But hyung, you’re not listening at all, right?”
“What did you say?”
I was listening to a song for the first time but I liked the melody. However, when Jun nudged me, I took one earphone out and asked him what he said, to which he replied it was nothing and put the earphone back into my ear
Just taking one picture made me tired. As soon as I got home, I texted my uncle that the shooting was over and climbed onto my bed to get some sleep.
[Good job (emoji)]
[Now you can prepare for the stage]
My eyes, which were slowly closing, opened wide upon reading the text. Was there talk of a stage? I hurriedly pressed the call button and my uncle picked up calmly.
– Did you choose a song?
“What stage preparation are we talking about?”
– I told you when we first talked. Ah, you don’t need to practice. Just choose a song.
My uncle emphasized in his peaceful voice, three times over, that there really was no need to practice
– Everyone needs to prepare a solo stage. The first round of elimination is based on video views. Ah, but they’re not going to broadcast yours anyway.
– Within 2 minutes. No songs rated 19+
While listening to my uncle’s explanation, I turned to face the wall and lay down. I hadn’t even considered a solo stage.
– There aren’t many people who watch every participant’s video, so just do it sloppily.
“I don’t know how to do a sloppy stage.”
I’d never casually performed a dance before. I had neither learned nor experienced dancing half-heartedly. How could I take music lightly, which I loved so much that I devoted more than half of my life to it, even though I had given up on it, and still love it unchangingly.
– Ah, okay, I said that because I thought you might find it bothersome. Don’t push yourself, just do it. I’ll contact you again before the pre-meeting.
As soon as my uncle’s call ended, I turned on my phone and clicked on the music streaming app. There were piles of songs on my playlist that I had used for practice when I was crazy about dancing. As I meticulously listened to each song with my earphones in, time flew by.
My heart fluttered for no reason and I patted my chest a few times. I thought it would be nice to leave behind one good piece, since I was only going to be on for two episodes before being eliminated.
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